Self-Love Through Divorce and Parenting: Tiffany O'Hearn on Healing, Smoothies, and Compassion

Join host Reesa as she chats with Tiffany O’Hearn about healing, parenting, and the power of self-love. Tiffany shares her personal journey through divorce, the importance of modeling self-compassion, and even her favorite smoothie recipe.

In this episode, you’ll hear about:

• Tiffany’s background as an energy healer, podcaster, and advocate for self-acceptance.
• The essential role of self-love and compassion in effective parenting and relationships.
• How to navigate the narrative of “selfishness” when choosing yourself as a parent.
• Practical tips on apologizing to your children and fostering collaborative parent-child relationships.
• Tiffany’s go-to strawberry banana smoothie recipe and her insights on using fruit to bond with loved ones.

Don’t miss these honest insights and actionable tips for parents looking to thrive and connect more deeply!

From Tiffany:

Tiffany is an energy healer, speaker, and astrologer who helps individuals heal from trauma, connect with their heart space, and live in alignment with their true purpose. With a focus on self-love, past life healing, and intentional parenting, she empowers others to embrace their worth and find joy in every aspect of life.

Find Tiffany at: 

www.heartinsoulhealing.com

https://www.facebook.com/tiffany.ohearn.9

https://www.instagram.com/heartinsoulhealing/

https://www.tiktok.com/@heartinsoulhealing

https://gnostictv.com/programs/tiffany-ohearn-2?via=tiffany

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Strawberry Banana Smoothie

1 1/2 cups frozen 

strawberries 

1 Banana 

1/2 cup frozen 

Avocado 

1/2 cup Almond 

Milk/or Coconut 

Milk 

Add all ingredients to 

the blender, blend, 

and enjoy!

******
Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a parenting specialist with a niche in supporting couples. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!

Make sure to like, follow, and subscribe!

For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/

If you are a parent ready to share your real-life parenting struggle and dish up a recipe with Reesa, apply here:
https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/real-family-eats-guest

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need personalized support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.

Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988

Go to your local hospital or call 911

Transcript

0:00

I recognized you know, shortly after my divorce that I was chaos inside, that I didn't know what safety felt like. Hey, everyone. Thanks for joining me. My name is Reesa and I'm your host. We are talking to real families about real stories here on the Real Family Eats, where we've got food for thought and thoughtful food. So let's eat. Hey, everyone. Welcome back. Thanks for joining me today. I have the lovely Tiffany joining me. Hi, Tiffany. Thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you so much for having me. So it's really just such an honor and a pleasure. Thank you. Yes, absolutely. Well, I'm so excited to chat about your story and chat about your recipe as well. But before we get started, for anybody who doesn't know you, can you introduce yourself for us? Yeah, absolutely. My name is Tiffany O’Hearn I am in Massachusetts and the western part of the state there, and I am here, you know, to use my voice. I do an awful lot of podcasting and speaking. You know, I am an energy healer as well. And so I work with, you know, individuals who who really are ready to take that bold step, you know, to come back home to themselves. Right. And they want to transmute these, these deep roots that we have, you know, these traumas that we have that we all have. Right. But it's it's now now is the time. Now is the time. And, you know, through, through all of my podcasting, you know, speaking, writing. I have a book coming up and, you know, all the ways that I can take it out and use my voice and to help guide others to know that they are enough and that, you know, it's only a matter of coming back home to self to realize how divinely perfect we are and to move forth right? Because we all lead with love. And that's the hopeful intention. And so how do we connect back to self, to connect back to that love, you know, to bring it back to humanity because we are you know, we're a community. You know, we're all connected. Wonderful. Oh my gosh, I love that. I love that mission, that project, if you will. I heard you mentioned kind of a book. So this is a perfect segue way then into what I call the shameless plug section. So shamelessly share with us where can people find you? What's the name of the book? How can you find out everything about Tiffany? Yeah, yeah, so I can be found on Instagram and TikTok under heart in Soul Healing because you cannot have your heart. You cannot have your soul without your heart, right? There needs to be a connection there. So heart and soul healing and I post all sorts of, you know, reels and pin and, you know, whatever I share as far as I'm concerned, it can answer someone's prayers just as much as what other people can share are certainly an answer to my prayers. So it's really in that giving and receiving the energy. I'm on Facebook under Tiffany O'Hearn and my website is Dot Heart and Soul healing.com. And it was a collaboration for a book that will be coming out this spring. And it was a chapter and it just poured out of me. And right now I have, you know, a full book ready and willing to be read. And I'm manifesting, you know, the opportunity with which to do so, you know, and outside of that, I'm creating right now, I'm in the throes of creating a community for really for for soul and body, you know, healers to come about and then, you know, these beautifully defined, the searchers is, is, is the word that I'm going with. But that's not the title which will seek, but. Right. We're all here to kind of help. And so I'm creating this community sort of as a bridge because there's so many different ways to heal. And mind is not the only way. And I don't want it to be the only way. Right. But how can we highlight other beautiful, wonderful healers who are ready to work with, you know, individuals such as yourself that are ready to take that bold step inward? And so even if you just want to look at it from the outside. Right. And so, that is in the works, you know, additionally, I'm creating a mastermind for, you know, individuals that just want to connect. And I'm really just about being a bridge and a conduit to as many people, you know, that are is, you know, soul centered, you know, and have that desire to be the light within the world that we so desperately need. Wow, that sounds incredibly powerful. And like you said, such a needed space for folks that are out there, kind of boots on the ground doing that hard work and really trying to help our community and our world really to be able to heal and live kind of a better, more thriving, successful lives. That's absolutely. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for sharing that with us. Okay. So what recipe are you sharing with us today and why did you choose that one? Okay, I love this question. So, additionally, outside of, you know, my healing work, I also, do some nutrition. A, it's called the mental health Association, but I work with individuals with TBI. And so I go in and really try to help to infuse how important nutrition is in something that always comes up as fruit. And, you know, I often will say, because if you hear me talk, you think that I probably sell fruit and I don't. So I have no affiliation with fruit. But I just love fruit, because what I know about fruit is this it unites us. And if you don't believe me, try having a conversation over a bowl of fruit, a hard conversation over a bowl of fruit, and it will change the energy of your conversation. There's it's so the recipe is a smoothie because for me, smoothies are a great way to infuse all of this goodness. Not just nutrition, right? But if you think about how fruit is made right, you need the sun in order to to to grow fruit. What is the sun have in it? Well, vitamin D, what is something that makes us really feel good inside is having a copious amount of vitamin D, right? So from our mind, body and spirit, fruit really helps to connect us. How is fruit when there are three things that we need to you know girlfriend right. We talked about the sun. We also need the rain. We also need the summer where we get all of these nutrients right. If we think about nature, and nature is just a place for love and so when we can eat fruit, right, that is from a space and place of love, it only amplifies that radiance within us. And a lot of times we try to make smoothies and I see people do it all the time. They're adding all of these things, and it's really in the simplicity of a smoothie that really helps. My daughter is she loves some of these, and mostly she comes home and she's like, mama, I need fruit, I need a smoothie, and you just watch the transformation inside, right? And I'm taking a very, you know, interesting approach to smoothies. But I promise you, the next time you have this smoothie or another one or a piece of fruit, it's an invitation just to connect in for one minute and see how it helps you transform, because there's nothing sweeter than the taste of fruit to our time. And also our bodies know exactly what to do with it, so it doesn't. It's okay. And so the smoothie that that, the smoothie recipe recipe, pardon me, is a strawberry banana smoothie. And it calls for one and a half cups of frozen strawberries, one banana and a half cup of frozen avocado with also a half cup of almond milk or coconut milk. I will say trying to make a smoothie without a banana is just not going to be the same thing. That banana really helps to help to cultivate this really creamy experience that you wouldn't get otherwise. It helps to