The Perfect Mom Myth, Business Coaching + Baking Banana Bread with Julie Seal-Gaustad

In this episode, Julie Seal-Gaustad joins Reesa to talk business, parenting, and her family's famous banana bread. Get ready for practical insights, real-life challenges, and a recipe that's sure to become a household favorite.

• Julie introduces herself as a business and executive coach serving Southern California, sharing her career journey and client focus.
• The story behind Nana Kate's banana bread recipe and why it's a special family tradition.
• Step-by-step baking tips for making the moistest banana bread (with secret tips for extra flavor and texture).
• Julie's honest conversation about balancing business ownership with motherhood, including tough choices about childcare and quality time.
• Lessons on embracing flexibility, letting go of "perfect parent" expectations, and practicing humility and self-compassion as a parent and professional.

Connect with Julie: https://calendly.com/jsgactioncoach/discovery

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/juliesealgaustad/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/JSGActionCoach

*****

Nana's Banana Bread

Heat oven to 325 degrees 

Peel three bananas large or 4 smaller and crush with fork 

Grease a loaf pan with baking spray or solid Crisco 

Put these next ingredients in mixing bowl as indicated in directions 

3/4 to 1 cup sugar (depends on how sweet you like it) I have substituted 1/4 to 1/2 brown sugar with 1/2 cup regular for a change in taste 

1/2 cup canola oil 

Beat those two ingredients together for about 1 to 2 minutes 

Add 1 egg close to room temperature and beat again 

You can add 1 tsp vanilla at this point or not as you choose. 

In a separate smaller bowl put 1 and 1/2 cups of flour with 1 tsp soda and 1/2 tsp salt. You could add any dry spices, 1/2 to 1 tsp if you like. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. 

Stir to combine dry ingredients. 

Add the bananas to your liquid mixture, mix until blended. 

Add dry ingredients and mix only until well combined. 

You can add nuts, chocolate chips, cranberries, whatever at this time, give bread a quick stir to blend them in and then... 

Pour into baking loaf pan 

Bake for about 50 minutes, check by using tooth pick in center, if it comes out clean bread is done, if still a bit wet, cook about 5 to 10 minutes more watching closely. 

When done take out and put pan on wire rack for ten minutes to cool 

Then use knife to loosen edges and take out of loaf pan. 

Coo

******
Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a parenting specialist with a niche in supporting couples. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!

Make sure to like, follow, and subscribe!

For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/

If you are a parent ready to share your real-life parenting struggle and dish up a recipe with Reesa, apply here:
https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/real-family-eats-guest

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need personalized support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.

Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988

Go to your local hospital or call 911

Transcript

0:00

I don't believe in failure because I think if you learn from it, you you grow from it. Right. So how can you fail? Hey everyone, thanks for joining me. My name is Reesa and I'm your host. We are talking to real families about real stories here on the Real Family Eats, where we've got food for thought and thoughtful food. So let's see eat. Welcome back everyone. Today my guest is the lovely Julie. Julie, thank you so much for being a guest on the show today. Thank you for having me. Yes, I am very excited to chat about your story as well as your recipe. But before we get started, for anybody who doesn't know you, can you introduce yourself for us? Absolutely. So I'm Julie Seal-Gaustad with JSG Action Coach. I'm a business and executive coach, and I'm located in Temecula California, and I serve my clients all over Southern California. And just happy to be here and be able to talk with you about, you know, business and life and share a recipe. But, you know, for those of you out there, if you're interested, I work with business owners who are, you know, they've taken their business as far as they can on their own, and they're ready to work with someone to take it to the next level. You don't know how to get it to the next level, and they're ready to work with someone who can help them get there. Perfect. So now the perfect time then, for our shameless plug section. So where can people find your services? How can they get in contact with you? Tell us everything. Yeah. So my website is JSGactioncoach.com, and I'm also on Instagram at JSG action Coach. And on the website there's a contact form or feel free to DM me. Perfect. Wonderful. So I know you're also you know you're wonderful on the business side. You're also a mother as well. And so that's a very different hat that I love to kind of explore today as well. Before we get started with that though. What recipe are you sharing with us today and why did you choose that one? I'm so excited. Thank you for this opportunity because it's, this recipe itself is is a family recipe. And also it's something that my son and I do together. So, so perfect for this. And this is Nana Kate’s banana bread. And she will be so thrilled when she hears this podcast and is able to know that she's a celebrity now. Wonderful. Shout out to Nana Kate. Nana Kate. Yes. So this is Nana Kate’s banana bread. And it's important, to me as well as my son, because this is a recipe that we do together. So, Dylan loves making his banana bread. And I'm telling you, his banana bread around the neighborhood and at school, and amongst our friends and family is famous because it's literally, I like to say it's because of Dylan's love is what he puts into it. But this recipe is just like the most, and I hate this word, moist, banana bread that I have ever made and that I've ever had. Yeah. So, so I'm excited to share it today. Well, that's really awesome. And what I think is so interesting because, you know, I have a banana bread recipe that was passed down, you know, my aunt too, but it's so different than yours. And so it's just, I think it's amazing for me. Yeah. You think of bread like how many purees inherently there are. So yeah. So I'm really excited to try this one because I haven't tried this one. So, tell me the steps or kind of walk me through it so that I can get to mixing while we chat. And I was, sharing as I was sharing with you before we started. Hats off to you. Because, well, I have been making this for how long, and I have to still have the rest of my my mother's email is printed in front of me, and I was like, okay, nobody talk to me for Dylan. What does it say next, you know? So hats off to you for me able to come and and cook or bake at the same time. So first we crush the bananas with 3 or 4 bananas. And really, they're super ripe. Like, I'll even popping out of the freezer that is exactly 50,000 old bananas. There's a method to the madness. So, you know, 3 or 4 smooshy bananas, and then we show up on a plate, and then you're going to mix your wet goods together. So the oil, egg and vanilla and sugar you'll put in together. Ideally you do the sugar and the oil first. Perfect. And then add the egg and mix that. And I think to the more you mix it, the better of like the fluffier gets right. Again it's science. I don't know if this is my where the moisture person is. And then add in your vanilla okay. Mix that together and then fold in your bananas. Mix that together. And then you add in all of your dry goods. I do add cinnamon so you can add cinnamon and nutmeg. But with your dry goods will be the time when you want to add any of those kinds of festive seasonings. And then if you want, which is my fan favorite. He's going on seven, by the way. But my sense here is adding in because everything's better with chocolate. Absolutely. 100%. Yes. And then mix that in and you bake on I think. 