The Real Family Eats: Parents dishing on real parenting struggles and recipe sharing

Rewriting Gender Rules: Ignacio Commitment to Change + Shrimp Ceviche

Reesa Morala, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Season 1 Episode 9

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In this episode, Ignacio Corona, dad of two and Director of Merchandising at Adobe Maison, joins Reesa Morala, LMFT, to share his parenting journey and lessons learned. Ignacio opens up about modeling flexibility in gender roles for his daughters, taking on traditionally female-presenting roles to support his wife’s career, and breaking cultural and generational norms to teach his children self-worth and adaptability.

While discussing parenting challenges, insights, and resources, Ignacio shares his delicious Shrimp Ceviche Cocktail recipe—a refreshing dish perfect for busy families. Together, they explore balancing parenting responsibilities with family meals, creating a home filled with growth and mutual support.

Subscribe, like, and follow for more relatable parenting stories, actionable tips, and family-favorite recipes!

💬 What parenting challenges have you faced? Share your story in the comments!
🍤 Tried the recipe? Let us know how it turned out!

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Ceviche/Shrimp Cocktail

INGREDIENTS:

(2) Large Cucumbers diced
(4) Medium Carrots diced
(1) batch Cilantro diced
(1) small or half a large red onion diced
(3) Lemons
(3) Limes
(3) Mangos diced
(1) 2LB Bag of medium shrimp 
(3) Jalapenos deseeded and diced
Salt (Tablespoon)

INSTRUCTIONS:

Cook in boiling water for 2 mins and cool rapidly, cut each shrimp in half
Juice lemons and limes
Bathe onions in citrus juice
Mix all ingredients together and season to taste
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If you or your loved one is struggling with any of the topics discussed, here are some resources:
Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988
Go to your local hospital or call 911
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Disclaimer:
The content provided on this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice or treatment. 

The views and opinions expressed by the host(s) and guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the podcast. 

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Host
: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a couples counselor for parents providing therapy in person in Murrieta, CA and virtual couples therapy in California. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!

Make sure to like, follow, and subscribe!

For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com

If you are a parent ready to share your real-life parenting struggle and dish up a recipe with Reesa, apply here:
https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/real-family-eats-guest

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need personalized support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.

Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988

Go to your local hospital or call 911

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The first instinct is to get loud.

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And it is even for myself.

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Unfortunately and

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it's a work in progress.

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Hey everyone.

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Thanks for joining me.

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My name is Reesa and I'm your host.

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We are talking to real families

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about real stories

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here on The Real Family Eats, where

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we've got food for thought

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and thoughtful food.

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So let's eat.

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Hey, everyone.

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So my guest today is Ignacio.

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Hi, Ignacio.

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Thanks so much

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for joining

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and being a guest on our show today.

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Thank you very much for having me. Yes.

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So for anybody who doesn't know you,

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can you introduce yourself for me? Yes.

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Ignacio Corona, I am a husband,

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and a father to two beautiful

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young daughters.

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Zoe and Mila, aged nine and six.

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I'm the rare San Diego native.

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Okay, so,

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yes, that's the basics.

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Wonderful.

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Well, I'm so excited to hear your story

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and your recipe

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that you're sharing with us.

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So tell me what recipe

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we're going to be doing today

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and tell me why you chose this one.

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So it's a hybrid.

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So each, shrimp cocktail.

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And I say that

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because with ceviche,

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you typically cook the shrimp

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24 hours in advance in lime

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juice, lime and lemon juice. Okay.

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And that's just

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very difficult for myself personally.

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So I kind of do a little cheat code

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and cook the shrimp and then add it.

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And then it's hybrid in the,

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in the way of shrimp cocktail

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because of the shrimp.

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But also

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typically with shrimp cocktail

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you have a tomato based

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or a clam based juice that's added.

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And lately

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we just haven't been eating it that way.

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But you can eat it.

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It's very versatile.

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Awesome.

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And so why did you choose this

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particular recipe?

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It reminds me of growing up, growing up

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very religious, Catholic home.

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So during lent, you,

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we wouldn't

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be able to eat, meat on Fridays.

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Okay,

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so it was a staple dish

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for for that time.

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Very cool. Well, I'm so excited.

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I have never had your,

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you know,

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ceviche ish,

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recipe before,

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so I'm super excited to try it.

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Can you tell me, like,

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what are the first couple of steps,

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that I need to do?

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And I'll get doing those while

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we're chatting.

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Yeah.

