From Surviving to Thriving: Krissy Bold’s Journey Through Motherhood and Finding Herself

Join Reesa as she chats with Krissy Bold about motherhood, identity, and easy meals that save time and sanity. This episode delivers practical tips, honest storytelling, and encouragement for moms who crave real talk and relatable solutions.

Here’s what you’ll take away:

• How Krissy’s chicken pot pie recipe adapts “girl dinner” to quick family meals, plus time-saving tips with rotisserie chicken and store-bought crust.
• The realities of new motherhood, from sleep struggles to the unexpected loneliness and isolation.
• How losing and redefining identity after becoming a parent isn’t a failure—but an opportunity to grow.
• The importance of seeking support and therapy, and why reaching out for help is a strength, not a weakness.
• Actionable advice for finding joy in the small moments, building community, and taking baby steps toward rediscovering yourself.

Don’t forget to check the links below for Krissy’s podcast, resources, and the full chicken pot pie recipe!

 Connect with Krissy here:

boldlittleminds.com, BoldLittleMinds MomCast, 

instagram.com/boldlittleminds

Resources:

Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself by Dr. Morgan Cutlip

Krissy shared inspiration from Megan Get Real - full recipe here: https://meagangetsreal.com/easy-home-made-chicken-pot-pie/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR3jn89j5okZZclhxTdHmwH-SH1vBbbp0T_V_ZWPENvEj_I5glnqomzeGNw_aem_REIyDgeDC5IyTqILrq7PQw

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Disclaimer: The content presented here is for informational purposes and does not constitute mental health treatment or professional advice. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please reach out to emergency services or a crisis hotline in your region. The views shared by participants in the show are their own and do not necessarily align with the platform’s positions.

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Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a parenting specialist with a niche in supporting couples. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!

Make sure to like, follow, and subscribe!

For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/

If you are a parent ready to share your real-life parenting struggle and dish up a recipe with Reesa, apply here:
https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/real-family-eats-guest

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need personalized support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.

Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988

Go to your local hospital or call 911

Transcript

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I would sit there and think, like who? Not just who am I? But am I a person with needs that matter? Because the person level needs certainly didn't feel like they were getting fulfilled. Hey, everyone. Thanks for joining me. My name is Reesa, and I'm your host. We are talking to real families about real stories here on the Real Family Eats, where we've got food for thought and thoughtful food. So let's eat! Welcome back everyone. Thanks so much for joining us. I am excited to have you here. And I'm excited for our guest who is joining us today. We have Krissy. Hi. Thanks so much for being willing to be a guest today. Hi Reesa, thank you so much for having me. We met before when we talked on my podcast and I am so excited to talk to you again because you are such a joy. You are wonderful to work with. thank you and so are you. So that's why I had to have you on on my podcast, you know, because it's just I think, you know, we got we got a good vibe. Good thing going here. So I'm so excited. So for anybody who doesn't know you, can you introduce yourself for us? Definitely. Yeah. So I am a stay at home mom to two young boys. Right now, they're just two and three and a half. Almost four. That's coming faster than you believe, which is, you know, everyone believes it, and, they are just totally wild. And I get no sleep, and, you know, it's just chaos. And we have so much fun together. In my pockets of time, I run my Instagram account, which is Mom Identity Project, where I'm really leaning into helping moms figure out who they are after becoming a mom and being okay with recognizing that you are a different person and that you aren't weird for this. And my podcast is coming out February 27th called Moms Guide to Finding Herself, where I can really get into a lot of that details and share stories like yours of who you are after becoming a mom, what led you there? Yeah, and make sure to check that out. And that just so you can see my my lovely face to. But there's a lot of awesome content in there. So I'm so excited for you and your, your relaunching of that. All right. So let's jump in before we get to your story. You're sharing a recipe with us. So tell us what recipe you're sharing and why did you choose this one? Yes. So I am a or I was, before becoming a mom, a very independent woman. I had my my condo. I lived alone for many years and it was just me. And, I don't know if you remember the trend that happened, like a couple of years ago. Girl, dinner. My wife was girl dinner. It would be like rice with black beans or, you know, just something the raw ingredients that just came together to become something bland but nutritious enough. So this meal, this chicken pot pie meal was one of the first things that I started to become a little more tiptoeing out of, like, okay, I can actually cook something for myself, but still super easy, super accessible for anyone who is still in the girl dinner phase. With your family. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm a huge fan of it still. Yeah. So a lot of frozen vegetables, a lot of pre prepped, ingredients that we can throw together and make something yummy and still feel like you did a lot of work. Yeah, absolutely. And I love that because you had a little hat tip on kind of your chicken and being able to kind of, as you mentioned, have things that were maybe already pre prepped and you could just throw together a little bit quicker. So can you tell us kind of the steps for those tips for us? I'll get things going while we try. Yes, absolutely. So the rotisserie chicken was I think is that where you went with the rotisserie. Yeah. Okay. Great. So getting a rotisserie chicken is already cooked. Those are the juiciest chickens. I don't know how they do it because I any time I cook chicken I feel like it's just constantly tough. I it's probably a lack of practice, but they have it made for like $6. I don't know, it's like nothing like this whole chicken. That's so juicy and delicious. So you just start ripping apart or taking that breast meat or whatever, the whole thing, rip it apart, shred it up. You can even take a huge chunk of meat off and throw it in your, KitchenAid mixer and put it on really quick and it shreds it for you. So, okay. All done. Ready to go. You can just turn it up and, I don't know, stick it in a bowl and then you take your, your pans of creamed chicken right here. Cream of chicken. And, and you dump that in the pot and you can dump the frozen vegetables as is in the pot because guess what? They're going to cook as they melt. So you don't have to do anything. Roll. And then I don't remember. Do I haven't done this in a long time. I should have done this beforehand. My husband is the cook now, so he has adopted this recipe for me, where I think we put it in the pot and kind of mix it up and get it all juicy and nice, and then, we roll out the dough, okay? Just the prepackaged pie crust. We are not making a pie crust here. I, I feel like even the best bakers often use premade pie crust, but hot tip don't use the Aldi pie crust there too. Okay I think oh, interesting. Yes. So okay, I'm a big fan of Aldi. I'm a big fan of saving money, but there are some things like just go with the Pillsbury. And so roll that out. Put your mixture on if you have a lot of extra. And sometimes I double it up so we can freeze a whole bag of that mixture and we can defrost it. Leader. And then you've got another, chicken pot pie ready to go. Put the crust on top, throw it in the oven. Voila. You have nice. Oh, and potatoes cut potatoes. Right. Okay. I don't know if you. So I told you I did not do potatoes time on this one. And that was more just last night I said I I'm a mom right now and things are wild. And I didn't have time to peel and keep a potato. I get it, I get it. Potatoes are a priority in my life of all times, but everybody has a different priority. I wish you potato for every single meal of the day. So that is me. There is a video of me on my honeymoon eating several potatoes because it was so I. Yeah, you know, it's the Irish in me. I think that it just comes out. It's like a deep rooted love that's there. My genetics. Yeah. Well, I can appreciate that. You know, I think I'm similar, but my name is race. I'm, I'm Filipino. And so I mean, my, my husband's also Irish. So when we do kind of Saint Patrick's Day with your, you know, corned beef and the potatoes I have to have on the side of my, you know, it's just starch. Choose your starch of choice. Right? Absolutely, I love it. Okay. Well, I can actually do that. As you mentioned, steps