Parenting Without a Manual: Celeste Hamilton on Discipline, Balance + Zesty Salsa Recipe

In this episode, Celeste Hamilton, mom of two and Co-Owner of Hamilton Homes and Loans, joins Reesa Morala, LMFT, to discuss the complexities of disciplining children and navigating parenting without a handbook. Celeste shares how she and her partner worked through outside pressures to balance discipline with mindfulness for their kids' health and well-being.

As they exchange parenting insights, resources, and tips, Celeste also shares her vibrant salsa recipe—a versatile favorite for family meals or gatherings.

Subscribe, like, and follow for relatable parenting stories, practical tips, and delicious recipes!

💬 What's been a parenting challenge you've faced? Share your story in the comments!

🌶️ Tried the recipe? Let us know how it turned out!

Find Celeste: 
FB: @hamirealtor
Insta: @celeste_your_realtor

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Hamilton Zesty Salsa

INGREDIENTS:
2 (15oz) cans organic diced tomatoes
1/3 cup chopped white or sweet onion
2 medium cloves garlic or garlic paste
1 to 2 medium jalapeño peppers, de-seeded
1 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 to 2 medium limes
1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt, plus more to taste

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Add all ingredients to a blender.
2. Blend until desired consistency.
3. Serve with chips.

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If you or your loved one is struggling with any of the topics discussed, here are some resources:
Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective:
www.embracerenewaltherapy.com

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Disclaimer:
The content provided on this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice or treatment. 

The views and opinions expressed by the host(s) and guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the podcast. 

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Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a couples counselor for parents providing therapy in person in Murrieta, CA and virtual couples therapy in California. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!

Make sure to like, follow, and subscribe!

For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com

If you are a parent ready to share your real-life parenting struggle and dish up a recipe with Reesa, apply here:
https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/real-family-eats-guest

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need personalized support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.

Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988

Go to your local hospital or call 911

Transcript

0:00

We don't know what we're doing. Like we've never been parents before. Like, so, like we are a team in this league. We're in this together. Like, help me help you. Hey, everyone. Thanks for joining me. My name is Reesa and I'm your host. We are talking to real families about real stories here on the real family, where we've got food for thought and thoughtful food. So let's eat, Hey, everyone. My guest today is the lovely Celeste. Celeste, thanks so much for being a guest on our show today. Of course. It's my pleasure. So for those of you that don't don't know, show, ask. Can you introduce yourself? My name is Celeste Hamilton. I've known Reesa from, mom group when our kids were younger. And then, we actually live near each other, so then we would see each other all the time. Reesa is a great host, so she would always have, like, holiday parties. And then when it was time to, move out of the rental. I'm a realtor, so then I was able to help them move into this beautiful home. Yes, absolutely. Speaking of, do you. So do you. Do we live to realty? Here in California? Yes. So we're intimate. We're based out of Temecula. But technically, we could do real estate anywhere in California. Okay, we can also help set someone up if they're relocating. Honestly. Okay. To find them an agent if they need to buy a home or property out of state. So, mostly Temecula. Yeah. Winchester. Menifee. All that good stuff. so awesome. And so, for those of you, this is our shameless plug section. How can they find you if they need your services? We typically use a lot of social media a lot of people use nowadays. So we're on Facebook under Hami Realtor. Or you can just find me on Instagram under Celeste underscore your underscore. Realtor. So perfect. I'll make sure to have all of those, links in our show notes. So if you want to check that out. Awesome. So before we get started, I definitely want to hear your story and I'm so excited to hear it. Can you tell me what recipe are you going to teach me today and why did you pick that one? Okay, well, I was thinking I didn't want it to be too long and too hard and too time consuming of a recipe to do on camera. So I was trying to think of something to do, because I know a lot of parents struggle with their kids eating like something healthier or not so process, you know? So, a snack that my kids like to have. I have an eight year old and six year old is salsa. Okay. And then the thing about salsa is you can always do different variations and you have like, extra veggies that you can like add in like peppers or carrots, just like based on like your kid preference. And we're using canned today, but I'm sure people can use fresh if they prefer fresh. And it's just an easy snack that you can put those together quickly and put in the fridge. You can have on hand, you can put in their lunch or snack or whatever. So. Perfect. Okay, so what do I start with first? Tell me, what do I need to prep. So I would first do the cans in the blender okay. Most people have a blender or anything. So super easy you know hopefully not too messy. Yeah it's you know, mom's always good for cleaning, right? Yeah. So and this is a nice too, because then you can, like, make it once and then like, you don't have to make a mess every time, like, oh there's even some sulfur. Yeah. So like a larger batch. Yeah. Typically how you do it. Yes. Wonderful. Okay. So I'll get started. And while we're doing that. So first a little bit, I know you were talking about kind of some of your journey parenting journey as far as figuring out kind of the discipline side of things and what's appropriate, what's not appropriate. And so I'd love to hear more. Yeah. What we struggle. Why? Because like now, like I'm biased. I feel like our kids are pretty smart. Okay, so our son is 29 next month, and then, our daughter is six and a half. But I think knowing what expectations and standards to have for them, you know, obviously boys and girls are different growing up and boys, you know, have a little bit more. They can't control their impulses so much. So I think just knowing what to expect out of them and not jumping to like, why did you do that? Or, you know, it's like their their immediate reaction from something, you know, to their kids and they're going to argue and fight or whatever. So it's like I've always heard that for like boys like their brain in their development and like logic and impulse control isn't even developed until later on. So it's like expecting an eight year old to, like, know what to do in the heat of the moment. It's like really hard. Yeah, it's like even adults don't know I hundred percent. Absolutely. So it's so hard, like it's, you know, in the moment what expectations you to have and a good punishment because at the same time you don't want to feel like you're letting them get away with something either. So it's like I don't know. So finding that balance. Yeah. Finding that balance and knowing like we are to hold them accountable. And what punishment is appropriate and just not feeling so frustrated by it and just feeling like they should know better because like, maybe they actually don't know. Like it's not their fault. Like, yeah, you know. Absolutely. And you're absolutely right. So for those that don't know, there, as far as the brain development, you know, most of that time we don't get to that that full maturity until our mid 20s, which is and that's, that's all across the board, you know, genders. Yeah. And so you're absolutely right. There are so many times where you've got adults that are looking at these kiddos, these eight year olds, nine, ten, sometimes even, you know, as young as five that we're looking at them and, and having this expectation that, you know, you need to to hold yourself to a standard, similar to adult like if you're in a restaurant, you ought to be able to sit there for the entire time and be quiet and not cause a disruption. So I can absolutely appreciate, you know, some of that struggle there. Before we chat more. Okay. So am I blending this, so no, you add it all. Okay. So, we have so throw in the onions, throw