How Postpartum Anxiety Changed My Parenting: Insights From Chloe E

Join Reesa and guest Chloe E. as they dive into the realities of parenthood, food memories, and the anxiety that can come with both. In this episode, Chloe shares her deeply personal story and tips for navigating shifting family routines.

• Chloe’s lemon pepper chicken thigh recipe and the comforting memories it holds
• Practical cooking steps and tips for maximizing flavor
• Honest discussion about postpartum anxiety and feeding worries
• The challenges of trusting your child’s cues versus societal expectations
• How Chloe built confidence to parent her own way and advice for others on giving themselves grace

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Lemon Pepper Chicken Thighs with Rice and veggie

-4 chicken thighs

-Orange juice

-Lemon pepper

-Vegetable oil

-2 cups of rice

-Green beans

-Salt & pepper

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a glass bowl, cover thighs with veg. oil and lemon pepper, be generous! In a pan, cover bottom with veg. oil and heat to med high, place skin side down and hear the sizzle. 4-5 minutes each side. Depending on the thickness of the thigh, sometimes need longer. When thighs are nicely browned, add lemon pepper and orange juice to the pan. Place the pan in the oven for 30 minutes. Cook rice in instapot. In another pan, place green beans in water and bring to a boil, cook until al dente and remove from water. Season with olive oil, lemon juice, salt & pepper.

This is a homemade recipe, so it's a lot of feel and roll with it for me.

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Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a parenting specialist with a niche in supporting couples. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!

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For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/