are fairly straightforward. So I'll get going mixing this up and getting my pot pie all together, while we chat. And I'm so thankful for you being willing to kind of come in and share a little bit of about your story and just, you know, some of the journeys that you've navigated, within your parenthood life because I think it's so important to be able to just get the awareness out there, taking down that hurt and, and really kind of letting others know that the thing is really hard. So could you share with us a little bit about some of some of the harm that you have had to kind of navigate on your journey. Definitely. Now I think one of the big things is my Instagram, my business, my podcast isn't about finding yourself an identity by accident. Right. This is something that that has been a theme throughout my motherhood journey, where I, like a lot of people, had a really clear picture of who I was going to be as a mom. Before I had kids, I had this fantasy. This image was even a fantasy. It was just like my plan, like this was my goal of I was going to be going to every library playdate or every, you know, library storytime, every mom group could ever come in under the sun. I had been saving prenatal yoga classes in the area for years, and at that point, once I was, I decided that I was going to become a mom. Like I had a spreadsheet going of all of these things, all of these communities, all of these things that I could be a part of because I was so genuinely excited to become a part of this community, to be a mom and to and to, do that. So I had these things, and then I had my baby in 2021, and those things didn't exist anymore. They were not, groups. They just weren't happening. I was a part of my own groups, virtually, but it's just not quite the same. You know, I did make a friend through it, which I'm very lucky that I was able to make a connection because it's it's tough. It's hard to actually, first of all, being on a zoom call with a new baby or when you're pregnant, you're you just can't think about the other people in the room because you're focused on that. So it's kind of like, okay, I'll listen long enough to know when it's my turn on the hot seat to ask my lactation question or whatever, my diaper question. And then you kind of just have to put yourself on mute and do your thing because you're at home like a different way. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think bringing a baby to different space puts you in just a different mindset in the baby. Everything else. So it was first. The first part of my transition was tough because these things that I visioned myself being a part of just didn't exist. I did zoom story times because I felt like I just wanted to try to be a part of that still. And then when the summer came and things started opening back up again, I was able to go out to those and we were part of outdoor storytimes, which were lovely and wonderful and great. And that's really when I started to feel like I was waiting up again. I was going on hikes with my my baby. I would put them in the carrier, we would walk to the waterfall and we would have a great time. And then I got pregnant again very quickly. I got pregnant and he was, what, like ten? It was less than a year old. So. Okay, that's and very quickly, you're not going for hikes anymore because that exhaustion. Yeah I think we've that's one of the things that we forget so fast I can remember being tired but holy cow the exhaustion is unreal. You physically can't stay awake sometimes. Well and not only that. Yeah, you're combining it with having to keep up with another child. And I think that that was at least my experience where I found myself each time, kind of a new level of tired that I had never experienced before. You know, I remember being in college and going, you know, I was a theater major. So we were up at all hours and seeing like, oh my gosh, I'm so excited because I had to get up for my A.T.M. class the next morning and then and then I went to graduate school and I was like, oh man, this is a new level of of tire because this is this is a lot of work. And then like you said, then you get pregnant and you add that and it's like, no, man, I have never known exhaustion. This is exhaustion. And then I had my second kid, like you're saying. And now I'm trying to keep up with this toddler while also having that same, you know, level of exhaustion. But I didn't have the ability to just go rest when I wanted to rest, because that's usually when my child was up and running. So I that makes so much sense. I relate to all of that. Right. So there was no more library playdates because I for a while there was, I did I still went for a long time. But then eventually, you know, my my toddler was toddling and now running around like we would be outside and he would gently dart straight to the parking lot or do all the things to run around. And now I've got this big old belly that I'm trying to chase. And with that, you just get to a point where, for me, I was like, this is not the benefit, it is not existing. I would rather be at home chasing him. There where I can rest when I need to still be active, talk to the neighbors and whatnot, and have people over. But going out and being a part of a community, I am. I'm not getting the benefit from this. So we we stopped doing that. And but it made sense at that point. You know, it was something I was leaning into and deciding very intentionally like, this is not good for me. Let's just, let's lean into the relaxation because there's benefit in there. I'm fine. And then the baby comes, and now you're still getting used to a way of life. But soon. Right? You start to feel like you want to get out again. Yeah. And that's where my second level of frustration came in. My like, okay, slap in the face with reality. So, you know, you get past that initial postpartum where you're recovered enough to get out and go places, see people do things, whatever it is. You might be exhausted still, but you're ready to integrate into society. Covid was no longer an immediate pressing issue. There were mom groups, storytimes everywhere. All the things except my baby decided that he was not going to allow for this. He would scream in the car like he was dying for the length of our trip, the duration from the minute he got into the car seat to where we got, no matter how long it was. My sister lives an hour away and a trip to Hershey. You know you would. You can take yourself up, you can see the baby's gonna cry, but he's gonna fall asleep and you'll cry himself out. I know he's safe. I know he's fine. It doesn't feel good. It makes you feel stressed. And all these things. But you know that they'll pass out. You know that they're just going