on this. So, like, just maybe just like one line and then because we can taste it and then always add more. Perfect. And then, depending on like your heat level, I normally do like half a holiday. So yeah, definitely. Deseeded. Yeah. Yeah. You can always add more or less. And then, you can, chop just rough chop. The cilantro is going to get blended anyway. Perfect. Okay, so tell me why. Where did you learn this information? Was that something that you that was not occurring as far as, like, you know, how to implement a discipline structure? Now we don't have. Yeah. Tell me more. I guess just like googling things or talking to other parents. But no, like, I don't remember. I was the youngest of four and there was I definitely I mean, you might have a different perspective because you're you work with family and kids. I think discipline boys and girls are different like I do younger years. Okay. And I grew up with all girls that were older. I have a younger brother, so I don't really see like, disciplining that aspect. And he especially needs the whole other topic. But our daughter, we definitely have different difficulties with our daughter versus our son. Our son is more like he challenges a little bit more to me during this chapter. You know, like there's these younger years, like she's easier. She likes to be more of the people pleaser. Like she doesn't want to push the boundaries, push the limits. She likes rules and all that. She likes all that. Our son likes to push the boundaries and see where he can get what he can get away with. And I think he's really smart too. So I think that's part of the, you know, he likes and gets bored too slow. And that's kind of the hard part, right? Because their job at this point is to push the boundaries, is to figure out kind of where am I in this world? What does that look like? At the same time, as a parent, you're going, stop pushing the boundaries like this. So challenging. Yeah. But yeah, and it's true too, because you don't want to break their spirit either. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because it's like you want them to be strong and you want them to know how to, like, voice what they're feeling. And you know, you want them to have an opinion, but at the same time it's like, oh, please, I know. Yeah. So it's definitely really hard. Yeah. What was important about this? Why did you go towards that? You know, I hear you saying that it wasn't maybe necessarily something that was modeled for you. And I feel like I hear that a lot from parents, you know, especially, you know, I want to see, like, my parents generation. You heard a lot of, like, this is all I know. This is what I'm going to do here. And so, you know, I feel like you could have easily gone into kind of that same, same modalities, I guess. Right. And so I'm curious kind of why why did you choose something different? Why did you choose to seek out Google or even just, you know, other people's experiences or opinions? I guess maybe we felt like. I guess maybe our parents didn't feel so much pressure to be better. I think a lot of parents like reach, like older millennials or whatever. We want to break any trends that were passed down from older generations. You know, we want our kids to be well-rounded individuals. You know, we want them to have their own thoughts. And, you know, we want them to be problem solvers and critical thinkers. So it's like, I think maybe that's part of it. But, you know, yeah, we always want to be and we try and like we always tell our kids too, it's like we don't know what we're doing. Like we've never been parents before. Like, so like we are a team in this. Like we're in this together. Like, help me help you like, yeah. You know, like, obviously there's a balance between being your, you know, we want to be our kids parent, obviously, but we want to have like long term good relationships with them as well. So it's like they're going to be older longer than they're going to be this age where they're looking at us for everything and all their answers and everything. So it's like we want them to have the building blocks as well, to carry on to them when they're older, you know, was that something kind of in the forefront of your mind of being able to, you know, yes. You're establishing a structure, a discipline structure now. Right. Were you thinking that far ahead of I want to be able to to do this so that it can lay the groundwork at times, like for being able to have a really fruitful kind of sustainable relationship with them. Yeah, I think so. Just because, like we have our relationship with our parents are very like, not traditional or not, you know, they're not healthy relationships. Like I don't have relationships with my parents as an adult. So it's like, I know that's definitely the end goal, right? Like, you put all this time and effort and you have these babies and you raise them like you want to, like, enjoy them in the future and see where they go. And you want to have a good relationship with them, you know. So yeah, definitely. Yeah. I imagine to kind of have, as you mentioned, maybe not that great of a relationship with your own parents and kind of have that be what you're looking towards. It sounds like, you know, maybe not necessarily having their input or maybe limiting, not just for your own well-being. Oh yeah. There's no I'm I have to then go and be a parent yourself. Yeah. And figure this out and kind of thinking in that, you know, I don't want this. Like what I have my parents, to have that with my children. And so I need to figure out, I don't know what that different looks like, but I need to figure that out. And it's really important to me because I want something different. Yeah, it's weird, though, because it's like my parents were good parents when we were younger. And I've talked to my older sibling that like, I guess he confided in her one time that he never he always could picture himself being a dad when his kids were younger, but not like when his kids were adults. So it's like, I don't know if that's where the disconnect is, but, because we did have like, decent childhoods. So, you know, I don't feel like I have a lot of childhood trauma or certain things. I mean, I'm