Parenting After Infertility: Kerry K on Overcoming Challenges and Redefining Success

In this episode of The Real Family Eats, host Reesa sits down with guest Kerry Komarov to talk about parenting, life transitions, and a simple family-friendly recipe. They dive into the realities of juggling work, family, and personal challenges with honesty and practical advice.

• Kerry shares her story of balancing teaching, motherhood, and the transition to starting her own business.
• The emotional and logistical challenges of secondary infertility and how it impacted her family life.
• The importance of rethinking personal expectations and letting go of comparison.
• Tips for building a supportive community during tough times—even when details aren't shared.
• Step-by-step instructions for Kerry's easy, customizable "Egg Bundles" breakfast recipe.

Don’t miss this candid conversation packed with relatable moments, practical parenting wisdom, and a comforting recipe that anyone can try.

Connect with Kerry here:

Website: https://kerrykomarovllc.my.canva.site/

Strategy Session Booking Link for Small Business Owners: 

https://calendly.com/kerrykomarovllc/strategysession

Find me on Facebook: Kerry Komarov

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Egg Bundles

-1 Pack of Pillsbury Crescent Rolls

-4 Hard Boiled Eggs (sliced thin)

-4 Pieces of America Cheese

-Salt and Pepper

Makes 4 servings

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees

2. Roll out Pillsbury Crescent Dough onto a greased cookie sheet

3. Connect 2 perforated long triangles of dough by pinching them together along one side to make a rectangle (repeat with all 8 triangles - making 4 rectangles)

4. Break one piece of American Cheese in half and put both halves on top of each other on the right ride of the rectangle (repeat on all 4 rectangles)

5. Place all of the slices of hard-boiled egg from one of the eggs on top of the cheese (repeat on all for rectangles)

6. Salt and pepper on top of all the egg (repeat on each rectangle)

7. Fold the left side (empty side) of the rectangle over the cheese and eggs on the right side (filled side) of the rectangle. (Repeat on all 4 rectangles)

8. Pinch all 3 open sides shut (repeat on all 4 rectangles) - should kind of look like a fat hot pocket when you are done

9. Bake for 12 mins

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Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a parenting specialist with a niche in supporting couples. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!

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For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/