to get through it. But that wouldn't happen. It would be the entire hour. Just blood curdling. Wow. I'm telling you, it was painful on so many levels. Now. My first baby crying in the car, too. Sure. I mean, I feel like that's so common. A lot of babies just it's it's weird and strange, but he got used to it over time. Or I found different things that could help soothe him or distract him. But nothing was working. The the sound machines, the cuddles, the baby's pacifier. Any suggestion you could give me I had tried, I would do two minute drives around the. I live in a cul de sac, so like two minute drives around the neighborhood just to try to normalize it. Right. Put them in and yeah, and like let's just do that. And now we're home. Seen it was great. We had so much fun. Nothing worked I had I the things that I bought, the money that I spent to try to get out of the house, I, I even buy, you know how babies love the real thing. They make toys that are like, replicas of things, but they want the remote, the access. They can tell when it's real. I just went out and bought the exact same remote we had at home when she wanted her. Yeah, it just nothing works. So I was essentially stuck in it. It was a choice of do I? If I go somewhere, I'm going to be with the screaming baby. And it gave me, it gave me the jitters. I couldn't even get my agent. I don't want to do that to myself. It was terrible. But the cost at that point, you know, before when I decided that I wasn't going to go out to do things anymore, it was because I was tired. And then the benefit was I was resting and connecting with my toddler in a in a nice way. But now the only benefit was to avoid pain, to not leave. Wow. You know, I mean, gosh, that sounds just so incredibly one a difficult spot to be in. It's either choose what sounds like a really lonely space to be in or as you mentioned, kind of curdling screams. And, and you know, I don't know about your kid, but I remember, like, hair standing up, like it would just like be in my body when I would hear my baby scream. So I could only imagine, like, if that's happening, even, like you said, for like an hour drive just to go visit family and try to connect in that way. Like, it's like those are really hard, you know, fork in the road if you will. Right. Why do I choose isolation or or or unsafe driving. Truly it's not safe anymore at that point for me to be in the car and listen, I had to even a ten minute drive at that point I was able to do it for a long time, but then it just got to me like I never got used to it. I would I would know that we were going for ten minutes and I would give myself pep talks and get in the car and just do it. But still, that pit in my stomach the whole time. Now, my baby was born in November. So, you know, probably like December ish, when we started to get out and do things and I started to discover this, right? And like about a month, maybe January, but still. And I live in New England where it cold for a very long time and very snowy. So we weren't going places, but people weren't coming to us either. So that was really hard. You know, it's a long winter with a lot of sicknesses. So it's not because I didn't necessarily have people who were willing to. It's just there's a lot of obstacles, you know, if there's snow and with parents who aren't necessarily comfortable driving in the snow or in cold or extreme cold conditions, or my sister has two kids too, but they were sick all the time. You know that. And never ending winter illness that a lot of us experience with it. It was then another layer of isolation. I remember I had a friend who I haven't seen in years, like I haven't seen this guy in like 15 years. And he randomly reached out to me. We had a mutual connection who had passed away. So I, you know, that makes you kind of just reach out to other people. You but even if they're on the fringes of your life, like, hey, you just want to check in and talk to you and I've been through enough therapy to know that I need to say when I'm struggling and ask for help. So I was like, oh, somebody is reaching out to me. This is my chance. I'm gonna use my skills that I've worked on to admit that I am in a tough spot. And he was saying, we live on the lake now. Come visit, bring the boys. We're going to go for a swim. It's going to be so much fun. And I was very prepared. Yes, that sounds great. I would love to do that. However, I am in a very difficult spot in my parenting right now where I am unable to leave because my child like it's unreal. You wouldn't believe it. It's next level. Yeah, we would love to have you please come visit. I'm very lonely. I would love to see you. Oh, you know, I never really get out that way, but it was great to let me know when you're going to come by. Oh. Oh. Oh, so it's just hard when you're in it and you're reaching out and trying the things. But your bids aren't being accepted. Yeah. What do you do? I'm so curious. Like in those moments, kind of we'll say more about, like, the headspace that you were in. I mean, I'm just I'm hearing you and and like you said, you're trying to reach out. You're trying to still make these connections in in the capacity that you have. And then to kind of just still so isolated and no one kind of reaching back, if you will, or picking up those bits for connection. Can you say more? Yeah, sure. So I got into a week where I felt just bad for myself. You know, I was sad that these things weren't happening, that I was in the space, but I was also feeling just really, really bad. Like, what's wrong with me? Why am I not getting what I need? What could I be doing differently? How do I need to act different? And that's a really tricky place to be in, because now you're not just feeling lonely and isolated. Your self-worth is also going through the basement rates. It's plummeting because now you're trying to dissect what's wrong. Why am I this person that isn't going that isn't worthy of this support? And that's a slippery right? Once you start going down that road of allowing your brain to really pick apart, you like we are own worst critics. We know everything that's wrong with us. We know all of our faults. So if you ask me, why me? Like my brain is going to come up with so many reasons why I am not worthy of these things, especially when I'm not in a place where I'm feeling great about myself or my situation. So that's that's dangerous. So I quickly tried to. I reached back out to my therapist. I had gone to therapy when, I was pregnant with my first because I really wanted to have a connection with somebody. I know how hard it is, first of all, to find somebody with availability, and get an appointment and then second to find somebody you vibe with and feel