325 so I have it for me. Like I 325 for 15 minutes. Okay. And then I would just check it with the toothpick and if there's no, nothing on it. Another trick is when you are done baking, take it out of the pan. Okay? You spread, out of the pan, and I let it rest for a little bit and just kind of feel it when it's still warm. Wrap it in saran wrap and then wrap it in foil and just kind of let it sit and or eat it that way. But that also is another fun waster to. Okay, wonderful. Well thank you for all the that. Yes. You're welcome. Man, I came for the original hot tub. Absolutely. So I can actually do those things. I'll get it going while we chat. Okay. I know one of the things that I'm so thankful that you're willing to to talk about because I've heard it from so many parents, is that you had a little bit of a decision to make that you were kind of struggling with. So can you walk us through what that decision was and maybe what what was going on for you? Why was it a difficult decision? Yeah. Yes. So, you know, my son being in kindergarten and where we are, it was half day kindergarten. Okay. And so the decision to put him in the after school program was fairly simple, because my husband works and I have my business, you know, I'm serving my clients, and I'll typically on my day by three. So I have, you know, I've had my set hours. Natural beauty of having your business right is that you get to determine your hours. You get to determine who you work with. You get to determine all of that. Right. And you can feel, you know, your personal goals, and then you design your business to fill this person. So first, you know, I had my first business, which I sold a few years ago. And now being a business coach, that's what that's what I coach my clients to do. Right to be right to do that. Yeah. So, you know, I have in my head I'm like, okay, you know, kindergarten that works out because my ideal day is I end at three and then I go pick them up from the from the after school program. And, you know, since he was born, when I had my first business, I was able to take two months off after I had him and the business ran itself with my team. That was the first year that we hit a million. Revenue was when I was gone. I was like, noted. Wow. How high? That's really go. Right? I'm like, oh, I'm doing fine. You know, I was able to take two months off and then, before he went into kindergarten, I again, I set my hours a certain way and two vacations a year, and, I had Fridays off with him until he went to kindergarten. So I've had this sort of in my head, like, this is what I want from motherhood. In my experience, this is what I want for him to to be able to have that time. And so that's. Yeah, since he was born is what I have had in my mind. And, you know, studying my son, my five year goals, my three year goals, my one year goal, all of that. And the personal side was always like, you know, I want to be doing this. I want to volunteer in this question. I want to be able to come back to school. And it came to first frame in first grade is, you know, all day yesterday. So mama's got a decision to make, right. And my husband, he's such a wonderful partner. And we, you know, he takes my son to school and I pick I pick him up and we're in collaboration. Yes. Oh for sure. Yes. Communication. Calendaring talent. Highly recommend. Yes. For yourself, but also for your your spouse. And over the summer, I was, you know, thinking about, okay, how am I going to structure my day because I, I love working. I mean, I love working, I love what I do, I love serving my clients, and I love seeing their success. And just having that part of of me. Right? Yeah. But also I have this ideal in my mind where he gets out at 315, so I need to end my day at like 245 because child after school, y'all know you better be there like a half hour early just to get on the line. Or if you need to park, you want to get to a good parking spot. Yeah. And so it of course it like brings up like this, you know, how am I going to I have to end my day to 45 and thinking about my appointments and, and my client schedules and all that stuff. And I'm doing more in person now, so thinking about travel and whatnot. And, and do you travel to them? Yes. Okay. Yeah. I travel to their office. So thinking about, you know, the travel time and yeah, you know, let's if we, if I meet with clients, you know, for an hour, up to an hour each session on the travel time, I factor in like another hour from, from their inbox so or to the next appointment. So, you know, I have all this stuff going through my mind and it was just really, keeping me up at night just thinking about, okay, am I going to I'm going to get my day at 245. And how is that going to work? And, you know, and then he gets out at 315 and it was sort of like, well, then what? So I pick him up and of course we can go have playdates and he's got after school activities like golf and things like that. Well, that doesn't start till 4 or 5. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm thinking, okay, well then he and I, I'm in the Occupy home, which I absolutely love doing, but then what am I going to have on my mind? Right. So if I'm in my day and I need to make sure that I'm tying things up by 245 technically in some way, along with the story about hopefully y'all are getting something from this, right? Yeah. It's me. You have to end my day at 230 technically, because for me that I want to transition into mom, okay, and be present. So ending my day early to be able to wrap things up the my next day so that I can show up for him. Clear. Hey, why is that so important to you? Can you say more? Yeah. It's the showing up, right? The different hats that we wear. Right? And it's showing up right when I. When I start my day and I'm intentional on 9 a.m., I start my with my client appointments, I start my office day or whatever. Yeah. If transitioning from sending the family off to business coach, business owner mode and that's where I'm at and being present, right, being present for that. So then when I'm ending my day and I'm going to have my son, it's giving myself that transition time to start finish up any. And that may just weigh on my mind or my heart and be able to come present for him. Gotcha. Yeah. So it's something that, there is a book, High-Performance habits. Brendon Burchard is but that one yet I highly recommend, but he talks about that transition time and giving yourself you know, he there's questions that he has to work through which I can't recall them right now, but I do my own version of it. And he talks about that transition times not feeling always just in the face of like the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. It's, you know, who needs me to be on my A-game, you know? So, so it sounds like in that instance, though, being able to maybe give to whomever, like you said, needs me in that moment, my, my full capacity versus being split amongst all the hats like you mentioned. And, you know, maybe everybody getting this. Yes, 25% right versus 100 is yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well and how do I want to be right to who do I need to be to be able to do what I need to do to have the relationships that I want with my child, or with my husband or with my friends, or being here today. Right. It's just, how do you show up? And so that was a total long story. That's not short, but to sort of wrap it up, it was do I where am I coming from that I feel like I need to pick them up at 315. Yeah. To be the mom that I need to be or that I want to be versus would it be better for both of us if he gets to go to the after school program, which, by the way, he loves? Because then it's like, you know, he's been at the same school now for his third year, all the school friends and family before friends or after school programs. Yeah. And they're not his class. So I'm, you know, one of his best friends. He goes and so he gets to see them and he gets to interact and have that kind of unwind time. Yeah. With his friends. And it's like, who am I to come in and be like, well, I said that I want it to be this kind of mom. So I'm going to pick you up at 315 and then we're going to go do stuff together. Yeah. Right. So it was like the moment that I had actually working with my coach. I have a coach who did this for and you know, just talk me through that with her. Yeah. We looked at some of the numbers and how many, you know, more clients could I serve. Having that extra half hour and maybe, like, does it have to be an either or. Could it be a both and where. Okay. You know, he goes to the after school program for five days a week or three out of five days, or I get to decide, hey, like today, Friday, I'm going to pick you up after school and go do these fun things together. Yeah. So I decided that I wanted him and I to have that both and. Okay. Yeah, but it was it was like I had to look at myself and think, okay, where is this coming from? And is, you know, five years ago and I'm, I'm looking at my personal goals. Right. Okay. I want to work so that I could pick up my child after school. Well, here I am. And maybe five years ago, what I thought I wanted or that I wanted for him or that I thought would be best. Yeah, isn't necessarily it's not that fully right. It's not both. And we're like, you can have both of I pick them up sometimes now. And he's just like, oh, I'm like, well I could go to Nordstrom and come back if you want. He's like no no no. Yeah. You know he was for like great. And then I get to have that extra half hour and just to wrap things up. Or if I do get finished I just want to see more him come in or whatever. Yeah. So yeah, I'm really curious for you because you said that this is a decision even that was kind of keeping you up because it sounds like you had a very specific kind of narrative in your head of what you were going to be like, how you're going to show up as a parent. Can you walk me through a little bit about what was that construct for you, like, what was that narrative that you had? Yeah, I don't. Know. Exactly. That's what I really dug in. Like where did that come from? What what I can say is that because historically, this is how this is how my son and I have been right where, you know, I've had a at least one day off with him every single week for I would call it your mommy, mommy and daddy time and then, you know, moving into kindergarten where it's like, okay, that, you know, I didn't have a choice, right? Yeah.