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So typically

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I start with the onions, okay.

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And then I bathe them in the lemon

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and lime juice.

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Okay. Because the onions.

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Very strong.

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I personally don't like that

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strength in the onion.

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So I let it kind of cook,

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if you will, in the lemon and lime juice.

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Gotcha.

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So I can squeeze all of these

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and then put my onions in.

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Exactly. Perfect. I can do that.

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All right.

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So while I'm doing this,

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I so one of the reasons

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why I invited you on here is because,

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you have a very unique

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take on some of the missions that you've

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kind of set out for yourself

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with raising two daughters

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and kind of the role that you wanted to,

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to have in their lives

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and what you wanted to demonstrate

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in their lives

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that I thought was very unique.

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I don't hear it too often.

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You are, as you mentioned,

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a spouse of my good friend Amanda, who is

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one of the most ambitious people

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I have ever met,

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and I have absolutely loved

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the way

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that you have been such a supporter.

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And when we've chatted

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before in the past,

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you've mentioned that

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that is such a priority for you

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because of your daughters.

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And so I'd really love to know

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a little bit more

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about about your journey

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and kind of how

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you came to that decision.

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And why was it so important to you

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to be able to kind of do these things?

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Yeah.

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So Amanda is very ambitious,

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like you said, I love it.

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I live vicariously through her studies.

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I feel like I was there when she did her

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master's program,

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when she did her doctoral program,

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and she would bounce stuff back to me.

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So it really wasn't

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like we were doing it together.

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And I love that

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that she included me in it.

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And for my daughters,

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it was great for them

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to see how it's done.

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And, the prime example of what

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success in education looks like.

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Okay.

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But yes, I would never,

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hinder or try to say, well,

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you shouldn't do this or that.

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I was

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if she wanted to do it,

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she was going to put it in the work.

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We will figure out how to balance the day

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to day life activities. Right?

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Yeah,

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I like I said,

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I lived vicariously through her.

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And how can you tell me

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a little bit more?

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Because I hear you mentioning like that

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it was so important to you

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to kind of sit down and go,

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if this is something you want to do,

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let's make it happen.

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Let's figure out kind of a plan to do it.

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Why was that such

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an important narrative for you

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to be able to do?

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Well, not only would it possibly better

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our lives,

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okay, from a career standpoint,

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but again,

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that example

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to the to the girls

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that this is important.

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And if it's something that you set

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your mind to,

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it's worth achieving

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and the back end stuff

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will figure out, okay.

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Yeah.

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And she,

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Amanda would tell me

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that this was a dream of hers.

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This is what she really,

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always really wanted.

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Right

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then I knew we're going to make it work.

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Yeah.

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And so I'm super curious to kind of know

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was that different from maybe

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the family archetypes

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that you grew up seeing.

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Because

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you grew up in a very,

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maybe different culture.

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Then you know,

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what you would typically think of

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when we think of male and female kind of

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who who's out there doing the stuff,

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if you will. Right.

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Is that is that an accurate statement?

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And my way is no. 100% accurate.

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I grew up in a very traditional gender

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role, and,

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the male alpha male, you know, the,

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my father was work

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six days a week for 45

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years in the same restaurant.

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And he brought

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home the bacon,

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and he literally brought home

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bacon from the restaurant.

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Onions that day, or.

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I don't know why, but, yes,

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we had taken

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pretty much every other day

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in the household.

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Yeah, available to us.

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I mean, not a bad thing.

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Not a bad thing.

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And my mother also worked full time.

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Did all the cooking,

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did all the cleaning,

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did all the laundry,

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but I don't think I subscribed

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to those to that dynamic because of her.

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Because

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while her dynamic

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was the traditional route,

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I'm the youngest of four boys and between

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my age got to the next older brother.

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It's five years,

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so I really was that to the head

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to my mom in the first years, right?

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And I saw how much she work,

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but whether she did it

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consciously or subconsciously,

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she was planning some seeds of

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how to cook.

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We were making our own eggs at five.

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Like if you wanted a certain way,

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you do it.

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So those were

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those values were instilled

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in us early on.

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She's very financial savvy.

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So she was planning those seeds early on.

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Save your money.

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Do not like the goal. Should be a home.

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And that's not always everyone's goal.

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But that was our goal. Yeah.

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So she would

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plant those seeds that maybe a typical

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gender role.

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The male is really in charge

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of all the financial decisions.

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And, it

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if it comes from him,

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it's, it's worth gold.