comfortable with, and then third, to actually reach out when you're struggling. So I had luckily, this vision in my brain when I was pregnant of this is something that I should do to help prepare myself for motherhood. So that way, if I do end up in a spot where I feel like I need extra support, I'm not facing those barriers while I'm also struggling. I have a direct road to somebody or a phone call that I can make, rather than the 15 phone calls you might have to make to try to find somebody who's willing to see you. So luckily I had that that line and we were able to start talking and I was able to leave the house to go to her because we were no longer in telehealth. So it was wonderful to have an hour out of the house to just talk to somebody who, you know, even if she that was her her job is her job to talk to me for that hour. But it felt great to have somebody who's just had the space and the opportunity to really like, talk to me. Oh, my three year old is here. I forgot to lock the door. Hey, buddy. I'll be out in a minute. Yeah. I'm sorry. This is normally right at home from Costco. I guess, but. Okay, so. So having that lifeline, having somebody to talk to, to have that space help me to get out of that cycle, just feeling bad for myself and instead thinking, well, what can I do? What's in my control? Where, where can I go with this to help me get what I need? Which was a blessing. It was just this exactly what I needed to do. Yeah, I'm I'm curious for you and your experience to hear you mentioning that, you know, you did you did reach out. You kind of establish that that support, if you will, early on. Was that a decision that kind of came easily so many times a hear folks, especially parents, where it's this idea that, hey, if I do that, whether it's I'm weak, it means I'm less than, or, you know, as you were mentioning, we get really good at rationalizing why it's somehow a feeling on us. And even just like you said, going out of the house for an hour, I've had so many parents who go, oh, but that's so selfish. Like, I'm going to leave my child. And what kind of parent does that make me like? Was that something that was at play? Like, did it take work to kind of get to that point? Can you say more? Sure. So I'm talking about getting to therapy now for setting up. The therapy was an issue for me initially because I feel like you're if you are a planner, you're brain, you're planning your type a brain on in pregnancy mode is like in overdrive. Like, let's nest this whole thing. Let's figure it all out. So setting up the therapist and doing that preliminary work for me was like, I am productive. I, I am doing, I am meeting my needs, I am doing my future self a favor. So it was just kind of part of it was as for me, as feeling as productive as buying the dresser, I think it just felt like great. Like we are making this baby. And so that was great. Thank. Calling her when I actually needed it. Now that's a different story, you know, admitting like, where we, on in this mental health journey of like, now I'm really struggling and I see myself going in this spiral. I should reach out to her. It was tough to make that phone call because first of all, I had had this history. Now where I've reached out to people for support and I've been hearing no's or I can't because it was all valid reasons. So now you're thinking, okay, I'm going to reach out to her. Does she have availability? Is she even open to having me a client anymore? She can have any appointments. Like how is this even going to work? Can my husband take the time off of work to support this? Now I'm a burden on him. Wow. Yeah, some for me leaving my kids for an hour at that point. I mean, I was it's going to sound terrible, but I was so sick of them because we had nothing else than being together for so long that I was like, by seeing an our you'll be great. But being a burden on my husband's work schedule, that was the hard part for me. Wow. And was that something that you were able to kind of articulate in the moment and, and be able to kind of have support to fact check whether or not, you know, you were in deep learning or was that just your brain, again, getting really good at finding the fault in itself? It's something I still struggle with any time my needs disrupt his work schedule. As a stay at home mom, I feel very, very burdened burdening his word. I feel like I'm I'm a burden anytime I need to do that. Because my job I take I've always taken my job very seriously and really strong work ethic. And right now my job is raising the children and that childcare is under my domain. So when I need somebody to come in and take that over, it's like I'm not doing my job, I'm not meeting the needs. So that is something that I still struggle with. Like make any time I need to make an appointment. I'm like, I'm so sorry I have to do this. I go to the doctor, I feel like I need to go to urgent care. Like whatever the thing is that requires him to take time off. I'm like, okay, I have no problem with using the time that he is not working. You know, I do my podcast at night. I do my business at night, and then through the pockets of the day. So when he's done with work, I'm like, okay, have fun with the kids. But when he is working, even I think that's something I'm probably always going to have to just do, do the thing, you know, where you have to just do it and feel it in the pit, in your stomach and you know it's going to go away and it's going to be fine. But I feel like I'm always going to be having to just push myself into it. Yeah. Is there anything that you have found that has been helpful for you to kind of move through it and not maybe get stuck in it? Yeah. What my, you know, people do word of the year where like, my word of the year is this I'm going to really embrace them. My word of the year is just cringe like embrace the cringe. Like it might feel uncomfortable. Your very vulnerable. It feels like you don't want to be doing this because you know how weird it is. Just do it. Like just hit send and go throw up and come back and like, it'll be fun to get you into it. So that's just embracing that helps. It doesn't necessarily make it easier for sure. You mean in the first anytime you're doing something that you're uncomfortable with, it takes a lot in you just to like, close your eyes, hit send. Okay, I did it. I can't take it back, you know? Yeah. And then you get over it. And I think it's a muscle that will probably get easier over time as you exercise that that routine and that practice and feeling like there aren't consequences. Like he's not mad at me. I think these are things. And I'm still early in my parenting, you know, three and a half years, four years of being dependent on