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Transcript

0:00

And anybody who's listening that's been doing infertility going through it now, it is like an unfair unmapped-out world where you need to figure every single thing out yourself. Hey everyone, thanks for joining me. My name is Reesa and I'm your host. We are talking to real families about real stories here on the Real Family, where we've got food for thought and thoughtful food. So let's eat! Welcome back everybody. Thanks so much for joining us. I am so excited for today's episode. And the recipe to this is one I haven’t tried. I'm so excited. And I've got a lovely Kerry here with us. Hi, Kerry. Thank you so much for being willing to join us today on the Real Family. Eat. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. I love this concept of, like, chatting and trying new recipes to share with your audience. I'm super thrilled to be here. Wonderful. Well, for anybody who doesn't know you, can you introduce yourself for us? Yeah, sure. I'm Kerry, so I am a former teacher. I taught, middle school reading in the same middle school that I actually attended when I was younger. And I did that for ten years. I have two sons. My older son is going to turn four, and then my younger son is one and a half, and my younger son is kind of when things change, it's like a turning point, in my life, which I'm sure that we'll get into. But, yeah, my husband and I have been married for coming up on six years. I think we should gone to six years. But, yeah, we we both live close to our parents. We have really good support systems. And, I feel like now when I reflect on, like, the past couple of years and all the challenges that have been thrown our way, I feel like we made it, so to speak, like we got everything under control. We can kind of like sit back now, which says a lot because I'm sure as we dig into some things, I did not feel this way not too long ago. So yeah, good points and things are going well. Okay. And yes, I am so ready to dig in. But before let's talk about recipes. So what recipe are you sharing with our audience and myself today? And why did you choose this one? Okay, I'm laughing because this is like the easiest recipe and. For no reason at all. I actually learned it in my middle school. We call it SCA Family Consumer Sciences class and I've kept it for this long. So it's it's egg bundles is what we call it. Okay. It is so simple. I breakfast is my favorite meal of the day, and, there's really no other reason that it's easy to make. It fills you up, and I feel like it's whatever ingredients you have on hand. You can make it more complicated or simple as you have it. And people tend to like it, and we recreate it easily. I love it, which, you know, as talking, we're talking to other parents here, to being able to kind of throw something together, use what you have, and be pretty straight forward is always a game changer. I think it's very helpful. So I love it. Yeah, things with too many ingredients. I already push to the side because if I have to go buy jars of spices, it's not for me. Yeah, okay. Fair enough for sure. Okay, so tell me, what are the steps to your recipe and I will get a sampling while we chat. Yeah. So I think the first step is that you have to have hard boiled eggs. So I always make sure I have them ready to go beforehand. I just drop them in the water before the water is boiling, and then I set a timer for 17 minutes. That might not be the way people make hard boiled eggs, but that's worked for me. And then what? You need, like roll or two of Pillsbury crescent rolls. And they actually are triangles that you keep two together to make a rectangle, and you kind of pinch. I'm like, you would like a pie crust. Yeah. And then you preheat the oven. I think it's 350. If I remember correctly. It's whatever the oven temperature is on the crescent rolls, to be honest with you, which I think is three 5375. And then once the eggs are done, you kind of slice them up real thin so that they're kind of like, like a little chip on us. Okay, line them up. You cut a piece of American cheese or whatever cheese in half, put that on top and then salt and pepper. That could be it. And then you pinch the sides close. Kind of like a Hot Pocket. Okay. Then if you have more and you want to be fancy and you want to put like bacon or Porcaro or, peppers in there, that's how you could spice it up for the adults. If the kids are going to go for that, I love it. Okay, well, I've got the, I'm going to stick to to the original for today. And that's what I'll be doing on my side while we dive in. I know you mentioned you kind of gave us, like, a little, a little hint that there was a point as far as your parent journey where kind of things are shifting. And so I'd love for you to kind of start us off like, what was that shift and what did you experience and kind of walk us through that. Yeah. So it started out slow rolling shift and then like, hit me like a ton of bricks all at once. So when my oldest son, was born, he was born in March. And, I have like the 12 weeks FMLA for maternity leave, which is not really maternity leave from teaching. Which actually put me to come back to work like two weeks before the end of that school year. So to me it was like, oh, I get to have my cake and eat it to, do the FMLA for 12 weeks. Two weeks. I'll go back, see my friends at school, I get a change of scenery, and then I have all summer with him. And I loved it. I was like, this is amazing. This is like the perfect. Everyone says teaching is the perfect career for my mom. And I will say that is pretty much true. Like you're home all summer, winter break, holiday, snow days, whatever. But when I had to go back in the