How to Quiet Critical Self-Talk: Kate Anderson on Breaking Cycles + Big Mac Casserole

In this candid episode, Kate Anderson, mom of three and owner of Kate Anderson Fitness, joins Reesa Morala, LMFT, to explore the challenges of raising children with vastly different personalities. Kate opens up about the struggle of recognizing how her own negative self-talk influenced her children’s inner narratives and the steps she’s taking to break the cycle of self-criticism.

As they discuss parenting strategies, self-awareness, and personal growth, Kate also shares her recipe for a Big Mac Casserole—a creative, family-friendly twist on a fast-food classic that’s sure to be a hit at the dinner table.

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🍔 Tried the recipe? Let us know how it turned out!

 
Find Kate at:
https://www.facebook.com/kateandersonfitness
info@kateandersonfitness.com

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Big Mac Casserole

INGREDIENTS:
2 lbs of lean ground meat
1 c Thousand Island dressing
1/4 c mayonnaise
1 c diced yellow onion
1 c diced dill pickle
1 tbsp onion powder
1 tbsp garlic powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 cup shredded triple cheddar cheese blend
24 oz frozen tater tots

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Pre-heat oven to 375.
2. In a large skillet with cooking spray, sauté onions until lightly translucent and add ground meat and brown. 
3. Once cooked through, remove and place in an oven safe casserole dish and set aside.
4. In a separate bowl, mix dressing, mayonnaise, dill pickles, onion powder, garlic powder, salt, and pepper. 
5. Take 3/4 of mixture and combine with the ground meat and half of the cheese. 
6. Top with the remainder of the cheese and cover the whole casserole with tater tots.
7. Cook in the oven until tater tots are golden brown and mixture is bubbling. 
8. Remove from the oven and drizzle the remainder of sauce mixture on top. 
9. Serve on its own or on bed of greens.
 

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Disclaimer:
The content presented here is for informational purposes and does not constitute mental health treatment or professional advice.

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please reach out to emergency services or a crisis hotline in your region.

The views shared by participants in the show are their own and do not necessarily align with the platform’s positions.

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Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a couples counselor for parents providing therapy in person in Murrieta, CA and virtual couples therapy in California. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!

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For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com

If you are a parent ready to share your real-life parenting struggle and dish up a recipe with Reesa, apply here:
https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/real-family-eats-guest

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need personalized support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.