somebody in that way. Yeah, not much time of practice. Even though it feels like a lifetime. It's really it's really not that much practice that I've had so far. So I know that as they get older, it's going to get easier. Yeah. And when I really appreciate about you saying that is I think sometimes we see that and we're like, oh, it's been like three years. Why is this not like completely oh, you know, present sunshine roses already. And I think sometimes we forget that. Especially if this is a narrative, right, that we've been having to navigate and work through for most of our life in comparison, you know, the couple of years versus however old you are, you know, that that's a significant imbalance as far as credit giving yourself that like, hey, I've been trying and I've been trying for these three, four years, five for however many like, and I'm still trying and I'm still working at it. I could have given up, right? I could have said, oh, this isn't working. Bye. I'm done. But it sounds like kind of for you. What you have found is, is finding a way to tolerate the distress, which if anybody has ever been to therapy, you might have heard something along the lines of distress tolerance. Right. And building up that feeling. You're exactly right. Is that it is a skill. And it takes so much work and it's a daily kind of consciously choices. And I mean, just to normalize for anybody listening. I'm a therapist, right? I do I do these things. I teach these things all day long. Distress tolerance is something I still struggle on a daily basis with. So just to kind of put it out, right, right. This is so not an isolating thing. You might you might feel weird and alone in it because that's what it is. It's a weird feeling. But everybody experiences it. Yeah I think most everybody maybe there's a few gems out there but I mean if you haven't, I haven't seen it in my, in my years. There we go. You if you I mean goodness tell us your secret. Yeah. Let's capitalize on that. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm, I'm so I wonder and if you wouldn't mind sharing kind of have you. I know you mentioned kind of your passion projects and where you've really been kind of leaning into and it sounds like it's you kind of finding your way forward through that, through through the feelings of loneliness and isolation and burdening and kind of trying to find you again. Is that a fair statement? Yes, 100%. So to wrap up the crying baby isolating story because it leads into the rest is I tried everything under the sun, snacks, whatever, because eventually you got around nine months and that's old enough to give a baby, like teething crackers in the backseat, right? Yeah. Just seat it from the bucket seat to the regulars. Everything we tried. I have it all documented. If you are in this to let me know what worked is he got older. He turned it was like about ten months old and he just decided, you know what? This is okay. I'm okay with this. And I don't know if it's because he was old enough to now, like, really understand that I was still there. We had printed out pictures of us as a family and laminated them to put on the back of the ceiling all kinds of things. Okay. Yeah. Like we tried everything. We we bought a minivan. I bought a new car to do this with, so that we, I did, I did, and, I bought new car seats, I bought, I spent I'm telling you, I spent so much money on this. I don't regret the minivan. The minivan was a great investment, but that was the catalyst. That was why we did this, so we could move his seat, his car seat next to his brother's, and maybe just being close to him or I. We just sat in the middle. We only drove places as a family where one of us could sit in the back seat in the middle. That's kind of where we ended up. And then eventually he snapped out of it and life was roses. It was great. Like we could do all the things again. So at this point he was around ten months old. A lot of my basic needs were being met for like the first time, right? I was able to shower, I was able to eat, I was able to take care of my survival needs on a very basic level. And then I don't know if anybody listening. If you're familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right. You go from the very basic like survival food, shelter, and then probably hygiene isn't there, I don't know. And then you start to like move up the ranks of, okay, what is what is going to help me thrive as a human? And for me, the next level was social connection, which was not being met for a very long time, even after those basic needs are now being met again. And then all of a sudden they were I was able to socialize, I was able to do those things. So let's move up another level of taking care of ourselves as a human. And the next part for me was that self-actualization, that who am I? Where do I fit into all of this? And as these needs are getting met and my brain was allowing me to go through and figure out who I am, all of a sudden it really hit me like a slap in the face of I just am, here. Like I am a part. I'm like, am I even a person? I would sit there and think, like who? Not just who am I? But am I a person with needs that matter? Because the person level needs certainly didn't feel like they were getting fulfilled. Like, you know, being a mom, eating dinner often means you have somebody on your lap or you are eating off of somebodys plate, or somebody is like punching you. I don't know, it's all kinds of things that's happening while you're just doing something as basic as eating, and then it doesn't go away for a very long time. I'm sure it's time. At least I hope not, because I'm still in it. That makes it normal, right? So these basic things, they're being met. I'm eating. I'm getting my caloric intake, but not in, like, a dignified way. Yeah, right. My dignity is, like, gone. I don't have these pieces. So I was I was met with, where is my place in the world? And facing the first of all, I don't have my career anymore. I decided to leave that behind to be a stay at home mom. And I love that. And I wouldn't treat it like I'm realizing that the bouncing back, the who I was doesn't fit anymore. None of those things made sense for me. So where is that bouncing back? Where is that becoming a person again? Where is my identity? If those identities don't work, then what's left? Where am I in? You almost start to feel like a background character in your life. Yeah, just part of the storyline of everybody else. You're here to lift up and support. But what are you? Does that make sense? Absolutely. And I think as as you're talking about that, anything just I've heard from, you know, similar similar parents in in similar situations where like you said, it's. It becomes a sadness