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Transcript

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Because at the end of the day, she is an individual and I'm an individual mom. And like, yeah, I'm from other people, but I also like learning from my child, which is it's weird. It's weird to learn from a toddler. Hey, everyone. Thanks for joining me. My name is Reesa and I'm your host. We are talking to real families about real stories. Here on the Real Family Eats where we've got food for thought and thoughtful food. So let's eat. Welcome back, everyone, to the real Family Eats. Thanks so much for joining me. And actually today's guest, I'm going to give a welcome back to you as well because Khloe, thank you so much for joining us again. We had technical issues. Again. This is the real family Eats. We're going to be real here. And so who's actually talking with me again? And we're going to try this one more time because she's got such an amazing story that, I think will relate to a lot of you folks out there. So, Chloe, hi again, and thank you so much for joining us. My pleasure. I'm glad to be back. For anyone who doesn't know you. Can you introduce yourself for us? Yeah. I'm Chloe, I live in Saint Louis, Missouri. I am 35 and I have a three year old daughter who started preschool today. Yes. Transition. We were just talking about that. It's such a so many life transitions in this parenting journey, and we will chat more about that in just a minute. Before we get started, though, you're sharing a recipe with us that has some deep roots that I'd love for you to let our audience know. What recipe are you sharing with us today? Why did you choose this thing? So I'm sharing my lemon pepper chicken by recipe. And this recipe goes way back, when my dad was a single parent, he used to make a big lemon pepper roasted chicken, and I would kind of like last, you know, a week or so, and we would make it together and, as I got older and try and alter it, I realized that making a whole chicken is kind of a lot. So then I turned it into just using chicken thighs. This the gravy that it makes is just so, like, rich and orangy and lemony, and it just really has, like, a zing. But it's like a real comfort food for me. When I'm having a rough day, I just will be like, I need some chicken thighs with some lemon pepper on them. You back? Yeah, I love it. And I love how food can do that. Like you said, it just brings us back. And, I feel like everybody has some sort of food that brings back just, like, some really visceral memories for them. And so it sounds like this is one of them for you. So I so appreciate you being willing to share it with us, cause, so can you tell me what are the steps? Get me started and then we'll jump into our conversation about parenthood. Yeah. So if you're using, like, fresh chicken thighs, you want to, like, completely dry them and then. Okay. Like, we just like paper towels. I put them on, like, a cutting board and then put paper towels over them for just, like, a couple minutes and then really, like, drench them in lemon, pepper and either olive oil or French foil, whichever one doesn't really matter. It's going you should use so much lemon pepper that you think it's like a grossly too much and a light dusting. It's like a really put it on there. And then you can use I like to use like a deep pan. But I've even recently started using my Dutch oven. Okay. Over, like, medium high heat, but oil in like that come to let that get hot and then put each thigh in individually. And I like to do them. I used to do it skin side first, but that's not working anymore. So now just do it now on skin side down. And okay so each side is golden brown. Each you know everyone's stove is different. So you never know the timing. It's all just the feel for me. But then once they're both brown, flip them. And then I put the whole thing in the oven and let everything continue to cook until the chicken thighs are at temperature. Okay. And then that, if you, sometimes I like to, like, throw in some orange juice that I really, like. Thicken up, if you want it, like, thicker or, like, more lemony, you can even add more lemon pepper. Okay. Sounds mild. And then with that kind of gravy, just, like, thicken up in the oven and then when they're on temperature, pull them out. And I like to serve it over rice with like a green on the side. Yummy. I am so excited. And for anyone listening those instructions, I'll also be in the show notes. If you've got some questions, you can always review back there. So I'll get things going. And while we're chatting, I know where we kind of caught up in the sense that, with your your transitions and, that you're experiencing just currently, it also there's a reflection there on just your journey with postpartum anxiety and kind of your walk through that, that I would love to kind of hear more about, because again, I think that's such a relatable topic. I hear so many folks talk about it and just the struggle and sometimes how it feels really, lonely as well as like, almost like something's wrong with you, like, in a negative way, if you will. And so I'd love for you to kind of share your journey and your experience, maybe some insights and our highs with us about what you're walking through even currently. Sure. So I've always struggled with, depression and anxiety. So when I had my baby, I had sort of like a back burner of, like, maybe this was going to be, a thing. So I started seeing a postpartum, therapist at six weeks postpartum. My baby was six weeks old. And with her help, we kind of really started to learn that a lot of my issues and anxieties were related to feeding my baby. How do I know that she's getting enough? Okay. And my baby was tiny, you know, she was a 40, weaker and, like, 5 pounds. So she is really small but very efficient. And she would just eat really, really fast and be done. And, even with like, pumping and breastfeeding, I never made more than four ounces. She never needed more than four ounces. But I needed a constant reminder that she was eating enough, that she was. That she's getting as much as she needs. She knows what she can eat, and she knows what she can do with. Yeah. So