spring or summer, in the fall, I it kind of hit me at that point how exhausting teaching is. I always feel like as a teacher and I love teaching. Okay? I was like one of those people who is born to be a teacher, and I was obsessed with it. I loved the idea of affecting kids lives in like a positive way, especially in middle school, which can be tricky, for them. But when I went back in the fall, I was exhausted. I felt like I had to put on a show for all my students. I like 130 every day because middle school rotate. Yeah. Wow. And it was like every 45 minutes, you gotta have it back up again. Like like, you know, like you're not exhausted or whatever. So I would then go pick my son up after a long day and I was just like done. I had nothing left. And on top of that, we were throughout that school year, starting to expand our family more, and we ended up having unexplained secondary infertility, which for anybody going through the infertility journey I have, there are no words to explain the pain. And like the pain is palpable and the sadness is like you can feel it. I've never been so sad my entire life. So that's like a full time job in itself, on top of being a teacher and then coming home and just being exhausted and like trying to play with this little boy. I know, by the way, like, I have a husband who I should give some attention to. So that's when the idea was like, this is so, so much. And like, as much as I love teaching is, it's worth it. So my second son, Devin, who's a year and a half, he was the result is a very successful fourth UI. So we found that out on Christmas Eve that year which was like a true Christmas miracle. Oh my goodness. Oh yeah. This little boy that's changed me in all the ways. He is sweet and affectionate but oh my god, he is chaotic. Okay true. Second child. He didn't sleep up until he's a year and a half. He didn't sleep until, like two months ago. Basically. Pride only wanted us to hold him just you name it. It was impossible. And I was like, how am I going to go back to work with, like, him? Like, he's not even adjusted to us and we're his mom and dad, and then I'm going to pass him off to either, like my mom to watch him or daycare to watch him. And I was like, something has to give. So I tried, to find another way to make income. Much like Fast Forward ended up being successful. Maternity leave, if you can call it that, was, the time to try because I wasn't making money anyway. So if this new endeavor flopped, okay, it's because I had no paycheck from teaching regardless. So yeah, now I own my own business and I'm in like the virtual service world and I resigned from teaching, so I didn't go back after I had him. And it has been a huge game changer for our whole family, like physically, mentally, emotionally. And we are in a very good spot. Wow. Okay. So I'd love to just I mean, even start kind of towards the beginning of, of your journey. And as you mentioned, that there's this level of exhaustion and then having to kind of go back to work and to, you know, I heard you mention in there kind of perform. And I wanted to circle back to that because I feel like I've heard that from so many parents that especially ones that return to the work environment and that there's just maybe I don't know if it's a lack of understanding and truly, like you said, the depth of the exhaustion and what that's like, maybe it's that just our society is like, that's not, you know, pretty to look at. So we're just not here to talk about it. But I wanted to take a moment. If it's okay with you to kind of chat, can you tell us a little bit more into that kind of what what we're experiencing? How did that then impact how you were able to to show up in the job, to show up at home? So I don't I'm not, like, super proud to admit this, but I would show up at the job because it's my job. I'm a professional. I'm getting paid to do this. I also had a pretty high standard for myself as a teacher because really, like, I'm comparing my own self to my self as a teacher before I have kids. And I was like, Papi always had these hands on activities that take so much set up on the back end and like, I didn't want to let myself down with that. And I guess, like, I didn't want to let down students who, you know, knew that I was capable of that. And then I'm just like handing out worksheets. So I'm not proud of it as a mom. But like, I would just put all my energy into teaching because to me, that was like my professional obligation. And so when I would give it all, I mean, yeah, don't get me wrong, my lesson plans were still amazing. My kids, my students, what I call my kids up until now that I don't have them anymore, which I do miss them, but, they were like performing so well. They would jump a few of them who had like some serious issues going on at home with like jump up multiple reading levels in one school year. And I just felt so proud of that because, like, I know that that was a reflection of me with, you know, at the risk of sounding like arrogant and conceded, I know that the way I was teaching them was helping them. And so to me, that was almost like the reward, like, keep going, you're doing it. But then when I get home, I just want to collapse on the couch. And that's really sad for at that point, my one son who was learning how to walk or learning how to throw a ball and and I'm just like, oh, but but walk over there while I decompress and scroll through my phone and sit on the couch and yeah, you know, the days where I didn't do that and I was like, I'm going to get on the ground and play with them, like, talk about a whole nother level of exhaustion and performing where it's like, me and you and I don't genuinely want to ride this little train around this