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Transcript

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And I'm sure some of the negativity and the frustration he could feel and he he could become frustrated. Then it starts to become self-talk. Hey everyone, thanks for joining me. My name is Reesa and I'm your host. We are talking to real families about real stories here on the Real Family Eats, where we've got food for thought and thoughtful food. So let's eat! Hey everyone, my guest today is the lovely Kate Thanks for joining us today. You're welcome. All right, so for everyone who doesn't know you out there, can you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about your parenting life and what you do? Sure. I’m Kate Anderson And I'm a mom of three kids and my kids are all older. 22, just graduated college, 18. Just graduated high school. And then the little guy is nine and he's just living his best life. That’s where we’re at with that. And then I also own a business. I own Kate Anderson fitness and just trying to juggle parenting and kids and everything and just trying to raise, like, happy, healthy good for society kids. Yeah, that's the goal. Well, we're doing it. 100% So this is our time for Shameless plug. I know you mentioned Kate Anderson fitness. Can you tell us kind of how we can find you? What are some of the programs that you offer? Thank you. So, Anderson Fitness, you can find it on Facebook and on Instagram. Facebook. More reliable source, I’m on there more often And let's be honest with regard to what we offer we really catered towards moms and families. When I first started 11 years ago, I had two goals in mind one, get moms together for the social dynamic. Right? Because we all need to suffer together, nobody wants to suffer alone. Absolutely. What can I do to make fitness and nutrition easy for moms or families in general? Because you always have something. Yeah, we like moms. We always put ourselves on the back burner. And really, we need to be the oxygen mask. And we need to care of ourselves to help others. Yeah. We always Forget that part. Absolutely. Everything we do is kid friendly. And there's been days. And this is why I love it. Is the days where people walk in with puke all over their clothes. And like I am here or. I made it. You're my person. Glad you're here. Yeah. And then throw the kid at somebody. You know. Absolutely. Very cool. And so that's definitely a place to check out more local. Do you do it just here in Temecula. It’s Temecula, Menifee and, Murrieta those 3 locations, Kind of the tri-cities Yeah. Perfect. All right, so make sure to check it out. All right. So what recipe are you going to share with us today? Okay. First my disclaimer this is not healthy, but it came from one of our dear friends as a quick, easy meal. Healthy. You're healthier. I've made it healthier, guys. It's healthier. But the thing is, the kids love it. And when you have this a few minutes to just throw something together, this is just a great one to do. So these are going to protein in it right? Absolutely. So let me you maybe we'll figure this out. But one of the things I wanted to mention make it healthier that we're talking about it. Okay, so, friend, can I eat this? We actually got a giant fat of lettuce. Yeah, and, like, make a salad and throw this on top of it. Okay, so that way we're getting more vegetables that we are actually the fun stuff of it. Yeah, right. These things together. Just like a salad bowl. Okay. Yeah. And so this is called and you call it like the Big Mac is something that casserole. Yes. Okay. So we made it healthy. And I think the fact that like you said, you can then serve it on top of what else? I mean, that would still align with kind of the Big Mac, right? You normally. Yeah. What greenery on there even though it's not maybe as much as like soupy. So we can add that. So I love that okay. So what do I get started with. And I'll I'll start cooking while we chit chat. Perfect. You're gonna start with the ground turkey for then let's go back. Let's start with the onions. First we're going to take them and turn them brown. Okay, I can do that. And then I'll just like spray the pan or whatever. You are there I can do that. So I do want to hear more. I know we're chatting a little bit, and I'd love for you to kind of share some of real life parenting struggles, because after all, that's what we're here to chatting about. And, hey, talk to me a little bit about some of your experience, why we're kind of the different dynamics, your older kiddos, and then adding, you're you're the third, right. And some of the, the struggles that kind of happened there. And I know your family is a little bit different because you're not always parenting with a partner, correct? Yeah. So, actually both time like I share with you, as this military is now pilot too, so he has always been gone. So when I raised both girls, he was just not around. He's missed, I think, with the exception, maybe two birthdays, all Kerry's birthdays. Oh, really? And so, you know. And she's now 18. She's not 18. Exactly. Just to give you guys what I think she I think he's missed maybe 15 or 16 ever 18 birthdays. Wow. And there's years where I was just sad because he'd come home the day after her birthday or close. You know, we just kind of. It just kind of happened. Yeah. And, you know, you deal with that heartbreak. And within. And then. Yes. And then the little guy. So now he's my husband's home somewhere, right? And then we got this little guy, and there's an age gap between the two older ones. Yeah. And then this little guy who is very different, you know, my first one was