Truths About Postpartum No One Tells You: Courtney’s Experience and Advice

Join us on The Real Family Eats as Reesa chats with Courtney Boylan, founder and CEO of Lelo, about her real experiences with postpartum life, parenting, and making self-care a priority. Discover a family-friendly energy ball recipe and practical advice for navigating the chaos of parenthood.

• How Courtney’s postpartum journey inspired her to start a company for moms
• The versatile and easy energy ball recipe every busy parent should try
• Real talk on postpartum expectations vs. reality (including mental health)
• The importance of self-care, date nights, and maintaining relationships after kids
• Why it’s crucial to advocate for yourself and trust your parental instincts

Watch now for actionable tips, honest stories, and a community that keeps it real!

From Courtney:

I’m Courtney, the founder of Le Lolo, a brand redefining postpartum with beautiful, functional accessories for new moms. As a mom of three, I know firsthand how overwhelming those early days can be, and I’m on a mission to help new moms feel more supported, confident, and celebrated.

Connect: 

Www.WeAreLeLolo.com

@WeAreLeLolo

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Energy Ball Recipe Courtesy of:

https://www.wellplated.com/energy-balls/#wprm-recipe-container-33259

Make them to your liking, but I use coconut, chopped cranberries, chopped almonds, almond butter as mix-ins

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Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a parenting specialist with a niche in supporting couples. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!

Make sure to like, follow, and subscribe!

For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/

If you are a parent ready to share your real-life parenting struggle and dish up a recipe with Reesa, apply here:
https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/real-family-eats-guest

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need personalized support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.

Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988

Go to your local hospital or call 911

Transcript

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But you don't understand what being a parent is or what that means, until you hold that title and you actually have a child of your own. Hey, everyone. Thanks for joining me. My name is Reesa and I'm your host. We are talking to real families about real stories. Here on the real family Eats where we've got food for thought and thoughtful food. So let's eat. Welcome back everyone. Thank you so much for joining us today on The Real Family Eat. I'm excited for today's episode. I have Courtney here who has graciously joined us to chat today. Hi, Courtney, thank you so much for being here. Hi, Reesa thank you so much for having me. Yes, I am excited for this recipe. I've never tried it, so I'm super excited to kind of see what it's all about. But before we get started, for anybody who doesn't know you, can you introduce yourself for us? Yes, absolutely. I'm pretty easy. I'm a wife, I'm a mom, I'm a step mom, and I am the founder and CEO of LaMelo, which is a postpartum accessories company. We're we're taking all of those steel and sterile breastfeeding accessories and postpartum accessories and making them beautiful for moms. Wonderful. I love it, and I check some of some of that out and it is really beautiful. So just F.Y.I. And we'll get to hear more about that, in a little bit. So before we jump in, can you tell us what recipe are you sharing with our parents today and why did you choose this one? Yes. Okay. So I'm sharing my energy Bowl recipe. And the reason for that is I make these all the time. My kids love them. My husband loves them, I love them, they're a great snack and they're super easy. I'm all about convenience because I'm busy all the time and you literally just throw everything into a bowl and mix it all together. They're amazing. Okay, well, I can do that. Can you give me the overview of the ingredients that you like to use? And I will get mixing while we chat. Awesome. So I love to use oatmeal. I love to use coconut flakes, cranberries, and then a nut butter. So one thing that's so amazing about this recipe is that you can throw whatever you want in there. It can be peanut butter, almond butter, sunflower butter. You can throw chocolate chips in there. You can throw peanuts, almonds, really whatever you want. And they just they taste so good every time. So. Okay. Just so easy. And anything that you have on hand, you just throw it in the bowl and in the fridge and they last. They're like a great breakfast or great snack on the go for the family. And I love that I love the adaptability because I have you know I imagine if any family is there like the ones that I know, there's, there's, you know sometimes you've got dietary requirements and whatnot, things that kids will eat and won't eat. And so I love that we can kind of be very moldable in that way. Yes, absolutely. I had a friend come over and I made them for her because she doesn't eat dairy. And, they were like a great challenge, just like, oh my gosh, these are so good. I was like, right, I know you can just you can literally make them whatever and make them however you want. Love it. Okay. Yeah, I can do that. I can throw in a bowl and mix like I, I am not by any means. So bless your heart. But I am about simple and easy. The easier the better for me. Love it. Okay, so while we chat, why do this rather. I know one of the stories that you kind of alluded to it a little bit as far as your journey getting to opening your brand. And so I'd love to kind of hear a little bit more about what your experience was like. And some of that journey through postpartum, specifically. Yeah, absolutely. So I had my first child. So I am a step mom, and I love being a mom. I, my daughter is nine. And she's been such a blessing to her life. But I had my first son win that in 2019. And, I just I really struggled with the postpartum phase. I think I was very uneducated and I didn't do my research. And when I had him, I just remember not wanting to leave the hospital was the first thing. And I was so scared to leave the hospital knowing that I had to go home and take care of this baby. And then when I got home, I just felt so. It was such an out of body experience for me, like I wasn't used to how my body felt. I, I didn't know how to care for this baby. My hormones were going crazy. I just my emotions were all over the place and it was really tough for me to not feel like myself. And. Yeah, and it was, it was just, it was a struggle for me that I didn't, that I wasn't expecting. And I think that is probably what the hardest part was, is that it wasn't something that I expected and it was. And then it had to be something that I dealt with. Okay, so I heard you mention kind of not expecting, was there something that maybe because one of the things that I've heard before is that, you know, maybe what's advertised, what you see in the books or maybe what your friends or your family tells you isn't always the full picture. And so was that your experience as far as maybe it wasn't what you expected? Yeah, absolutely. You know, we're in the era of Instagram and everything looking pretty and perfect at all times. And I had none of my friends had had babies yet either. So there wasn't really anything to go off of. And I just hadn't heard anything about the struggles through postpartum. All I saw was, pictures on Instagram and moms loving their baby feeling great. You know, looking amazing and ready and walking around and just carrying their baby and just being so happy. And that's I guess it was the feeling for me of not feeling happy inside or understanding why I wasn't feeling that way, which is really tough for me. Okay, can you say a little bit more about this? Yeah, it was just, you know, I, I didn't have that sense of, of happiness when, when I was with my, my baby at first and I struggled to understand how to take care of him. And I think it was it was self-doubt that I was placing on myself that made it tough. And I wasn't giving myself grace, and I was trying to control the situation, and I had to learn that as time goes on, you realize and you understand, and your mother intuition kicks in and you don't know how to take care of your baby. And it's just something that you learn as you go. But I was trying to control that feeling so much as