room and like, so guilty. So mom, guilt was like times a thousand. Yeah. And I imagine too, because you mentioned in there this is comparison of what I could do before kids versus what was happening right now. And I think that's so common because and I hear that even just with regards to like, what, you know, romantic relationship with your partner might be that so many times we're kind of looking at that and we're comparing, oh, we ought to be able to do this because we did it before, and there's so much of that. Like, is it kind of add it sounds like added pressure to kind of live up to this idea that was that around the lines of kind of what you were experiencing personally. Yeah. I mean, the easiest way to think about it is like, think about all your cute going out clothes from college. Like, I don't know about you, but I wore some questionable things. There's no shot that I'm wearing those again, whether they fit or not. It's not who I am anymore. I mean, they definitely don't fit, don't get me wrong. But even if they did, that is not my vibe. So like, it's funny because in the aspect of like clothes, I know that I'm not going to put pressure on myself to go wear that crazy dress that I one day wore, because it feels like icky to me, like it's not my version of me anymore. And for some reason, like, that's okay. But then when you think about comparing yourself as like the teacher or professional or even like partner or wife or whatever it is before, then suddenly you're like, maybe I should be able to go back, but then change the scenario and you can't. So it's an odd way to look at it. It's a really weird place to be until you come to terms with, like accepting who you are now and like not just accepting it, but being like, proud of it and happy with it. Yeah. For you. You know, like if you're kind of reflecting back maybe where did that constructor narrative kind of come from for you as far as this? Like you said, that you can maybe accept that and and acknowledge and totally be like, yeah, that makes sense when it comes to clothes. But for parenting and for just how you're doing things in the work environment, why that was such maybe, more difficult shift to me. Yeah, I think it's because, like, you build something up and especially females, I feel build something up in your head for so long. Like one day I'm going to get married. One day I'm going to be a mom and have kids. And so, like, you just don't want to let that down. I'm like, wow, now I have kids and like, look at me. I'm too exhausted to play with them. Especially when you have a child. After wanting that child for so damn long and not being able to have them. So in my case, unexplained secondary infertility like we had my first son as soon as we wanted to. So the fact that we had tried for so long and went through so many challenges and just like heartbreaks to have him now even guiltier with the second, that it's like, how am I not happy to be up between 2 and 4 a.m. every morning like he's here? So I feel obligated to be happy to be awake right now. And like, I can't name a single mom who feels happy to be awake between the hours of two and 4 a.m.. So yeah, it's just odd pressure of like, but this is what I always wanted, so I need to enjoy every moment. Like now I'm I'm thrilled that my younger son is learning how to use a spoon to eat yogurt. I'm not thrilled to clean up his face an entire tray. And for after he eats it. So like it's just a you don't have to love every single part of it. And that actually makes it easier to be happy on the parts that you do love. Yeah. Could you talk a little bit more? How did you get to that shift in mindset? Like was that something that just like one morning you woke up and it was a shift? Or tell me more? Yeah, honestly, this is the truth of it. I was scrolling through Instagram with the newborn in my arm trying to find some kind of mom hack to get him to sleep, and I came across my cousin, who I'm not super close, and she lives in Florida. I'm in Pennsylvania. So, like, we don't see each other hardly at all. But she also had a newborn, and her picture on her story was a newborn sleeping in her arms and her with her computer app, and her caption was, I'm so lucky that I get to do both right now. Like I can provide for my family and snuggle all these snuggles during the day. And then I reached out to her, which to her was probably out of nowhere because we don't really. We're so far apart, like we don't talk that much. I was like, how are you doing this? And she's like, I just, I started my own business and I was like, okay, that sounds intimidating as all hell. But I think that if I want to see change in like the way I'm feeling, I need to make change in what I'm doing. So I just kind of took the plunge and tried it again. There was no maternity leave, so if I tried it and it went horribly, I would just go back to work and figure it out somewhere else down the line. But the thing that changed the whole thing was me taking that huge chunk of pressure off, which was teaching and like having a in person, you can call it 9 to 5. Other teaching was more like 730 to 3. That structure, which wasn't going to work for my life anymore. Like, I still work, I work 20 to 25 hours a week, but it's on my own time when I can. Some days I don't work, some days I do work and I get everything done. But it's definitely not, like the 9 to 5 structure that the majority of people have. Yeah. And I live kind of what you mentioned of it sounds like really taking maybe a little bit of creativity in what your life can look like now versus trying to fit it into to maybe somebody else's definition of what it ought to look like. Is that a fair statement? