Finding Yourself After Divorce: Renee's Journey to Resilience and Healing

Renee Rose joins The Real Family Eats to share her personal journey through parenting, divorce, and finding strength as a single mom—all while cooking up a European-inspired carbonara. In this honest conversation, Renee and Reesa get real about the struggles and wins of parenting when life doesn’t go as planned.

• Renee’s story on becoming a single mom and thriving while raising two sons
• The challenges of navigating divorce—twice—and what helped her finally move forward
• What inspired Renee’s quest to recreate authentic European carbonara at home
• The importance of self-care for parents and how Renee learned to put herself first
• How tough transitions built resilience, love, and lasting bonds with her children

From Renee:

I have been a single mom for many years and an educator for decades. I now have 2 grown sons who have moved out of our home and have lived independently for many years.

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Spaghetti Carbonara

Courtesy of: https://easyweeknight.com/spaghetti-carbonara/

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Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a parenting specialist with a niche in supporting couples. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!

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For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/

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Transcript

0:00

I just realized that was happening then, that Nainoa was losing his childhood because he felt like he had to take care of me. Hey, everyone. Thanks for joining me. My name is Reesa and I'm your host. We are talking to real families about real stories here on the real Family Eats, where we've got food for thought and thoughtful food. So let's eat. Welcome back everyone. Thanks so much for joining us today. I'm so excited for today's guest. Today's recipe as well. I'm excited to make it so I have the lovely Renee Rose here who is actually spoiler alert, my cousin coming to join and talk a little bit about parenting with myself. Hi Renee, thanks so much for joining. I'm so thanks for having me. Yes, absolutely. I appreciate you being willing to come chat. Parenting, with me and and all the real stuff about what happens as parents. So for anybody who doesn't know you, like, I know you, which is my entire life. Can you introduce yourself for us? Yes. So I am Renee Rose. We're our daughter. That's actually my married name. Maiden name is Marlo, which is the same maiden name as it. Really? Her dad is my dad's brother. Yeah. And I was married. Oh, gosh. We back in 90, 95, 94, 95 was when I was married, had my first child, then, and then, like, ten years later, became my single mom. But I also had two children to to raise on my own. So while doing that, I went back to school. I went to college. Completed my bachelors and my masters during that time and then worked full time. And then after that, I had 20 years working and 20 years being a single mom. Yeah. Just plugging in. And and just, doing what I need to do in order for me to survive and raise two beautiful boys. And, I guess 30 years now, because. Nine. I was turning 30. Oh my goodness. Oh, right on the money. And then the entirely my second child. She's he turned 26 this year. So I have two grown boys now, and me, you know, on the way to just being by myself and still being mommy now, and age, but. Yeah. Going through the whole process of still parenting. So being a mom and at the same time, you know, being single and finding myself and, and doing the profession and having the career and, you know, doing a doctorate and all that stuff all together. In 50 something years of my life. You can doing, you know, still looking young and thriving, I, I, I hope that those are in my genes as well. So not only take the last name, but you get the same. The same youthful vibrance. For sure. For sure. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm so, you know, excited to kind of be able to talk a little bit more about your story. But before we do that, what recipe are you sharing with our audience today and why did you choose this one? This is actually an interesting request from. I was like, what recipe? First of all, I don't cook, so I don't know what recipe to give you. And, I wanted to really know how to make carbonara. And this past few years, your sister and I have been traveling to Europe, and, and we were in Europe every place, whole and a whole nice restaurant, you know, what have you. We always order carbonara because it's the yummiest food. Easiest food, I guess, that you can have. And e and, and a different places in Europe, Italy, France, wherever you go. Carbonara is, is the thing to eat. So I was like, oh, this is so good. So now I'm going back to the state. I've been wanting to have that, you know, and to have that carbonara taste and it's just different. It's just different. It's much creamier here. I went to Olive