I entered into postpartum, that it made it tough for me to just kind of go with the flow and navigate those feelings that I had, rather than what I thought that I should have felt like. And so I think you mentioned such a great point and I wanted to circle back if it's okay with you, that idea of like being happy because I think that I know I can really I know I've heard other moms, parents where there's almost this, you know, disconnect because society, whomever is kind of saying this is such a magical time and like, this is amazing. And sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and all these things. And then when you aren't having that same sensation, like, I imagine just like being in that, in, I don't know about you, but, you know, I definitely remember a time where it's like, is this a is this a me problem? Like, am I doing something wrong? Or like, is there something wrong with me that I don't feel all of this happiness and that joy? Does that resonate with you? Did you experience any of that? 100% yes. You go into this experience thinking that you're going to have this specific feeling of when you hold your baby for the first time, and then when you don't have that feeling, you feel like something's wrong with you, not with your baby, with you. And I just remember my son coming out and him being placed in my arms. And it was like such an out-of-body experience. Like, you know, I knew I was supposed to feel happy and joy, but I just felt almost like awkward withholding because I had never obviously, I carried him for the last nine months, but it was just this human that I didn't know, and I wasn't having those feelings of complete joy when I when I was holding him. And it was scary for me. Yeah. And I imagined and so was that something that you were able to kind of express to anyone, or was there maybe even like a stigma or a worry about expressing like, I don't feel joy when I'm holding this baby. Yeah, for sure. I was scared to say something. Honestly, even to my husband. And, you know, we talk about everything. We have such great, amazing, open communication. But in that moment when I didn't feel that way, I was so scared to say something. And I think that's probably why I was so scared to leave the hospital is because I didn't want to have to go home and like, face those emotions on my own. And I just wasn't sure how to process it in the moment and, understand what that feeling was because I'd never gone through it before. Yeah. And so I'm curious for you now, looking back on it, or maybe, maybe you had that insight closer to it, of just like where, where did that come from for you? Kind of what was the function? What was the role of that awkwardness and of just like, I, I don't feel comfortable taking this baby home and kind of being in that or even just the propensity because I heard you mentioned, like very specifically, I didn't blame my baby. I totally just I took that on, like, for you. Did you do you know, kind of where that came from or why that was your instinct? Well, I think I've done a lot of growing since I become a mom. My son is six now, and so it's been six years, and now I'm more in tune with my emotions and how I handle my emotions were at that stage in my life. I didn't process my emotions well, so it was hard for me to deal with something of that nature and an emotion that big when I didn't know how to process my emotions at that point either. And so now, looking back on it and thinking, okay, well, if I was to go through that situation again, it's a little different because I'm a mom now and I understand how that feeling felt for me. But but it was just a time and place in my life, and I think I was just naive to the to the fact of being a mom and what a mom meant, that I wasn't able to to handle how I was feeling. And, you know, I think that makes a ton of sense. And, you know, I'm kind of going back to what you said. I know you mentioned then and there was this urge, this instinctive like control and that felt out of control. And I'm wondering like you can let me know if I'm way off base here, like if your body is just going, I don't know how to deal with this. And so the only way that makes sense to me is like, what can I control and how can I control as much of this as possible? Absolutely. And I think that's a lot of kind of how I went through life when I was younger is like, what can I control? And and if I could control it, then I would latch on to it. And if I couldn't, I would kind of I would push away from it. Yeah. And how do you free you know, I know you can only probably speak about your own experience, but I how do you break out of that. Like how do you go from that? I don't know what to do with this. I don't I'm not feeling all the feelings that maybe people advertise. And then I have to go home with this child. And I'm not really talking to anybody about it, which I imagine is a really lonely place to be in. And so, like, how do you how do you move through that. Yeah. You know, I it was tough. And I think for me the break through was so I when I was in the hospital I had a lactation consultant come in and my breasts were so engorged I couldn't feed my baby. Like if she helped me put him on. I could feed, but I couldn't do it on my own because my my boobs were so engorged and she was like, don't use don't use a nipple shield. It will ruin the baby's latch. Don't use a pump because it will ruin your milk supply. And that scared me so much when she said those things to me, because she's supposed to be the expert. So as yeah, I'm like, okay, well, I should listen to her. So I remember going home and I was in so much pain and I called my sister and she was like, Courtney, you have to listen to your body and listen to yourself and like, what's going to be good for you and for the baby. And that was kind of like a breakthrough moment for me and understanding, like, I have to be the one to control how I'm feeling and control, what I'm doing for my baby and realize that I'm his mom and I am. And I can figure this out and I can be a good mom to him. So, I did pump after I talked to her, and I felt immediate relief, and I was like, okay, like, she's right. I do need to listen to myself and to my intuition and jump in and do what I think is best, rather than worrying about what somebody else would do or worrying about what somebody else might think and understand that I am his mom and I can do what's