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Because I mean, you look around and there's other people in the professional world who have three or 4 or 5 kids, and they've been teaching in my teaching world. They've been teaching for how many, 25 years? And I'm like, I've only been doing it for ten, and I've only had a kid in the mix for like, the past three of them. So what's like what's going on with me? But it's just it's just I think what I, what makes me happy, honestly, is like taking my older son out from preschool at 1145 in the middle of the day, which I couldn't formally do. He could he had to go to a full day daycare and I would get him when I got him. I like going to storytime on Mondays. I like going for walks when it's randomly nice out. In a funny way. I like, feeling like a decent wife in terms of making dinner. I don't make dinner every night, but I make dinner like three times a week and we have leftovers. So I feel decent about that. And I think I'm just like, I'm a completely different person and I'm very much okay with it. Yeah. Did you find yourself especially, like, at the beginning, because I heard you mention, you know, that there are some teachers that have 4 or 5 kids and they've been doing it for 20 years. If you find yourself at least your brain kind of trying to want to compare yourself to those people and almost kind of go to that inner critic. Yeah, yeah. Because sometimes you're like, well, maybe this is just something we do. And like, you know, they they're obviously a little older than me as well. So like, maybe it's just something that everybody does. It's just kind of part of it. Kind of like how, you know, like when you have a newborn, it's just kind of part of it not going to sleep through the night for however long it's just part of it. It's like you, you put that in with you. What is it my husband calls it like, you know, it's our only rite of passage. It's our turn now to be up all night. And so I just kind of thought, like, yeah, it's it's my turn to do the hard things and teach all day and then go home to my family and figure it out. Yeah. And I think you're so right where, I find especially at least, like, in, in my parents kind of generation, that there was so much of that there was, you know, almost a normalization of sucking it up and just like stuffing your feelings down and that you just have to push on whether you like it or not, whether you're exhausted or not, you just it don't cry about it. That's, that's weakness or that's, you know, whatever other messages are out there. So much so that it was it was so interesting because just on a personal, you know, I know, I remember, very distinctly that, I was taking my, my mother in my was, was coming and visiting, and I was taking her out. We were going to go get a pedicure. And she just was like, can you do this? Like, after man? And it was always just like this. Like, how? Like that wasn't a luxury. Like, to her, that was a luxury to be able to go and do something like that and to to spend some of that time and, and gosh, I just sat there and I was like, I'm so sorry that nobody ever told you you can take time for yourself like that. But yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh, I know. And that's totally, I think, a generational thing. I mean, I can't speak for the people that generation, but I feel like it's also like I don't know how much help the, the other parent. Like pretty much the, the dad put into that like in previous generations, I don't I don't see dad's ten years as many diapers as my husband changes. Like I just think that it's a generational shift. And I think that in a sense, like we're very lucky now. So we understand that we can take time for ourself and get a pedicure. And we also understand that, like, I can go do something and my husband can be with the kids and he's not their babysitter, he's their dad. He's just as capable as me. So I think we're lucky to have those realizations, like in the world that we're in right now. Yeah. And like you said, I think that's a great topic of I mean, we could probably talk days as far as just that shift rate of being able to look at fathers and not see them as babysitters. Because there there are so many amazing dads out there that are, you know, so entirely capable, sometimes even more capable in some areas than, you know, those that are more female mom presenting kind of, energy as well. And so that's I guess that's a whole nother topic for another day. Oh yeah. And the old it's funny because the older people will see him like, you know, feeding a baby out in public and they're like, oh, what a great father. He's feeding his kid. He's not like climbing a tree and holding a thing and not like, yeah, like, what are our standards for? Great. But okay. Yes. You're right, he's great. I think he's great, but not because of that for sure. Absolutely. Yes I agree that is a whole topic right. So I'm curious if if it's okay with you, I also kind of want to circle back to also, it sounds like you said the experience in this shift and then also experiencing that secondary kind of infertility. And what I imagine because like you said, you're already going through this like really exhausted or amount of exhaustion trying to figure out this new role, this new identity, how does this all fit? And then to also have that level, just heart wrenching kind of grief to have to like, go through some of that. Would you be willing to share a little bit more about that? Yeah, I, I, I remember the days so vividly because the nurses in these facilities were like, because it's not just your regular ObGyn, it's like a specialized fertility clinic. There are angels. I mean, I had to be at work at 730 every single day, and their facility didn't open

