Breaking Cycles: Jessica Good on Reparenting, Emotional Growth + Spicy Goat Cheese Dip

In this insightful episode, Jessica Good, LPC, EMDR Certified Therapist™, and mom of one, joins Reesa Morala, LMFT, to explore the journey of reparenting while raising a child. Jessica opens up about her recovery from an emotionally immature upbringing, sharing the grief, yearning, and determination to break generational cycles and create a healthier family dynamic.

As they discuss emotional healing, parenting strategies, and personal growth, Jessica also shares her recipe for Spicy Baked Goat Cheese Dip—a flavorful dish that’s sure to be a hit at family gatherings.

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💬 What's been a parenting challenge you've faced? Share your story in the comments!

🧀 Tried the recipe? Let us know how it turned out!

Find Jessica at:
www.GoodEMDR.com
www.Tiktok.com/@jessicagoodlpc

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Spicy Baked Goat Cheese Dip

INGREDIENTS:
1 Baguette (French or Italian)
4 Tablespoons Olive Oil
2-3 garlic cloves
1 jar of Arrabiata sauce OR a jar of red pasta sauce and some red pepper flakes
1 goat cheese log (at least 4 oz), can be substituted for Boursin cheese if someone hates goat cheese
Fresh basil (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
2. Pour 4 tablespoons of olive oil into a small bowl
3. Mince 2-3 cloves of garlic 
4. Add garlic to olive oil, stir it around, set to the side
5. Brush 1/2 inch slices of bread with olive oil and garlic mixture. Toast in the oven until golden, approx 15 min. 
6. Turn oven up to 400 degrees
7. Pour Arrabiata sauce or pasta sauce into the dish until there's approximately 1.5 - 2inches of sauce in the dish. (If using basic red pasta sauce, add red pepper flakes to taste. )
8. Slice goat cheese into approximately 2 inch sections and place into the sauce. For Boursin cheese take 2 inch hunks and place them in the sauce.
9. Bake at 400 degrees until the sauce is bubbling and the cheese is becoming gooey (approximately 15 - 20 minutes)
10. Garnish the finished dip with the basil leaves and serve hot with the crostini.

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If you or your loved one is struggling with any of the topics discussed, here are some resources:
Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective:
www.embracerenewaltherapy.com

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Disclaimer: The content provided on this podcast is for informational and

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Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a couples counselor for parents providing therapy in person in Murrieta, CA and virtual couples therapy in California. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!

Make sure to like, follow, and subscribe!

For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com

If you are a parent ready to share your real-life parenting struggle and dish up a recipe with Reesa, apply here:
https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/real-family-eats-guest

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need personalized support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.

Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988

Go to your local hospital or call 911

Transcript

0:00

I had the belief that I was inherently bad, that I was inherently a monster, and that was really, really hard to work through. Hey everyone, thanks for joining me. My name is Reesa and I'm your host. We are talking to real families about real stories here on the Real Family, where we've got food for thought and thoughtful food. So let's see, boy. Hey, everyone. So my guest today is the lovely Jessica. Jessica, thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to virtually cook with you. I'm a little disappointed to be here to eat you. I know you're invited to hear this. Well, for anybody who doesn't know you, could you introduce yourself for us? Sure. So I'm Jessica. Good. I'm an EMDR certified therapist and EMDR consultant in training and also a parent. So I have a toddler. It has been exciting being a parent, but there's also a lot of stuff that comes up with me. So, I have a background, my own trauma background, and a lot of things with parenting has, you know, it's brought up different things that were activity or triggers for me. There's just been a lot that I've had to unpack from my own process going through this, which is ironic because the work that I do is all in attachment, developmental trauma, of course. Right. Like that's the joke. If you want to know what a therapist is personally dealt with, what's their specialty? What do they do? Right? Yeah. That's what I'm here to talk about. Is parenting through your own childhood trauma. How that what going forward as a parent, how your inner child maybe even feels? Because you do a lot of hard work and they do a lot of hard work to be self. And it's just something that people are starting to talk about more. But I think that there's a lot of shame that comes up whenever we talk about it. Absolutely. And you're spot on. And that's part of the drive and the motivation for me even starting this whole passion project, because you're absolutely right. And I'm so sick and tired of it, so sick and tired of the the curtain that we put up trying to kind of at the side. Right. Like you said, because often times it is the trauma, the shame, the embarrassment, the guilt. That's another big one that I hear a lot of. And so I'm so excited to hear about your story and what you're willing to share with us today. Before we get started, though, for anybody who does need your services, this is our shameless plug section. So please plug away of all the wonderful things that you offer. So I have a lot of different working components with my business and everything, but I do have a private practice, and I do Indian intensive therapy, so these are longer sessions. Sometimes people come visit me from out of town to do these. And as I said, I'm an attachment focused India therapist. So I help people in all the areas that they have an attachment with in coming out. So with their love and romantic relationships, with their relationships, with money, with their family dynamics, all of those things. So my private practice is anyone is curious and wants to check it out is good E and r.com. And then if you guys just want to learn about India, I have a TikTok channel. So it's just a good LPC and I'm there to share a lot of information for folks, not only for the general public. That doesn't know about you and your therapy and everything you can do with it, but also for professionals that have been here recently trained or maybe just don't feel quite confident in their skills, I don't mind, I think now it's every Thursday night, and I just love having people come on and ask questions and just give a lot of psychoeducation and help people get their therapeutic experiences. Wonderful. And so for your direct services, as an EMT, your therapist, what state are you in? So people now kind of where are your license and who can get your services? Yeah, that's a great question and something I probably should have said before. I'm physically licensed or like my physical office location is in state Louis, Missouri, so I'm licensed to practice virtually throughout Missouri and also Florida. I am an LPC. So as the company goes in to enactment, I believe it's the state early 2045 and they're offering to more states. But that's dependent. I'm pretty you know, I get booked out, through decently already. So I don't know if I want to add all these different states and then not be able to help people miss this. And so we'll see. We'll see where that's at. But right now it's just there in Florida. Wonderful. And all of those links will be down in our show notes as usual. So tell me, I'm so curious about this recipe. What recipe are you sharing with us today and why did you pick this one? So originally I was going to do my grandmother's chicken and dumplings recipe, and then I'm like, you would have to do a full chicken and do all of that. And like you would take with you, one would take hours of work. Now am I doing that to you? It's yummy. But like, now we're good. So I picked one that is a favorite of mine and a favorite of others. Whenever we have any sort of get together. I think making this recipe since my mid 20s, I think maybe even earlier than that. So it was like undergrad or grad school, I think was undergrad actually. There's all types places I loved it. I was a real college student there. And as we are there, right, I