Garden and Cheesecake Factory and all those places. It's just never the same. So I figured, oh, maybe I'll do it myself and maybe I can recreate, you know what I've been craving for? I tried it once, but I think I know what I what went wrong, so it's due for me to try it again. And I hope that you're more successful. I mean, when I did it the first time. Fingers crossed. So. Okay, so tell us, what can you give me, like, the overview of the ingredients and the steps I can get mixing while we chat? Yes. So I know, first of all, you have to cook the spaghetti. And when I will be ten, 11 minutes, depending on which noodles you're going to use. And also you want to have good ingredients because this is almost eating it raw. Actually, it's not like the spaghetti where you stir and everything and then you keep cooking. It's like it's raw, but it has to get cooked raw. It's almost like Caesar salad to me. You know how I used to mix everything? So you need, a really good cheese, Parmigiano. Do you have that one? Did you get. I do. Okay, so I have my cheese. Very good. And then, Super yummy bacon. I don't. Oh, Projeto is the name. So because I couldn't find that over here in Hawaii for some reason. Did you find. So I. I'm, I honestly, I had bacon already, so I just use my bacon. But I got the second place one, so it's not that it's not the cheap stuff. Okay. That's that should work. I guess you really want that, crunchy or, like, really? Right up to me, like, really yummy. And then, two eggs or, raw. Like I said, it's it's raw, so it has to be where the spaghetti is. I know you have to mix, Oh, my gosh, you have to mix the eggs and the pepper and the cheese, and then you make it, like, really creamy. Okay. Once it's like, mix, you then mix it on a very hot noodle so that it kind of cooks. Then those tender and they're supposed to like like adhere to each other like it's not saucy. Supposed to be, it's actually supposed to be dry tasting. Okay. Well I think it's all right. I think that's it. We'll we'll keep our fingers crossed. We'll see how this one turns out. And then while I'm doing that, I know one of the things that you, you know, you mentioned that you're willing to kind of talk about, which I so, so appreciate is, is kind of the process for you in, in, like you mentioned, kind of going to a to a two parent household to getting divorced and becoming that single parent and some of the the struggles and challenges that kind of came with that. In your experience, you mentioned, if I'm remembering this correctly, you kind of went through the process twice. Yes. Isn't that weird? Yeah. So tell me about that. Yeah. Because the first time I did it, I didn't completely finish. Like, I didn't read the, the final signing of the divorce. I, I was just too emotional. Maybe every time I have to do things, I just couldn't face it so it laps or. Oh, I think another could be another 7 or 8 years. Could be ten, hopefully less. But it reached the statute of limitation and filing a divorce. So that's why I had to refile it again. But that one that time, I'm already, you know, I'm right here. And then when I did it the first time, so I was able to go through it and, finish it up and, and finalized their divorce, like, years later, so that. Wow. Yeah, yeah. So can you talk a little bit more about you mentioned kind of that first time that a lot came up. It sounds like for you that really created, you know, barriers to that filing and to kind of going through that final step. Can you say a little bit more about kind of what was coming up for you? What what in your experience, kind of presented those challenges, like, so much so that you said, you know, you kind of stayed in it for several more years? Yeah. I think, well, first of all, we were married, like happily married, for ten years. And I feel like it was a solid marriage. We hardly actually ever fight. We moved to Hawaii, or we raised our children in Honolulu, so it's always just been us, right? Like we don't have family around. So we bonded so strong. And that ten years that when something happened that led to us or led to me wanting to divorce, it was so devastating. It was just one. I couldn't believe I'm in that situation. You know, my my parents separated, too, and I really, when I got married, I really didn't want to be like my parents or to end up like my parents. Because, number one, as a child, I know how that feels, and I don't want my children to feel the same feelings that I had growing up with such a broken family. So when it was happening to me, I just couldn't believe it. Because when I married, I married for for our, you know, I don't really think about you don't prepare for that time when you really have to give up the marriage and and then knowing that you have to reassure your children on your own. So there was just a lot of back and forth. I wish I did it sooner. I really do, because, that's a long time to be moving around those emotions. I mean, even during that time, I felt like, I know I was really young and