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But she really did.

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There was nothing she couldn't do.

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And I really took that.

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And I feel we're applying it

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in our family, in our dynamics. Yeah.

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Now was that so then kind of

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was that narrative

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that a woman could do it.

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And so then you were seeing that

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is that kind of what you

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that's exactly what it is.

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Wow.

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Me being, having a girl,

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dad having two daughters,

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I want that for them.

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I wanted to teach them

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that to be strong, independent women.

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They don't need a man in their life

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if they want a man

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or a significant partner in their lives,

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by all means. But you don't need it.

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You won't need it.

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And that's what I'm trying to instill.

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Why can you tell me about

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why that is so important to you.

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For them

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to be able to walk away

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and, and have that message

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kind of really internally build that,

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because I feel that they'd be set up

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for, for success.

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I feel that

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they're going to

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really focus on being happy.

00:09:10:05 - 00:09:12:28
They'll be able to focus on being happy

00:09:12:28 - 00:09:14:09
without a dependency

00:09:14:09 - 00:09:16:00
on anything or anybody.

00:09:16:00 - 00:09:17:14
Okay.

00:09:17:14 - 00:09:20:22
Do you feel like that's not traditional

00:09:20:22 - 00:09:22:08
in kind of your culture,

00:09:22:08 - 00:09:23:10
the way that maybe even

00:09:23:10 - 00:09:25:16
you saw others outside of your home?

00:09:25:16 - 00:09:27:18
I 100%,

00:09:27:18 - 00:09:29:06
I think the older generation,

00:09:29:06 - 00:09:31:08
if you will,

00:09:31:08 - 00:09:34:08
did take a lot more.

00:09:34:16 - 00:09:37:09
Before they were fed up.

00:09:37:09 - 00:09:39:09
And it was because possibly

00:09:39:09 - 00:09:42:09
their dependency on the other individual,

00:09:42:11 - 00:09:45:03
whether it be financials or

00:09:45:03 - 00:09:45:19
another thing,

00:09:45:19 - 00:09:47:08
I just through this

00:09:47:08 - 00:09:50:09
process reflected on is a lot of

00:09:50:09 - 00:09:52:01
the men

00:09:52:01 - 00:09:54:11
were the only drivers in the family.

00:09:54:11 - 00:09:55:08
The female.

00:09:55:08 - 00:09:57:04
My mom does not drive okay.

00:09:57:04 - 00:10:00:04
So another kind of dependency there that

00:10:00:13 - 00:10:01:19
I mean kind of goes

00:10:01:19 - 00:10:02:25
overlooked a little bit.

00:10:05:00 - 00:10:07:03
So just a

00:10:07:03 - 00:10:07:21
few things that

00:10:07:21 - 00:10:10:21
add up to their dependency,

00:10:11:18 - 00:10:14:18
which is what I kind of want to

00:10:15:03 - 00:10:17:07
make sure that girls don't have.

00:10:17:07 - 00:10:18:21
Yeah.

00:10:18:21 - 00:10:21:03
It sounds like you really would like them

00:10:21:03 - 00:10:22:28
to know that they are capable

00:10:22:28 - 00:10:24:18
of self-sufficiency

00:10:24:18 - 00:10:27:18
in that and kind of being able to

00:10:28:06 - 00:10:30:14
choose and not have it chosen for them.

00:10:30:14 - 00:10:33:07
It. Correct? Yes. Agreed. Yeah.

00:10:33:07 - 00:10:36:07
And so I'm really curious, like,

00:10:36:11 - 00:10:40:05
was this something that you've received

00:10:40:22 - 00:10:41:23
any pushback for?

00:10:41:23 - 00:10:43:15
I mean, the fact that,

00:10:43:15 - 00:10:44:22
you know, you,

00:10:44:22 - 00:10:46:15
you kind of took that backseat

00:10:46:15 - 00:10:47:18
and were

00:10:47:18 - 00:10:49:13
maybe the primary caregiver

00:10:49:13 - 00:10:50:12
while Amanda was out

00:10:50:12 - 00:10:51:26
kind of doing her

00:10:51:26 - 00:10:53:16
her graduate program,

00:10:53:16 - 00:10:55:06
doing her doctoral program.

00:10:55:06 - 00:10:55:25
Can you tell me

00:10:55:25 - 00:10:57:16
a little bit more about that?