can go there all the time. So I was eating this dish and it's a spicy baked goat cheese. That. And I was like, you know what? I think I could make something like this. I think I could do this. So I started making it at home, and then I just bring it to all these little get togethers up ahead, a girls night or something like that game night. And it was so simple and easy. And I think that that's really important. Whereas experience is to have something simple and easy. But also like my my toddler is eating this, the little sister, you could make it without spice. They just doing the regular thing. You know, I feel like for parents, we still need to have those moments where we're having our little get togethers, we're doing our little thing, even if we can't be both parents, and maybe one's watching our child or children. And you need to be fast. Something that you can quickly do that you can bring together that feels kind of like, oh, this actually feels kind of nice, right? Like so, Yeah, exactly. Exactly a little treat. It doesn't take a lot out of us because we have we like so much going on right. And I love that. And you're absolutely right. And I love the idea of really kind of something to also pour back into yourself, it sounds like, and being able to kind of still fill your cup in those ways is something yummy and warm. So I'm so excited. Okay, so tell me what the steps are to this recipe. I'll get cooking while we chat a little bit about your journey. Okay, so first off you're going to want to preheat your oven to 350 oh okay. And so after you we hit that off and we're going to start on the the bread the crispy. So okay I don't know if you got the like the Italian loaf or the, the French fry guide. Did you go like that. Yeah I did French baguette. And I've got them right here. Okay. Perfect. Oh, you already have a slice. Perfect. So you're going to have the oven you're going to have for some olive oil I think with about four tablespoons inside into a little dish. You're going to mix up some garlic or you can do the can kind. This recipe I made it for five. You know whatever you got going on you can do. So if you want to make it more complicated, you can. If you don't make it super easy on yourself, whatever you got hand. So you're just going to pour the minced garlic, you know, 2 to 3 cloves into that. I will let it sit. Line baking sheet with some parchment paper. It is very easy cleanup. You can put your bread on there brushing it with that garlic mixture. Put that into the oven. I think it's about 15 minutes. It'll be in there, but you can check it, make sure that it's appropriate for whatever type of bread you died. And then after that is done, you just set that to the side as well. And then we'll take that oven actually up to about 400 degrees. Yeah. Okay. The recipe very super simple. So if you have a spicy red sauce and with an out of the other side, then you can just pour that in there. If you don't have that on hand or it's not at your local market or whatever, just take some of this off and some red pepper flakes from your cabinet if you want to get ready. I think a little higher temperature for your heat level depends on your heat level that you like. I like even bowl back noodles. I like a little heat. So you just sprinkle that in there. You need to accept that you're going to have about like an inch and a half, two inches, pasta sauce, one of a kind of smaller dish. I always use, like my smaller, CorningWare little casserole dish. And, then you'll just take the cheese. Or if you're not a good cheese, and then cheese works really well. And you just put that in there about, two inches, actual cheese, either a big hunk more than or about two inches if you're doing it like, and you'll put like two or however many you end up doing. I'm not going to hold anyone back on the goat cheese. I decide to use those. I love it, yes. Yeah. And then you'll just pop that in the oven and it cooks, you know, not that long. Like ten, 15 minutes, something like that. And I'll be bubbly and the cheese will start to get kind of, like, gooey, and easily like, it'll spread really easily and then use that oven and just slice up some basil if you like fresh basil, if you don't have to put it on there and you just sprinkle that over the top and then dip some bread in there and you're good to go. Perfect. Well, I can do all of that. Like you said, sounds pretty straightforward. So I'll get things going. And while I do that, I'd love to hear more. I know you kind of gave us a sneak peek as far as some of your journey kind of having to do with figuring out how to move forward in parenting, kind of with your own bag, you know, trauma, like you said that you're carrying with you and how to do that. And so I'd love for you to kind of walk us through a little bit of some of that journey for you that you've experienced and kind of how you've navigated that, because that's really tough. And I think that's something that many of us parents absolutely can relate to. Oh, yeah. And, certainly interesting. So I am obviously not first generation, something like that. Experienced trauma typically that goes down the lines. We have generational trauma and my mom plays. Yeah. She had a heavy amount of trauma that she went through. My dad had more like a narcissistic narcissistic family system. Right. Okay. So unfortunately that led to my dad being that way as well. And