there was a point where I felt like at age 11, he was trying to take care of me because I was so down and depressed. I realized that he wasn't going at 11 years old. He wasn't going out and and, being with friends, he would go to school, stay at home and, like, get me out of bed because I won't get out of bed. So I jump on my bed. So then I fall on the bed so I could go to bed. You know, he. Yeah. Trying to shake me off of that, that I was in during that time. And then at some point, you know, I just realized that that was happening then, that I know I was losing his childhood because he felt like he had to take care of me because I was broken during that time. So I'm just saying, okay, this is not right. You know, these are the things that I don't want my children to undergo because I know those feelings. So, you know, I, I used to have those those emotions are a feeling like I have to take care of my siblings or my dad has to take care of us because my parents are so broken, you know? Yeah. And do you feel like you compromise your you're going out. You're going out with friends or just being a child or just being foolish or whatever. You you miss out on all of that because you feel like you have to grow up so fast to take care of yourself or to have your sibling and I know excuse to take care of me. You felt like you had to take care of me. Needs to take care of his brother. I just didn't want that anymore. You know? I felt like I had to. I had to, you know, shake it all off and. And really start focusing on myself and then so that I can take care of the kids. Was there, like, when you're in it because I heard you mentioning that, you know, you had experienced kind of the child version of your parents going through that, like, was there did you struggle with any of those narratives of, gosh, I must be feeling or what does this mean? As for me as a parent, now that I'm going through these same things that I can only imagine, just like being in that, especially as you mentioned, like having even being like in a depression, our brains can be really good at being our worst critic. And so I'm curious if that happened for you only like I felt like a failure, like, you know, I, I held on to it so much that I thought that's what I needed to do. Like at some point, Doug was sleeping in, in this room. Okay. You were sleeping with me in my room. And I thought, okay, that's the right thing to do because, these the kids are, you know, they still have both their parents in the house. But, you know, we're separated, but we're not. And I realized that kids are not dumb like, they know. You know, it's like, it was pretending that we were together, but we're not, you know? So it was it was really more traumatizing, and wasn't healthy, for the kids, to to live that way or to see that. And then for me to kids, I don't know, maybe in the back of my mind, I, we're going to get together again or, this is what I need to do for the kids. But no, I couldn't move on. I couldn't get healthy. Everything was just in downward spiral. Yeah. I really think that, like that, though. I lost my footing, you know, doing it that way. And I thought I was protecting the kids, but really, I wasn't, I wasn't, I was confusing them and hurting them more, because I, I chose to live in that pretend life, when really, in reality, it's already separated and disconnected. Yeah. I wish, I wish I knew that, faster than I did. But I know, I, you know, at that point, you do what you know, and you, you just you just see what happens and, you know, I realized that it was not the right setup for the kids. Yeah. Was there a moment for you that was that like, moment. The you were able to kind of maybe shift that perspective. The moment for me was when, well, because your father was doing something crazy. That's why it led me to feel the way I feel. When my son's, found out what he was doing and them actually coming to me and telling me, oh, mom, I know why you were sad, or I know why you're angry with dad. Now. It's because he he did this. So, Don, actually, you know, I guess I'm the mama bear. Once the kids are really affected, and I know that they're getting affected. That's when, like, oh, shoot, this, this is so wrong. And that's why I'm like, no, this cannot happen anymore. Thank you. Yes. It cannot happen anymore. So I told I remember telling me I know he was already so in love. He was 18 going on 19. I said, I'm sorry, I just couldn't do this anymore. I, I have to I have to finally I said divorce and I know it was like, oh my gosh, mom, it's been it's been ten years. Like, you know, it's been 20 and and she he's like, if you're not going to do it, I'll do it for you, you know, kind of thing. So I guess I needed I needed one more instance to happen for some reason. And actually I needed the support from I knew what I. I needed him to understand that I wasn't doing it to to break the family, because that was the only thing too. I was being told by my crazy family that if I do that, it's my fault that I'm breaking the