sure I do just like, not as like evidence. Other people like you can see, like, oh, yeah, this is what caused this. Like, for the most part, they were present, you know, they were together like we had a stable home environment. You know, we had like that, that what society says is. Yeah. Cookie cutter. Yes. Exactly. Then as far as, like being adult, like it's completely absent. So it's like, you know, so as far as that, like they had a good childhood, but I don't know what I took or didn't take from there. Parenting is like parenting us. And I was the youngest of four. So it's like for me, I just saw a lot of what my siblings were going through and like, oh, I'm not going to do that or I will do that. So it's like, I feel like I didn't have to do parenthood as much as my sisters. Gotcha. You know, I don't know if a lot of people experience that better on the other end. Yeah. Do you feel like you you miss that relationship and being able to have them involved in that? No, because I know that they want to be capable of having a healthy relationship. So I, I'm not missing out on that. Like, obviously if I could have it my way to be heart, but it's like, yeah, it's not really. So no. Absolutely. I imagine that was not an easy kind of reality to accept. Yeah. It's taken time. Yeah. So, I know that that's something that I've heard many parents kind of struggle with because there is maybe this expectation of, again, what this family structure is supposed to look like, what to look like, and to then kind of stray away from that. I mean, that takes a lot of courage, a lot of, just trust. So to be able to trust that and say, you know what? I'm I'm choosing my health and my well-being in this moment, and I'm choosing my family's health and well-being. Yeah, I think that's like a key thing, too, because people might have, like, family and support in their life. But isn't healthy support like toxic support? Yeah, yeah, a lot of people say, like they grow up knowing like what their family like, you need to have them in your life. Or I think on the opposite end of the spectrum, family does treat families a certain way because they think they can get away with it because they're like, oh, we're family. You know? I know that. It's just that conditioning, right? We've been doing this pattern interaction for so long. This is kind of what we know. Yeah. Instead of feeling like, well, I can choose my family, you know, like. And what does that mean family. And like that's obviously a big thing in our family because it's like I'm my kids by birth mom, but I'm not their biological mom. So it's like when at the end of the day, it doesn't mean anything. Yeah. What is that, a conversation that you have with your kids? Yeah, I we've always from the get go, I've been super honest with how they came to be, you know. So yeah, we, I mean too, because our kids were asked communities, I don't know what where the topic came up about getting a baby or how it is like, well, where does it come from? They're starting those questions like, about that. But yeah, they know, like, obviously we needed an outside source to conceive them and have them. And but we've always been super honest with them. And I try to tell, our daughter so much hasn't asked a lot of questions. She's just, I think maybe she's just younger and goes with the flow more. But our son is and we're like, well, I kind of want a dad or I want a brother. It's either a dad or a brother, you know? But it's like I try to tell them, like their families are built all different ways. And, you know, you always have those friends and like people outside of our family that you can have those connection with. But it's like this departments flow like we can't guarantee your brother. Well, we could if we wanted to, obviously, but now that's a whole nother. Yeah, that's a whole other thing. And it's like, well, now that's not a thing. Like you have a friend, he has plenty of friends, but it's like, I think that I don't take offense to it because I think it's normal to have those curiosities and feel that way. But, you know, we just try to remind them that you have two people that love you and be there for you no matter what, you know, support you and take care of you on that end of the day, that should be what's important. And yeah, so I was just actually about to ask kind of, what is your thought process when those questions happen, you know, is there something that you've done, to be able because I heard you mentioned, you know, I don't take offense, which, you know, I think the that's such a different narrative. Sometimes I hear from other other folks that they hear that and that that is the concern or that is their fear. And so, you know, I'm curious kind of what's been your thought process in your journey to kind of get to that place where it sounds like you have a little bit more compassion for the questions that are being asked? Yeah, I guess, like older generations probably would take more offense to like people's feelings outside of themselves. Yeah. So I guess just having that perspective and putting yourself in other people's shoes and it's not about me, it's about him, you know? So yeah, I just know that we're doing our best and that's all we can do. You know, so and I think that's so relatable to so many of our parents that, you know, that we're out here, we're trying our best. You know, there's it sounds like for you some of that best rate is going out and seeking out support and seeking out resources and knowledge that maybe you didn't have. Right. And so in that capacity, you're kind of doing doing what you can to be able to grow yourself to better yourself for your family, and then also having that acceptance that they're going to grow up in some way, shape or form. It's just up to I kind of try to mitigate, you know, that screw up because we're humans. It's a pretty normal thing. Yeah. And I think it it's probably detrimental if you're trying to grow up showing your kids, like putting on a front that everyone's perfect and you have to be perfect, and you have to, like, have certain emotions all the time, you know, and that's probably detrimental in the long run because then if they encounter something or feel something, they're