they grew up old school, so that's of physical punishment, that kind of sorry. I'm not it. My dad. Yeah. My dad was very emotionally and verbally abusive. So that wasn't great, right? Not. It doesn't really. I look at what I've accomplished, what I've been able to do, and it's actually really surprising given the kind of, negative encouragement that I got as a child. Yeah. Can you say more about that? Like what? What would that look like? So, I'm I'm nervous. I have ADHD, but I also giftedness. I don't think the term I wish was different. That means that I have a high IQ, among other things. Right? So my, one of my dad's go to things that he would say, like, he would always be like, are you stupid? Are you that flair that we don't use that we don't? Yeah. Because that's really horrible. Those sorts of things. So that was that negative, encouragement, if you will. And I gonna show because obviously I'm, I'm joking about that, little dark humor there. Yeah. But yeah. So he would say things like that and there are like a lot of expectations on me that I need to just succeed no matter what. So my, my family, I think that we help with education things. And it was a whole thing. It was it was not great. I didn't have a lot of really good ideas about myself, and I thought that I was a pretty terrible person. Whenever I would do different things and have accomplishments, it'd be really hard for me to take those, take those in and really feel pride. There were. Yeah, there were a lot of negative things that I thought about myself. And I think one of the biggest things that bring up is really the volatility in the house. So my mom left her. She has done a lot of work. My dad is no longer with us. She actually passed me last, a few years. That, but my mom has tried consistently, as I become an adult, and as she's really taken notice of these different things and honored my experience and what I find, she has taken a lot of accountability and has continued to try to improve herself, which I do appreciate. My dad was just never going to be there. He passed. Yeah, the same way whenever, whenever he passed, he was the same way whenever he was alive. He never had that closure or that repair that happened, unfortunately. And that's another thing we have to deal with too, as humans too, is that complicated grief? If you don't deal with those things when somebody is alive and you have to deal with it whenever they're gone, too. So, one of the things that happened in my house growing up is the emotional volatility of my dad had a bad day. He would come home and scream at us, right? It was the, the dads walking up to the house. You better scary. And I think you're busy and you're not, like, resting on the couch or whatever. Like, you either need to be busy or out of sight, to protect yourself, right? That's the message that you're going to you an hour late from the day, like we. We were his emotional or not, in a fun way. So that was that was terrible. The not being able to make mistakes. So as a small child, you breaks, you mess things up like that happens. It's a part of learning. It's a part of development. And so that really wasn't okay because we would get through that in our house. We can't physically punish him. So all of those things, even though I don't, I don't consciously I'm not like, oh, yeah, that's that's what you should do or whatever. There is definitely a part of all of us that have experienced that childhood that still has that reactivity, and we really have to work through that. So yeah, my my journey into parenthood actually happened after my dad had passed. So I had all that really complicated grief. Right. You know, difficult. And then later on pregnancy, like you said, parenthood. I mean, that's that's a whole whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. So been basically it's it's been so interesting as my child is developing because my child's a toddler. So they're, they're growing and new things are coming up as they start. You're testing the limits and everything, and it's kind of like, look at you as they're doing something. You're like, oh, you are boundary testing right now, aren't you? That's what's happening. Yeah, I'm seeing to see the differences not only in how I'm responding to them, which is really heartwarming. And then also, really sad at the same time because there's that, that small part of me that wishes that I would have had that younger part of me that wishes I would have had that kind of response to that kind of just really compassionate, empathetic response. So it's been a journey, and I know it's going to continue evolving. Yeah. And like you mentioned, kind of a little bit of that, that grief, like you said of, hey, I'm able to do these things, I'm able to offer these compassionate responses as a parent and then trying to make sense. Why why couldn't I get the same thing as a child? Like what? What was the barrier there for me being able to receive these same things that, hey, I'm a parent right now and I'm offering to this little human also. Oh yeah. And most of us just internalize that and like, I wasn't this enough, I wasn't that I was different. And that's where we come to that sense. And really deep internal shame of I am bad because there's this sense of like, if I was better than my parents would love me the way that I. And when that doesn't occur, young kids, like, we're very focused on ourselves and we're