like stabilize all the flavors. I don't really know what else the avocado is. Also, because avocados, or one of the most beautiful, you know, foods they're actually linked to like the nutritious, the nutrients of a mother's breast milk. That doesn't mean give your child avocado or not breast milk, but it's just how uniquely divine that fruit really is. And that will also help, you know, if we're having, you know, let's say for diabetic, we don't want to have all of that fruit. It also helps to kind of hold off that insulin response as well as keep us fuller, longer, you know, and I like to use coconut milk myself because it is the least amount of ingredients in the most, you know, the most impactful amount of nutrition. Yeah, I love that. And what's so interesting is because so lots of my children, they had, you know, and it's a whole whole story, but they had kind of a failure to thrive. And so they're very much, on that high fat diet for quite some time. And so avocado has been a staple in our home for for a long time. But I've actually had to put it in a smoothie. So I absolutely love this and I'm excited to try it. Excellent. Yeah, it definitely amplifies, you know, just the goodness of it all. And again, you know, frozen fruit is one of the best things that we can stock our freezer with. I find because it's so inexpensive and you're not wasting it because it's in the freezer. Whereas a lot of times we'll buy a big, you know, we'll go to the grocery store and be like, I'm on my, you know, nutrition bandwagon. I'ma buy all the fruit. And then by Friday we're going to get rid of all the fruit that we don't need. Right. So frozen fruit is. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's a, it's a really affordable way to have a lot of fruit. And like I provided in my daughter's lunch all the time because by the time she gets to school and eats it, it's perfectly refined enough for her. And she gets delicious mango and pineapple and strawberries and blueberries and cherries and all the things. And I think it's it's it's that invitation to, like, I get super excited about fruit. Can you tell? I absolutely can, and it's palpable. And I'm excited now to and and what I love is putting it in there either packing it as a snack right for our kids and being able, like you said, put it in there frozen. You don't need to do much and send it with them. And by the time what time rolls around, they're able to actually eat it. You're absolutely right. And that probably is not at that point. And so that's a really great parents. Again, not too great work by taking some of these tips from our kids to help them, you know, kind of live the best life that we can have them live. And I think that's why so many of us parents to just trying to do make. Right? Right. Yeah. What better to fuel their nutrition in my own, I always put frozen fruit in my lunch too. And then by the time I have it, it's ready to go and it just pops up that, you know, that element of, you know, goodness within you, right? While you're eating it. And we our bodies crave sugar. We need glucose. We need it constantly. And fruit is such a great way to do it because a lot of times you reach for more processed things that certainly don't necessarily help us. You know, in that mind body, you know, spirit or soul connection. Absolutely. Well, awesome. So am I just putting everything kind of in the blender and letting and then going to town? So yes or no. So ideally, you know, you want to put the banana, you know, this is how I do it. And I've made a lot of smoothies. You know, I put in, you know, the banana first so that the blender kind of has a, you know, a space to go. And I like to put the smaller, or the bigger chunks in first, and then when it comes to the liquid, you know, you really just want to add some. And if it's stuck, you know, if it's not really blending, it's just an invitation to add a little bit more liquid. I don't know that there's always, you know, like a half cup is going to be always a satisfying amount. Right? Because it depends on how much you're making too. So first foremost banana and then the strawberries and then the milk and then set it to blend or maybe avocado as well. I probably put the avocado on top of the strawberries because the strawberries are, more thick right in nature. And then, you know, you just set it to blend until it has that consistency that, you know, that that you really desire. And the great thing is you can just sample it as you go. You're not going to break anything here. Perfect. And so I'm doing one of those. Yeah. Upside down. And so it sounds like if I'm hearing you correctly, I always want to put my avocado first, then it's going to be on top when I turn it upside down. You got it. Absolutely. Yeah. Well yes I can do this guys. All right. So while I get this, moving on my end, I know that you were so gracious to chat with us, about a topic that, you know, many, many nurses, how many parents have encountered at some point, whether it's a family member themselves or whatnot. And so I'm, I'm really super interested in talking with you about your experience in navigating a divorce and how you went about that, what your journey look like, and being able to navigate that at the same time, being a parent and having someone else very much involved in that way. And so could you share a little bit, about your story? Absolutely. You know, and it's it's it's such a it's such an invitation for compassion. Whenever we have conversations like compassion for ourself as well, you know, and just recently, a few months back. So I grew up, in a divorced household, like, before. It was cool. And I say that not very lightly. Right. But I know, you know, 4040. I'm 42. And sorry about that. I'm 42. And so, you know, back in the late 80s, you know, I there wasn't another friend or peer that was in the similar situation of having to go to their fathers and things like that, you know, so it was really important for me to have, you know, my daughter in a family that stayed together. Well, that wasn't what happened. Right. And so recently, I think about 2 or 3 months ago, my daughter cornered me. I say that lovingly, and she said, mama, if you didn't want me to grow up in a divorce family, why am I? Oh wow. Gosh, I imagine that hit hard. Yeah. So I sent her to her room. No, I'm just kidding. So I, you know, I grabbed her hands and I said, honey, it's because I didn't know what I know now. And sometimes wanting something different isn't enough to actually get something different. And so, you know, I, I was in a very. Challenging marriage. And it took a great amount of strength because here's the thing to. Right. Like, I, I know that once I decide to leave, that this deeply affects her child. What I also know is staying in it deeply affects their child. And so how do you step away? And so what I did was, you know, after we agreed, you know, in a very hostile way because this was then and I'm a different person now, right. But I remember taking off my rings and feeling this great amount of peace because what I had dismissed for the last seven years, probably more than that, was me. And so I very intentionally said to myself, I need to figure this girl out. I need to figure Tiffany out. So Tiffany doesn't show up like this again, because this is not this is not who I want to be. This is not where I want to be. You know? And how do I how do I be vulnerable enough and compassionate enough with myself to also have some of this transfer to my daughter? And it took a great amount of courage. And I know anybody who, you know, dissolves