not going to feel comfortable with you because they're going to be like, oh, yeah, I should probably shouldn't be feeling this way or this is wrong or like, you know. Yeah. So it sounds like normalizing the fact that emotions exist. Is that like a fallacy? Yeah. Because I feel like when I grew up, that's probably one of the things like, I never really saw conflict resolution or like, healthy, you know, and I know that that affects my relationships and relationship with your spouse and, you know, a healthy conflict and resolving and, you know, just don't sweep everything under the rug. And eventually you think it's going to go away and then it's going to explode. Spoiler alert it doesn't go away. Usually grows. So you got a higher risk. You. Right. I mean, that's why I have a job. Yeah. Dream about my dream is to not have a job. Because everybody is to tell me. You think we hate. So intense is our emotions and how to express. Yeah. And just expressing them to like you will have your own emotions but how to articulate it. Yeah. And on the other flip side, to be able to receive it from the person who's articulating it to you. And I think that's a really great point, right? So many times we we're like, yes, talk about your emotions. So when it's coming towards you and someone saying, hey, I feel really angry that this happened like it can be like, whoa, yeah, no, don't talk about your emotions. I don't like this. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's so true. But I think just recognizing I guess recognizing it and understanding it, and, like, we're giving each other grace to, you know, and just know that it's a constant thing. Yeah, that you have to work towards. Like, I've been with my wife for how many years? I don't know if you've seen it. It's a constant like, yeah, constantly. Like it's not like it gets easier because you've been together longer, you know. But obviously in raising kids to, you know, in different chapters of those kids needs and, you know, that plays a part in all the relationships happening in the house. And, you know, just understanding, being open to that criticism and reflecting on yourself, okay, what can I do or what do you need? What do I need? And so yeah, absolutely. And I think I really love that being open to the criticism and being able to see it as an opportunity to grow rather than like a personal attack and kind of a failure on your part. Yeah. Because it is hard to not feel that I that's like people's like initial reaction like, yeah, yourself. And I think there's absolutely ways right to present the complaints because that's, that's kind of what I see a lot is that, you know, criticisms and like character attacks, like those are things that we want. I just my complaints are super duper natural and normal to have complaints because you're, you're whether it's complaints with your children and kind of some of that behavior, whether it's with friendships or, you know, spousal relationships or partners or whatever that looks like, because we're talking about different human beings trying to coexist with one another. There's going to be some, yeah, some growing pains and. Right. Yeah. And there's and they're always changing because when your kids are getting older. Absolutely. So than what you used to like oh I'm getting them through. But yeah. And then it's like, oh did you have the how can you. So I was going so I'm, I'm wimpy wimpy. Oh I like zero five. So I'm going to do half of this. And then I'm like okay I'm because you know, Josh, Josh loves all of these guys. Zero blended too much. Oh so that first phase I don't know how your blender works. And then we can see the consistency. And obviously everyone can change it how they want. Yeah absolutely. Yes. Mine is fairly strong. I'm not sponsored by NutriBullet, but hey if you want to, I'm on a chat. Yeah, okay. Why are you talking like this? I would do a little bit more. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We can always check, you know. Yeah, I not good. Okay. So I'll pour a little bit of this and then I'll blend in a little bit more with the, with the, and you can chop. Okay. And we can always see if you need to add more lime or salt. You know, it's pretty easy. And I like it that way too, because it's like you don't have to think about it. Yeah. You you mentioned like there are some variations to that. You know, like sometimes I'll add peppers like if we have, leftover like, snacking like bell peppers, you know, you can add that or you want it to your character. Yeah. Have you ever tried to make it kind of fruity? I haven't, like mango or pineapple. Yeah, that would be yummy, though. That would be especially in this heat wave we're having. I, I love a good tropical tropical anything. Well hits your roots. I. Like yeah. That looks does that look good okay I'll take that one. Let me let me chop it while you're doing that. Sure. You tell me. Okay. Yeah. A little bit more lime. Okay. Maybe more salt. But I'm with Josh. I like a little. I don't like too spicy, but I definitely want a little bit of spice. But this would be great if you're kids, too. What about your boys? Do they like any spice or. So my cola can handle a little bit heat. I think he can handle a little bit more than he give himself credit for. But my Malachi is is just like me. It's like a little bit of. Oh, no. Oh. But, you know, again, I went from my own family trauma. And the reason why I like heat that's so good, of course, is for some you actually used to get I used to suck my thumb. My, my grandmother's. Oh, my thumb. Because she used to babysit myself, too. Yeah. And, they wanted me to stop, so they put some on my thumb. So that you're old enough to remember that, too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I knew about it. For sure. But. Yeah. So I'm, I'm curious a little bit more like a little bit. Yes. Okay. And so what what does is I heard you mentioned kind of going back to disciplining and making sure that it's something that's kind of age appropriate, almost. And the expectations that sounds like are kind of appropriate is that. Did I hear that correctly? Yes. And it's like we've tried to Google like what punishments are appropriate. And a