best for him and for myself. Yeah. Did you find that there was any, you know, even after that, any pushback or maybe unsolicited words from others of like, what you should be doing, how you should be feeding them, etc., etc., etc.. To be honest, I, you know, I keep a close circle and I'm very lucky that my circle is very supportive. So I didn't really have anyone, you know, tell me, you know, this is how you should be doing something. But I know that that's what a lot of moms go through. And that's really tough. And, you know, following social accounts on Instagram, there's people who will tell you to do certain do things a certain way, and you think they should you should believe them because they're the expert. And I think for anyone who's out there who is not a mom and is maybe an expecting mom, to remember that, you know, that's their opinion. But you have to do what's best for you and make the decision, that's going to be right for you and your baby. And imagine how that can be so tough. Like you said, in the midst of professionals telling you that it's supposed to look a certain way or you're supposed to do a certain thing, you've got social media kind of telling you this is what it's supposed to look like, or what to do or what not to do, but to kind of walk that line of being able to say, like you said, kind of trust your own body and be able to kind of trust that instinct when, you know, I imagine there are lots of people out there that have learned, have been kind of trained to tune that out and to not pay attention to that and to kind of pay attention to all these external inputs. Yeah. You know, when you become a first time mom, you've never done it before. So you feel like you should be able to trust those people. But if you're feeling in your gut, and I think that's really when I started to trust my gut the most is when I became a mom. If you feel like something's off, like you have to listen to that for sure. Did that come like an overnight for you, or was that a process to kind of get to the the gut trusting? Yeah, I think it was definitely a process. You know, a few things had to happen. And as I realized, okay, like, you know, I was feeling a certain way and it took me a long time to change something. And then once I did, it was better. Over time, as I continue to do that, I realized, okay, like this is my gut telling me that something is off and something needs to change and I need to listen to that. Yeah. Is there any like, hot tips that you have found ways to kind of advocate for your own good, if you will, in spite of maybe what others say? Or I don't know about any hot tips, I think you just, it's really about trusting yourself and and believing in yourself that you are doing the right thing. And you know what? If you do something and it doesn't help or it doesn't work, you can always go back or you can try something different. There's no there's no finality in any decision you make. So you can try something different. And I think that's such a good point because I think what at least what I've, I've heard, I've experienced that there's this we in this pressure that as parents that we feel like, oh my gosh, I don't want to I don't want to mess this up. It's another human being, like, I'm in charge of this, this whole nother human being. And I don't I don't want to mess it up. And so then there's this kind of, maybe almost fear that, you know, this is it. I kind of my one sided to kind of even zoom out and say, you know, I can change course, and that's okay. Can be really difficult, like in the moment to kind of rationalize, especially because there is so much of that, like, I don't want to miss this trial with like, I don't know how many times I've heard that from from parents. Totally. You know, I still say that to myself as I'm raising my children, that, you know, the things that I do, I'm like, oh, I don't want to mess them up. Like any reaction that I can have, you know, you don't know what those core memories are that gets stuck in their brain that they that, you know, transform them into the people that they become. So it is scary, but it's also such a blessing to be a parent and to be able to raise these precious little humans into, you know, the amazing adults that they're going to become. And you know, what I always say is like, like your baby. I know it feels so crazy when they're so little and you're making these decisions, but they're never going to remember. So just remember that. That when they're a baby, they're never going to remember what happened. So make mistakes. Yeah. And I think even, you know, talking about mistakes, the guys to be able like even as they're older you make mistakes and to kind of model that and like yeah I totally messed that one up. Can I try again and you know, being able to show your kids that idea of even just being like, yeah, I'm human too. And I make mistakes and I'm learning. Just as you're learning to be a human, I'm learning how to be a parent. Absolutely. I was very naive as to what parenting was when I became a parent. You know, I was always in like the dreamland phase, like, oh, I want to be a mom. I always wanted to be a mom, even when I was little. But you don't understand what being a parent is or what that means, until you hold that title and you actually have a child of your own. And I was very naive to the fact of how hard it was and what it means. And to raise these humans who don't like to listen to you and have their own minds and their own personalities and that, you know, my daughter is completely different from my son, and I have to raise them different ways and talk to them different ways because they're so different. And, when people say it's the toughest thing in the world, I don't think you can comprehend that when you're not a parent. But then once you become that, that's when you start to understand. Yeah. Was there any particular maybe handful of things that for you, like you said before you were a parent, you were like, oh, I'm going to do this and this is what it's going to look like. And then that you found as you became a parent, it's like very different. Yeah. I think I just thought that it was going to be like so easy and so fun. And I would just like carry my kid around. You know, it's actually a really funny story. So my step daughter, I met her when I was, when she was two and she has like the coolest, easiest kid ever. My husband and I, we