we're very young because that's where our brain development is completely developmentally appropriate. But then after those types of negative beliefs, and I had the belief that I was inherently bad, that I was inherently a monster, and that was really, really hard to work through. So as a parent now, being able to have pride in how I am parenting my child is huge. But it's also like, I think I just like whenever I was, I, I had one of the three years and experiences that I had that I had done, on my own personal therapy. Okay, I'm pretty sure. But I also get your time. And yes, it is safe during pregnancy if you have trauma in your past and you need to process that out to be like, feel better, have less information, have less activation, it's completely safe and normal to do. But I was doing an entire session with some parts where you this younger child, part of me was jealous of my, my inner well, my my fetus. I guess at that point in time, because I was still adjusting my child. But the gender part of me was, was jealous of my baby because I was going to get to experience that experience, that parenting that I never had to receive. And it's like it's make me terrified not thinking about it because that's it's such a want, and it's younger and it's an emptiness and it's something that unfortunately for a lot of folks, if they didn't experience it now, then as adults, they're parenting themselves, their parents and their children and parenting their parents. So in some ways to you and it's like, oh, I never get that video with that. I will never get that. Yeah. And like you said, the grief that kind of is attached to that, is very real. And I know that I spoke in, in fact, another parent who, who's was willing to be a guest on it talked just about so much that there's so many periods of parenthood that have grief that we don't necessarily realize are there until, like you said, we're kind of experiencing that. And, you know, maybe we do have the support of, you know, a clinician or something kind of helping us. Really understand kind of where some of those, those feelings and thoughts are coming from because, as you said, it's there's a lot going on there. And you know, I wanted to circle back. I heard you mentioned kind of that idea of parenting yourself. And can you say more about that? Because I know that that's something, you know, in the clinician world, we say quite a bit, but not everybody kind of understands what what do we actually mean when we say something like that? And what does that look like? So because I do parts work and people might, recognize like ISIS or maybe the term ego for that. Those are both under the umbrella of hearts work. Is that what we're looking at? Are those different little bits of yourself that are stuck in these different distressing times. So we'll say, like, you know, if you've heard of the term inner child healing, right? So that reparative is starting to work with our internal system, to work with the parts of ourselves that pop up. So sometimes you may be like, oh, wow, I just got really upset about that. And I threw the toddler tantrum. But I'm an adult. Well, it's probably a very young part of yourself that's actually been quite activated by that. So how do you start to form that relationship with yourself? How do you start to meet those parts of yourself? In a way that shows curiosity and compassion very much what you needed at that point in time. So whenever I'm talking about repeating myself as I'm noticing something coming up in myself, some sort of activation, I get curious about it, and then I try to meet that need for maybe the need that I have at a certain point, times like I need comfort or I need to feel safe or I need connection, or maybe whatever it is for that individual part of myself, I'm able to come in and meet that need. So that's what I mean by repair routine is actually showing up for myself in the way that I need it whenever I was young. Yeah. And I absolutely love that. And I'd love to know kind of a little bit more in your journey, how how did you work through that even just like, let's talk about that pregnancy piece and you recognizing kind of that, that jealousy piece of you and kind of how, how do you manage through something like that where you can be able to kind of start to move forward versus getting stuck in it? Yeah. So with that, I had to acknowledge the grief, right? That was that one, that desire and that I will not have then, that I can't do that fully for myself and that my child's experience is not my experience. I think that is one of the hardest things to do whenever we're parenting, having had our own childhood trauma and our own maybe emotionally neglectful parenting situations is how can I let my child have their own experience without me? Like curiously living through them to feel like all these things that I wanted, right? Yeah, yeah. I think that separation is first and foremost is, you know, it's their their own person. I am my own person. And we have to have that separation. So acknowledging that what is coming up for me, what I'm feeling is a meeting and not a damn thing. So having that separation first is the most important. And then how can I attend to my needs either in that moment or like if I'm in parenting at that moment, like, how can I pull that, compartmentalize it, put in a container, tell myself like, hey, this is important work coming back to