when she started to eat solids, that turned into, you know, okay, well, she can manage what she she can decide now. She can decide what she wants to eat and how she wants to eat it. She's very much of, like, a grazer. I'm not a grazer. I like to sit down and eat a meal. She just could not care less about that. And now here we are, three years later, and it's still that same way. She wants to eat for about 5 to 10 minutes. Okay? And then she just does not care about anything. She doesn't care about food. It's just not her priority. She's not motivated or like mesmerized by food. She just wants to eat. What she needs and move on. And that's very hard for me to know that she's actually nourishing her body and getting enough. And even here we are three years later, and this is like still a conversation that I'm having with my therapist. Like, we're still working through this, but like gaining my confidence as a mom to trust that my three year old knows what her body needs. Yeah, these three three. And it's like this summer we had her home with us before starting preschool, and so much of my burnout and even my husband's burnout was just around making meals for her, trying to, like, come up with ways to get her to eat. Yeah, and just learning to trust that. Like when she says she's full, she's full. And that's like, yeah, this is such a a roller coaster. And that's even what the pediatrician like described it as. He was like, a lot of toddlers are this, I'm going to eat this much this day and then this day I'm not need that much. And then I'm going to have a, you know, a giant wave of this up and down of food. And I just like this is exhausting. That is what with her and what she needs on a daily because it's not the same. Yeah. That's been very it's just been a very wavy experience for me because I just it's hard to trust a little three year old. I can appreciate that. Yeah. I'm so curious like for you because I hear you mentioning that, you know, there's this anxiety about it and I love for you and I want to be really conscious here that everybody's experience of what anxiety and how it shows up in their bodies very different. So disclaimer to anybody who's listening, it's not always the same thing that said, I'd love if you could share if you're if you're willing to kind of what did it look like in your body. Like what what were some of the symptoms that you were noticing that maybe kind of had you go, I think there might be something more here. Yeah. It was a lot of like quick frustration for me. Okay. All of a sudden becoming, like, very short with myself, like. And those, those those, sound, you know, just, like, frustrated. Yeah. Being, you know, like, oh, why won't you just eat and, or, like, this is what you said you wanted, you know, those type of short reactions. I don't want to respond like that to anyone, but particularly my toddler. And that's how I would respond from, like, I don't know, like eight months old to sometimes still now open. And then, you know, like, you feel like the heat in your face and then you feel like maybe your heart starts racing and then all of a sudden you're sort of just like, work that energy, like a plate of food. And then day it's not it's not life or death. It's just it's just a sandwich. Okay. It was I felt that I would have these like big responses in the end to something like once I would like settle down and have these big responses to something kind of small. Okay. Now I knew that, okay, maybe this is something that's bigger than or I just it's bigger and I don't know how to best respond to it. Yeah. So noticing that only maybe it's not how you were wanting to show up, but that in image you were struggling to maybe have other options to try when you were feeling kind of the bigness come up of my hearing that correctly. Yeah, yeah. And I think that's such an important piece to to note, because sometimes we feel like there's almost this hesitation of getting help because it's like this seems like you said, maybe so small. I in fact, I just had somebody and I was talking to the other day, you say, oh, well, that seems so silly that I would have that response. And so because there's that mindset, there's almost this hesitation, like, why would I need help? That's such a silly thing to need help with, if you will. At the same time, like when we're struggling and it's coming up and we're kind of getting stuck in it, I think that that it doesn't matter if it's a sandwich or, or, you know, something that we deem larger, if you will, but that all of those things kind of have have their importance and their validity to kind of need some of that support. Okay, I think so. I think it's also, you know, every kid is different, every parent is different, every person is different. And there's so much of like us, we're raised in a structure. You know, you eat three meals a day. Okay, well, maybe not everybody does. Yeah. I think learning to understand and appreciate that. My maybe maybe my baby's tummy is just smaller and it needs to eat ten times a day instead of like sitting and eating three big meals and, you know, I was raised in a house where it really was three meals a day. There weren't there wasn't really snacking. It wasn't a thing that we did. Yeah. And now it's like, I need to just restructure how I'm going to parent because she needs to sort of like eat every two hours. You know, you do that in infancy and it's sort of your structure to believe that it's going to change as they get older. But maybe not for every kid. Maybe. Yeah, just a grazer. And that's okay. And it's like it's really just continuously reshaping thing how I was parented, how other people parent. Because at the end of the day, she is an individual and I'm an individual mom. And like, yeah, I'm from other people, but I also like learning from my child, which is it's weird. It's weird to learn from a toddler. Yeah. Can you say more? Because I've heard that before, and I've heard that same sentiment of like, learning from a child. Like what? Yeah. It doesn't. Again, I think you're so right. Like, it doesn't fit in our society's way of existing or what's promoted out there. You know, we're we're taught to kind of respect