But I have worked until 12: 17:15

55 a.m. and then whatever. Yes. You know, I, I want to be able to have both because it goes back to the whole thing like you left going. Yeah, there you go. For a few hours. It's not going like it's not right. So this construct of, you know, what is it? You're trying to be the perfect mom where I'm like, okay, I, I have these hours and it is beautiful that I get to be in this for myself and structure that well. And I can be done at this time so I can go pick them up at this time, and then I can be the perfect mom and we can go and do the things. Yeah. Versus is that what he wants? And are we am I still a good mom? And he's still a wonderful child. And we can have both. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And it sounds like for you that there was this maybe archetype. Because I heard you mention a couple times that perfect mom. And so for you, because, I mean, I know that's something that I've struggled with. Perfect. You know, that perfect news for. Exactly. I've heard that from other parents. And so I'm really curious, like for you, where where were you getting your definition of perfect? Mom? No, no, I think, I am my own, you know, I so I grew up my mom, my mom was home until maybe six, four, six, three, which is great. Okay. And not that that necessarily perfect, but maybe that's what I knew. You know, I think, too, we often compare ourselves, right, to, what others might be doing. Doesn't that seem dreamy? But I think it also, you know, I had this vision in my mind that I get to decide because this is, you know, this is, it's going back to like setting up those personal goals right where I share with you. You know, I, I always see like every quarter we do quarterly planning and we do, kind of workshops with our clients and with other local business owners. And in that pre planning process, you look at, okay, five years, five years from now, what does my life look like personally and really specific. Right. How many hours do I want to be working. What is my what am I doing. Where am I going. What is my plan doing? What kind of car driving like? What are those things that you want to have? Yeah, things. Or it could be things. It could be spirituality. It could be family. It could be whatever you want to have. And then what does my business look like then, five years from now, so that I can have those things, and then you this then three years from now, what does my personal life look like one year from now is look like, you know, like how much you want to make or how and how much do you want to have away and your retirement and all those things and since you was born like that, when I do that activity every single quarter. Yeah. Couple quarters. This is real, right? In the free time, I always have a plan. A plan for the months plans. But, that was actually one of the activities that my coach had me look at or go back to when I was working through this is I have this moment where I'm like, I haven't looked at my five year personal goals in like maybe three quarters or something because I'm sort of just like, okay, well, this is where we're going and whatever. Like you're the general. It sounds like a yes, you know, the specifics that you worked right to kind of construct. And I was like, oh my gosh, I should go back and look and see, like, is this what I prepare for? And how has that changed? Guess what? It's okay if it does change. Yeah. You know, you look as far as you can see and then you look further. And that's kind of where I was at where it was this, whatever, wherever my ideal came from that I had been holding on to, it shifted. Yeah. Let me shift again in the year, you know, shift again. You know, maybe when he turns ten or when he goes to middle school, you know, when he's. Yeah. I was like, mom, I may have any children. So, what what do you all think in the comments? I was like, your middle school funds. Sure. I'm sorry. Yeah, right. And that's. I mean, how beautiful. Right? That's just how life is. And you know, his he's, you know, our first and only. And you're learning, right? So learning how constant reflection. Yes. Learning constant humility. Can you say more about that? Because I think it I think it's really important that not many parents remember or think of. So parenting is humbling. Oh it's like you know the small examples of like you think you're real funny until your child tells you that you're not or like you come down and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm really for myself. Like yeah, your husband. Oh and you're tacos. And you're like, no, you're supposed to tell me I look pretty, but they're just so they're so honest. Yeah, right. So like, this puts you back in your place. Really? Now? I think it's, you know, we're as humans, we are lifelong learners. You know it. We're constantly looking at ways to learn new things and and grow ideally. Right. And, nothing makes you reflect more and see how you can do better. Than having a child. Right. That's like I mean in business to business there's you make mistakes and I don't believe in failure because I think if you learn from it you you grow from it. Right. So how can you fail. And so there's these, these moments. Right. Are these things, these challenges that you come across. And it's how can you what could I have done differently or how do I need to start next time? Or you know, what do I mean? How is Peyton saying or mommy, mommy could have done better in this particular situation and it's okay. And they need to see that, you know, is that part of the humility that it takes to be a part that you're mentioning, to even say you're sorry? Because I know that's something that, again, I think is important that many parents I've seen, you know, whether it's professionally or even personally, that that's a struggle to go back to your child to say, hey, like, I made a mistake and that could have gone very differently. Yeah. Is that kind of been your experience as well? Yeah. Where it's these learnings. Right. I mean, we're all we're all learning and, you know, I, I would be curious, like when you have two, you know, does that change right where it's like, okay, you learned all these things with this one, but then you have a second one that second or third or how we to have these completely different personalities. Yeah. And you are a different parent I would imagine, than you were. So I don't I don't have that experience that I could imagine. And so this is constant learning. Yeah. When, when there's moments of like, oh like that worked. Right. And there's those times that worked. I can remember that next time. And then of course, you do it again and they're just like, they laugh at you now or like, you know, you you make something and they love it. And it's like, great, I'm going to make this. They can have leftovers tomorrow, tomorrow. And they're like, I don't like this yesterday evening. Right. Yeah. You love carrots with ranch. You know all of a sudden you don't like carrots. Oh my gosh. Okay. So yeah being able to because when I want to teach them right that they, that they don't have to be perfect and that when they make a mistake, you know, giving them the tools and even cleaning up the words to be able to come back and say, I'm sorry and next time we'll do this, we could do it differently, or I feel bad about that or so holding it in. Yeah, just going even crappier. So that modeling for them directly. Yeah. So instead of, you know, relying on that do what I say, not what I do, actually showing them that. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And I heard you mentioned in there to kind of that something that you've learned and maybe even, you know, you teach others on the coaching side that I think is, is relevant on the parent side as well, is some of that that flexibility in what the plan looks like or what your goals look like, because it can be I feel like it can be really easy to get stuck in. Well, this is what I thought I was going to do. So now I'm bending myself and all in like a contorted way, almost to try to fit something that I made a game plan about two years ago. Is that when you're experience, you know, I think, right. It's that flexibility and I think to with the, the planning is before I got my coach, you know, the, the year, the end of the year, I would you said, okay, these are the 20 things that I want to accomplish in my business. This next year, I mean, you don't look at it again until the end of the year and you're like, oh, I actually did most of those things. Isn't that convenient. Right. For reactive. Yeah. So being intentional about it and, and kind of reflecting as you go okay. Is is the key or it's like, okay, this is the these are the things for me like this is forward like, could I actually do all these 20 things this year or you know, what are the top 3 or 5. But going back it's you know before I got my coach I so I always have like okay by this age I want to own a condo by this stage. I want to get my masters by this stage I want to do this. But then also if I had, if I didn't have the flexibility, then the opportunities that were presented to me, I don't know if I would have been as open because it's like, well, this is what I these are the things I said I was going to do or this is what I said I was. And by this age or in this amount of time where, you know, I had no idea I was going to start this is I mean, that was never my family. You know, they aren't business owners and yeah, your teachers and your cops and, ministers and, you know, right. And, But because I was open and have these things, so I knew I wanted to do, there were opportunities presented. So I feel like if you get too rigid, I am so long winded, but, these opportunities, if you are so, so structured and so which is what, you know, if what if somebody presents something or what if you meet someone that could be introducing you to something else, or, being in the right place at the right time where you're just like, oh, no. Yeah. So having that kind of flexibility, it's going to be huge for you personally. How did you get to to that shift, that mindset of being open, like you said, is that something that you just always had or was that something you learned? I mean, I think I always have. Okay. I was I was thinking about a little bit this morning about a conversation we're going to have and, just like, yeah, I think I've always been open and yes, I've, I've planned. Okay. But I am more of a risk taker, I think, than some of the members of my family. Yeah. And but calculated risk. Right. So before when I was in my full time job and started my first business as a side hustle before I left that full time job, I definitely analyze the wrestling. I need to know I need to make this much money, and here's how much health insurance it's going to cost. And you know these things you have to think about. And like, I was there with my side hustle, so I knew I could safely leave my full time security. Yeah. And go full force into into my business. So it's yeah, they count making sure that there's the you're being, you know, intentional I guess about it. But yeah. Yeah. And it sounds like there's intentionality and there's also it sounds like you're honoring kind of both sides of the brain. The kind of the logic is this rationale for me to just kind of quit, I'm done or, you know, and just fully embrace the emotions of, like, I want to do this and I'm excited to do this, you know, and being able to find that balance, it sounds like, of honoring the emotions that these are things that are very important to me, kind of core value stuff. It at the same time, like you said that and peace. Yeah. Logic and rationality is something that's going to be useful for me to kind of have in the moment. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like goes back to, you know, circling back to the the topic of our conversation about that decision I made over the summer, it was where I was coming from was more originally, it was more of an emotional asset. Right. It was a more of a feeling. Yeah. This is how I feel about how I need to show up, or I have to pick up at 315 and I gotta work this out. And when I was doing the logistics events and this makes sense, that the emotion the feelings were were in. Where when I step back my thought you know, what is it. Yes. It's the feeling. But what makes the most sense. And what does the person on the other side want now that, you know, they're old enough to, to have their, you know, you know, what they like and what they want to do is that the logic side as well. Yeah. I'm curious for you and your journey kind of how how were you or were you able to kind of move out of that, that part of your brain that was trying to kind of convince you that by putting him in her, you know, the extra however long it is. I mean, literally it's like 30 or 40. So, like really, truly. But I think, I think that's so important because our brains are really powerful that sometimes we forget that. Yes, again, on a really high level, we might know it's 30, 45 minutes. Is that really going to make a difference? But our brains are really good at being like, yes, it is. You know, that's the difference between it sounds like, you know, then correct me if I'm wrong. Kind of that perfect parent versus feeling in some way, shape or form. Is that. Yeah, yeah. And you know, for for me too. It's the balance harmony. Right. The, the work life harmony where I enjoy what I do, I enjoy it. I am so full and fulfilled in what I do and being able to do that for others and helping them to get to a place for their, their business and their personal lives are fulfilled. Right. And so. And it makes me a better mom and a better wife and a better friend and a better daughter and sister. Right. When I'm, in a space where I have this harmony. Yeah. And so is that kind of for you, how you were able to kind of get unstuck from that? Like, like you said, the feeling narrative. Yeah. Yeah. The you know what what I thought I wanted. And again this time I thought I wanted five years ago, three years ago I'm here and it's not necessarily would it be great. Yeah sure. But it's not necessarily what I want right now or it's not what I want. My husband, well he's just like whatever you want to do. He's so great with you, too. He's just like, it's not going to make a difference. And you know, he's not going to grow up and be this terrible person