it, but we're going to put we're going to come back to it whenever they're napping or they've gone to bed for the night, or we get a break and we can do that. We can like ask the other parent or, you know, time, a timeout that we need or something. But yeah, that separation first and then meeting what that need is and sometimes it's just having that expression of emotion. So allowing myself to grieve, allowing myself to grieve that I didn't have that experience and noticing the beauty of my child having that experience, but that I don't need to cling on to their their experience. That's an absolute that. Yeah. And that's so beautiful. And I do want to kind of highlight that, that piece that you mentioned, that little nugget of, that I think so many parents do kind of struggle and with in the sense of, not vicariously living through them, not, you know, really kind of making it a them problem. When really if we were to get honest with ourselves, it's a, it's an US problem as the adult in the room and that's such a difficult balance to navigate. And so to kind of really highlight that that absolutely so many times it can be the easy route, if you will, to kind of be like, oh, what do you feel like, like you said, your kid, it's something that you did from like with this all could have been avoided if you would just been better and to kind of be able to, to step back and say, well, hang on a second. Like, let's be realistic about the fact that we're talking to a child who doesn't have, you know, kind of all the capacities, and they have their bad days to, yet they have a lot less time to mature, a lot less time to be able to build some of these skills, to regulate, in a way that we would want them to. And yes, we can work up to that, but it's not something that they're inherently born with. And so, you know, offering some of that compassion and grace to them, to absolutely like that is never so I also run a group, of course, for therapy for adult children and emotionally immature parents that are their no contact with their parents. One when I need to change my I mean, the fact that I'm like, how do we encompass it all? But one of the things that we were talking about, I think, in the group the other day, was that idea of, in emotionally immature family systems where you have a lot of emotional reactivity. And by the way, anyone listening to this, if you had emotionally mature parents, congratulations. You were also emotionally immature. Until we work on those things and we we feel that sense of emotional maturity. And that's because we only have the tools that we're given so very much. Those children were born with tools. They have to learn. Those tools. Your parents are caregivers are primary caregivers are the people they help you the most. That this is hopefully also in school and education, all that the like. The more fostering of us that we can get around it, the better. But we were talking today about how, it feels like in those families that you're just supposed to know everything, like, oh, you don't know how to do that. Like how the attention to how to do that. Right? Right. No one taught you. So. Yeah. Yeah. How are you supposed to know that? But there isn't that that reflection from those parents or caregivers. So everything even the very trying things that my child is like that boundary testing. I'm talking I'm thinking about them last night just staring point blank in the eyes. And just like as they do, they're like, yeah, they're waiting for me to, like, stop and say, no, you can't do that. You know, because we're at the point where we have to say no. Sometimes we're safety and like what they were doing was fine because I knew they think they knew how to get down from the furniture item they were on. I think, oh, gosh, sorry. I was talking about that. And then I forgot where I was going with I. Yeah, you were, you were talking about that whole the whole idea again, going back to giving that then that compassion and that grace, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Developmentally appropriate. So I mean, there's nothing like the throwing phase and the noun phase and the everything else like that phase. I just like give myself a little feedback, take a breath and remind myself it's developmentally appropriate. It's developmentally appropriate. And that's what I just say to myself over and over again, like, and then we can proceed from there. Just a little reality check is developmentally appropriate. This is what's happening. That's their phase of development. It's okay. I think it's absolutely. And I'll just it's little add piece to that, that it's also okay to be like and it really sucks. It's developmentally appropriate and it really sucks. Okay. Now what are we gonna do. Because that's very early, even though it is developmentally appropriate, it doesn't mean that it's easy or that like you said, that we've been given a manual. They don't pop out as much as wish they did, with an instruction manual on your your child specifically. They don't. And so being able to also kind of it's okay to say like this sucks. This is really hard. Absolutely. And that's whenever you make this step and you go over to your friends, right. This small time here. Yeah, yeah. I was together for her break some. Absolutely. And I'm so curious, like, as you're going through this journey, like, it sounds like there's been very moments where, like