in marriage, right? It takes a great amount of courage, hopefully. Right. And within that there's a lot of wounding, you know, but also there's wounding in the relationship, you know, and so coming out of that and really just taking a deep, deep look at myself, you know, it was really, you know, the most opportune thing that I could do in that moment because I, I didn't know who I was, you know, I looked in the mirror and I was like, That doesn't look like me. And so it was almost like all of this time I had not witnessed the, the transformation that it played in my life now. And to really work that back in something that was extremely difficult for me was knowing that I did the same thing that my parents did and why, instead of just saying being the victim in it. Like, of course I'm divorced because my parents were divorced. Like, no, what in their why, you know, and again, really working that back and it was this most beautiful. It's been six and a half years. And the transformation that I have made within myself. I mean, it's, it's night and day and it was because I had that intense need, desire, courage. I don't know how you want to say it, to go in words, you know, and in realize, you know, it's something that's been very clear for me over the past year is, well, Tiffany, you spend a lot of time trying to please people. I and I've been doing that for 41 years. And so working that back has also been extremely powerful within my journey. Because if I look back at my marriage, what was I trying to do. I was trying to save somebody from themselves because I saw something different. I've always been able to see people's energies in their wounds. I didn't know it at the time. And so even as you know, a small child, my mom would be upset and I would do everything I could to take that away from her just to show her, no, you're still great. You're still wonderful, you're still divine. And it never works because it's not mine to show. It's not mine to try to heal. And so I spent most of my life doing just that. And it's okay because I didn't know something I know now, but I know something different now. And I know that I matter, and I know that, you know, stepping into that has showed my daughter something very similar, right? That we can choose differently, but we can choose ourselves and that we can choose love. And that's not what I could have shown her in that relationship at all. Wow. Can you say a little bit more about that? Because what I love that you just hit on there is kind of choosing choosing myself. And so I work with a lot of folks who, when they get to that point, some of the narrative that is really a big block for them is choosing myself is equivalent to selfishness. And this idea that if I am selfish, I'm bad, I'm a bad parent. And so you seem more. Was that something that you encountered in what was your journey, kind of navigating that particular narrative? I, you know, I had, you know, in the throes of separation. I had met with a healer, and this was very new to me, this whole, you know, I was always connected to something deeper, but I couldn't put words to it, you know, and something that she said to me was, you know, you're you're not helping yourself and you're certainly not helping your daughter. And that was really hard for me to hear because I thought that I was, you know, all intentional and all you know, was very intentional parent. And I was. But when we take a look at what selfish actually is, we use it in a very negative tone. Yes, it can be a very negative tone, but most of us are programed to see it is only negative, whereas no, no, no, sometimes we we need to selfishly choose in the best way possible ourselves, our boundaries. Right? And to stop giving so much of ourselves, we especially women, we're taught to be in a corner. Mind your PS and QS and just give to everyone. Well that's great. Yeah, but we we matter so much more than that. And most of us are walking through life with our eyes kind of shut because we're disconnected from ourselves. And so it really does take that, you know, sword in the sand, like, I don't know how to put it right, that really important moment in our life where we go, no, I flip in order to like I matter. I, I matter. And so how do I show up? Because most of the time we don't think that our children see us. Like, I was on this podcast with this woman and she, and I say this with so much love because I feel like this is a general conversation that most of us have. And she said, oh, it was it was a new work environment. We we're getting to know each other. And so everyone said, what do you do for fun? She says, me and this other mom, she says, we were like, well, we raise children. Yeah. And in her mind, that was it. Well, I'm just here to raise children, and it wasn't the place or space for me to offer my opinion. And so I share it with you all because we are not. We love our children, but when we show them that we don't matter, they're going to show up in that same energy that and that's that's a hard thing for us as moms to really see. So when we dismiss ourselves, when we don't make time for self-care, we're actually taking from our own car. Therefore, we don't even have enough to give to our children authentically. And it's really important for us, you know, on the space moms as human beings, to really fulfill our cup first, especially as moms, because our children are watching. We do not teach our children anything we want them. Yeah. Can you can you say for you? I have an idea, you know, and I have a similar mindset, if you will. But for for you, what is the difference then how is teaching versus modeling different? And what is the impact that maybe you've seen firsthand with your own child? Yeah. I mean, so when we go to teaching, it kind of takes me to this older sort of paradigm where it's like, no, that you don't do that. You can't talk to people like that. You can't talk to elders like that. And you're going, wait a minute. That's not equitable. Why should somebody who's 30 years older than me get to speak differently to me than I am to? That? Isn't relationships about giving and receiving, and that kid that gets really lost when it comes to children? I see children. I see my daughter as being a difference between her and I just 34 years period. I have 34 more years of experience than she does. That is our difference. And so I look at parenting as a collaboration and I know that that gets a little, it's not something that we often hear. Right. But I know that I model for my daughter all of the time. Guess what? She models for me too. She loves when we pick up trash. I do it when she's not around because I know that it makes a difference for her. Right? And I'll share that with her. She loves when we come up to a stop sign and somebody looking for money. I always make sure I have cash in the car. It is not mine to judge whether she wants to give them money or not. She rolls down her little money window and she hands the money every time. Because we're modeling for each other, you know? And so if you want your children to show up in authenticity and honesty, you have to show up in authenticity and honesty right along with them around it. It doesn't connect a circuit, right? If your children are dishonest, yeah, it might be an invitation for you to look at where am I dishonest to them? What am I modeling for them? Where am I dishonest to myself? Because children highlight everything within us. They are our greatest teachers. They are our hardest teachers. They will poke you in ways you've never been poked before, right? But