family. But yeah, because I was the one who wanted to leave. It's my fault for doing right. Okay. That's that's the thing. Right. You know. Yeah. You listen to other people and then you blame yourself and you feel like a failure. And you know, I was even told about this. You're so hard head. At least he comes home to you. Oh, wow. You know, all of that messed up, so what is that language or talk that really destroyed that? My my strength, I guess. Really? Yeah. And it was. It was my son, too, who was there for me, who believed in me. And who really was behind me all the way through that made me do that, do it the second time and actually actually, do it much better than I did when I did it the first time I. What do you mean by much better? Can you say more about that? I think, I was more certain and determined. Okay. Like, there was a point where, you know, because I was so weak and broken before I was told that if I go through it, because I didn't go to work either, I was still going to school, and I didn't have Penny to my name. Like, I don't want to, you know, that my kids will be taken away from me because I couldn't afford to to watch over them and things like that. And then years later, and I realized, you. No, I'm going to do this. You know, I had the information that I needed. I had a really good lawyer. It's she's a friend of mine, and I was more educated about my rights as a as a mother. Because I 100% custody of my kids. I didn't want that back and forth. You know, you go here half the time, you go here half the time, and then you have to schedule whatever. I wanted the kids hundred percent during the second time. I want them 100% their home here. But if Doug wants to take him, I mean, take them out. Or if they want to, you know, sleep over at their house and their dad's place or whatever. They're so welcome to do that. Like, I didn't even have a schedule. Whenever Doug wanted to see them. Yes, you can have them Christmas time when I have them. Okay. Yes, you can have them. You know, because I know I have them 24 seven, so 30 requests. You know, I never want to use the kids against him or, you know, between us. So. Yeah, but it was important to me that the kids have a home or the kids have their own room, or, you know, that they control their own. So it is like a back and forth and have to negotiate time. And, you know, no, I want I want them to be as certain and as grounded and know that 100%, this is their home. And then everything else is just supplemental and, and on. And whatever, whatever is requested. But I make sure that I have them 100%. Yeah. And, you know, I think it makes so much sense. I hear you saying that, you know, there was even maybe your own dialog as far as the failure. But when you're receiving that even from external messages, right, that people are telling you, like, yeah, if you go through with this, but you know, it's going to mean all these like really bad things and this is what's going to happen. Like I feel like anybody in that situation. Yeah, you're going to like sit there and it's going to be really hard to tune out those voices if they're telling you know, this is what's going to happen. And so much so that, you know, it sounds like for a lot of time you just kind of shut your own needs off to try to survive getting through this because, like, what if this is what it means to, you know, have a good family is that I just have to say any and I have to just turn off all of these things that are happening for me in this moment. Well, then I guess that's what I'm going to have to do, where I can then absolutely appreciate why it took almost those children, right, seeing like, we're going to be okay, to be able to to provide that permission, especially when you're getting so many of those messages. And I feel like I hear that all the time where people not only do they have their own internal voice that are telling them how much, you know, this is going to be a failure and how much you're going to screw things up, but that they're also hearing that from other people, and that can make it that much more scary to kind of be in that. And I imagine that feel so lonely. Absolutely. When I almost felt like, you know, the world is not on your side, you know, I'm not so alone navigating the whole thing. And like you, you never I never prepared for it. Like I didn't. Yeah, I like I said earlier, I married for for Amber. Right. That, that that was the rest of my life. So I really didn't know how to navigate being a single parent. And if my, my kids were the only one who was there for me, you know, that's what I feel. And you know, not to blame any of my friends and family about what was going on, but it's just, when you're in that situation, you really. Well, if you don't have like, a support group or if I maybe didn't reach out enough or, you know, I was really trying to just figure things out on my own, especially, like, you know, most of my friends and families are not living with me or around me in Hawaii. You know, they probably