00:10:57:16 - 00:11:01:06
Well, one of the biggest just chores,

00:11:01:06 - 00:11:02:28
if you will, is

00:11:02:28 - 00:11:03:21
in the kitchen

00:11:03:21 - 00:11:06:08
making sure the kids are fed and,

00:11:06:08 - 00:11:07:06
nurtured and all that.

00:11:07:06 - 00:11:11:06
And I feel that piece of the pie is

00:11:11:14 - 00:11:12:14
down my alley.

00:11:12:14 - 00:11:15:01
I feel very comfortable in the kitchen.

00:11:15:01 - 00:11:16:02
I feel very comfortable

00:11:17:05 - 00:11:18:03
making sure that they

00:11:18:03 - 00:11:19:19
have what they need.

00:11:19:19 - 00:11:22:19
For the kids,

00:11:22:29 - 00:11:25:22
and the other portion

00:11:25:22 - 00:11:27:24
that I work on on a daily basis

00:11:27:24 - 00:11:29:13
is that communication piece.

00:11:29:13 - 00:11:32:13
Right with the kids.

00:11:32:25 - 00:11:35:15
And it's,

00:11:35:15 - 00:11:37:25
it's a work in progress is we're

00:11:37:25 - 00:11:39:11
always working on

00:11:39:11 - 00:11:41:16
how do I convey a message when,

00:11:41:16 - 00:11:43:17
when they're not doing something that

00:11:43:17 - 00:11:44:05
when they're doing something

00:11:44:05 - 00:11:45:08
they probably shouldn't be.

00:11:45:08 - 00:11:46:12
How do I convey the message

00:11:46:12 - 00:11:47:26
that they receive it.

00:11:47:26 - 00:11:50:05
Okay. Not resistant.

00:11:50:05 - 00:11:53:05
So that's a daily focus of mine.

00:11:53:05 - 00:11:56:02
But all the other things

00:11:56:02 - 00:11:57:23
making sure that they have,

00:11:57:23 - 00:12:00:23
they're bathed, they're fed, they're

00:12:02:00 - 00:12:02:29
make it to school on time.

00:12:02:29 - 00:12:05:14
All that. That's pretty simple.

00:12:05:14 - 00:12:07:00
Do you think that for you

00:12:07:00 - 00:12:10:27
there's ever been maybe a struggle or,

00:12:13:12 - 00:12:15:05
hesitation in the fact that,

00:12:15:05 - 00:12:15:21
like you said,

00:12:15:21 - 00:12:18:10
it isn't maybe a traditional male role

00:12:18:10 - 00:12:19:01
that it's,

00:12:19:01 - 00:12:19:09
you know,

00:12:19:09 - 00:12:21:00
very different than, like,

00:12:21:00 - 00:12:23:09
the machismo kind of.

00:12:23:09 - 00:12:24:29
Yeah. Narrative.

00:12:24:29 - 00:12:26:00
Yeah. No.

00:12:28:01 - 00:12:29:07
Definitely.

00:12:29:07 - 00:12:29:27
Growing up, I

00:12:29:27 - 00:12:31:23
didn't see really

00:12:31:23 - 00:12:34:15
the male figure in my life,

00:12:34:15 - 00:12:36:22
have those difficult conversations

00:12:36:22 - 00:12:37:17
with,

00:12:37:17 - 00:12:39:26
it just wasn't something that we said.

00:12:39:26 - 00:12:42:11
Yeah, or was said to us.

00:12:42:11 - 00:12:43:23
We didn't really

00:12:43:23 - 00:12:46:23
share our feelings too much.

00:12:48:05 - 00:12:49:14
We didn't really ask for help

00:12:49:14 - 00:12:51:17
either, because,

00:12:51:17 - 00:12:55:00
I mean, we just wasn't really prompted.

00:12:55:00 - 00:12:57:06
Do you need help that that often?

00:12:57:06 - 00:12:58:09
Yeah.

00:12:58:09 - 00:13:01:09
So it was a wake up call in that.

00:13:01:18 - 00:13:01:26
All right,

00:13:01:26 - 00:13:03:15
now I have these two little ones

00:13:03:15 - 00:13:04:18
that are depending on me

00:13:04:18 - 00:13:06:16
to teach them the the way.

00:13:06:16 - 00:13:07:18
Right.

00:13:07:18 - 00:13:09:26
So it's it's also teaching myself

00:13:09:26 - 00:13:11:27
the way or taking the lead from Amanda

00:13:11:27 - 00:13:13:07
because she does a great job

00:13:13:07 - 00:13:15:08
of articulating conversation

00:13:15:08 - 00:13:15:25
with the girls.