until 8: 25:30

00. And as a teacher, you only get so many days and, half days. And the amount of effort that goes into taking a half day with lesson plans and stuff. And so these women would literally open early for me and wow, draw my blood

at 6: 25:47

45 a.m. and give me the ultrasounds and measure everything that needs to be measured,

literally at 7: 25:54

00 so that I was, at work on time and that went on for like five months that they were doing that. And so as hard as it was, I really had to acknowledge, like that that is a piece of my village that I didn't understand I would ever have. Like, you know, they could just be like, I'm so sorry, man, but we open at

8: 26:19

00. And so suddenly they became a part of my village. So all of that to say that the sadness was horrible. And anybody who's listening that's been doing fertility or is going through it now, it is like an unfair UN mapped out world where you need to figure every single thing out yourself. In my state, nothing's paid for and it's expensive. It's literally a second job. I remember one time laying on the couch after I had found out that, like one of the eyes, I forget which one, didn't work right, like I wasn't pregnant at that time. After all of the effort we put in that month, with all the appointments and everything else. And I still have a baby, right? Like my son was still my first son was still there, and I had to, like, roll over on the couch and tell my husband, like, I am so sad right now. So I feel like I need to tell you that I'm not going to do anything to myself, I promise you. Because I could imagine that as an outsider, I probably walked on on the edge of something traumatic because of how sad I was. But I in my head, I was not going to act on it. I knew that, but I imagine that's how I looked. And so that like level of sadness. But it was just horrible. I don't wish it on anybody. But, when you step out of it for one second and look at your village and the people that support you, whether they're the nurses or your husband or maybe the baby, you do have, like there's a lot to be thankful for. Yeah, it's certainly difficult. That is a full time infertility is a full time job in itself. So having and the time job is crazy. I can gosh, I can only imagine, like you said, to kind of have to then also kind of navigate, how do I go through this? And if they have, like you said, maybe said sorry, you know, you can't we don't open until this time. Then I have to like potentially navigate which do I choose. And you know that just I mean, that just sounds like an awful and impossible decision to be in a position to be put in. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure like if teaching's a pretty particular job in terms of schedule and timing and classes and whatever, I'm sure that if I had, like a corporate job that there would be a little bit more flexibility, that, oh, I have an hour Lunchbreak do you mind if I take an hour in 20 to squeeze this appointment in? But, that's not how it works. Yeah. So I imagine that there's more flexibility depending on the job you have, but it's still just as many appointments, procedures and like, intense feelings. Yeah. And and like you said, for it to be like a second job, that's, that's a whole lot of, stress. And I imagine a whole nother level of exhaustion to. Yeah, yeah. And I'm playing the baby that you do have. Yeah. I just, I just did all these procedures. I'm so fucking sad. And now I'm going to go play ball right. And and I can actually then appreciate. And you can tell me if I'm so wrong with this, but because I heard you say that even at times feeling like you have to perform as a parent kind of with your own child, were those particular moments where, like you said, you were feeling like all of this and then having to, like, show up and play ball, potentially for for the child that is there. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was I wanted him to understand irrationally. I wanted him to understand more than any child could that like I'm having a really, really, really hard time. So I can't have you crying because I cut the apple in a different shape than you wanted the apple to be cut. And like, every kid will cry if you cut their apple. Wrong. I don't advise doing that on purpose, but, I was like, why can't he just understand that? Like, I gave him the apple? I'm like, I it's all I have. It's all. And so you, you start hoping things that are so unrealistic and irrational for them to understand and it's a weird world to be in. And like I said in the beginning of this, I'm thankful that it's not the space I'm in anymore. But a lot of things kind of like fell into place. And on top of that, like we made things happen and I made things happen to make sure that that wasn't our our long term space. Like it was truly a phase and the phase was in the trenches. But we're not there anymore. So, yeah. And speaking of that, I think that's you're opening up for the Segway. I was hoping that we could take. So thank you. But to, to talk about when you were in that phase, you know, I heard you mention that, you know, you told your partner I'm not going to do anything. But you were definitely down there. Were there particular supports or things that, your community did do aside from from opening up, early to, that really just helped and resonated because I think that's another thing that I hear from, from other people who are maybe, supporting or wanting to support those that are going through it, but they don't really know what to do, what to say. Was there anything that for you just really, really kind of hit the nail on the head? That would be helpful for anybody listening. So I will tell you that the only person that knew that we were going through this for, I don't know, the year and a half we were going through this was myself and my husband. I mean, okay, I'm incredibly, incredibly close to my mom and my family and I didn't tell them. So, like, if I had to drop my older son off at my mom's house super early in the morning for a 645 appointment, I just told her I had a meeting at work, and I have no way to explain that, other than