and a grieving because like you said, there's who am I? And like, if this is if this is what I'm I am and this is my only identity. And what happens when the children leave and the children grow, then that becomes an even, you know, scary, like, oh, I don't like that. And so and then, you know, you get those folks that are, are dealing with the empty nest and then all of a sudden going, I have absolutely no idea who I am. Yeah. Yes. 100%. Yeah. It's it's a project for sure that is going to, I know, going to revisit itself in so many different ways as things don't feel like they're good anymore. They fit my life for whatever reason. Maybe I don't enjoy them anymore. Maybe, that just doesn't fit my lifestyle anymore. The things that I'm now finding out went in and out of things will work. Things will not. I have to let things go. But then you're left with this emptiness of what is there instead. And for me, one of my obstacles is I think, big. I am a dreamer, I'm a planner. I want to make things happen. But when you're in that mindset, you you often get left with waiting for the idea and we're stuck rightly. I want to do something, but what is it? What is the thing? What is it going to be? And then you end up scrolling and you see what everybody else is doing and you're like, oh, I could try that. But I don't know where that would fit in. And what you're not seeing in the scrolling and the watching is the years of trial and error and building up the breadcrumbs that led these people to where they are and, and what you're seeing as whatever measure of success that you're seeing in them. So I had to really stop myself and to think small, like what? What are the baby things that I can do for me while I wait for the big thing that might or might not come, you know, or might lead to that big idea, that big thing. What is what are those breadcrumbs going to be? And for me, the first thing that really stuck out to me was, I don't know if you follow Doctor Morgan Lip, she at the time was doing a launch group for her book that she was coming out with. It's called it's right over here. Love your kids without losing yourself. And that title smacked me right between the eyes. Like this. This is what I want. This is. Yeah. So I was like, this is. This is an idea. This is a hobby. This is something, so I, I bought I joined the launch group where we got advance copies to read and really talk about them with each other. And then she did this pre-sale, promotion where if you buy ten copies of the book for a book group or whatever, she would do an hour for Q&A with the book group. And I was like, okay, I can start a group. So I went on Reddit and I started a book group, for moms, where we read this book, Everybody Buy or at least ten people bought the book. And, I had a group and I found these things. And then and from there, everything's kind of built its way. I but I really needed that one little thing of reading with a purpose, reading something that lit me up, that didn't feel like a chore, that was exciting to lead me to these other things that I'm now really excited about and doing, and figuring out who I am and trying on new hats. Like, do I lead a book group now? No, I don't. Do I even read? No, not really, because I'm listening to a lot of podcasts, but at the time, that identity fit and it felt really good. Yeah. Would you say that for you is maybe your moment, or was there something else that for you kind of like you said, maybe some of these things started to click. Yeah. I don't think I've had an moment really. I mean I've had a couple little ones truly. But I really think it's just been a series of breadcrumbs, like one little thing that I did like, I, I started, I joined the laundry, I'm going to read it. And that led to, oh, I'm going to start a book group. Okay, I'll do that. Which led to, you know, what I can lean into more to my Instagram page because I started a public Instagram page to kind of make connections and, oh, I can start doing activities and documenting the activities that I do with my kids. I don't meet a lot of needs because I started with an activity page and oh, I should make some connections, and I started making friends and oh, I can do this. And somebody said to me, oh, I love your voiceovers. You should do you should do voice acting or something. And I was like, oh, a podcast might be interesting. So it's really just like, like, like a little game with a mouse. Like, like it's not the next little thing and sure feels big. Like at this point, you know, starting a podcast is a big idea, but it never felt big because all of it was like, like just tiny little steps to get there. Yeah. And now I feel I don't necessarily feel like I, I'm not complete. I don't I'm not like, this is who I am, I am fixed, I am done. By this project of finding out who my identity is, is it's just so exciting. It's it like. And I think that's the goal is reconnecting with your joy and reconnecting with yourself as a person and seeing where you can fit in and finding things that light you up, that allow you to use the pockets of time in your day in an exciting way. Like you have these ideas, like when you have that five minutes alone time, you know what you're going to do with it. Instead of doomscrolling because you don't know what to do with five minutes, doesn't feel like enough to actually do anything. Yeah. Do you have any kind of thoughts or insights as far as like you said, maybe you have the five minutes that your brain is going. I'm still super exhausted and you know, I don't know if I could take on one. You know, another thing, even if it's a breadcrumb of a thing, I would say start by making a list, like, truly a list of things that you want to do when you're not in that space. Maybe it's when you're feeling bad about yourself, or you allow yourself to feel bad and say like, damn, I wish I had time to do this. I wish I had time to exercise, whatever. The thing is, I wish I had time to watch this specific show and put it down on the list. And then when you get that five minutes, you have a resource to access that you can like uses a menu like these are some things that I can do, like a five minute. If your goal is to exercise a five minute exercise, a five minute workout is a workout. It's better than zero minutes of it. Yeah, a walk around the neighborhood or honestly, a cup of coffee. I am. One thing I found working with moms is they feel really down on themselves. Like having a cup of coffee is such a lame excuse for a lame, lame self-care like this is a horrible self-care. Like, what is my life? That having a cup of coffee is my self-care, but that cup of coffee can allow you to really reconnect with yourself and dream and plan or check in with your