you said, you've you've had to sit back and kind of evaluate what's coming up for you. Have there been any, like, moments for you that really helped you move from that place? I feel like I hear parents where we can kind of go 1 or 2 of two ways of saying, well, this is all I know, and so how can I know anything else to say? Yes, this is all like, no, I'd like to do something different, which it sounds like you kind of chose that for yourself. Like was there an moment for you that kind of really set you on that that journey of deciding, like, I'm not going to parent the same way as my parents. Yeah. Making that became a decision. Yeah. Where I became a parent. That was before I even decided on my myself, before I even met my husband. Like, I knew that if I did, because there was a period of time where I thought that maybe I didn't actually want to have kids, there was a good portion, probably the second half of my 20s, going into my into 30s, and I was like, rolling that out again. Right? And then I got around 30 as, as some people do, not all people, because I think being childfree is a completely valid choice. And I was like, and with my dad's like in passing everything, it really makes you think about life and mortality and everything. And I was like, you know what I do? I do want to have a child in this one. We'll see what happens. Over here, with all the controversial choices I had being childfree at first, I was like, oh, I'll just have one kid. And I'm like, do you want another? And we'll see what happens? But yeah, so going into that, I even whenever I was childfree, I knew that if I ever did have a child, one day I, I, I would not parent in the same way that that was not the, the path I was going down. And so for me, looking for a partner, looking for a spouse, whenever I decide like, these are some different things that I wanted for my life, that was really important is how are they going to be with a child? Like, how is their reactivity? What does that look like? So I went in very eyes open to the whole parenting thing whenever it comes to mental, emotional type of stuff in that. So even being a therapist, even being somebody that I think prepared as much as one can prepare, it doesn't mean that you're immune to everything these things happen. Yes. I think some, moments for me, some moments were really hard and difficult. So, even with preparation, right, is I have misophonia, so loud sounds and specific ones, like crying and really loud. I stop barking in the same way I, it makes me. And it's not like anger towards other people, but it makes me feel like I just want to take my own head and bash it into a wall. Like that's how bad the sounds are with nurses on the air. So having an infant that is crying is difficult. So one of the moms that I'm like, oh my gosh, am I not going to be able to have this? Whatever. Then I found out that you just can't, like, noise dampening headphones. They're not headphones that, earplugs in. That's a lie with the sound like it takes the edge off. That's not like reading for you, because I just like this really ridiculous amount of, like, internal. And it's not towards other people. Again, like, never was my child or my spouse or even like that. I mean situation but it's like towards yourself. It's like this really weird. Like just make it like this sounds like myself. Yeah. So the the earplugs were really great. And that was a moment of all right, like, how can I think I'm a great problem solvers? I've really leaned into that in parenting and then some of those moments, like as my child 30 years older and again, founder, testing all those things that kind of like really get under your skin. Not only is there I believe in seeing this developmentally appropriate, but there's also I just started channeling like this, this feeling of, I could use my breathing and, like, send my breath down and, like, imagine, like I'm with a tree. Like, I can just like reading my body. Yes. Love that. Background is really grounding. But just imagine me really solid, like a tree. And just like anything that's, you know, they're crying and their fussiness and all the things, right? And it's just like waves washing over you. So I'm actually able to, like, really be pretty present and centered in those moments with my toddlers having those other meltdowns, like being able to be there for them. Like, not like overreact or like lock my child in a room or make them or anything else like that, which is what would have happened in my house growing up. So those are moments like those were hard moments, but they're also big moments of pride because I was able to work through that. So the data has a wow, I guess I could have gone a different way. But also whenever I think about somebody's going into a different way than that, I'm like, oh, that's heartbreaking. Like, how could we be like, how did that happen? Like, how did my parents just see me crying? We're just like, oh, we're gonna thank you now, right? Yeah. We'll give you something to cry about. Really? Absolutely amazing. Like you said, just also maybe being able to have that, that couple seconds of like, look what I did even we're so good at being really critical of ourselves and all the things that we're not doing or could do better. What I really loved about what you said of being able to to sit back and for, like I said, just a couple seconds. We're not asking for anything big of