took her everywhere like she was so chill. She was always happy. And I always tell my husband if her name is Grace. I was like, if Grace was like our children, I would not have married you really. She was amazing. And our children are they're they're very easy kids, but, you know, they have some sass to them and they're not as easygoing as she, but she was. So I had this notion like, oh my gosh, like, this is going to be so great. Like, let's just have a million of them. And that's not the case for sure. Yeah, yeah. Is there, is there a particular, maybe challenge that you have seen thus far that's really kind of like humbled you if you will. Like, do you have a particular moment that's really like iconic for you? Oh gosh. I'm trying to think of like the one iconic moment, which nothing really comes to mind, but I think my daughter humbles me a lot, because she, she's three and she's just, you know, she's sassy, but, like, she's also a little, you know, she she doesn't want to be told what to do. And I, you know, like to run. I wouldn't say attention, but, you know, I expect my kids to be respectful. And I have a tough time, like holding my my balance with her and and understanding her energy levels because they're so different than the rest of the family. So the way I have to react to her, I really have to take a breath and like, take a step back and just gather myself to handle her emotions and the type of personality that she has. Which is so much different than my son. And it's just, you know, it's such a different parenting experience between the two of them. And I'm sure it will always be that way. So, you know, until they're adults and even then. But, you know, it's just it's it's crazy how tough it can be in different instances with different children. And, but I think that's also important to remind other parents of, like, you know, you have to understand kind of the personality that you're, that your child has and be able to to relate to that and come to their level. Yeah. With that, a difficult shift to kind of go from maybe, okay, I'm starting to get in the hang of this with your sign, you know, okay, I had to learn this, this new personality. And then in comes the third one who it sounds like, you know, is is very different. Was that a difficult. So you have to kind of go to that, like you said, you know, parenting and doing it differently and kind of figuring out what works for her. Yeah. And, you know, I think as she gets older is how it's become more difficult. When she was a baby, it wasn't really an issue, but it's more of like now that she can talk and she can express her feelings and she can have her own opinions. My son is very like zest for life, always happy, like so full of energy, you know, just is like full of love and like wants to give you kisses and hug 24/7. And my daughter is the complete opposite, you know, she's very reserved. She, you know, if you ask her how her day is, she usually says, not good where my son is like the best day ever every day. So it's more like, you know, not making her feel bad for or having, I don't want to call her negative, but just having a more, you know, reserved personality than than my son does. And sometimes it can be. I just want her to, like, just be positive and be, you know, told me that she had a great day and tell me about her day. Like she won't open it up. You really got to dig with her. Whereas my son, he will talk your ear off like he does not stop talking all day long. And for her, maybe that's why she doesn't talk. Because he's always talking. But for her, you really have to dig and you have to pull things out of her. And you know, you got to get to her level and understand where her energy level is. And it's just it's it's a completely different relationship, between between the two of them. And that's okay. And obviously, you know, like, I love her for who she is. And I just have to remember that that's who she is. And and she's meant to be that way. Yeah. And that's such a great reminder because I think even that, you know, it's that leveling up when you aren't a parent, then you become a parent. That's like, that's a whole new challenge and a whole new bag. And then when you add a different personality, you know what? Maybe work for one kid doesn't always work for the other. And it can be, you know, I think for for a lot of parents that are now adding second, third, fourth, that just kind of that shift of like, hey, I was just kidding and hanging this and like, I was doing really good. And then now was like, this isn't work to. Right? Totally, totally. Yeah, absolutely. I thank you for letting me go for the Segways so that, but I wanted to kind of bring us back, to some of that postpartum journey that you had in you mentioned kind of the breastfeeding. And I know just, you know, based on some of your products, was there, a part in your, your journey even just, you know, talking about breastfeeding? Let's start there. That maybe was challenging and was a little bit difficult. That maybe was an inspiration for kind of where you decided to go with, with your business and whatnot. Yeah. So my business all started when I was using a nipple shield is kind of how my idea sparked. Okay. And so I didn't using nipple shield for the typical reasons that lactation consultants typically tell you to use one for, like if your baby has inverted or if you have inverted nipples, your baby has a tongue, tie or latch issues. I used one specifically because my nipples were so tender from the baby feeding all the time. I just needed a little bit of relief. And it really helped me. And, that was a tip my sister gave me. But when the nipple shields are clear and I would always lose it and it would fall, you know, on the ground or getting stuck in the couch or, you know, in the middle of the night. I couldn't find it in the bed. And it was so frustrating to me. And I was like, where are the colored nipple shields? This is so crazy. And I couldn't find one. I couldn't find one anywhere. And I, I'm always coming up with crazy, you know, product ideas and telling my husband he's like, you are wild. You know, I can try and make it invent something new for anything. And I was like, but like, there really isn't a color nipple shield on the market because I can't be the only mom losing my nipple shield all day, all night long. And, so I decided to go for it, and I made a colored nipple shield, and, that