00:13:15:25 - 00:13:19:00
So it's never I never.

00:13:19:00 - 00:13:21:12
And not learning.

00:13:21:12 - 00:13:23:07
Yeah, absolutely.

00:13:24:18 - 00:13:27:13
Did you feel like

00:13:27:13 - 00:13:29:16
there were moments in there?

00:13:29:16 - 00:13:30:15
Because I hear you mentioning,

00:13:30:15 - 00:13:31:23
like, a very intentional

00:13:31:23 - 00:13:33:18
kind of learning curve

00:13:33:18 - 00:13:34:28
and that you kind of

00:13:34:28 - 00:13:36:05
faced it and said, okay,

00:13:36:05 - 00:13:38:15
how how can I learn from this?

00:13:38:15 - 00:13:41:15
Or did you

00:13:41:18 - 00:13:43:11
did you ever feel

00:13:43:11 - 00:13:46:11
less than at any point because

00:13:47:12 - 00:13:49:21
you, you were or,

00:13:49:21 - 00:13:50:01
you know,

00:13:50:01 - 00:13:53:01
taking on these roles that weren't

00:13:54:01 - 00:13:57:01
men's roles, if you will?

00:13:57:21 - 00:13:59:15
I don't know about less than,

00:13:59:15 - 00:14:01:23
but I really didn't

00:14:01:23 - 00:14:04:23
care what anyone else really thought.

00:14:05:02 - 00:14:06:18
If,

00:14:06:18 - 00:14:09:18
they saw me being doing the,

00:14:09:20 - 00:14:11:25
the, the stuff that maybe,

00:14:11:25 - 00:14:13:27
female gender would do typically.

00:14:13:27 - 00:14:14:27
Yeah,

00:14:14:27 - 00:14:16:03
I learned it from my mother,

00:14:16:03 - 00:14:18:13
like she did pretty much everything.

00:14:18:13 - 00:14:21:22
And I think she's they both

00:14:21:22 - 00:14:24:10
my both parents set us up for success.

00:14:25:12 - 00:14:27:18
And that's all I want to do with my kids

00:14:27:18 - 00:14:28:29
is get them to a point

00:14:28:29 - 00:14:30:03
where they can be successful,

00:14:30:03 - 00:14:31:12
and the rest is up to them.

00:14:31:12 - 00:14:33:06
Yeah, absolutely.

00:14:33:06 - 00:14:34:08
I think that's so awesome

00:14:34:08 - 00:14:35:17
that you were able to do that,

00:14:35:17 - 00:14:38:17
and even to kind of have that mindset of,

00:14:39:10 - 00:14:40:10
I don't really care

00:14:40:10 - 00:14:42:02
if you agree with what I'm doing or not,

00:14:42:02 - 00:14:44:04
this is how I'm going to do it. Yeah.

00:14:44:04 - 00:14:47:04
I mean, I feel like that's such,

00:14:47:22 - 00:14:49:01
a narrative that I feel like

00:14:49:01 - 00:14:50:00
so many people want

00:14:50:00 - 00:14:51:27
but have a hard time

00:14:51:27 - 00:14:53:03
getting to there's,

00:14:53:03 - 00:14:53:13
you know,

00:14:53:13 - 00:14:55:09
whether it's a lack of confidence

00:14:55:09 - 00:14:57:03
or maybe even a lack of that role model

00:14:57:03 - 00:14:58:10
to be able to kind of show them,

00:14:58:10 - 00:14:59:20
hey, it's okay.

00:14:59:20 - 00:15:02:02
I'm so curious, like, for you,

00:15:02:02 - 00:15:03:24
how were you able to kind of

00:15:03:24 - 00:15:04:26
get that confidence

00:15:04:26 - 00:15:06:18
that it doesn't hey, it doesn't matter.

00:15:06:18 - 00:15:09:21
It really was all I do, to be honest.

00:15:09:21 - 00:15:12:05
Yeah. And it's the only option I have.

00:15:12:05 - 00:15:13:06
It's a good option.

00:15:13:06 - 00:15:14:06
And I feel.

00:15:14:06 - 00:15:17:06
And I went with it. Yeah.

00:15:17:06 - 00:15:17:23
You mentioned it's

00:15:17:23 - 00:15:18:21
the only option you have.

00:15:18:21 - 00:15:19:18
Can you tell me more about that?