our elders because our elders will teach us something. Right? Versus like looking downwards to the child. And so I'm so curious, could you say a little bit more about that? It's been I remember seeing, you know, something on Instagram, social media where it's like, every day, like your, your little one is teaching you more than, like, maybe what you learned during like, 30 some years of lessons and even that, like, she's in essence still like brand new, right? She's still figuring out every single day, but at the same time, like, she knows her body probably better than I do at this point. She and she, in her limited way, is telling me, oh, mom, I'm done. Please, please stop force feeding me. I'm. Yeah. And it's like I. Who am I to tell her? No. You're still hungry? No. You're so hungry. Like it's it's really learning and teaching myself to listen, to stop and listen. Everything these days, it seems like I'm so. It's so hard to get someone to, like, actively listen. Yeah. And as her mom, I have to reteach my brain to, like, actively listen to her words and her actions where I don't think I don't think I necessarily thought that as a kid yet, you know, it's like, who? Who am I to tell her that she's wrong? She's probably not fucking. Yeah. And it's it's really learning to listen to a tiny person, which is weird because we don't listen to tiny, we don't listen to time. We. And it's absolutely, absolutely. And I think you're so right in that, that listening piece and, and really kind of retraining our brain and then also, you know, likely showing them that there words have value and, and worth as well and that they're, they're worth listening to, which is such a different construct than they feel. We currently in general kind of operate under as a society. Yeah, exactly. And, I know like in different churches in general, like, for example, in Japan, that's where my dad lives. So like we go there and they're children and moms in general, but parents that really moms are looked at so differently, they're just put right up here on this pedestal, like you are making the greatest sacrifice to like, raise a child. And the general public look at children like they are a part of society. They are the next we shall retreat. We should treat them with respect. And yeah, we have been here in the United States. And I take that knowledge and try to implement it every day, because she is teaching us every day about her body, about what she's seeing in the world, how she's interpreting the world. We have to stop and we have to just we have to slow down and we have to. It doesn't always have to be this like big rush. And I think that's another part of what I'm learning about my self, is I don't know why I'm rushing all the time. You don't really need to. Yeah. We we know everything has always seemed like it's on the go go, go. Okay, so maybe she needs an hour to eat an entire lunch. Okay. We have an hour where we even. Yeah, we have a preschool schedule. They have an hour to eat. Yeah. Why? We're always constantly rushing, like, be being with a toddler or just a young child in general. Being with a toddler has really taught me to, like. I'm still learning. I have not mastered this at all. So slow down. Yeah. And I just don't know, like, slow down. I smell the flowers like it's it's really a statement because like you, we have to stop and slow down and look around. Yeah. And it's so hard, like, you know, I can't count the number of times where it's like my kids even just tying their shoes. It takes it feels like it takes forever. Just two tires. Just like to come on, like we'll go. And then it's like, no, I want to do it myself. Which again, there's not that. Like, I want you to know how those tires you. They want to give you that independence. And you're absolutely right. And it's still feeling that like that rush to like, come on, we gotta go, like, hurry it up. And so then I imagine, you know, they're trying to tell you something, or they stop and they see something really cool. And the first time that they've ever seen a ladybug. So they're, you know, fascinated with that. And you're like, dude, now we're stopping to talk about a ladybug when I'm just trying to get you, you're too. It's it's hard to remember those things. Absolutely. It is. Yeah. And, you know, I think in today's world where we all are all on the go and we just need to take more time and like, normalizing, taking more time. I saw this, thing again where it was like, mom's needs. It was a commercial for, like, applesauce for like ten or something. And this mom is on the plane, and she's just, like, constantly, like, apologize to people and it was like, it's like, we need to stop. We need to normalize. Mom's not apologizing for, like, tending to a small human. Again, giving them birth. Yeah. It's like I, you know, I just need to slow down and start apologizing for, like, we need to go. We need to go. I'm sorry, but we need to go. Let's just, like, think we can stop and probably look at the ladybug. So we'll be, like, a little bit behind now and then I get hurt because of it. Yeah, absolutely. I'm so curious. Like going back to because I heard you mentioned for you the postpartum anxiety especially, especially around feeding the you noticed that was kind of maybe the root for you or definitely something that exacerbated it. And so do you think it is because there was this like structure, if you will, that was being handed down to you by people of authority or whomever that you were trying to, like, fit into you. And when you weren't fitting into it, that's where you were feeling the dissonance. Yeah. Especially like when she was little, you know, all the other folks, all the doctors, all the people, you know, that normalizing, they would just say like, yeah, my baby takes like 30 minutes to an hour to feed, and I'd be like, she's done on both sides and like 12 minutes. They're like, oh, there's no way she's getting enough. And I was like, like, I can't, I can't make her. I literally can't make her watch again. So yeah, I don't know I don't know what to tell you. She's gaining weight. But it was even then like the authority of like a pediatrician telling me that, like, there's no way that