because you picked him up at 4: 34:32

00 instead of 315. Yeah. It's hard to see that sometimes you know through that and, and go all the way out because it can, you know, be very easy. I don't know about you, but I know I'm, I'm amazing at kind of looking at something and then, like you said, kind of going in the eye of how did I cause this, how is this my fault? And, you know, it's something that I know I work with so many parents because there is kind of this notion that in some way shape or form, if we are, whether it is going and getting a job, or working and not being present for all the things that maybe we would really love in a perfect world where we didn't have to worry about bills or, you know, surviving or anything like that, we would love to be at all these things. But realistically, it's it's not always going to be able to coexist in that way. But sometimes it is easy to kind of get into that, that mindset, that, okay, what are all the ways that I'm going to feel this child and they're going to need therapy and it's going to be because, I mean, it's concept, right? It's the it's that humility part, where you're responsible for this beautiful life. Yeah. And but again, it's like everybody makes mistakes, right? You know, our parents were perfect. Their parents before them weren't perfect. It's like, what can you take of what you value? And, you know, if you have a partner with your partner and make it your own and just be the best that you can be and that you know how to be always, you know, makes me feel a certain way. Why is that for you? You have to cry. Tears are real. Tears are real. Really close. I don't know. I think it just. It moves me. Just moves me, you know, this this beautiful child. Yeah. So. Yeah. I mean, it's such a palpable thing when when you hear people talk about it being like your heart outside your body. Yes. I mean, I don't know about you, but I absolutely identify with that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's well, it's it's a major pressure. It is. Yeah. Yeah. But we do the best that we can. Right. I think, this it goes back to at least for me personally. Right. Like how when we are together, how do I want to show up. Yeah. And that goes back to the in I'm up at what time right where I know myself and I know if I have to, if there's one more thing. Okay? There's one more thing. Oh, shoot. Now I'm gonna be like, when I feel good, right? Versus, hey, cool. I'm going to end my still and my day at three, and I can close up and do the things, and I can go pick them up and be who I want to be. Yeah. And show how I need to show up to make the most of our time together versus, you know, just because I have to. Or there's something in me that says that I have to. And, you know, I know that there are there are parents that have to do that. And I think my, the book that I recommended earlier, High-Performance habits, I think that would be a great resource where, you know, some people I feel like I have a luxury that way, and not everybody does. And, you know, but being able to like, even if it's two minutes in the car, you know, just stop and and think and how, how, how does my, you know, son or daughter or multiples. Right. Need me to be on my A-game right now? And there's, you know, write down things that you just want to get out of your head and think about later or whatever. Just, you know, making the most of your time. We're not perfect, right? Yeah. So sometimes I'm like, but not as often as I would otherwise. And it sounds like for you, because you had already built this habit of kind of ending your day at this prior time, that it was easier for you to kind of keep that consistent. Yeah. To then be able, like you said, to practice more of these other new skills that you had brought on board of your almost. It's like a ritual of how do I kind of close one door and go to the next? And allowing work to be work and home to be home. Yeah. Which is such a, it's such a important skill, but it's a very hard skill. Yes. Right. We're all work in progress. Yes. You need to check yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think what, what I also heard you say earlier as well is also, yes, we are going to make mistakes, but that openness, that humility as you mentioned to to be able to one own that and then take that reflective what can I change what is in my control to be able to continue growing versus just kind of sitting? Well, I don't know anything else. So this is just what I'm going to keep doing and kind of hoping that it changes even though we're not changing. Right. And so it sounds like for you, you really fell in that way of, of really leaning into that humility to be able to say, yeah, I, I'm going to mess that. So how can I, you know, treat myself with the same loving kindness that I maybe would treat my child when they mess up? That looks sound familiar, right. And and at the same time. So where what can I learn from this? How can I practice, you know, tying it all together then that flexibility to be able to, to mold and to adapt to kind of the goals, to kind of fit what I need right now, what my family needs right now. Yeah. Versus maybe what I thought I was going to need, however long ago when you kind of set that life plan, right, if you will. Yeah. I was like, oh, here we are. It's like, oh, this is not quite what I had in mind, but it's like it's exactly where it's this being you. This is the thing to a couple of things that are that one, you're giving yourself grace, right? Giving yourself grace and empathy. And you said controlling the things that you can't control. Yeah. And that's, that's what we have to do in so many ways. Right. It's hard to let go of that control. And at least, you know, I know I, I've, I had difficulty. It's definitely a minute by minute kind of choice indecision. But knowing that it is a choice that we get to make to say, okay, realistically, right. Can I control this if I if you