if we can, if we can hold ourselves in this place, space and place of compassion and say, what is this? Why is my child you know, why is this activating something within myself? What is the message here? What is the lesson? You know, because I promise, if you show up in vulnerability with your child, you know, in a way that's truly unconditional, they will do the same back to you because you're modeling it for them. Yeah. And I think that that's really one of the, the most important aspects. And I unintentionally said it was this conditional versus unconditional love. We often think because our love is unconditional for our children. But I really I really, I really want to elicit this, this feeling of if we don't love ourselves wholly and completely, we cannot love others outside of that. And so if we are not fully grounded and rooted and maybe not fully, you know, we don't have to be fully, but we really want to come, come with ourselves or come to ourselves with a space, a place of compassion and not judgment. If we can do that, then the love outside of ourselves will feel that as well and be connected within. Right? A lot of us are very codependent, and so the love that we express outside of ourselves is that fearful love, right? Like if you hear all the time and I say this with such kindness, but, you know, parents will post pictures of their kid in tears. And how come the time won't stop? And all of this? I hear you, but maybe it's an invitation to be more in the moment because your children are going to evolve. Thank you. How do we support them along their journey? Well, we can't if we're not supporting ourselves along that journey. And I think that that's what kids are really here to show us, is how to come back to ourselves. Because it's an extension. Yeah, absolutely. And I was going to just circle back to something that you mentioned as far as that love, because I think there are so many folks, you know, that will say, well, I'm doing all these things for my kids. Of course I'm loving them. Like, this is, like you said, unconditional. It's about unconditional love. What do you mean to be that I'm not fully able to love my kids if I don't love myself? Can you say a little bit more about that? Because I think that's such a paradigm shift for many that I've heard of, and so I'd love for you to kind of say a little bit more about that. Yeah. And again, it comes with such gentleness and love and compassion. Right. It's not to suggest that you don't love your children if you don't love yourself. It is to suggest that the love that you're sharing outside of yourself may not be as aligned with you, because we have to feel it within first to know what unconditional love truly is. We have to have it within ourselves. And again, we can take the steps for English relationships. Transform, right? Because we, you know, our children are their own autonomous little beings. And a lot of times it's our fear that stops their own autonomy. Well, they can't act like this now because I have to teach them. No you don't. Your child is probably not going to want to wear a costume at 16 years old. It's okay if they're two years old in the grocery store, right? And if we can allow our children to be autonomous, it's a huge invitation for us to do the same that, you know, and to show up and vulnerability. My favorite thing to tell my daughter is I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, you know. Right. I have no idea. Why don't we what do you think we could do, right? And really help? Because this is a collaboration. And I know if I don't take the time for myself, I cannot expect my daughter to do the same. If I don't show up in love, I can't expect her to do the same because she doesn't. Again, there's 3 or 4 years that are different between us, so I can love myself more and show her that, show her boundaries, show her all of these things. You know, we have every opportunity to do it, but we have to come back home first. And so to truly love those around us is to truly love what's within us. Wow. And it sounds like they're from you know, it's it's just like you said, even at the beginning here, starting with that self-compassion and that self-love. And it sounds like even a little bit of grace for ourselves, a little bit of humility as well, but that it allows us so much more than, you know, it's imagine how much we're loving our kids now, if we're able to kind of access that extra love for ourselves. It sounds like almost like next level, you know, if we're talking video games, which my boys are very into video. So that all that's all that I hear. But you know, kind of unlocking that next level of really being able to pour into them, maybe in a way that we kind of envision that maybe quite can't fully we can't quite fully access is that it might seem that. Yeah, absolutely. You know, and I'm brought to this because I know that us as parents. Right. If we follow this culture of doo doo doo doo doo, well, I have to offer my children and all of the sports. I have to have my children and all the things because they have to go to college and they have to do all of these things because I didn't get to do them. And I need to show them that it's okay. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, right. So I tell my daughter, right, she's eight, and I say, you can pick two sports to play a year. And I only choose two because I tell her because my time matters to. And if I'm constantly, every weekend bringing you someplace, I am completely dismissing myself. She's not going to know to how to show up for herself if I don't show up for myself. And so I say no. During the school year, we play two sports. We're going to have a break. You get to choose what sports and what seasons. I'll help you with that. But it's only two because I matter too. And guess what? So do you. Because we often take our kids downtime away from them. Because we don't know what to do. Because we don't know how to feel good inside. We don't know how to pass. And so downtime for us is like, okay, now what are we going to do? We got to do the next best thing. I don't know what to do right now. We have to model that for our children too. And I think that that again, that goes back to that, you know, our children are going to be great. They're going to play sport, they're going to be smart. All of our children are all of these things. But if we only show them, if we only highlight for them how smart they are and how good they are at sports, it's a really tough life, but they have to work that our responsibility as a parent, I feel, is to see them as their autonomous little beings and how to enhance that within that, well, guiding them. Because yes, we do have to say, you know, we do have to be the one that's just like, actually, no, we're not going to run out in traffic, right? Yeah, we get that, you know what I mean. And if we can cultivate, you know, a lot of times, you know, especially teenagers, they don't want to talk to their parents. That's why do you not offer them that space so often? We need to fill in the blanks. Our child comes home and says, I have a bad day. We go, why? Oh my gosh, it wasn't that bad. It's okay. It was just him being there. So it's okay. And we talk over them unintentionally because it's our own wounding. We don't allow them to feel what they're feeling unintentionally because it's our own wounding. And so we go into fix it with our children. Our children don't need us to fix it. They need somebody with them, somebody a wise elder, right, to take their hand and to walk through it. What is your experience? I