00:15:20:21 - 00:15:21:02
Yeah.

00:15:21:02 - 00:15:23:14
I mean,

00:15:23:14 - 00:15:25:27
my father was definitely a

00:15:25:27 - 00:15:28:05
part of our lives. He was always there.

00:15:28:05 - 00:15:29:07
But he did take a back

00:15:29:07 - 00:15:33:21
step to the nurturing aspect of of,

00:15:34:28 - 00:15:37:04
our growing up. Okay.

00:15:37:04 - 00:15:40:04
So my mother did take the lead in,

00:15:41:24 - 00:15:43:14
sort of

00:15:43:14 - 00:15:46:14
teaching us the way, if you will.

00:15:46:19 - 00:15:48:21
And it's more they did the best

00:15:48:21 - 00:15:49:23
with what they knew,

00:15:49:23 - 00:15:51:25
basically is how I would describe it.

00:15:51:25 - 00:15:52:19
Okay.

00:15:52:19 - 00:15:54:26
And so also, being the youngest,

00:15:54:26 - 00:15:56:02
I was very again,

00:15:56:02 - 00:15:57:17
I was very attached to my mother

00:15:57:17 - 00:15:59:08
and really

00:15:59:08 - 00:16:02:25
saw everything she put in to the family.

00:16:02:25 - 00:16:05:25
And I really took that in.

00:16:06:08 - 00:16:09:09
And I know it was a good move.

00:16:09:10 - 00:16:10:13
It was

00:16:10:13 - 00:16:11:25
I know she did a great job,

00:16:11:25 - 00:16:13:18
so I really wanted to mirror that,

00:16:13:18 - 00:16:15:19
if you will. Okay.

00:16:15:19 - 00:16:18:02
Were there particular pieces?

00:16:18:02 - 00:16:19:21
Kind of like you said,

00:16:19:21 - 00:16:20:18
that for you

00:16:20:18 - 00:16:23:18
stand out as really big, like,

00:16:23:24 - 00:16:24:25
as I hear you mentioning,

00:16:24:25 - 00:16:26:09
you know, there's really no other option.

00:16:26:09 - 00:16:28:03
That sounds like you had this conviction

00:16:28:03 - 00:16:28:14
of, like,

00:16:28:14 - 00:16:31:05
I want it to look something similar.

00:16:31:05 - 00:16:32:08
I want to take this.

00:16:32:08 - 00:16:34:05
Was there a particular like,

00:16:34:05 - 00:16:37:00
moment for you that you remember of like,

00:16:37:00 - 00:16:38:21
yeah, I don't want this.

00:16:38:21 - 00:16:41:03
I do want,

00:16:41:03 - 00:16:42:15
you know, this, this new narrative

00:16:42:15 - 00:16:44:17
that I'm making for myself. Yeah.

00:16:46:09 - 00:16:48:04
There was

00:16:48:04 - 00:16:51:04
and it was an article I read and

00:16:52:00 - 00:16:55:00
it had to do with when we,

00:16:55:18 - 00:16:58:19
talk to our children or reprimand them

00:16:58:19 - 00:17:00:21
or or tell him

00:17:00:21 - 00:17:02:15
that they're doing something wrong.

00:17:02:15 - 00:17:03:23
Okay.

00:17:03:23 - 00:17:05:21
And it may be something insignificant,

00:17:05:21 - 00:17:07:04
something small,

00:17:07:04 - 00:17:09:21
like not finishing other food and

00:17:09:21 - 00:17:10:15
on their plate

00:17:10:15 - 00:17:13:15
or making a mess while they were playing.

00:17:14:26 - 00:17:16:20
We're projecting

00:17:16:20 - 00:17:18:19
what our childhood was like.

00:17:18:19 - 00:17:18:29
Okay.

00:17:18:29 - 00:17:20:10
We're projecting

00:17:20:10 - 00:17:21:03
what our parents

00:17:21:03 - 00:17:24:17
were getting upset, mad at us for.

00:17:25:02 - 00:17:26:00
And sometimes

00:17:26:00 - 00:17:27:15
children need to be children.

00:17:27:15 - 00:17:30:21
And I'm really trying to be selective

00:17:31:06 - 00:17:33:27
when I do

00:17:33:27 - 00:17:34:21
tell them, okay,

00:17:34:21 - 00:17:35:15
you shouldn't be doing this.

00:17:35:15 - 00:17:38:00
And the way I tell them, yeah.