seven inches for the second one is easy to like. Happy go lucky to please everybody. And super easy. Always willing to help with anything or everyone. And then you got this little guy who's just neither of those things. Well, he's both of those things. Really. Okay, so I think it was his own little creature. Yeah. So it's very different. And they say this and it's so true to having the two girls and then having a boy. His boys are just different. Like, your boys are really great. Like they really are great. My son literally wakes up. And for the time he was born, I swore he'd wake up. I want to just destroy stuff. Yeah. Lots of energy. Yeah. You know, like, let's take this apart. Let's. And I'm like, what is happening? Yeah. Especially when you raise two girls who are just very, like, energy, but it's a different type of energy. Okay? And somebody told me once and I, I held on to it and boy it's not other you know worse. And the girls are just with energy. And it's just a different energy okay. And I'm so grateful to have them because how boring with my life. The other boys. But yeah. So like there's challenges with him and he is pretty much being raised by not just me. But then he's got these two older sisters who are very much like this weird dynamic of big sister role as well as a parent role. How does that play out? Like how do you think that kind of changes things? So like they're on him like way harder and I don't know what happens, but like, as you have kids, you sure caring less about their structure and you just think, yeah, they turned out okay. Oh my goodness. I can totally relate. I remember, you know, with my first one Malachi, it was very much like sanitize everything and like, oh my goodness, you did this like sound the alarm, you know, versus like, but at the end of the day, like you would sanitize everything and you so watching the bottom of a sheet. So then by the second when you're like, oh, you're gonna lick your shoe anyway. So you just, you just and I think you just become more relaxed with it and you just maybe become okay, like, you know what? They're going to be okay. And I think it's my favorite thing to share to people is whenever they're worried, like, yeah, your kid's going to be fine, right? Like and also, you know, at least there's some talk about therapy later on, right? Like, I know I'm giving somebody a job, a future job. I know there's no matter how great of a parent we think we are not. Yeah. Our kids, we grew up with a whole different perspective over something like what happened to what really happened. And even my girls now have conversations and I'm like, that's not what happened. But in their head, yes, that's how their life look, right? Absolutely. Can't judge on their perspective. So I think just giving yourself the freedom to just be like, yeah, like, are you doing the best you can for what? You're good. Sure. And then each kid has a different personality too. Yeah. And, JJ is definitely overly confident, which has its own challenges. We think honesty. Right. We're absolutely. And I imagine again, like we look at these qualities and sometimes right, it can make it really difficult on the parents job because you're you're trying to navigate this at the same time knowing like the confidence, like you said, can be a huge asset as he grows up. And so how do you navigate like I want you to feel confident at the same time like do there's limits. Yeah. I mean I've learned to like my new phrase that I've been using lately is stuff we can talk. I mean, I talk. Yeah, and his sisters talk. He talks to me more than the rest of us. And I just learned to say, you are going to be such a successful sales person or business person later on. Yeah, because that is a great characteristic that you're looking for in a future employee. Right now the endless ramble you're. Yeah. Two seconds. You I think you're absolutely right. It's a balance of like yes we want to we want to do this. At the same time if you are an environment where you can't be the only one like monopolizing the conversation, but there's also some degree of like sharing. We're working on this. Hey, we're all a work in progress. That's that's the real truth. Yeah. And yeah, I know with JJ, he's. My girls are so academic. Okay. Like, I, I couldn't even tell you how to log into their grades at all, because if they got a minus that or freaking out, I don't know. Yeah. I mean, so, you know, I, I yeah, I never check their grades. I never ever, ever, ever. And they're always studying. They're always doing homework. They're always reading books and they're just so academic. Yeah. And then you got JJ who, he's smart and I believe is just as smart as the sisters, but he doesn't want to apply it in the same way that they wanted to apply it. So with my oldest, she was smart and wanted everyone to know how smart she was. Okay. And then with the middle, we always joke that she's the secret smarty and like she's smart, so she has to work so hard and study so hard to get where she was. Right. It didn't come natural to her. Yeah, but she's willing to put in the work because that's what she wanted. And then JJ he's like oh it is what it is. Yeah I looked through his report card. Yeah 80% in his writing. And like two my girls never going to be ever okay. And I'm like dude this is like almost a C. And he's like well it's 80%. It's still a B. And even C's are fine. So you get degrees are like, let me kid you and you get the degree. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, and that's the thing, right? I'm sure that he might look at it and go, do I want to go? And that's what I'm worried about. And then like, you know, and it's such a weird switch to have two very academic kids and then have the one where you're just fighting for it. And I'm trying to change my mindset, too, because I was so frustrated last year with his spelling. Okay, 20 words, two weeks. Learn them. I don't understand why you can't learn them. And so then I started realizing that for me, when I learn things, I got to move around. I got to travel and whatever, I don't I can't just study something. Yeah. So then I just start tying that in with baseball. So we play around the world with his spelling words. Okay. Which helped, but still there were some weeks where he just wasn't doing great with the styles. Right. And the frustration. And you, you just want to say like, dude, like I don't understand why you're such an idiot about that in your brain. Yeah, right. And then I'm like, I'm sure some of the negativity and the my frustration he could feel and he, he could be from frustrated. Then that starts to become a self-talk. Him right for him for him. Yeah. Like oh I can't do it. Like I can't do it, I can't do it. Yeah. So I switched around this year and the new thing I'm telling him, and they get this thing lined up that I can switch it this year. So he, got tested in his whole offensive game, which is a story in itself. I when he became he's going into a fourth or fifth class. Okay. So what I've done now, something he only on paper are you for like they tested you and they said, you're so smart now they know you're so smart. They're putting you in a fourth, fifth class and fourth grade. So they think you're so smart that you're capable of doing this. Yeah. That means you're one of the smartest kids in school. So you have to work so hard this year to prove to them how smart you are. And I'm hoping that maybe like that switch dynamic of telling him everyone believes how smart you are. Build him up and put in the work then. Yeah. Do you think that for him? You know, because I hear you saying that, like you said on paper. So for the game is our version of the gifted and talented, you know, program that, you know, he's got the skills. He's got the capabilities. Do you think for him there's just a lack of motivation or lack of, like buying? I think he's a third kid. You know, birth is a real. But I think it's yeah I think it's, combination one the lack of motivation and self-discipline to do it. And you just see every kid's different then we just have to be on him more. Right. And actually when they appreciate it I'm just going to be more strict about his education with him. And then it's also the combination of the attitude of like the relaxed attitude about it. Like he doesn't get so wrapped up in what other people want to like him, but he doesn't feel like his grades define who he is, which is a great thing. Holding on to say hi, I was going to say, you know, his. You definitely hear some of the opposite, right? I can remember, even just from my own childhood, this idea where I put so much pressure on myself because I, I thought, you know, in order for my, you know, and I have a whole different dynamic, but, you know, the narrative that was going on in my head was I had to do all these things in order to kind of be be a good child and kind of live up to that and the standards that they set. Absolutely. And so there was this like hyper focused kind of perfectionism that ended up kind of coming from that. And so I can actually appreciate kind of and his and and you know, he is there a little bit you know, it doesn't define me like you said. And I can be still, I know you know, my own human, if you will, without it being necessarily attached to my accomplishments, which I think is huge. Like, I think I would have loved, like a little freedom. Absolutely to be able to do that. And so, you know, to kind of I can it's that balance. Yeah. It's just like a different like everything about him I feel like has to be a different reaction, response and parenting style, like all those things together. And and you don't think that. Yes, of course, he's still the youngest, so I worry the most about him. Okay. The other two, I'm like, you know, they're adults now. Yeah. You know, I've done the best I could. I'm hoping that they still can make good choices in life. But at the end of the day, I my influence has diminished. And now they have a greater influence of their peers and themselves, what they want to do right for him. I still need to work on him because he's only nine. And you know he was really raised with this adult household. So he never really had toys to play with it like yeah. It was just like he kind of just skipped the whole baby baby and things just like all right let's go. This is what we're doing. We've got a, we've got a bunch of other things to do. Yeah. Know I think that I helped build that confidence. Two is I can walk on to the high school like you know, you know, parking lot at like the grounds or whatever. The campus. Yeah. And he just goes hangs out with the high school kids and he just thinks he's one of them. And you're just like, I wish I was super shy. I know you're kind of can't see yourself as a kid. I'm like watching him and I'm like, okay, I would never do half the stuff. He just. He just walks up as a, hey, how's it going? Yeah. But you know, also then bringing it back in my head to stay focused on, you know, sometimes, like, you don't have to. And I'm sure he gets it for me too. The bossiness, that's no real. Well, I like to blame other people, but I was just about to ask that because I heard you mentioned, like, you know, seeing for him like that, he was really struggling, like with the spelling words, for example, like, what was