didn't they weren't aware of the struggles that I was going through or what the kids are going through. Well, I'm in that very little plane of my life. I was just really blessed with having, you know, very loving children there. Probably me. I mean, they're very young, but they were strong. You know, kids can be very resilient. They, they they did really well, you know, during that time in had a really good work, too. I mean, I think, you know, in the States, it's it's not easy to find a career if you don't have a degree. So I'm happy that I was able to go to school. I was able to find a job in a really good school and, and to continue thriving that way. While the kids are also trying their best to stay strong for me, you know, yeah. And I think what I really appreciated you mentioning is that that idea. Right. The there's those messages that, oh, if you do this, it's you're, you're going to fail because you don't have a penny to your name. I don't know how many, you know. Moms I've heard kind of in a similar boat saying, like, I'm so afraid to do this, because, you know, I'm, I'm not the primary breadwinner or all of these things. And so then they, in a similar way, kind of feel almost trapped, like they have to say, because, well, you know, there's there's a lot of fear almost there. Yeah. And I'll be sharing this with you. And I was filling out that questionnaire. You know I here in Hawaii, I don't know in other states, but I think it is mandated here in Hawaii that when you file for divorce, the court will summon your children to go through this, what they call kids first. Okay. Basically, a session with the judge and some social workers, and they they take all the kids whose parents are going through the divorce in a room. And basically they teach the kids what's going to happen, like, oh, mom's in the in the blue house, and dad's hiding in the green house. And then now it's going to be like a purple home. It's green and blue, purple or violet, you know, the primary colors, red and blue. All right. Okay. Sorry. It's not I got it. And then, you know, you you all of a sudden have this purple room and then, you know, teaching them this combined, you know, separated but combined and then basically telling them it's not your fault or whatever. Anyway, my son's had to do this twice because I had to file, you know, divorce twice. So, the first time they did it, they actually really hated it already because they feel like it's so hokey and, you know, whatever. Funny. But it's like a simulation that the the judges are trying to do, like, okay, you're going to be mom, you're going to be daddy. Actually, the parents don't get to see it. We're like all outside waiting for that to happen. So it's oh, like organized by the judge and the social workers. So they did that the first time. And then of course, I failed again. Right. So yeah, you did it before. And then now they have to go through it again. And I like totally bang bang bang them please, please I, I you have to do it again because it's, it's a court mandate, you know. Yeah. I'll never forget this moment though. You know, when you're talking about turning points, I do have a lot of turning points where I, I, I you know, I am where I am right now is because, you know, and I was trying to like beg both of them. Please just do it to you. Me I know you know, it is already just you, Marie. Just go and, just just do what the judge saying. You know, that's what I took. Yeah. And I will never forget this. And I told them this many, many times. And even in my dissertation when I dedicated my dissertation to them, I wrote it there too, because it was something that I will never, I mean, that I hold dear in my heart. And then it's it's a time when they said, mom, you know, we can teach this, right? You've been through this before. You know, we can teach this already. We know what it is. And I said, yeah, I know, I know, but just go through it. No, no, no. They said, no, mom, listen, listen. If this is what kids first, then the name of the the session, it's kids first. So they said mom, do you know what kids first is? I said, okay, you know what? What is kids first, mom, listen to them. You know, going back and forth. They said, mom, kids first. It's you first. So if you're okay, you're going to be okay. We're going to be okay. Yeah. And I, I really take that to heart. Like that's why I'm so on ambitious. That's why I make sure like they have a home, you know? I mean, I've been so blessed and lucky. I own two homes. I took care of them on my own. Yeah. So, I mean, they're supportive. He. I know, I've told him he's a really good father. I will never take that away from him. He is a good father. But, you know, I can say that I did it on my own. But it's because I was so conscious that I have to be okay for my kids to be okay. So if I'm okay right now, if I'm. I'm flourishing and I'm thriving and, you know, I'm accomplishing things that I can never like. I hated school, but now I'm a doctor. What's up with that? Thing? It's because