my baby can eat that fast. And that was like 12 months. Wow, wow. Continuously kind of reminded that, like, there's no way there's no way that she's not efficient. And I was like, but she is, she is she, you know, she sure she's just a tiny she's just a tiny girl. Like I'm not tall. My husband is average. Like, we just have a tiny child and that's okay. And. We need to let go of the fact that, like, you can't force feed it. You can't force me to, child. You can't force feed an infant and trust that. Trust that like my body is giving her what she needs, and she's taking what she needs, and that's that. And, you know, it's like it was learning to be confident to tell my pediatrician. Well, she's happy and she's gaining weight. Yeah, it's that training. Yeah. How did that have like, was there an internal narrative that was going on when you were hearing, like, I'm just imagining, like you said, the fact in front of you is that it was taking 12 minutes, you know, between both sides to feed your child and even the pediatrician going, no way that that's wrong, essentially. And like, I'm so curious, like internally, like, how are you navigating that? Was there a narrative that kind of was at war for you, or what did that look like going on upstairs? It was just, it was I mean, it was just frustrating. Like, it was, again, like, you know, like you should literally be feeding right there and be done. And I'd be like, oh, just drink more, just drink more and, my supply is not going to hold up if you don't drink more. Like it was just this internal like, yeah, it was like an internal battle of like, just do it. Just. Yeah, just drink more. They say you need more. And, you know, my husband would be like. But she she can she's not going to. You know your supply is going to be what it's going to be because that's the baby we have. Yeah. And letting go of her learning to let go of what a textbook says, what an app says, what a scale should say. Yes. You know turning that into like clothing size. You know, I have a child that today went to school and and two clothes and. Yeah she's. Yeah. She's just not and that's okay. But she's healthy. That's the other thing that we all have to kind of remember is like she's not malnourished. And that's not everybody is going to have a 90th percentile baby. Yeah. Have a 10th or 15th percentile baby. And that's okay because that's also normal. Everything is about data and charts and all this, you know, stuff. But it's not only averages an average. Yeah, baby's not exactly. And that like push there's. I feel like you're, you're so right that there's so much of a push to be quote unquote average, you know, or at least reach average rate or to be normal and, and even, like you said, so much like the, the clothing sizes. Yet I remember, gosh, just in the, in the 90s that there were companies that were making sizes that were labeled as one size, but actually, you know, looking at the dimensions, they were much smaller. And so this idea that we're kind of, even within our clothing, kind of putting a standard on what it ought to look like and what you ought to be wearing, and what size you ought to be. In order to be classified as quote unquote healthy without taking any consideration for the variations of how our bodies are, what processes, you know, they have. And then, like you said, the individual nature of it. And I imagine kind of under that mentality, we could very well get into like, I'm just even reflecting, you know, on my own where there was this idea, I would get it, you know, being Filipino American, I would get this, finish your plate. You have to clear your plate. Because do you know how many people and yes, how many Filipinos are starving? And they don't have access to the foods. There was this push like, ignore what your body is saying. I don't care if you're fall, you're going to finish your play. I was I was that you finish your plate. You don't leave the table on to your plate is finished. Yeah. I, I mean, it's it's disruptive because you just you learn at such a young age to not listen to your body. Yeah. Now it's as we raise these little women. It's learning this at this age, at this young age of six weeks old, you know, two years old, three years old to just listen, listen to your body is your. And you've been like, you know, we tackled even potty training and, you know, like at the beginning of every hour, you ask every hour you ask, and then you find all of a sudden you have a click and you're just like, oh, she answered, no, okay, I'm gonna move on, I guess, like she's just going to tell me. And then they do. They do tell you, mom, I need the potty. And you're like the connections. We cannot have this listening and learning that they can tell. They can tell you and again, it's like we're not taught to trust a toddler. But they're learning their body better than we are. Better. Yeah. And it's just it's, it's it is a wild like turn of events for her just trusting that she, she actually does know. She knows better than I do. Absolutely. And I'm so curious like for you how did you end up calling her using, you know, building some of that confidence like even in the face of those authority figures, like for a pediatrician to be able to like to trust your gut, to trust your child's body and their words, or their signals or nonverbal cues that they're sending, like, was there something that kind of helped you and made that click that you were able to kind of step into that office and have a little bit more of that? Have your own back, if you will. Yeah. I mean, one of the big things that we did was, we got a different pediatrician. Okay. My husband and I both weren't necessarily very pleased with a certain pediatrician in the office. Because they they were a little condescending to what our child's needs were, and we decided to just try a different pediatrician, and. Yeah, they were just they were much more understanding. And they did this great thing where they suggested that I go look at my growth chart that my mom and my baby book, and we can see that they're in the same, you know, and I was just like, wow, normalizing the fact that, like, I'm not big, my baby's not going to be big. You know, that's