00:17:38:00 - 00:17:38:22
Is it?

00:17:38:22 - 00:17:39:22
And I know the answer like

00:17:39:22 - 00:17:41:06
this is, is the right answer.

00:17:41:06 - 00:17:43:15
But applying it is a day to day,

00:17:44:20 - 00:17:45:12
challenge.

00:17:45:12 - 00:17:47:12
Absolutely. Okay.

00:17:47:12 - 00:17:48:15
I want to take a pause.

00:17:48:15 - 00:17:50:02
What am I doing next?

00:17:50:02 - 00:17:52:02
Okay, so we did, bathing.

00:17:52:02 - 00:17:54:13
Yes. The onions are bathing now.

00:17:54:13 - 00:17:56:07
It really is up to you

00:17:56:07 - 00:17:59:07
on what you want to throw in next.

00:17:59:08 - 00:18:01:17
I'm, usually.

00:18:01:17 - 00:18:03:04
So we're going to be doing one with you.

00:18:03:04 - 00:18:05:09
On one with Sal, correct? Yes, please.

00:18:05:09 - 00:18:06:28
So y'all know

00:18:06:28 - 00:18:09:22
when the wimpy when it comes to spicy.

00:18:09:22 - 00:18:10:13
No problem.

00:18:10:13 - 00:18:13:13
So half of this will be for

00:18:13:16 - 00:18:16:04
you and half will be with helping you.

00:18:16:04 - 00:18:18:03
And then it's basically add

00:18:18:03 - 00:18:20:08
all the other ingredients. Okay.

00:18:20:08 - 00:18:21:26
The shrimp we can do last,

00:18:21:26 - 00:18:24:26
which we could, cut in half.

00:18:25:07 - 00:18:28:05
And it's just mixing it together

00:18:28:05 - 00:18:29:07
at that point. Cool.

00:18:29:07 - 00:18:30:04
I will say one thing

00:18:30:04 - 00:18:31:17
that you don't typically finance,

00:18:31:17 - 00:18:33:05
which is carrots,

00:18:33:05 - 00:18:36:04
and that is because of my mom.

00:18:36:04 - 00:18:38:12
Those carrots and everything. Okay?

00:18:38:12 - 00:18:40:10
Everything. And we'd love it.

00:18:40:10 - 00:18:42:18
Adds a little crunch factor to. But

00:18:43:18 - 00:18:44:24
it's I've explain

00:18:44:24 - 00:18:46:00
this to others in like whoa

00:18:46:00 - 00:18:49:00
oh carrots and yes you're raw carrots not

00:18:49:05 - 00:18:49:29
I cooked. Yeah.

00:18:49:29 - 00:18:51:11
So yeah

00:18:51:11 - 00:18:52:23
it's just something I picked up from

00:18:52:23 - 00:18:54:03
her and she,

00:18:54:03 - 00:18:54:24
she uses it

00:18:54:24 - 00:18:56:25
in every thing you can imagine.

00:18:56:25 - 00:18:58:28
Okay guys.

00:18:58:28 - 00:19:00:04
There you go.

00:19:00:04 - 00:19:00:22
But again

00:19:00:22 - 00:19:01:19
I mean I think

00:19:01:19 - 00:19:02:15
the common theme

00:19:02:15 - 00:19:03:26
I'm hearing from so many parents

00:19:03:26 - 00:19:05:08
anyway is that we can kind of

00:19:05:08 - 00:19:07:02
give them those veggies, right? Yeah.

00:19:07:02 - 00:19:07:28
So that's what you got to do

00:19:07:28 - 00:19:09:23
is I imagine you know it.

00:19:09:23 - 00:19:12:15
I can only imagine your mom going,

00:19:12:15 - 00:19:12:28
you know,

00:19:12:28 - 00:19:13:28
let me find any way

00:19:13:28 - 00:19:15:13
to kind of put some of those. That is.

00:19:15:13 - 00:19:15:29
Yeah. Yeah.

00:19:15:29 - 00:19:17:01
That makes sense.

00:19:17:01 - 00:19:17:21
Okay.

00:19:17:21 - 00:19:18:21
So I'll do a little bit half

00:19:18:21 - 00:19:19:18
and half of everything

00:19:19:18 - 00:19:20:16
except for the Albania

00:19:20:16 - 00:19:21:25
that'll go on this big one.

00:19:21:25 - 00:19:23:10
And then I have my own personal bowl for

00:19:23:10 - 00:19:24:14
my mom. I want you will be,

00:19:25:17 - 00:19:27:13
All right, so I can do that.