that's how much I love these two boys. Like, I have to be super good and so that I have these kids will be okay. You know who? The the, the better I become it. It's that much deeper love I have for being a mother and for having those two children. So I'll never forget that my kids first is you first. I really wrote that in my in my dissertation. I don't know if anybody would understand that, but, Yeah, that's that's one the biggest thing that I will never forget, like that moment that I happened that I had to be okay in order for my kids to be okay. And that's the important thing for me. And I think that's such, such an important message, because I think our society just in general, kind of has it backwards in the sense that there's this like idea that if you put yourself first, if you invest in yourself as a parent, then that somehow you know, you're not being a good parent because you're not putting your children first, you're not kind of showing up and, and, and sacrificing in that way. And, and I think that's such that's a shift in that narrative that actually, you know, as stereotypical as it is, you know, kind of that, that flight attendant. Right. Put your put your mask on. But for the others that it sounds like in your experience, you seen that firsthand, that when you have kind of invested in yourself, if I'm hearing you correctly, that once you've invested in yourself, it it allowed and opened you up to be able to maybe invest even more into your children. Is that a fair statement? Yeah, totally. Like I, I don't even tell myself I keep reinventing myself because I want to be better. Like, who would have known that I would play tennis? Like I'm such a klutz. In high school, I never played sports or anything, but actually I've been playing tennis, tennis leagues for the last ten years and again, it's like, why do I do what I do? And I think, why? Why even go back to school and, and, and finish a doctorate program or why, why buy another home? Like, why do I do all of these things and I swear it wouldn't really matter to me if if not my children. Like, I, I don't know how else to say it, but that's what I do. And how I do things is because of how much I love my children. And, that's that's my bottom line. You know, it's like I. Yes, I have invested so much in myself because I know that if I'm good, they'll be good. So I'm. I'm this good, then it means they're going to be this good. You know, it's like, I don't I don't know, reciprocate or the correlation. I guess, and how much I love them is how much I get better for myself. Yeah. And I imagine there's that modeling. They're two way that I'm modeling for them, what it looks like for them to to give them permission to invest in themselves and to be able to kind of grow and nurture and know that it's okay for them to spend time and money and, and energy into pouring into themselves to. That's my hope. That's that's my hope. I hope that if they can see their mom thriving or surviving all of that, and our dark ages that we went through, I can only hope that in their later years right now, that that that they could see, that you can survive these things and you actually have to put time in yourself. They're going through that. Their, they're what is that, 30 in 2026 right now? They're I don't know. Yeah. I can just remember being 21 and, and 30 and trying to figure out life and, you know, and you know, the difference in generation. How everything has to happen. And when it's not happening, they feel like they're in a slump or they're in a downward spiral and I'm like, I just want to shake them. And you know, it's a process. You know, I going through this whole thing, it's not automatic, you know, like, they it's 20 years for me, you know, at least in my professional practice, it's 20 years. They didn't get here. Yes. You know, from yesterday in here today, you see that that whole thing and I just wish I, you know, I do have an impact. I truly know that, but I just also know that they're going through stuff right now. And, yeah, I could only hope that they could see that it's a process. It's not automatic, you know, it's, that we can survive this, you know, if you stay together. If, if we're founded or grounded by love and connection and, support, you know, patience and resilience, all those things that ground us, you know, that that everything is survive a bowl like you can totally overcome, like, everything. We can overcome all these things. And you're going through that right now. And yeah, I can only hope. Right. Because I feel like by the time they're 18 or 20, they have their own minds already. So whatever I did before they turned 18 and 20, you just hope that it's applicable or they're applying all of that because you know, you want to you want to instill some kind of foundation, in values, beliefs. And then when they're young, because by the time they're 18 and 20, they listen to me, they will call me from time to time, but they're already navigating things on their own. And I just hope that whatever foundation