great. Yeah. She's just like a little me and that's great. And so that was like a big thing that we did was we found a different pediatrician. But then it was also, you know, my therapist would just kind of continuously encourage me to, like, use my child's confidence and, like, clarity to fuel my confidence and clarity, if that makes sense. Like, yeah, prepared this toddler to tell me things. You're full, you're hungry, you have to use the potty. You want to color like I've given her all these tools in her toolbox, and she can confidently tell me all these things. And now I can confidently listen and be let me learn to be less worried about it. And I think even some of that comes from, you know, like here she is at school, somebody else has to deal with it for the next eight hours. It's not me. Yeah. Like she's. Then she's gonna have to learn that, you know, when you're eating with everybody, you're going to eat and you're going to be hungry. Yeah. There's certain point to where it's like, she's going to have to figure it out again. She's going to have to learn to listen to her body with me not around with her constantly there to hand her whatever she needs. Like, you know, the they have to reach that. Like, this is also like a milestone that they, like, probably don't put in a book of like, there's a part where she has to learn how to do it too. And yeah, recently reminded or constantly offered something, you know, she's going to figure it out at school and then somebody else has to deal with it. And I mean, yeah, we absolutely. And they think, gosh, that's even such a reminder that I think in general, I think as a society, shifting and allowing more space for that individual individuality is I can imagine, like you said, because there is that this is when we eat again, we're building in this. There's three meals a day, if you will. But it also does perpetuate this. You know, maybe I'm like over filling here when really I didn't need that much. I just need, you know, maybe I am the person that needs, like you said, to eat every two hours. And and shifting some of that just is, you know, I a couple of years ago, new math, this whole idea of new math came out and everybody was all, the parents are freaking out. Trust me, I was one of them. At the same time, there's there's that benefit because it, it now allowed more of that individuality of like how do you conceptualize this math problem, which I've seen it just in my own children, how that's been helpful because the both of them, their brains function and make sense of things differently. And now, because we've opened up the space to have multiple takes on the same concept, if you will, it's allowed for them to be able to figure out what works for them, not fit into somebody else's idea of of working or what's normal. Right? Which is so and it's just so different from probably like how you and I were raised or even like me and my friends were raised. It was all about fitting into a certain box. Yeah. As we're learning as adults, like, gosh, why was I forced into that box? I am not that box. I'm this box over here. And learning that there always are different roadmaps to the same place. I mean, even if you just think of like a city plan, you can get somewhere almost three different ways, especially in a city like Saint Louis. And it's like sometimes you just choose to go this way, but you still get to the same place and you know, in specifics to parenting, I think we all did it in a different way. Like, I don't have a single friend who's a parent who has done the same because I have different kids. We all have different jobs, we all have different financial backgrounds, but yet we still all made it to this milestone of like all three of our kids made it to preschool and they're all fine. Yeah. And I do it in a different way, and they're all at different schools, and they're all going to come home and tell different stories. But we all, we all did it and we all made it to the same milestone. Okay? We all just did it a different way. Yeah. And like you said, kind of normalizing that, doing it differently doesn't have to be a bad, bad thing, right. It in fact it's just you and that's that's great. Yeah. And there doesn't have to be everyone's individuality. From the beginning. And that's just that's not that's not how I think we used to do it. Okay. To just celebrate that everybody's going to do this a different way from from the beginning. Yeah. Have you found anything for you that's been really helpful in, maybe even giving yourself that same compassion and that same grief that it's okay for you to parent differently? I think it's been very, very recently that, really, you know, today I dropped her off and she literally just she waved to me. By then, she knew how to ask her teacher for her lovey, for her comfort item, and she was ready to, like, make friends and and that focusing on the fact that, like, I and my husband like we did that we raised this little independent woman to go out there and like, take on the world. And, you know, sure, she she came out pretty independent and, but there is a part that we, you know, we gave her these opportunities and she's like taking them in like going on and, and I did that and I'm really proud of it. And now it's like, okay, now I have to go focus on myself. I'm terrifying. It's nice. Right? What? Yeah, I got to eat breakfast this morning without someone stealing my food. Yeah. Very very quiet. But it was nice. Yeah. Oh gosh I, I, I sure yeah. You know even just for using the restroom and what now when like every two seconds barging in I I since I think our last interview, I joined this fancy gym and I've been swimming every day and they had daycare. So I go and I drop her off and then I do my swim. But I always had my phone with me in case they needed something. And today I got to leave my phone in the locker and I was, oh, when? Like is flying out there so. Well, right. And what's so what I love about that example is it seems so small, like something that we might just easily gloss over. It's like, oh, I put my foot in the locker. Yeah. At the same time, I think going back to what you mentioned, that slowing down and noticing, like there