can't know if you don't share it with me. Right. What does it look like when somebody says this to you. Where do you feel it in your body. Such different questions and it's okay. Won't be that big of a deal. They're just doing that because they like you right now. How can we honor their autonomy? Because when they're out of our nest, how are they going to be if we've done everything for them, if we felt their feelings for them? Yeah. What I really appreciate in in what you're saying, it sounds like you're saying at least is, is that when they come to us, yes. Many times there's that instinct to fix because we see pain, like you said, whether it's activating our own wounds and it can feel uncomfortable all. And when we see that discomfort, it can be uncomfortable to see it in our children struggling through something that we wish so deeply. We wish we could take that away and make it better, because then it wouldn't feel so uncomfortable. And we know the discomfort because we felt it ourself. And that's just in your skin. With all of that, especially like you said, that it's not something that's been gone on before, that you've had the space to cultivate and figure out what it's like to be in my body when I'm experiencing something so big, so uncomfortable, because it's really require me to kind of look somewhere that's really scary, you know, and then to, you know, that instinct of wanting to fix it, it sounds like kind of acknowledging it's coming from a place that we're not trying to we're not sitting in that kind of, how can I stop my kids? And then it's really like, how could I, you know, we're not sitting there going, how can I pass this generational trauma? But really kind of from that piece of this is uncomfortable. How can I make it better because of that part of wanting to just alleviate? Because, gosh, I know how much it hurts for me. I don't want you to experience that, but it almost sounds like when we don't allow them to experience that and to sit with them in a way that it sounds like, you know, approaching it with that curiosity, that numb, non-judgmental, just, hey, this is a space that we can share, even the ugliest it it isn't going to take away from who you are, your worth, your value. But it actually doesn't allow them the opportunity to get to that healing on a more permanent level, a more maybe useful for the future level than just an immediate oh, you know, I believe that it for that short blip. Am I hearing that correctly? Absolutely, absolutely. Because our children are constantly learning. You know, they're little sponges. I mean, we are too. We just often don't see it the same way, you know, as children do, you know, and. How they are now is is really a testament to how they can be, you know, because it's not always right. There are people who claw their way back, you know, from, from really terrible things and step out. You know, I like to think that I well, I do I do know that I had a very difficult childhood in a very difficult, you know, adulthood. But here I am and I, I, I've changed. So I know that it doesn't necessarily have to be raised this way. Right. But if we can bring in a little bit of compassion for ourselves and in vulnerability and share that with our children, and that looks like something simple as, hey, I don't really know what's going on with me today, but I'm not really treating you or treating myself. Yeah, the way feels good for me, and I'm very sorry about that. I'm going to do everything I can to work on that for myself, so I apologize, you know, for your experience if I've hurt you in any way right. And what you're saying, bring that back to you know, I can tell you that, you know, this was a couple of months ago when my daughter slammed the door and she opened it back up about a minute later and she said, mama, I'm so sorry. She said, I was there was a big feelings here. I, I recognize that now and I apologize now. Huge. It's seven years old. You can do that. What does that mean for the rest of your life? Because you've had a safe place to do it. That's the other thing, too. And this is what I tell my daughter. I'm safe. So if you mean don't tell me no. Because, you know. Right, I I've, I've heard I have a very deep bond and so I say I'm a safe place. So feel free to try out your nose on me just to see how they feel. Right? Because she often wants to tell me. Yes, but I'm like, you know, sometimes you got to tell mama. No so that, you know, it's okay to say it to other people because I'm going to be that safe place for you. And I think we really, you know, it's such a beautiful way to experience it. We are a safe place for our children, so we cannot hold space for them. And not only are their relationships going to be affected either way, right. I don't want to say it's positive or negative. I don't believe that. But we're influencing all of their future relationships by being there. And we know it to be true because we can all look back at our wounds of our child. You know, we're never going to see our children the way they want us to see them. We're never going to say all of the things. Cool. You don't have to. You show up with compassion and vulnerability and apologize, and you don't ever have to hold yourself to that standard because you're in a collaboration. You with your child when you wanted to get into a little bit, if it's okay with you because I heard you a couple of times, say an apology to our children and to collaborating with them and now this is I don't know if you've experienced this, I, I know especially I see it more often than not, especially in the older generations. This idea of no way in the world am I going to apologize to my children, their children, you know, I'm not going to collaborate with them. And so I'm really curious for you how are you able to get to that space and to that ability to look at someone, like you said, your seven year old kid and say you are worth an apology. You are worth me collaborating with you. I want to hear your opinions. I want to hear your thoughts because they have speech. They have, you know, it sounds like validity versus again, maybe what prior generations would kind of almost oh no, no, no. You know, I'm I'm not I don't need to apologize to you. You're a kid that you know and that's that's gone. Those old paradigms, you know they didn't service then and they don't now. And so when it comes to an apology, and this is why your children can also be super safe for you, especially when they're young, right? When you apologize to them, they wholly and completely accept you. Sorry. They just do your partner. Not so much, right? They may not in that moment, but your children go to them and apologize for something. You get on their level and watch how they shift, wash how they become because you're modeling something for them. Unconditional love. Right? And so the ego often doesn't want us to apologize. Practice on your children because they won't accept you and receive you all of the time. All of the times I was just with this woman. And, you know, she's really, you know, really recognized how much of her daughter's life, you know, a lot of the challenges she faces was because of how she parenting. Right? She's 16. So she said, I felt called. I wrote my daughter a letter of apology. Wow. She handed it to her. She said it was one of those tender moments. And I said, yeah, just do it for yourself and for your daughter. She can move past all of what you consider to be a wrongdoing to her, because you opened up that space in place of forgiveness for her and for yourself. And so when we can