lot of times too, I've read like you're not supposed to do punishments. Okay, tell me more because it causes your kids, to not trust you and like, then they get scared to get in trouble. So then they'll just hide things from you or lie to you. So then it just causes. Basically, you're supposed to just sit down and have a conversation about why they did this or what made them do that, or, you know, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And, but it's like to me too, that's like, I feel like I know a lot of people talk about natural consequences. Okay. Which I still get confused thing is just like in certain as obviously I feel like when they're younger, like, like if you tell them to stop playing with something or doing something, a natural consequences, then they would get hurt, right? Okay. But I feel like when they get older and it's more of like, an emotional thing or like conflict thing, there's not really like a natural consequence. So it's like, I don't know, you guys aren't going to get along anymore. Like, yeah, I feel like it has to be like probably like in the moment, immediate. And that's probably not as realistic. So it's like, I don't know. It is absolutely a hard one to manage. And I and I hear you saying about the punishment and one of the things I actually, I had read when I was doing a lot of my, my grad school work and just all my training that for me to this day has really resonated was the idea that, you know, nowadays the word punishment and discipline have become really synonymous with one another. And, they were saying the word discipline actually kind of root word was meaning to teach versus like punishment being like, here's just like I'm gonna, you know, take something away. Yeah. You know, like to do harsher, you know, thinking back in the old days kind of feel and so kind of that idea of like, are there ways to tease out, you know, discipline being something very separate then. Right. Thinking of it as punishment. And doing it from that lens of how, how can I teach them skills like we're talking about those skills for the future versus like in the right now, you know, for example, I know that, you know, there are many generations who who might choose to kind of do any kind of like a spanking or something like example, you know, and, and the idea there, is that it generally has a really immediate effect, right? You know, because they're like, oh, I don't want to do that. So they stop. Right. However, doesn't necessarily teach them for future because, you know, when they're out in the real world, they do something in their job that may be inappropriate. Their boss isn't going to speak. I mean, they might not like that's inappropriate. That's an HR thing to make sure you get that checked out. But, you know, in general, that's not necessarily the teaching and that's not really a sustainable punishment spanking your high schooler. Could you imagine, like for those that are like twice your size, like twice now. Yeah. And so, you know, kind of reframing that and like, how can I teach like you said. And so maybe it does include a little bit more of that, like problem solving conversations, kind of meeting them where they're at emotionally. Yeah. And then saying, okay, like I totally appreciate your emotions. And that that does sound really frustrating. What are some other things that we could do for our frustration instead of just, you know, pushing our, our sibling or. Yeah, whatever that looks like. Right. Exactly. That's so true. Yeah. Okay. So let's go into this guy with your with your spiciness. Yes. And then yeah I don't insult. Yes with. Absolutely. Yes. When I make it with my son he always like has this all right. He's a little bit more solidarity center. Yeah. I say I've got I've got amazing kitchen helpers. I really think it's because when they're kitchen helpers, they get to be the best part. Yeah. And you make lots of yummy foods too. Oh, and I love learning more. So I'm so excited. Okay, let's pull this guy. Yeah, you know what? You're gonna really need to help me out because I didn't have it on. So there we go. Okay, good. Like that. Helping you in there? Yeah. You don't want big chunks? No. Okay, let's try it out. Let's try the difference. This is the safe. See here recently new. I wonder if we'll see the color difference. And that one's blended a little bit more. So there you go. Oh yeah. You can definitely see. Oh yeah. They eat stuff like this. Chips and salsa I certainly am. So it's going to be it's going to be hit. With some of the heat. Yeah. Is it better though. That's all in line for those entrepreneurs from your garden and all or no no we don't have since I don't eat them I don't. I only grow stuff I'm going to eat. Yeah. If you wanted to go in this one, you could if you want it just for your preference, I'll go with, like, a little chunkiness. So I'm curious for those that like, maybe disagree or would prefer that your kids were quote unquote well-behaved, more well-behaved. Right. And, you know, how do you navigate that out in the real world to be able to kind of stand true to your beliefs? And it sounds like you're values, while also, you know, battling the look unsolicited. Oh, like do like it. There you go in person. Correct. I think that's funny that you bring that up, though, because we were at, party a couple weekends ago, and there was, our son, I make a great choice, but obviously, like, you know, there's no innocent party in this situation, right? My wife is really good about just dealing with it right then and there, and, like, he wasn't in trouble, but, you know, he needed to step aside and think about what he did or what he can do. Different, for sure. And she handled it right then and there. And there is a couple moms and I oh, I can't believe you just like did that right here. Normally I like just don't deal with it until later. And then it's like interesting. So I think just knowing like you are going to judge either way because like obviously maybe if we didn't do anything it will be like oh why are they sitting there. Okay. Yeah I appreciate that. Like just handling it in this situation you know maturely like obviously not. You know you need to read the room like do what's