the narrative for you? Is there a specific reason that, like for you that was such a like, oh, you know, red flag? I need to like tune in. Like, yes, I know oftentimes I hear from parents that we have our own narratives that we're trying to battle as well. I'm trying to figure out, like, is this a response to, you know, something that we've experienced? All right. For me, I'd love to know more. Yeah. Like so for me, growing up as oldest of five kids and my parents weren't great parents for me, for what I needed. Right. They were super strict. I was not allowed to do anything ever. And if I got an A-minus response was not a great job. I was. Well, I don't understand why, you know, work harder. You should have done better. Yeah. And so, like, I kind of grew up with that mentality that like, it didn't matter what I did and I still do that as an adult. Right. Like it was never I was never successful enough. I was never good enough. It was never enough for me what they thought I should be doing. And that's going to be hard on a kid's like psyche. Yeah, like, and, you know, I mean, when you're in the middle of it, you don't really realize it's true. And so my parenting sounds almost flipped on my parents. Yeah. Where my kids want to do something. Yes. Go experience life. Go do it. But let's talk it through. What does this look like? And let's navigate it all the possibilities before you go do it. Yeah. But if you still choose to do it. Oh you need to learn these things right. Yeah. Before you're an adult, before you're like oh absolutely. Yes. I was kind of giving them the like, yes. You're giving them a basic structure and kind of insights or thoughts and weirdness that you have kind of as an adult while also still saying, like, at the end of the day, you've got to learn to navigate yourself. Yeah. Your own lesson. And so I think, you know what? JD has given him a lot of the freedom. And then seeing those failures and seeing like those grades coming in, I'm just saying almost like, oh, maybe I'm failing him, maybe I'm not like this. But then it wasn't. I was just doing what I did for the girls without adjusting the parenting style for that child. Yeah. You know, you're just like, okay, like, come on. And if your sister said I, you know, I may say this, but it's like, if your sisters can do it, I know you can do like you're capable of this, you know, and, and so I it's this year is just going to be really about trying to adjust my parent in style for him. Yeah. And it's gonna be really hard to be like the tough superstar parent, but that's the parent. He might need me to be with him. Do you think that there was some of that battle internally to when when you saw kind of the struggle with the selling words of like, I want to do things differently from my parents at the same time? I'm like, oh, like you said, am I feeling, did I do something wrong? Like, it's not working? What's happening? Yeah, exactly. And then but also, let's be realistic, the kid will spend hours playing a video game or playing basketball or football or doing anything other than studying. Is fireworks, right? So typical. Too many children, let's just call it like it is. So, so in my head. And like every time, if you spend half the more time you spend doing all these other things. Yeah. Just just spelling words, then, you know, them. So I just really have to work on parenting, okay. And I'm not sure what that looks like. And I just laughed too, because there's a lot of things with the third kid that I kind of just, I my life was different than I when I had the first one or second one. Yeah. Where it's just you look at it, you're like, oh, it's bad. It's just thrown together. It's no longer this nice, neat thing that the other girls had to make. Like, yeah, it just. And then there was anything with it, the sheet, you're like, did you even attempt to put your sheet back on. It's just French in the bottom. And then like in the room you see this little pockets of what used to be clean clothes and he's just hidden. Yeah. Because for whatever reason, it seems easier to hide your clothes and hang it 100%. Like I see the same thing. Yeah. So I think I just heard, like, you're the only kid here now. You're going now from the youngest of having all these like, oh, you're like, so great to me, seeing and being more aware and all the little things that I want you to do better. You know, and we need to drive more attention to where. So I think this is just going to be a rough year for both of us. Growing pains. Yeah. And you know, and I know this is the challenge of it, but I'm think there's going to be a lot of days for all of you in the corner rocking, crying like yeah, exactly. That was the yeah. Yeah. And all these things these days where I send a text message to the girls and I'm like, what do you guys think? You know, because I do. They've gone through my parenting. And I do like their feedback too, because I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. Okay. So there's, there's a lot of text messages for the girls. What would you say. What do you think. You know. And they're on the other side of it. But they've been raised by me too. So I feel like it's a good combination situation. So. Yeah. Okay. So I'm adding my seasoning. Yes or no okay. And then after this where am I headed? So, you know, with this you're going to turn it off and you're literally just going to throw everything in and just actually you guys are going to take this. I do about half of this, mix it all in. Okay. And then I actually do about half of this as well. So all of that half half okay. And leave that alone for now okay. So together it's a mix it in