apologize, we're also forgiving ourselves, right? We're never going to speak to our children and all the ways that we that we want to we're going to snap, right? But we need to hold ourselves accountable in that, you know, and have that compassion and forgiveness within ourselves. You know, I don't know if I think about the way that I have raised my daughter from from newborn to now, there are things that I would do differently. But I didn't know something that that I know now. And so should I hold that space as shame and guilt or do I move forward? I let it go because it doesn't serve me. I didn't know something I knew something different. Now I know how to apologize to my daughter. It has fostered all of these other relationships with which I apologize for, because the other thing that is so wildly important is when we apologize, we're apologizing for somebody else's experience, which is something we don't know. Anything else. Right. And if we can apologize if we understand that you and I are having two different experiences and we're having a collective experience right now, currently we're having two different and one collective. We're on this podcast. Right. But our minds are working in two different ways. I'm inspiring things. And you, you're inspiring things with me. And so you're saying, hey, what was your experience like that in that podcast? Right? I'm sorry for your experience. If you felt that I was, you know, not listening to you, not hearing you or distracted, I can work to be better, you know, and I just I just want to honor that. I have a huge amount of leadership that comes through. And we we help ourselves and we do that. And even saying, listen, I apologize to myself. Do you say that out loud? Breathe out into existence. I apologize for what I did. No, I know something different now. I get now that I was reactive and I forgive myself. Right. And and you can ask your child. Ask them for forgiveness. See if they forgive you. They will. They will forgive you. Right? But it's like that, you know that that, I hope you. No, I don't think I say it right. But the hope being open, open. I see it's so it's it's it's to show up and say I'm sorry, I love you. Thank you. And please forgive me if we can model in our life by those four things, I should just so we hold ourselves accountable, we realize that we're imperfectly imperfect. We don't need judgment. We don't need shame. Those things don't serve us. You're only doing the best. That's what you know, right in this very moment. And if you know what, you know something different. So hold yourself accountable for it. It's so simple. It's not easy. And it does take some practice. So again, work on it with your children. Show up for them. Do it in the quiet stillness of your. Nobody even has to say, hey, I'm sorry for acting. I for I do better than do you forgive me? We don't forgive you. Every time. Same as if your child came up to you and said, mama, listen, I'm so sorry for what I said to you earlier. Do you forgive me that you won't say no? Yeah, right. Because you're there showing up in vulnerability and compassion themselves too, and they're ready to take ownership. Our emotions are constantly flowing. We cannot you know, oftentimes we don't realize when our nervous system is engaged until somebody spills the milk and we just explode. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. That must have been scary for you. I'm so sorry that I didn't recognize something that I recognize. Now, I'm sorry for your experience. I imagine it was scary. And ask questions. Right. And just hey I'm going to do better. I'm going to do better. That's just better. Not the best. You're going to fix it. But you can move forward and do better because now you know something right. And what I love about that, it's almost this mindset shift that you heard, you mentioned there. You know, looking at an apology as a form of leadership versus an apology as a weakness, because I know I've heard so many people kind of equate apologies with weakness versus being able to have that shift of what it takes to be able to get on their level and to apologize. And it shows, like you said, that leadership, that initiative, humility to be able to kind of move into that and that that in itself is such an intense sense of weakness. You know, weakness isn't that leadership isn't about that ability to really kind of model going back and to tie it all together, right, to model the experience. And so I'm really, really curious for you, was that something that you that you can that kind of forgiveness, that self forgiveness, that compassion, something that you had to really discover through the divorce and of that being, again, very different than maybe the plan that you had for yourself going into that. I mean, with was that a journey that you had to walk through? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And that's why I'm so grateful to have that experience. You know, as difficult as it was, I was able to to illuminate the deepest parts of myself that really wanted some attention. You know, that inner child in me that really deeply desired it, you know, and so often we just go through our lives with our blindfolds on and just think it's going to get better. Or, you know, when I get this, this whole, you know, this will be better or this new job or this will be the right thing. And, you know, it's always an invitation to come back to forgive yourself. You couldn't have done everything now the way you wanted to. You know, it's like when you were 16 and you stole that thing. Yeah, you were 16 and you stole that thing. Is that who you are now? No. Forgive yourself. We often don't allow forgiveness in us because we feel that guilt and shame is we're attached to it. We're tied to the guilt and shame. And that that lowers our vibration. It lowers our authenticity. It lowers our humility. It lowers our heart, our ability, you know, so to come back to the heart and be like, yeah, I forgive you. Yeah, of course I forgive you. It's so easy to forgive everybody else when we've made those strides, to forgive ourselves, when we can hold the situation in our hands and say, there's something I didn't know here. Oh, I forgive you. I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you in my energy healing. We have to spend a fair amount of time, you know, in forgiveness, your pinky is one right to your heart. And so I say, okay, who do you need to forgive? I need to forgive myself. Yeah. You do first. It's always the first person. It's always you to forgive first, right? Yeah, yeah. Gosh, such powerful words. And I think what I really appreciate you being willing to explore and to share is that it sounds like. And I don't want to put words in your mouth, so correct me if I'm wrong. But within this we're able to experience something very different than maybe what many parents are maybe saying, you know, I'm in this relationship isn't in itself serving me, but my kids, how is it affects my kids? Am I going to damage them? Am I going to ruin them? And from your experience, it sounds like that it was a very, very different experience than maybe that dark, gloomy kind of narrative that some people, get stuck in and then by and large, end up continuing on, as you mentioned, saying, oh, you know, I'll I'll just figure it out later. I'll do me later. It sounds like your experience is very different than that, but instead you've been able to still maintain putting your child in a space that she's still feeling loved and that she's able to thrive in. Oh, am I, am I hearing this correctly about your