and values that ground them will be there with them as they navigate through their own lives. Right now, they're in extended lives, right? Yeah. I imagine that is a really kind of scary place to be in, to kind of see them, doing life and potentially, you know, having to deal with their own challenges, their own hurt. Well, at the same time, you know, respecting they are adults and, you know, they've they've got to learn some of these things and like, how much do you like hands on and you intervene and how much it's like, okay, I have to like let them live and let them learn some of these things on their own for sure. For sure. Yeah. So we're in that we're in that stage right now. I mean, we I do have a home here in Ohio in Coppell, and I do have a home in Maui. So, you know, they're very welcome to like, live with me and stay with me and see, struggle through this whole career life that they're trying to do. But, you know, I give them credit right now. They're doing it on their own. They're both, renting an apartment right now, to lease, with a roommate because, he's, you know, he he lives more conservatively than they know, and they know has his own apartment right now, so they are living independently. So I'm very proud of them. Yeah. It's not easy. It's really. It's really not. And you almost. No, I don't wish that it's hard for them, but you're right. You almost want to allow them to go through it. And it's almost unfair. I think for them, if I keep, bailing them out or if I keep, like, offering the solutions for them or, you know, always having that safety net for them. Yeah, yeah. At some point we have or I have to learn to just, you know, like, oh, I mean, you know, I have to I have to do that. I have to let go and have them go through all of that. Yeah. Gosh. Okay. So as we wrap up, one of the questions that I like to ask before, before we sign off is if you had access to a Delorean and you got to go, you know, back to the past, if you will. What age do you think you would go back to when kind of offer yourself not to not to change the past, but rather to maybe offer yourself some words or a phrase or even just offer yourself a hug. At what part in your life do you think you would go back to? When and what would you say? Or what would you offer to the former? You? I, I wish exactly 20 years ago. I have the hook, you know, because it was really tough. It was one of the toughest times that I had to go through. And, and, and just to know that it's not your fault, you know, it's not. Yeah. I've been, I've been I really, you know, I can say that I was a really good, loyal, honest, loving wife and mother. I took care of my family, the best that I know how. The best that I could. It wasn't. We didn't try to be, like, a burden or anything. That's when I went back to school and try to be, you know, do things for myself. Even if I remember typing and and one hand and breastfeeding on the other, because, you know, like being a mom and and going back to school is actually not the easiest thing to do. But, you know, I try, I try to be really the best person that I can be. And when things fall apart and then you have to stand on your own principles and your own beliefs. And it doesn't go the way that other people expect it to be. And it's really not your fault, you know? Yeah, it's it's not. And I think that's such a good reminder. And I hope anyone who's listening, who's maybe feeling a little bit of that and hearing that, the things that people are saying to them or feeling like they are at fault, that they can hear those words and be able to have that same that same hug to themselves, that, hey, it's not your fault. That's okay. That's beautiful. Well, I so appreciate you being willing to, open up and get so vulnerable and real with us about how hard it is to to do this thing called parenting. And to share this recipe. I'm excited. I mean, it looks like it looks like food. You. Taste it. It looks edible, so I know, just don't force yourself. I want you to eat and is like, this is not what I will try again. Okay, well, I look forward to hearing, when you try it again. Yeah, right. Thank you. Thank you so much for for being on here and chatting with us. And thank you to everyone for tuning in today. I hope we will see you back next time. If you or anyone that you know is struggling with any of the topics that we discussed in today's episode, make sure to check out our show notes for support and resources. You can get help. Thanks again for joining us on today's episode of The Real Family Eats. If you're a parent ready to share your real life parenting story, make sure to reach out to us and our website found in the show notes. And that goes for today's recipe social media's support and resources. All of that can be found in our show notes, so make sure to check them out and make sure to follow, like, share, subscribe, and stay up to date on all things the real family Eats. I hope you'll join us next time for more food for thought and thoughtful food! Enjoy your eat!