appropriate in the moment. But so I think just knowing that people are going to probably judge you one way, even though mom shouldn't judge each other, you know, we're doing our best. So maybe I'm just having a little bit more compassion for those parents. But again, it's it's. Well, yeah. And it's like I'm thinking a little if you don't handle it in the moment, like you're pro, I'll forget for sure. Yeah. And your kid's going to probably forget it too. It's really, really fair. I don't want to compare kids to dogs, but it's kind of the same thing. Like if you don't punish correct the dog in the moment, I remember. Yeah. So it's like, you know, just knowing that that you have to you don't want them to get away with it. But you know, people are going to look at you or, you know, and hopefully the more you do that, the more the less times you would have to do it. And I think that's exactly the point. Right behind that idea of the teaching is that we're teaching that hopefully, like you said, yeah, we're decreasing future self. So yes, maybe there's growing pains and it is a little bit more uncomfortable because you're having to, like you said, kind of in that moment amongst a party, kind of sit down with your kiddo and yeah, have a real talk with them. But that hopefully in the future that, you know, decrease because they might they've learn the skills. They've kind of been able to have a grown up who's willing to dialog with them about what their emotions were. What are some alternative ways that we can manage those emotions? And here now we can apply it to all these other situations. You can find matching, you know, the the feelings of frustration and the feelings of sadness or anger, you know, with Inside out to now they're helping teach the kiddos, you know, let hopefully the you know, those are things that are likely going to show up at another point in their life. And I think you're so right. And being able to then teach them, teaching them now for that future. Right. Yeah. And I think it's good too, that like the parents like as you're a team and you support each other, you know, like so I was proud of my wife in that moment to just like handle it, you know, because yeah, I think sometimes I'm better at other situations and she's better at other situations. And, you know, just supporting each other and being on the same page and showing that, like, you're a united front to your kids to. Was that a conversation that the two of you had prior, like going into it making decisions like, hey, this is how we're going to handle this as we are? Not really, I guess, not a formal conversation. Okay, I guess it's like knowing each other. Yeah, being on the same page in general. So yeah, I think it's probably always a good idea to, you know, have a conversation prior. But I mean, I think the fact that you, you know, folks, it sounds like are willing to kind of vibe off of each other, know, support each other, even if it's maybe not the exact way that you would handle it. You know, being able to still, show that appreciation and show that gratitude for them showing up and and being willing to work with you on this journey. Because if you have that support, I mean, not everybody does. And so, yeah, absolutely. And, you know, being able to then be like, thanks for doing just showing up for me and and being able to to do this because parenting is I mean, that's just the overwhelming thing behind the scenes, right? Parenting is so hard. And I don't think it like you talk to people who have older kids. Like, I think it's just hard in different ways. So it's like we're just in it. Yeah, for the sake of it, you know? So it's like anything, you know? Yes, we're in the thick of it now for this particular milestone. Then when we hit the next milestone, we're going to be in a different kind of thing. Yeah. And then same thing when they're adults, I imagine kind of that care and compassion for their well-being and for their thriving success isn't necessarily going to go away. And it's probably harder in certain ways because you don't have that control anymore either. Yeah. You know, but you still have to be like on the sidelines, like, yeah, yeah. Like even if they're making choices that you wouldn't necessarily make for them, you know, you can't make it for them. Honestly. You got to let them learn to. Yeah. So knowing that balance in the future, like I can't even like, like it's overwhelming. Okay. Like, just let's focus on right now. Yeah, absolutely. And I think so as you mentioned, you're kind of doing what you can now. And as far as being able to teach them the skills, being able to cultivate a relationship, as you mentioned, that they yeah, they feel comfortable. They feel safe to be able to have these conversations and trust us. Exactly. And so the hope is then they're continuing right to take that into the future with them. So when they're struggling, yeah, maybe instead of going to, you know, WebMD or, you know, any of those like, resources, they're actually coming in there having conversations with you and being willing to to have you be a part of their life because you are investing in that relationship now. And I think that's so amazing. Yeah. So where you are event. Yes, absolutely. Are there any like insights like if you could go back in time and and tell yourself something in order to prepare for some of the things that you've learned had there was a handbook. Yeah. We don't have a handbook, which is I mean, while designed for. But like, is there anything that you would share with yourself or maybe I don't know, I've never really thought about it. I know for sure when they were younger. Like when they were babies. Yeah, I know for sure. Just trusting your instincts because there's so many outside information that comes in. Like, you know, when you have the baby from the nurses or the doctors. And so I think just trusting your maternal instincts when they're younger, that I would have told myself I was I definitely did that with our daughter versus our son and like it was way easier in the beginning when she was a newborn. And like, I'm just going to listen to me, listen to her. And I know we got this. Yeah, like trying to be on some schedule and you know, it