experience? Absolutely. Because when we stay in relationships that don't serve us, it affects our children. It models for our children. You know? And a lot of times there's fear, right? There's fear because you've been together for X amount of time. You go to work together. There's family. Yes, I get all of that. You matter. And if it doesn't feel good, you matter. And if it doesn't feel good to them, I promise you it doesn't feel good to the other person. Because a relationship is about having that ability, you know what I mean? And so, you know, you and I are best friends and I'm like, you know what? I'm really feeling like our friendship is kind of falling apart. You're not going to be like, oh, really? I have no idea. You're like, yeah, I kind of felt the same, right? Because we are always feeling something very similar in relationships that the other person is feeling. And so, you know, my stifling that down, we're not showing up for ourselves. And then we become very fearful and codependent in how we express ourselves, especially through our children and our partners. And so it's really about, you know, having that space in place to know that you are enough and you're going to get through it. You will get through it. You've gone through it this far. You will continue to get through it. The world is beautiful like that. When we show up for ourselves, we actually it has a great amount of connectivity to show us how beautiful the world is, because we've just been blocking it by dismissing ourselves. If that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. And for you, I'd love to ask you, were there any resources, any, you know, anything you found on your journey that helped you navigate maybe, or make it up just a little bit easier that you would offer to anybody listening who is maybe sitting right about where you were in in that, you know, the first thing was, you know, I recognized you know, shortly after my divorce that I was chaos inside, that I didn't know what safety felt like. And so I was drawn to grieving, which is such a funny thing because we do it all the time. But I actually started Wim Hof breathing, and it's just. And and I was like, oh, I do have the power to calm myself down because that's what I needed. I needed something to highlight for me that I can stop the chaos inside. That was me on my journey. And so I took to to the breathing. And when things would get a little chaotic inside, I go right back to the breathing. And then throughout there, I just started to, to find more ways to enhance that stillness and peace within me. Right? Nature, huge. Nature was huge for me, getting out backpacking and, you know, nature to me is nothing but love. And so it really helps to show us how divine and infinite we all are. And connected we are through nature. I also went through, you know, learned that there's a healing. And I know it works because I have spent countless hours on healing of myself. I was just doing it this morning. Right. I'm not healed. And I won't be because my life is is moving. It's a journey. But when something comes up for me and I become reactive, it's a space, a place to get curious. And so, yeah, that keeps coming up for you to for me, maybe that's something that we can heal now. And so, you know, learning how to transmute these energies in my, in my own life. Right. My own traumas and my own wounds, my own patterns, so that I can show up for myself because it matters to all my other relationships. And so breathing was wildly the first one. And finding that connection to nature, to remember that we are grounded human beings, you know? Yeah. And then it was just this invitation to really start to heal these wounds. I got into astrology, I got into nutrition. You know, there's there's so many ways that we can find wellness within. We just have to find what works for us. And if this isn't something that you've experienced or explored before, well, this is why podcasting is such a beautiful space and place. Because we get to hear other stories. And you might not have listened to half of what I said, but maybe one thing you're like, oh, I'm actually going to try that. Beautiful, beautiful, because it's an invitation to come back to yourself at all times. Are you answering the call? I don't know, I don't know where you are in your journey. I'm not on your journey, but I send you so much love and compassion because we need all of that. We need all of that love and compassion within ourselves, you know? And if we can amplify and radiate throughout the world, you know, all the better, all the better. But take a look at your life. And if you're showing up and your wounds and your traumas, your children need to. And it's okay because you get to do something different. Yes. And when it's not to leave you right. No, no, that's not a thing. Okay. So my last question for you because I think back to the future, fam. If you had access to a Delorean and could go back, is there anything that you would offer yourself that you would tell yourself that you can offer now to anybody listening? I would go back to, I don't I'm going to say three, four years old, maybe seven, because I feel like we have a little bit more awareness. And I would kneel down in front of my seven year old self and tell her she's one, that I would tell her that what she's hearing is big, bad and just to stay with it because all of these lessons will come to you. Come to this greater understanding as you travel through with love and wisdom. But just know that you are enough. Now. And that's what I would tell you. I love that so much will take me. So I'm going to blend this and I'm so excited to try it. And I've got my kids will get them some too. And so thank you so much for being willing to share your story, share some of your experience and some of the things that you've learned with me and anybody who's listening, like you said, that maybe just one thing that struck home, you know, and and really hit home for them that they're able to take. And so you do really. Thank you. Tiffany. That's the mission of the hope that this podcast is that somebody who's walking through parenting, which is not as easy as you've mentioned, it can feel a little less lonely, even if it's just for a fraction of the time. And you know, that we're all going through hard and we can we can do something different and we can give back to ourselves, and that it doesn't make us a bad parent. Right? So just because it looks a little bit different than all of those kind of perfect parent things that are out there right there, is that. Yeah. And there is no perfect thank you for the space in which to really share from the heart. I really, truly appreciate it. You're just a good, gracious and wonderful host. So thank you for and thank you so much. And, thank you all for tuning in. We will see you next time. And if you or anyone that you know is struggling with any of the topics that we discussed in today's episode, make sure to check out our show notes for support and resources. You can get help. So thanks again for joining us on today's episode of The Real Family Eats. If you're a parent ready to share your real life parenting story, make sure to reach out to us and our website found in the show notes. And that goes for today's recipe social media's support and resources. All of that can be found in our show notes, so make sure to check them out and make sure to follow, like, share, subscribe, and stay up to date on all things the real family. I hope you'll join us next time for more food for thought and thoughtful food! Enjoy your eats!