don't want carrots or French to have cucumbers or celery or something. Yeah. The flexibility flexibility and solutely I love it. So I know you share kind of a little bit of your moment. I'm curious though, and the question that I want to ask that if you did have access to a Dorian and you were able to kind of go back and tell yourself or offer anything, to yourself, then to listeners that are maybe where you were at previously, anything else that you would kind of offer yourself? I think that we sort of, I think, giving give yourself grace. I think that there's there's some moments where, you know, we're herself, especially as women. We feel like we are. We have to somehow construct and, you know, speaking out of turn, but where we have to be perfect, that we have to be at all to everyone. Right? And it's giving yourself grace that that's not it's not possible. And it's what makes what makes you happy and, you know, happy, happy mom, happy wife, happy life. Right? But also that, you know, you're doing your best. Yeah. And that, you know, you you're going to make mistakes, you're making things. And it's, what what do you learn from them and taking accountability for it. Right. So I think if I were to go back just reminding myself that you're not perfect and that's okay. And they, you know, my child doesn't expect me to be perfect. They're going in. Yeah. It's hard to remember that the joy again, because it is such a precious life. I think, again, going back to that idea of that pressure of wanting to be your very best all the time. Yeah. Because you feel like that's what they deserve. Yeah. And that's such a hard transfer to live up to. Yeah. Woman. You know, I don't I don't want him to feel like he has to be perfect either. And that, you know, mommy, my mom is going to be seven. So all of a sudden at six, he starts coming home. And like my mom said, come on, your mom, it's like nothing happening. Yes, there is the call me Julie. Sometimes I'm like that. That's where I'm like, no, wait till you get to the, you know, the bra or the, Yeah. Right. Mom, you're so fast. Think, you know, Oh, I forgot we're talking about three. No, you're just talking about that again. That concept that also normalized. Yes. Yeah. So, you know, so that he learns how to give his himself some grace so that he knows how to own his mistakes. Okay. And that we've, you know, he'll still be loved and also have friends and, you know, that forgiveness. So I think that one is so important that you mention that you'll still be in love. Because I think that also going both ways, that sometimes our kids may feel like if they make a mistake, we're not going to love them and vice versa. But if we as parents make a mistake, yeah, it's that can impact my child. Yeah. Yes. And they're like, there is something that I heard some kind of podcast or something, but, you know, sometimes they'll be little things at school, you know, they'll come home and share with me mistakes or teachable will tell me, it was something that I heard and the phrase, so I'll say to him, you know, I love you no matter what. And no matter what good days and bad days, bad choices, big choices, good moments, bad moments, like my love is always and, for one night when you know when it's saying that, which is pretty much every night. So I'm like one night, every night, you know, he wrote me a little note post-it and he said, mom, I have a note for you guys. Okay? So he give it to me and it says, mom, I love you no matter what. And I was like, oh, fine, you can stay up all night. You really know how to work. I know, and, Yeah. Oh, okay. Kind of like your stance. But also maybe the time. Could be an end right. Yes yes yes yes exactly. And he loves me no matter what exactly. Yes. Yeah. That was just the phrase I heard. And, this, you know, I got this email from a teacher, and we have to talk about it. And what can we do differently next time? Yeah. And then, you know, before we go to bed, you know, I mean, no matter what. Yeah. Yeah. You got your special one. Yeah, I love it. Yeah. Well, yeah, I know that, it's not always easy to kind of share some of these things. I really do appreciate you being willing to kind of up the fight in and normalizing that parent. Parenting is hard. I think the best thing ever. But then also it's hard. Yes. No, absolutely. It's that and that's it. That's the word of the day. We're sponsored by the word. And yes, and I also, really appreciate you being willing to, to share this recipe with us. And so I've got in my hand will get it. And I will make sure it's up. And I'm excited to try this moist with. Different. Looks like it's going to taste great. Well, yeah. I want to thank you for creating the space. Know, between the podcast. So you sure you know it? You know, you're you're doing it. You're living it. It's really powerful. But also making a safe space if you want to share these things and also to, help other parents know that you're not alone and that it's normal. Normalizing the normal. Yeah. I mean, people don't necessarily share or talk about. So. Well, thank you very much. I appreciate your words. I appreciate your time. And thank you everyone for tuning. And we'll see you next time. Everybody. If you or anyone that you know is struggling with any of the topics that we discussed in today's episode, make sure to check out our show notes for support and resources. You can get help. Thanks again for joining us on today's episode of The Real Family Eats. If you're a parent ready to share your real life parenting story, make sure to reach out to us and our website found in the show notes. And that goes for today's recipe social media's support and resources. All of that can be found in our show notes, so make sure to check them out and make sure to follow, like, share, subscribe, and stay up to date on all things the real family. I hope you'll join us next time for more food for thought and thoughtful food! Enjoy your eat!