gets very stressful that way. Absolutely. Like as far as like when they're this age, I don't know. I haven't thought about it. I still feel like obviously I know like I need to remind myself, you know, be patient. And just like I think that's what it ties into is just having those standards that are realistic. Okay. You know, so just remembering that and just learning how to navigate that. And so maybe almost like it's it's okay to not be perfect. Yeah. And I think to like just knowing that you know they're going to push the boundaries. And then that's what they're supposed to do. Yes. Having better reactions to it and just knowing how to navigate it. You know. Yeah, I don't know I think I think that you and I each, each milestone and it goes by so fast too. So just even though you if you are frustrated or you're tired, like just enjoy the moment that you are in with them because like before, you know they're going to be in a different phase. Yeah. Of life, you know, and you can't go back. So maybe now, you know, I know that was something I've had other guests that I've mentioned just kind of finding those ways to be able to find the joy. Yeah. And some of those milestones. And maybe it doesn't mean that for right now, you know, we're not nipping every little thing, you know, like picking your battles. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, are we really good kids? Do we know I think we have our kids, but obviously, like, no kid is perfect. But I do feel like we have really good kids. We're really lucky in that way. And not only that, it's just they're they are kids. So even kids that are having difficulties, that's that's their job. But yeah, that's what we're doing. And so, you know, being able to then kind of reflect how can I support them being able to explore, being able to figure out who they are. And in a healthy like we're putting limits on them or we're putting limits that are quite appropriate, like you said, age appropriate, that are in consideration for their, you know, developmental abilities, where they're at just so much but still having limits. Maybe, maybe we give them a little bit bigger of a box to kind of roam around in and not just be. Yeah, yeah, do whatever you want. I'm not sure. Yeah, because we all know how it turns out. You. I do feel like from being from a thought, like a big family, I think to like, you know, that nature versus nurture argument all the time. But there is definitely a part where I think some people are just born certain ways. Yeah. You know, I think so. No matter what you do as a parent, they're probably going to be a certain way. Like as an adult. But it's like, yeah, yes, I was doing our best, you know. But yeah, like you also want to enjoy it too because it's like, what is the whole point at the end of the day, being a parent and having these kids if you're not enjoying it. Yeah, absolutely. And it can be hard to remember that, you know, when you're in it. Yeah. And you're like like you said, you know, trying to to, to do this battle and pick your battles. And at the same time you're like, I want to raise a good human being. I know, like, which battle do I pick? Because I don't know, I know, I know, yeah, absolutely. But I think the fact that people even care nowadays, like probably the first and the most important step. Yeah, it's like, you know, from like older generations, like kids should be seen or heard or whatever, like, you know, they would say. So it's like, but that was that's been the mantra. And I think what you mentioned, even in the beginning is that what's kind of neat about, our generation and those that are even coming after us, that there is so much more willingness to kind of pull back that curtain and say, like, it doesn't have to look like your neighbors, and that's okay. And, that, you know, it's not always sunshine and rainbows that there there are things that are difficult and, and maybe having a little bit more compassion and a little bit more grace for the emotions, for, for the behaviors that, that they're still learning to kind of. Yeah. Because even adults for an adult thing, they have no control. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So okay, you know, can we really expect kiddos to behave in ways that even adults, you know, you've got sometimes you hear with these work stories, you hear friendships, stories, family stories of just, you know, people kind of going all over the place and looking at like we were all adults here. So maybe not right, you know? And then at the same time, we're expecting our kids more, have more of, you know, an excuse, you know, for, for lack of a better word to, to be able to kind of. Yeah, not, not have all those filters because they're not necessarily developed enough, right, to have those filters to have the rationalization and the logic to go, oh, you know, if I do this. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I totally make sense. And I so appreciate you being willing to share with me today and share a little bit about your story and helping pull back that curtain and being the change that we want to see. So thank you so much. Yeah, I this is awesome. This is really fun. This is my first podcast video. So hopefully I did okay for you. It was it was amazing. And I'm so excited. I know my family is super excited for this fall. So so so thank you so much. Thank you Lisa. Yes and thank you everyone for tuning in. We'll see you next time. If you or anyone that you know is struggling with any of the topics that we discussed in today's episode, make sure to check out our show notes for support and resource. This you can get help. Thanks again for joining us on today's episode of The Real Family. Eat. If you're a parent ready to share your real life parenting story, make sure to reach out to us and our website found in the show notes. And that goes for today's recipe social media's support and resources. All of that can be found in our show notes, so make sure to check them out and make sure to follow, like, share, subscribe, and stay up to date on all things the real Family Eats. I hope you'll join us next time for more food for thought and thoughtful food! 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