the fact that what was going on was so personal and so intimate. And even though, like my mom is my best friend, I just felt like it was like me and my husband and like it was our like it was just so personal to us. And then after we got pregnant, we obviously opened up to everybody. And I talk about it very publicly because I don't want people to think that they're alone. So after I told my mom that we were pregnant, it's like, why didn't you tell me? Like, I would have been there for you. I would have, I don't know, I would have, I would have helped more. Like Charity helped a lot. She helped every time I asked her if she didn't lie, like she know the real reason why I'm there, because sometimes people don't. I do not want anyone to look at me and just see sadness and have to, like, tiptoe around topics or things with me. Which is a double edged sword, because when you have people asking you all the time, when baby number two is coming in, you're like. I'm trying. So my husband was literally my only support, and the best thing he ever did was just give me hugs. When I needed hugs, he would sit on the couch and just hold my hand where he would take, like, the video would take, like, pictures of us doing something with our other son or just reading or something he would like take pictures or videos of like. I think that was his way of showing like all these things that are supposed to break you and like you are. So he's also very, very kind and the most realistic person. I'm like a 0 to 100 person and he's like a very even keel. And I think that's what I needed. Like, you know, I think it was just him being there. And he was he was the only one. And I think that was maybe part of what helped that we weren't putting all of our health things on blast while they were happening, like when it was still fresh. I mean, now we put them on blast to some extent. Not all the details, obviously, but like and mainly we do that because we just want people to know that, like we're here for you. I don't I don't cut people off when I'm driving anymore because I'm like, wow, what if they're on their way home and therefore I and it didn't work. So like it changed us. Yeah. And we're both kind of like that. So the best support is to literally just be there. And if you're going to tell other people besides your person about anything that you're going through, like, I almost feel like you have to preface it like, but we can still do fun things. Even though I'm sad. Yeah. And perhaps it sounds like even the if there are support people that are listening, being willing to, to show up and to support, even if you don't necessarily know the reason why that, you know, maybe, maybe all will review itself a little bit later. But knowing that those things and, and just loving on a person and, and acting like you said, continue to act kind towards them, and help out when you can, whether you have an answer or not, that maybe it's okay that you don't have an answer and that, like you said, maybe there this is just a really difficult time and they're just not ready to to let that part in yet. Yeah, I think that that is the biggest thing. Like, you don't need to necessarily know what's going on in someone's life in order to just be a good person towards them, because maybe nothing's going on in their life and they're living a great life, and you should still be a good fit in. So and honestly, I I've changed myself that way. I let people in front of me at the grocery store when I have a full cart and they have like three items and, you know, around Christmas time, I know everybody's happy. But that could be difficult because you get all these Christmas cards of people's families, and if that's all you want and you don't have it, that could be sad. So I just try to keep it in the back of my mind that you don't know people are going through, and maybe it's nothing. Not everybody has like all this trauma. But you can still just be nice. Yeah. That's why I love teaching, too, because I wanted to teach that to the like. I was always trying to teach that to the students. So I went back, and I think it's such a great reminder. I'm curious as as you're walking through this journey and as you're learning, like you said, maybe now being at least I'm on the commerce side for right now until children, you know, always are aware of things. Looking back, like, was there a particular aside from seeing, you know, your cousin on the Instagram, any other like, moments that really helped you kind of shift or take a different perspective, or really provided some insight for you that helped you on your journey of even, you know, going in and, into the space that you are and who you are today. Yeah. And I think it's like the corny reading teacher that still lives in my heart, but like, I am big on like these quotes and motivation and like empowerment in general. And so there's like a few that have stuck out to me and I try to like, remember them and I pass them along to whoever I feel needs to hear them. And, the one that I stuck with me throughout all the infertility was, stronger than the storm. And so, like, look at all that's happened to you and you're still here, so even got me a little bracelet or the insides and stronger than the storm. So, like. Yeah, I'm going hand in hand with that. Another one I like is like, look at all the things that were supposed to break you. And here you are now. So, yeah, I try to remember those in the moments of toughness I like, I love, I love corny quotes. So I could tell you a million, but I'll just say one more. It's like, when life, when life hands you lemons, make orange juice and have them figure out how you did it. So I just, I just yeah, I just feel like there's some type of motivation where you're like, I did that, and that was hard as all hell. I'm like, I did it for the super special. Like the first time I went grocery shopping with both of my kids, and I thought I was gonna die right there in the aisle when they were having a meltdown. And my car was so then there. Yeah. And then I got them. I got them into their car seats. Everyone's screaming, I'm sweating, and I'm like, going grocery