body. Like, what do you need? Where do your what are your goals? Where can you go through that cup of coffee? So just use it with intention. So maybe you start, you have a cup of coffee with your fire. Yes. And I think what you mentioned there, just even that reframe because there is so much out there of what self-care is supposed to look like, should look like. And there we go. We go into somebody else's box, kind of defining what that means. And sometimes having that reframe of what is it that I need in this particular moment that I have access to, that I have the capacity to do? And, you know, is that a way that we should just offer ourselves just that little bit of compassion? It sounds like, in a little bit of grace, even to kind of say, hey, if I deserve to kind of sit here with my cup of coffee and take a nice big, you know, with me and really just sit in the, and luxury of it and, and slow down, even if it is for, like you said, just those five minutes. The kids. Okay, maybe they're they're crying a couple more, you know, a couple minutes of them crying. It's it'll be okay. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Definitely. Like we need to life is different now. And it is. It's not going to be like what it was. We're not going to be those people we are. And but we're becoming new people. Like we're not gone just because that person isn't who you are anymore. Just like when you were a teenager and you became an adult, that you weren't the same person anymore, but that. But you aren't gone. You just need to figure out what's going to bring you the joy and then seek the joy. So I, I have a freebie on my website. It's a Daily Dose of Joy challenge, where it's a bingo board of just little tiny things that you can do when you're feeling overstimulated, overwhelmed, whatever you're feeling, you're just feeling down on yourself that you can force yourself to do. Like pick up any of the things and use a silly accent to say things in a silly way. Name give an inanimate object a name and start talking to it like pretending, being pretend, tapping, just tapping into really basic joy can help you remember what it was like to laugh again and remember all of these things and just. And then it'll grow. It will start to blossom. It's like a muscle that you haven't used in a long time that you can really tap into. Yeah. That so as we kind of come to a close, one of the questions I love to ask my guest is that if you did have access to a Delorean, is there anything that you would go back at whatever point in time and offer to yourself, oh, gosh, wow, that's a biggie, because one of the things that I had to really come to terms with is how much control I've had to give up, right? So in some ways, my brain first went to like, oh, what would I tell myself to change or do differently? But so much of it I couldn't do any differently, right? Like I couldn't I couldn't control the circumstances. So maybe that's what I would tell myself. But like, I've never believed, you know. Yeah, you can't tell yourself. So it's all about accessing what you can control what's in your control. So I guess I would tell myself to stop following the big ideas or stop, stop now. Stop searching for the big ideas and find that joy. Find those pieces. Because it was way too long into my journey. Yeah, even though it's only been 3 or 4 years before I remembered I can be funny, I can laugh, and that's okay. Like, I think my kid was three when I really got together with friends and laughed and felt it like a big belly chest laugh. Yeah, so so just giving. Telling myself to find the opportunities to laugh again and find the joy would be great. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Like you said, kind of finding the joy and maybe even giving our self permission maybe to kind of go towards the joy and that it's okay to kind of choose us. Also, it doesn't have to maybe be either or can it be and, and yeah, I love that reminder. All right. So for anybody who wants to connect with you, who wants to and, you know, engage or benefit from all these wonderful resources that you have, how can they best find you? Yeah. So I am on, all of the platforms under a mom identity project where I'm posting every day, either clips of my podcast or just tips to help normalize this, but that are actionable and realistic that you can use. One of the ways that I'm looking forward to supporting more moms is I'm I've always felt through this journey, I wish I had somebody to talk to about all these ideas, like when you don't know where to start and you're stuck. I wish I knew where to go. So I'm very I love supporting moms in that way. I've worked with some moms of helping them, like, okay, I really like doing activities for, kids activities, but I don't know what I can actually do with that. So I helped her figure out how she can go into calf play cafes and offer like activities through that. So I love helping moms find what their bread crumbs are and like them. Yeah. So if you're listening to this and feeling like I'm totally lost, I'm like, I'm waiting for the big idea. Like, let's work together. Let's try to let's try to find the thing that's going to work in your life while letting you up and not feeling like a chore. And then my podcast is coming out, February 27th, where you're going to be in that initial launch, group of episodes. Very exciting. It's called Moms Guide to Finding Herself. You can find that all on my website, mom Identity project.com. Awesome. And as usual, all those links will be down below as well as this recipe. Here's my little sign. Yeah, I love and excited to to pop it in and have that for our meal today. So thank you so much for being willing to share this recipe, share your story, and and really help in this journey of helping other parents feel a little bit less alone in this. So I really do appreciate you being willing to kind of come on and chat with us. So thank you so much. And thank you everybody for tuning in. We will see you next time. If you or anyone that you know is struggling with any of the topics that we discussed in today's episode, make sure to check out our show notes for support and resources. You can get help. Thanks again for joining us on today's episode of The Real Family Eat. If you're a parent ready to share your real life parenting story, make sure to reach out to us and our website found in the show notes. And that goes for today's recipe social media's support and resources. All of that can be found in our show notes, so make sure to check them out and make sure to follow, like, share, subscribe, and stay up to date on all things the real family eats. I hope you'll join us next time for more food for thought and thoughtful food. Enjoy your eat.