here. Yeah. Mix in the restaurant together. Perfect. I'm all about using 1 or 2 pans, like. Yes. Again, we're trying to make it easier on parents because we don't. We're dealing with, you know, messy rooms and spelling words. And then I have to try. Ten or, you know, ten pans and all the dishes that come along with exactly like, everything. And, you know, like, you know, if you don't have those, they are responsible super sauces in the house, which I think is important. Right. Yeah. You know, I wanted to circle back because you said something that I think is so valuable and that I don't hear a lot from parents, which is I'm open to feedback from my kids about how am I doing. Can you tell me, like what? Where does that come from? And like for most people, you get feedback or the, you know, even the slightest. It's like, don't, don't talk to me about my parents. You know, it's it's such a touchy subject because it's such a personal cycle. Right. And I think you asked me it has to be directly from the heart. Okay. Tell me more like so when parents judge, you know, their parent is snarky and whatever. Okay? It's not like they're here to help you. It's we're here to judge you and tell you everything you're doing wrong. And we're doing right. Right. So more like that. That competition elicited red lines. I mean, I will tell you, I'm, I judge a lot. I at least standing because I feel like there's some, you know, that judge, but they're like, oh no, I'm not. I'm. And so I appreciate at least the ownership. Yeah. So you know I get that. But at the same time occasionally there's helpful advice I can give a spirit of that. Yeah. With the girls. It's not coming from a judge. Nothing. I mean, they could very well say, mom, you suck. Cool. Thanks for sharing. You know, feedback. And it's okay, because I know what they're saying. I'm asking them and giving them permission for the feedback. And I think when you ask permission and you're willing to, you're at a place mentally, physically, emotionally where you're willing to hear somebody out. Yeah, that's what opens up the conversation. And it's like that with anything right. And that's a really great point. I think kind of going back to that unsolicited right. There's there can be so many like thought processes where you see someone and you're like I'm just going to tell you what to do, how to make this better. And like you said, they may not be in the mental capacity or see to be able to receive it with the intention that you're trying to deliver it. And so then it very much does like this isn't helpful. Like, please stop talking right now anyway, with the kids. Like there are situations the girls especially having sex for this in this version throughout all the other sounds good. But there's Hunter Harris, who have my eight year old had a conversation with me about. She's frustrated, the way her body looked or the food she was eating or whatever. Okay. And you just get to, all right. And we're responding to you as a mom. Are you looking for the response as a parent or are you looking for the response as a nutritionist and somebody in the industry? Yeah, because all three of those are very it's like asking, are you looking for something or are you asking for a solution? Yeah. What do you need from me? Yes. And then once you figure out what the need is, yeah, then you can adjust your response based on that. So, Yes. So then you're just like, okay. And then you go that direction. So when I ask the girls if because I'm like, okay, am I making I don't want to make a mistake. Yeah. I mean, there's a third kid having worked a parent for 23 years ish. And yourself is going to make a mistake. Right. And so, what was it recently that I asked the girls out? So the girls have always been obsessed with surf camp, okay. And lived and died and saw, like, surf camp was their world, Since Jules was my oldest, was 9 or 10. So start going and then care took it on because her sister took it on and loved it. And surf had to go for a week. No parent contact at all and it was just their summer and it was so important. And then for me to see their growth from within, because your parents aren't there to guide you. Yeah, you got to figure out how to do this yourself. Yeah, absolutely. And and the maturity, there's so many great benefits from this program. Okay. And I sent JJ, last summer for the first time. Okay. Well, he again is young, is a different lifestyle. My girls would go off like my oldest was for a divorce household. Last time was with her dad, half time with me. So she was used to going periods of time without me. Got it. The middle would go to my parents house and visit with them for a week or two weeks. Or how long? Often, like whenever she wanted to. I never really had that experience because he was part of the Covid thing. And when he would have started to do that and yeah, he just didn't get that opportunity. So this was the first time he actually was away from home to the point where you can see me and talk to me for more than one day. And there was home care was there on site. So he she was a counselor that last year. Okay. So he knew she was there and he was okay as far as that goes. And you're seriously just a stupid intern thrown together super easy. Awesome. And then sprinkle cheese and all that good stuff, and then, some. I'm the cheese on time, and then the team members are all that in there, and then we sprinkle all these things. But now, thank you for your patience. And I guess you want to use words versus just for you. That's right. And so yeah. So this is like this first I'm going to that in had a bad cabin with like a couple of kids I just didn't I was wasn't