shopping. So I did not think about that. Like, you still hear all that hard shit. You went through all the traumatizing things you made it through. You might not be on the other side of it. Yeah, but you're still here. And I think that's such a good reminder too about that reframe and being able to give yourself maybe a little bit more credit than we're used to giving ourselves a little bit more compassion, a little bit more grace. And sometimes it's just the fact that we got our child up and they have some thing on their body in this semblance of clothes and maybe a shoe. You know, we got a shoe on who, you know, and they eat something today, something that that in itself is such a huge feat. And I feel like so many times we're so good at like, you're going back to, you know, hearkening back to what we're talking about earlier. Like comparing ourselves. Well, you know, they only have one shoe and the outfit doesn't match. And oh, I gave them junk food. Hey, they eat, they're alive. I think we're I think we're doing okay right now. They have clothes on. Yes. Right. And even sometimes, if they're not in there running around the house with just a diaper or, you know, going full on commando. Hey, I know, you know, every time that my kids look, well, like, in my opinion, like a nice static outfit and I'm like, the hair is at least brushed and, you know, not all the ponytails and stuff. But I can tell you right now, I am always rolled out of bed, messy bun, sweat pants and sweatshirt. And I'm like, but they look good. Yeah, you can't have it all day, right? Like, either they look good or you look good and you just have to be content with every once in a while. Maybe, you know, if if all the stars rise, that's cool. Okay. So as we wrap up here, one of my favorite questions to ask is if you had access to a Delorean and you could go back to some point in time, what age would you go back to for yourself? Not necessarily to change things, but maybe to offer yourself some words or even just offer yourself a hug. When would you go back to when and what would you offer? I would say, I think I would go back to like the early days of my husband and I before we were married and before we had kids. And I would just I don't know if this is the answer to your question, but I would just tell them, like, tell myself, really? Like so many good things are coming your way. Like whatever you did to get to this point was the right decision. Even if even if like. Some of the decisions I made when the smartest one, the most logical, the things coming that like younger me doesn't know yet are so good. So like keep doing what you're doing. The head on your shoulders is the only one you need. The heart and the soul you have is gonna get you to like ultimate happiness. Now that I feel like I'm somewhat on the other side because I've never been as happy as I am these days, and I think it's a lot of things that definitely start with, like taking a little risk, falling in love with the right person. Yeah. And it sounds like, like you said, being able to give yourself some sort of hope and an insight to kind of keep on keepin on and and you've got it. I love them. So my last name is Camera Footage cameraman. So you would say keep calm, like calm and carry. Okay. ROI on. So that was my like wedding hashtag, which is so dumb when I look back. But that was important when you were planning a wedding. Hey, all those things, right? They had a reason. So that's. That's what we're like. But that was So for anybody who, is wanting to connect with you, what are your services? How can they find you? Now is the time for shameless plug. So please shamelessly plug. Yes, you can find me on Facebook. Carry cameras. I made my own website for free on Canva, so I'm a low budget micro business. And basically what I do is I help small businesses grow, take the next step and help help them to fill in any gaps. So like I write monthly newsletters for clients and send them, I write their monthly blog post. I create, Instagram post, social media posts. I help get them on podcasts if if they feel comfortable with it. So basically I'm like the right hand man and I give myself the title of Creative Business strategist. Because I have a lot of creativity to offer that came from my teaching world, and I love solving a problem. So, people, any phase of business, whether you want to start it yourself or you're stuck or you're doing great and you want to do better, that's kind of what I offer my services for. And I have, like a link on my website to book a site if you want to chat. Wonderful. And as always, we'll make sure all of that is linked in our show notes. If you want to connect with Carrie, make sure to check those out. Hey, thank you so much for being willing to share your story. Share your recipe. I've got I've got my little guys here. You know. Yeah, I'm excited. So I'm gonna pop them in the oven, and get them going. I'm. I'm really excited. My ovens warming up. So we'll be good to go here. Very shortly. So thank you again so much for for being willing to, to pull back that current talk so, so raw and unfiltered with us. I think it's so needed, in this society where it can seem really lonely, especially as parents, when you're going through it. Yeah. Thank you for having me. I was a joy talking to you. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you, everyone, for tuning in. We will see you next time. If you or anyone that you know is struggling with any of the topics that we discussed in today's episode, make sure to check out our show notes for support and resources. You can get help. So thanks again for joining us on today's episode of The Real Family Eats. If you're a parent ready to share your real life parenting story, make sure to reach out to us and our website found in the show notes. And that goes for today's recipe social media's support and resources. All of that can be found in our show notes, so make sure to check them out and make sure to follow, like, share, subscribe, and stay up to date on all things the real family Eats. I hope you'll join us next time for more food for thought and thoughtful food! Enjoy your eats!