are these, these subtle shifts and, being able to kind of go, oh, yeah, that was actually that was kind of cool that was, you know, that that felt great. And allowing yourself. Yeah, it was a new, level of anxiety that I could actually just let go of. Well, she's in it, she's in a safe place and yeah. If something was really, really wrong, like someone will get in contact with me, you know, on my watch, like it's fine. Yeah I, she's fine and it's, she's getting everything that she needs. They're going to feed her. It's fine. Yeah. She's just it's hard. Yeah. Absolutely. You know, it's like when you're a stay at home mom and you only have one kid who knows how much of your kid is just watching you and, like, well, they're watching you a lot, but, like, is she just this kind of eater? Because I'm always on the go. I'm literally, like, never sitting down that part. Is it just going to be like this little socialite at this little tiny table with, like, you know, 15 other toddlers? They're all just, like, eating their food together. She's going to be, who knows? But it's it's a whole new world really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The, as we close out, one of the questions I love to ask folks is if they if you had access to a Delorean and you could go back in time. Is there a particular time not to change anything, but just to maybe offer yourself some words, some comfort, even just a hug that you would go back? And if so, when would you go back and and what would you offer yourself? It's interesting that you mention that. So I have a friend that's currently pregnant, and she's, getting very nervous about delivering, but she's been told that her baby's probably, like a 90th percentile baby. Okay. It's getting worried that she's going to have to, like, get a C-section or something like that. And I told her to take these estimations as estimations. I wish that we hadn't held on to the data as much as we did. Like, our daughter was estimated to be a pound and a half bigger than she was and so much smaller. And we were not prepared like Anaheim, which then I think that the paving stones for how the first 12 months were going to be, or even like the first month, and then 12 months, and then two years, and then three years and, I wish that I had been just a little bit, maybe not like who, but like, it's just it's just numbers. It's just estimations. You will figure it out. It might be okay, but I think we were just we were again put in a box. Yeah. Once that box was in the right box, we were like, I just felt there were times where I was just like trying to tread water and figure it out. And I didn't know how to figure it out, which then caused, like, the anxieties and the depression and the are you doing it right? Take. And and maybe that's just the kind of person that I am, but I wish that I had just not held on to those particular things so much. Yeah. Which makes a lot of sense. And for me personally, that resonates because I had a similar, you know, journey with both my children, for that matter, and where, like you said, there's these authority figures kind of asserting themselves and telling you what's what, about this person, you know, even for my oldest, that wasn't even here yet. And there was a lot of fear kind of being, being pushed because I was measuring towards, and he came out and he was teeny tiny there. And the doctor literally had an audible like, well, I expected him to be bigger. And I was like, what? You scared me. I was like, you know, watching what? I was eating like a hawk because I'm so. I'm so concerned. So that resonates for sure. And so as we, you know, one last question for you before, I say goodbye, like, is there any other resources that you found or any other, shout outs or someone that was just really in your corner? Anything that, you know you would like to offer to anyone listening? I mean, all of my I mean, my husband, obviously. But, you know, my best friends, my, my crew that have just been there day in and day out, whether it's been on the phone or a text message or literally at my house, just always no matter what the problem was, they were always there. Whether they just holding her so I could figure something out or just being there to listen because I'm, I'm sure that there were points where I really was a broken record. Yeah. Continuously concerned about the same things. But now, you know, as my friends start to have their own babies, I can be more supportive and be, you know, be there for them to lean on me. But also, I think, to help them feel confident that it's okay to not fit into this box there. Yeah. You know, there's a box for everybody. And it's, I don't know, their babies, but I can offer them what I've learned through my parenting journey. Yeah. And I think that's such a great reminder for anybody who's listening who maybe is that support person is of things that might be helpful and always, you know, turning to the parenting, we can always ask them to like, how can I best support you and let them lead, just as you mentioned, kind of letting our children lead, and telling us kind of what would be helpful, rather than inserting and saying, oh, this is what you need to do. You said, so I love that. That's a great reminder. So thank you so much for coming back again, and sharing your story. I enjoyed talking with you, and I appreciate your time so much. Thank you. Thank you so much. And thank you, everyone for tuning in. We'll see you next time. Bye. If you or anyone that you know is struggling with any of the topics that we discussed in today's episode, make sure to check out our show notes for support and resources. You can get help. Thanks again for joining us on today's episode of The Real Family Eats. If you're a parent ready to share your real life parenting story, make sure to reach out to us and our website found in the show notes. And that goes for today's recipe social media's support and resources. All of that can be found in our show notes. So make sure to check them out and make sure to follow. Like, share, subscribe and stay up to date on all things the real family. I hope you'll join us next time for more food for thought and thoughtful food. Enjoy your eat.