just giving yourself that kudos of like, oh, look which way. I mean, like, I'm I'm proud of that. That's really cool. Me yeah, I think that one of the my favorite things is actually a little bit too, is whenever my husband reflects what a good parent I am to me, because there's, again, whenever we have those really emotionally, verbally abusive childhoods where you're not able to build a sense of pride in yourself that like, you can you can like really be like, oh yeah, I did this. Like, this was hard. And so my husband reflecting back, like, you're a really good mom, like, you do this and these different things, and I get to like, because I know it. I don't get to, like, have pride. And it's like this weird residual thing from childhood, right. And so whenever somebody else is reflecting that to me, and I know that he really means that, it's just like it's like, with my child being 31 day, I feel like, yeah, this, this feeling, as they, as they get older, let's let's see. I think they're pretty sure I believe that we can, like you said, it may take some work and may take a stepping back. And, like you said, problem solving. I think that's just it. It's finding that motivation, and making that choice to, to try something different than what, you know, and, and deciding, you know, I'm not just going to rest on that. And so I think that's that's huge. And gosh, I love hearing that for you because I want that for all my, all my parents is to be able to hear that and and have us championing each other, in this thing that's so, so hard to do and so awesome. You know, as we get get moving here and closing things, I'd really love to know, are there any like, resources or anything that you found kind of along your journey that maybe any of our listeners who are kind of working through their own stuff might go, okay, let me let me check this out. Oh, yeah. There's so many good books and then a few of them. So the includes, parenting from the inside out, I think is so good because that's like repairing teamwork. Good inside. I think that's not too bad. Is that thing in other names is I'm having a messy. But the inside is really great and lovely. And it comes from that, just very attachment focused, very, like, shame reduction type of parenting, which is awesome. Yes. Already available, have really wonderful in life. And then there's this one called Raising Good Humans. And that's about decreasing our reactivity as parents, which is very important as anything I've said here has. I was the other very probably the other is for you guys. I'm so good ones that there's there's a lot out there. And once you start like, you know, shopping around for those, that's going to give you other ideas for other books that are similar to the huge audiobook fan, because you can. I just happen to have headphones. I listen to them while you're around the house, where I get most of my reading done while driving, so I do Audible or Spotify and and so I get a lot of that done. And it it helps to have that because not only is hey, here's information, here's psychoeducation, but here's the feeling of, oh, I'm not the only person that is needed this. And that was really real for me. Like, oh, there's a lot of people that actually have me in this, much so they wrote a book like they wrote a bestseller about this. So I'm not alone. Absolutely. I love that. And thank you so much for being willing to share that. And I'm sure the rest of you have got everything ready. I'll just pop it in the oven. I'm so excited to taste. So thank you for sharing the recipe with me. With our listeners as well. And I really do want to thank you about being willing to share this part of your story. As you know, I kind of said at the beginning, I think there's there's so much of that that's facade. And, yeah, we're trying to kind of keep up with the Joneses. Right. And so being able to kind of pull that curtain back with me, I thank you so much for for normalizing that this is indeed hard, especially, like you said, when you're coming from your your own trauma background and being able to kind of choose something different because it's that's not easy now. And it definitely isn't an automatic choice for a lot of folks. Like, there's so many great things that we are fighting against us. And it's it's a journey. It's a that's for sure. Really. Well, it sounds good. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to chat with me, and I really appreciate it. And I'm sure I'll have to tap you again and say, come and talk about it. I'm sure we could talk for days. Of all the difficulties of parenting. And then here. Yeah. Well, thank you everyone for joining us. We'll see you next time. If you or anyone that you know is struggling with any of the topics that we discussed in today's episode, make sure to check out our show notes for support and resources. You can get help. Thanks again for joining us on today's episode of The Real Family. Eat. If you're a parent ready to share your real life parenting story, make sure to reach out to us and our website found in the show notes. And that goes for today's recipe social media's support and resources. All of that can be found in our show notes, so make sure to check them out and make sure to follow, like, share, subscribe, and stay up to date on all things the real Family. I hope you'll join us next time for more food for thought and thoughtful food! Enjoy your eats!