the counselor. So only was this his first experience. He had not I was in not like a normal experience. There either. Okay. I have to learn to navigate. Yeah. Like that's just it is so. And I picked him up. He was super excited. Just couple things that he was done with it. Like, I don't want to go back and care for me. It's like, yeah, he just wasn't having a great time. And she. I mean, so he could go for a walk. And so you can talk to her about, you know, just different things going on while he was there. And this year I gave him this expensive 15 or $18 a week. So it's like a really expensive program, not something where you're like, hey, let's try this out again. Yeah. You have to be committed to the cost. Absolutely. So I said, hey, you. I go back and he's like, no, I don't want to go again. And so then at that point, what do you do? Do you tell your kid he's going to go back and try it again? Now he's a year older and it's a different experience this year. And it's just there's not going to be there. So what did you end up doing? I consulted the girls okay. And they said, you know, he was young last year skip this year I'm try it one more year the following summer. So he'll be going in at ten. And I'm just gonna tell him I want to try it one more time. You're older now. Different kids. It's really just something I really don't like. Yeah, yeah, but it's just if the price wasn't so expensive, it would have been a different situation, right? Okay. So you really got to factor in the cost. Like, is this a lesson he needs to learn? What if he's just miserable? I just waste all this money on something where he's just nobody happy with that, right? Yeah. Well it's our. Yeah. Yes. I'm just trying to navigate and so and the feedback was you should try it again but don't force them to go this year. You know because sometimes it's just like we try brussel sprouts right. Yeah. Sometimes your first time you try them you're like oh that's disgusting. And then you'll try them later on and your taste buds change or someone made it a different way or whatever, and all of a sudden they're the best you've ever had. Yeah. So here we got brussel sprouts one like right. So I kind of like the kids to try their experiences a few times to see. Yeah. And then also I'm like, I might just be neurotic about this. This is not really is there no lesson to learn from here? What for you. I'm curious. Like, why is that so important for them to give it a try and maybe even more than once, with some time in between at some point? Yeah. Why is that something that for you is a high value, you change your perspective to change your life change. You've learned more along the way, and your experience is not going to be necessarily. It's like copy and paste. You're creating a different experience. Yeah. So, if you go back into the artist screen and the pickles and like, drizzle or whatever. Yeah, all the pickles, pickles. And then there's some cheese on. Okay. So over on my dad's and then it's on top, and then I wait till it comes out before I sprinkle more on. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. So I don't need to use as much of it. I don't use as much in it. And that's really high fat. And there's no nutritional value in there. Let's just call it what it is. It's just amazing. Oh. So, yeah. So I think, and you don't ever want a kid to have such a negative experience on a life of that, right? You want them to reference it and find the bullet points of, hey, like this worked out or whatever. Yeah. And sometimes it's just not for them. It's hard. Again, it's hard because, you know, you compare your kids so much. The two girls like that was so much. And it it helped, you know, format them to who they are now like and some of the things that they value now in community service and like all these things that they teach and learn to get along with everybody, and people would fly in from other countries, so. Oh, wow. You know, like, yeah, there is just cultures and just so much experience. They're learning from this one week. That I would hate for him to miss out on it. Yeah. Absolutely. It's you know if he's not learning anything from it and I think that's a really great point of being able. Yes. There's there's that value. Right. And that those are the things that we you saw it sounds like in your girls. And we're able to kind of say they got so much out of that. I would love for, you know, JJ to kind of get the same amount at the same time because they're unique, different individuals and humans, then he may not get kind of the same. From, you know, even though, like you said, same parents, same activities, same everything. But there's there's still different people are likely going to get kind of different things out of it. Exactly. One thing after 1 or 2, is it because he has had that experience and having to be alone? Yeah, he's not really alone. So, you know, and who knows? And I think that's that's brings me back to kind of what you said at the beginning where you're gonna, in some way, shape or form, we're gonna screw our kids up. Yeah, right. And let's just. Oh, man, I say it all the time. And so it's just figuring out kind of, are you doing kind of the best that you can do with the information that you have? You know, if not like, it sounds like for you, if it's information that maybe you don't have, you're willing to kind of go seek out, you know, other thoughts, maybe other, you know, education or whatever that looks like to be able to at least make an informed decision. And then at that point, I'm saying this is this is what I've got. Yeah, I think that's very true because I am able to do personal training. Like