was kind of the starting point of my idea behind the brand. Okay. And then I was kind of thinking like, well, you know, out of all of these accessories that I use and I and every woman uses postpartum, they're also stale and sterile and clinical. And why can't they be beautiful and pretty, like, if there's any one who deserves pretty accessories that bring a little bit of joy? It's a new mom. We always put so much emphasis on the baby and what the baby has and, you know, cute clothes for the baby and like, having beautiful nurseries. And we always forget about the mom and like, how the mom's been taking care of and the self-care and the self-love that she deserves. And I just wanted to create a company for moms that when they. I just hope that when they use our accessories, that they are reminded of their beauty and their worth as a mom, and it just brings in a little extra joy through their postpartum journey. And can you say a little bit more about that? Like, we pay so much attention, there's so many new things and kind of doting on baby, but that mom, why do you think that is? You know, I don't know it, to be honest. I do think it's shifting a little bit to the mom, because I think society is realizing that, you know, this woman, the mom is the one who just did all the work, carry the baby, brought this baby into the world, is the one who is the main caretaker of the baby. In the first few months, and so I think there is a little bit of a shift, but I, you know, past society, I think it was more about, you know, it's the newness of the baby. And, you know, everybody loves babies. How could you not love a baby? So the focus just was shifted to the baby, when really the focus should be on the mom. Why why is that so important for you. Let's focus you on on mom as well I absolutely you know the transition into postpartum, it can be tough and it's not tough for everyone, but it can be tough for for many moms. And we need to put the mental health and self-love and self security back onto the mom and make sure that the mom is being taken care of. Just like, you know, there's the same like, if you can't take care of your baby, if you don't take care of yourself. And from the get go, the the message needs to be that we need to take care of the mom and make sure that she's in a good place so that the baby can be in a good place as well. Yeah. Do you find that that was something that you struggled with, even like giving, giving yourself permission, getting that permission, whatever that look like for you of even just that, like you said, that self-love, compassion, that grace was that challenging for you? Was that a difficult one to kind of get you? Yeah. Wasn't I think it can be for many moms, because when you have that, when you have your baby, the energy and everything that you think of becomes about the baby. And it is easy to forget about yourself. And I think maybe that's part of the reason why it's all about the baby is because I says moms do it too, because our motherly instinct kicks in and it becomes not about us anymore, becomes about our family and about, you know, how we need to care for our new baby. And so being able to bring something to the market that just reminds a mom that, you know, she needs to remind to remember to take care of herself as well is really important to me. And I want, you know, that shifter to be made in, in the world to make sure that we are focusing on the moms just as much as we're focusing on the babies. Yeah. Do you find that you ever received the message, whether it was from yourself, from anybody else, that that shifting, that taking that time in, in high priority was selfish? I don't think so. I don't think I, I don't feel like I ever received that message. It was just something that I kind of came to a realization over time. You know, I think I think I put the pressure on myself to feel that way. Not necessarily anyone else. It was my own. It was my own perception of being a mom and this responsibility that I had now that I was putting on myself, it wasn't necessarily anyone else. Gotcha. And can you say a little bit more about that? Like, what was your brain kind of trying to convince you of? Like, I have to do these things because if I don't have, what would it mean? Or what would it say about you or your abilities or whatnot? Yeah, I think it was it for me, it was just more about, you know, the the new role that I had. It wasn't necessarily anything that I felt or that anyone was telling me. I just knew now that as a mom, it's kind of like my control part kicking in of like, I now have to care for this baby. And it's not just it's not about me anymore. It's not about me. It's about it's about my role as a mother. Yeah. And I think that's so. Gosh, I've heard that so many times where that is, you know, even if it doesn't come externally. But just like you said, like a an internal kind of this is now my responsibility. So much so that I feel like many parents kind of go to that extreme of just sacrificing so much of themselves, so much of their wellness and their their own identities, even, or this idea that I have to just give 100%. You know, even at this point in my life, I have to make sure that I have time on my calendar to take care of myself. You know, that I'm working out, that I have, you know, I have a chunk of time during the day because that's what makes me feel good. Like when I can exercise, that's good for my brain and for my body. And that's what I know makes me feel good. And so I need to make sure and plan that out. Now, I at the same time, I'm thinking about what we're having for dinner, all the laundry that needs to be done, you know, the bathrooms that need to be cleaned. I need to go to the grocery store, like all of these other things. You know, I gotta pick up my kids from school. Like, we got to do homework. All these things are going through my brain at the same time. But I have to make sure that. And if I didn't plan that time out, it would never get done, because I'm not thinking about that. Like the self-care piece you're talking about. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Is there something that for you, you have found really is kind of the optimal kind of fill your cup that you're like go to. Oh man. Well my husband and I do date night every three weeks which we also had to plan out which has been really important to us. So every three weeks it's on the calendar like it's a non-negotiable. We get a baby sitter and we go out and it's not like that, okay. Let's, you know, it be it was a thing where it wasn't happening. So we weren't going out because we never had a baby sitter. And I was like, we need to plan this and put this on the calendar that every three weeks we do this because if we don't, it's not going to get done. And so that is like a fill your cup for me for sure. So any time, you know, one on one with my husband. Also early bedtime I love early bedtime because that time from 7 to 10 is just me and him. Which is really important for our relationship to, you know, talk and be together without the distraction of kids. Can you see a little bit more about, at least in your experience, why that has been so beneficial and such a clear cut. Because again I can't tell you the number of like empty nesters. It's like oh we'll get to that later. And then by the time kids are out of the house they're like, I know, I don't know who this person is. And so for you, kind of why was that so important that you were like, we have to put this on the calendar? Yeah. You just gave me this sense when you said that because it's so true. It's like, you know, you have these kids and then you lose yourself in your relationship because all you talk about is the kids all day. We need to go to sports. We need to do this. Do we want to put do we want to put them in dance? Like, what are we going to do this weekend? It becomes all about keeping the kids busy and what the kids schedule looks like, and you lose that relationship with yourself and your partner. And, you know, I, I have to give the credit to my husband because he is the best at this, at making sure that we stay connected because it is easy to to to lose sight of that and to lose that, that connection piece. So, you know, it's just it's become important for him, which makes it important for me. And I am so grateful that that has become, you know, one of the things that we really focus on, because if we aren't connected and we're not on the same page and we don't have good communication, we can't be good parents for our kids. Can you say more about that? Because I think that's where sometimes people miss that part. That. Yeah. So, you know, I said we can't if we don't have good communication and we aren't connected. We can't be good co-parents to our children and then see that we are on the same page 24 seven and that we see the same message and that, you know, we have the same rules, we stay on the same ground. And so they know that we are a team and we are a unit. They can't go to dad and say one thing to try and get mom to say the other thing, or vice versa. It's always it's always the same message from whatever parent that it's coming from. Yeah. Have you seen like is there a particular moment, whether it's your own self-care or your relationship, self-care and self-love that, you've kind of seen that benefit or the rewards, if you will, from that priority, you know, and in the investment, if you will, that you've put into it. I think the one thing that my husband and I love the most is seeing how loving and caring and kind our children are, you know, we are very affectionate towards one one, 1 to 1 another. We love, you know, to kiss and hug in front of the kids. And our kids are like that too. And, you know, they're very sweet and they want to hug everyone. Sometimes other people don't want to be hugged. Our kids are the one who are going up hugging everyone. But they're so thoughtful and they have, you know, that piece of emotion to them that we love, that they have. We love that they're loving and that they have big hearts and you know that they want to be they want to tell us they love us, they give us kisses. And that's for every parent and not every families like that. And that's okay. But for us, we like to see that in our children. Yeah. And I think that's such an important thing that sometimes we forget is that the power of modeling, that not just kind of the do what I say, not what I do, but that when they're actually seeing it live in front of them and have the impact and how much it does actually get internalized. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's there. Yeah. There's nothing better than modeling. And, you know, the one thing that I see every night about with my kids when we go to sleep is when we put them to bed. It's like, what was the best part of your day? And I love ending the day, talking about what their favorite thing was about that day. And, you know, it leaves them on a positive note of going to sleep and happy thoughts in their in their head. And I just I hope that, you know, that's something that we never lose and that they remember to focus on the good things and the positive things throughout their entire life. Yeah. Okay. So will you say though, because I've heard this one before, that when you talk about scheduling your date night, people go out. That's so not romantic. I totally I yeah, I understand, but you know, we try to make it fun. Like we're not doing dinner every time we'll go, you know, we live in Baltimore, so we'll pop up to Philly or down to DC or find something fun to do. So we try to make it fun. It's not we're not going to the same place every time. And and you know, we will do one off occasion. Like if we know Grammy is up for an extra night, like, good for us. We got two date nights in one month. Yeah. Yes. So I think fun. Yeah. And I think just that flexibility, like you said, have maybe even just adapt how you're kind of looking at it that truth be told, you know, you can't watch what relationships look like kind of pre-cancer or the early side may not look like what it looks like now. And so we can either kind of go, well, I guess we can't do it because it can't be the exact same way as before, or we can kind of have that flexibility, the adaptability. And you know what it looks like now. And can that still be okay even though it's a little bit different a little schedule. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta find your way in what works for you and what works for you might not work for someone else. And that's okay. You know, my husband and I, we love to travel, and we would go on weekends and all of these things before we got married. And, you know, now that we have kids, it's just it's not that easy. You know, we love to pick up and jump on a plane, but that's not going to happen with our children. So, you gotta you gotta figure out what what works best for the both of you. Yeah, absolutely. And just as my own kind of soapbox, I know that also applies everyone to sex. What it look like? Probably pre-K, when you had all the free time and you didn't have little ones in the house kind of roaming around. Amen to that. You know, could it be different if they're just going to walk in and don't know how to knock? So you solutely creative. Yes, 100%. Tell my husband that, hey, okay. Just that way. You sometimes. Yeah. And I think it's so many of us do because like you said, we're spending so much energy, so much time that it's like, sometimes it feels like it's one more thing I have to add to my list of things that I have to do. But gosh, that is one of the things that I have seen just on the professional side, helps parents actually be able to flourish so we can get a little bit more of that physical intimacy as well, like kind of move, you know, it relieves some of that pressure and it does, you know, maybe it's like I said, creative. It's like a quickie in the garage because it's just like, this is the time that we have like any, any other. I mean, it's only I mean, you can schedule that too. It doesn't have to be the same time. You can meet in the garage one week and then, you know, the next. We can be in the bathroom. Like, you can make it fun. I know, I love it, so, hey, where do you guys been listening to? What? I'm telling you. Thank you, thank you. You're welcome. I. Any time anybody else wants me to tell their their spouse to to send a way they love it. Okay, so as we wrap up here, what are the questions that I love to ask my guest is that if you had access, I'm. I'm a big back to the future fan. So if you had access to a Delorean and you should go back in time. Not to necessarily change something and rewrite history, but to go back to yourself at a particular age or a particular time in your life and offer yourself something, whether it's a word of advice, phrase, a hug. When would you go back to? What would you offer yourself? That's a beautiful question and you have no idea. But we are huge. Back to the future fans here in in the other room right here, we have a back to the future poster on the wall. You really love it. Yes. I would probably take myself back to college and, I had a great I had an amazing time in college, but I was also trying to find myself and didn't really understand who I was. I think, oh, man, what would I tell myself? Just that everything's going to be okay. Like the life that you dream of and that you want for yourself is in the future. So just take a breath and just know that everything's going to work out how you want it to work out. Yeah, I love that. And I wonder too, if in that moment and for anybody listening, it does kind of relieve a little bit of that pressure to kind of always be on it. And just like that, that worry, that fear driven, kind of like you mentioned, control. Going back to that, that piece of it just gave us a little bit of a permission to be like, you know, we're gonna, you know, you know, and you know, what I found is like, it always does. It always works out whether you're going through something that you think is the worst thing in your life, like on the other end, there's always light and there's always beauty and everything that you go through. And no matter what's happened to me, that's always the same message. At the end of the day, I love that. Awesome. Okay, so now one of my favorite parts in the show of shameless plug. So I know, you know, we can say a couple times as far as your brand and your website, tell us what services, what products, that you wanted to share with parents. How can they find you and get connected? Absolutely. So our first line is a breastfeeding line. So think breastfeeding essentials. Nipple, nipple shield, hot and cold breast therapy packs, lactation massagers, nipple, nipple balm, silver nursing cups, anything that you would use on your breastfeeding journey. We sell and it's just more beautiful. My website is w w w dot. We are lamelo.com. That's l e low elo and we are on Instagram. We are LaMelo. Wonderful. I gotta ask, where did the name come from? Money question okay, so LaMelo and to be honest, I don't know if I'm saying it properly. It's a French word. And what it means is the tint. It's really. Yes, I love it. So a little on words for all this mamas out there. Yeah. Yes. And as always, anybody listening, we'll make sure all of that is linked in our show notes. So you can definitely get connected if that resonates or you want to gift it to somebody who's expecting, because it can be super duper helpful because as we talked about, breastfeeding can be really hard. There's a lot of extra stuff that 100%. We have a beautiful box that comes in, it comes in a linen keepsake box for baby. So all of our accessories come in the box, and then you can also keep the box to keep all of your precious memories for your baby in it. It's locks. Yeah. That's amazing. So make sure to check that out. Everyone, where are you? Thank you so much for being willing to share your recipe. I've got my, I'll share the help with the fridge I hope you love. Yes, I, I mean, they've got all good stuff. And then our family laughs I'm sure we will. And I'm so thankful. Also for you being willing to chat, unfiltered and ride sharing that this is really hard. And there are a lot of things that we should talk more about. So I appreciate you being willing to share your story. Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. I had an amazing time. Awesome. Well, thank you everyone for tuning in. We will see you next time. If you or anyone that you know is struggling with any of the topics that we discussed in today's episode, make sure to check out our show notes for support and resources. You can get help. Thanks again for joining us on today's episode of The Real Family Eats. If you're a parent ready to share your real life parenting story, make sure to reach out to us and our website found in the show notes. And that goes for today's recipe social media's support and resources. All of that can be found in our show notes, so make sure to check them out and make sure to follow, like, share, subscribe, and stay up to date on all things the real family. I hope you'll join us next time for more food for thought and thoughtful food! Enjoy your eats!