here's today's issue. Yeah, this is my therapy, right? Yeah. I like it's a mutually beneficial situation. These clients are older. They've gone through it like something you're doing here. Right. Just sharing your experience and then creating something that you can learn from and create the best version of yourself for your kids, your family that you can create while doing it. Absolutely. Okay, let me grab the tater tots. I've been hanging out here and then after, so I'm going to put them on top. And then what am I doing there in the oven? I don't know what I was I say three 5450 something like that forever. Okay. A heated oven and a heated. Well, we don't know if it needs to be eaten. At least, at least, at least make it a temp. That's okay. Let me, you is also let me go back here. Okay? You guys, nine years ago. Okay. And here we swap out the, these here has for, like, cauliflower hot or sweet potato, two hearts. Okay. And then, maybe with a little bit more nutritional value. That's always an option. So you take your house, so maybe finding something that that fits your palate. It's your kid's palate. Exactly. I mean, the goal, of course, is to, I don't even know if ancestry 50, but that is what I turned it on, so. 350. And how about how long I. So it's like a golden brown. Yeah. Perfect, I like that. That sounds okay. I can do that. So let's have this in here. And in the meantime. In the meantime I did pre bake. Went ahead of time. Look at that. You see you already know make it look like that. Yes. Perfect. Good job. Hey this is an expert. And so you said after this, I'm drizzling on top. Exactly. I can do that. And then, like you said, kind of serving it with on top of, like a bit of something that had a little nutritional value to it. Yeah. Because overall, when you're just doing a serving of it, you can ground turkey, you're getting potatoes, which had some, well, kind of potatoes. Right. You know, there are some people, some you can feel, some. And then yes, I need some more nutritional value. Okay. Helps as well. Yeah. Like, let's be honest, even as not nutritionally dense and healthy as this, maybe it's still better than doing the drive through Big Mac, right? Why am I think that's a great point, right? Because if there are ways that we can get creative because our kiddos aren't, most kiddos, I should say, aren't like lining up the door to stuff themselves with brussel sprouts or cauliflower, you know? And so we've got to be realistic about what are the things that our kiddos are going to eat. And so if the options are drive through, you know, McDonald's, get yourself a real Big Mac or, you know, something that's kind of healthy and healthy, at least we can control, like the salt content. You know, any of that? Like you said, maybe you do like a little fat kind of an island. And or you want it. Yeah. The tater tots. I know you mentioned you swapped out and, instead of ground beef, you did ground turkey to kind of get a leaner meat in there. As well as cutting down some of the cheese, I totally did. Yeah, yeah. I mean, because the thing is, to what you're feeding your kids is not only what they're learning and they're going to take on with them, there's also they're growing. Right. We need to create obesity is such a problem. The United States. And the more I'm in this industry, the more I'm learning not to judge. But also it still shocks me how many parents like our age who grew up off of soda. Yeah, not new vegetables, not new fruit. I just like, sometimes, like, what do you eat? Yeah. And then that's what they know and that's what they give to the kids. But luckily now we have so many other sources out there as far as entries and TikTok, which show you great healthy recipes, on Instagram to help us try and create a better version of what we grew up with. Yeah. And yeah, this food is what's fueling them. So it is fuel. So more we could do better options. There does. Absolutely. So I love that you share this recipe. Thank you so much I am I know my kids are super excited to try it. I know Josh is really excited to try it so I'm sure it's going to be a hit. So thank you so much for sharing this and as well as sharing your story as far as normalizing again, hopefully the message is parenting is really hard and that is normal at every age. And that you're not alone in doing this. And it can feel awful. Awfully lonely sometimes. And know that there are other parents. It is not just all, you know, vacuuming in your pearls. We are like, we're in it and struggling. And just like, find your time. Yeah, those people are with you through the struggles. You rely on them or they rely on your own family. Sometimes you just gotta find your tribe. They fit into you, and sometimes you gotta try a couple different ways, right? Yeah. And then we have less people support you. It makes it less scary. Yeah, absolutely. All right. Well, thank you so much. And thanks for joining us. If you or anyone that you know is struggling with any of the topics that we discussed in today's episode, make sure to check out our show notes for support and resources. You can get help. Thanks again for joining us on today's episode of The Real Family Eat. If you're a parent ready to share your real life parenting story, make sure to reach out to us and our website found in the show notes. And that goes for today's recipe social media's support and resources. All of that can be found in our show notes, so make sure to check them out and make sure to follow, like, share, subscribe, and stay up to date on all things the real family. I hope you'll join us next time for more food for thought and thoughtful food! Enjoy your eat!