00:19:27:13 - 00:19:29:01
And I'd love to know a little bit more.

00:19:29:01 - 00:19:30:15
I heard you mentioned,

00:19:30:15 - 00:19:32:13
essentially a piece about

00:19:32:13 - 00:19:34:27
kind of being really mindful

00:19:34:27 - 00:19:36:03
about some of the discipline

00:19:36:03 - 00:19:36:20
that you're doing

00:19:36:20 - 00:19:37:22
with the girls

00:19:37:22 - 00:19:40:22
in the fact of taking into consideration

00:19:40:24 - 00:19:42:28
their, their age and kind of

00:19:42:28 - 00:19:44:27
what's age appropriate.

00:19:44:27 - 00:19:46:15
As well, as you mentioned,

00:19:46:15 - 00:19:47:10
kind of letting them

00:19:47:10 - 00:19:48:13
and having compassion

00:19:48:13 - 00:19:50:07
for the fact that they are kids. Yes.

00:19:50:07 - 00:19:52:22
And so that I feel like it's

00:19:52:22 - 00:19:55:19
it's such a different turn from me

00:19:55:19 - 00:19:58:20
be kind of, you know, I don't I'm

00:19:58:20 - 00:19:59:25
not in the Hispanic culture,

00:19:59:25 - 00:20:00:27
but I know the Filipino

00:20:00:27 - 00:20:02:11
culture is very different.

00:20:02:11 - 00:20:03:21
Like

00:20:03:21 - 00:20:05:00
my mental wellness

00:20:05:00 - 00:20:08:00
was not at the forefront of,

00:20:08:08 - 00:20:10:10
of like the raising, if you will.

00:20:10:10 - 00:20:12:00
And I feel like I hear that a lot

00:20:12:00 - 00:20:13:18
from some of,

00:20:13:18 - 00:20:15:21
my Latina, you know, families.

00:20:15:21 - 00:20:15:28
And,

00:20:16:28 - 00:20:19:24
so I really love to kind of hear

00:20:19:24 - 00:20:21:04
that decision process

00:20:21:04 - 00:20:22:08
and maybe how that is,

00:20:22:08 - 00:20:23:01
is that different

00:20:23:01 - 00:20:24:12
from how you were kind of.

00:20:24:12 - 00:20:26:21
Yes.

00:20:26:21 - 00:20:29:23
There the first instinct is to get loud.

00:20:30:29 - 00:20:33:29
And it is even for myself

00:20:34:02 - 00:20:36:10
unfortunately and it's a work in progress

00:20:36:10 - 00:20:38:27
100%. Yeah.

00:20:38:27 - 00:20:41:17
It's, it's,

00:20:41:17 - 00:20:44:05
it's probably because we didn't know

00:20:44:05 - 00:20:45:11
how to express ourselves

00:20:45:11 - 00:20:47:06
in a way with words basically.

00:20:47:06 - 00:20:48:13
And so you just get loud

00:20:48:13 - 00:20:49:11
and hopefully

00:20:49:11 - 00:20:50:10
that is the way

00:20:50:10 - 00:20:51:11
they're going to understand

00:20:51:11 - 00:20:53:22
which is not helpful.

00:20:53:22 - 00:20:55:01
It's not it does not help.

00:20:55:01 - 00:20:58:01
But yes, growing up it was

00:20:59:04 - 00:21:00:06
you're going to listen to me

00:21:00:06 - 00:21:02:01
and it's going to be this way,

00:21:02:01 - 00:21:03:06
and I'm going to get louder

00:21:03:06 - 00:21:05:09
and louder and louder. Yes.

00:21:05:09 - 00:21:08:01
So that is imprinted.

00:21:08:01 - 00:21:10:12
But through conversation,

00:21:10:12 - 00:21:12:27
through seeing Amanda's lead,

00:21:12:27 - 00:21:15:11
through learning more and more,

00:21:15:11 - 00:21:16:20
it is a conversation

00:21:16:20 - 00:21:18:07
with the kids as well.

00:21:18:07 - 00:21:19:14
With feedback.

00:21:19:14 - 00:21:21:01
Okay. Like, what do you mean by that?

00:21:21:01 - 00:21:21:23
With feedback.

00:21:21:23 - 00:21:24:03
So they're doing something

00:21:24:03 - 00:21:26:25
that maybe they shouldn't be doing,

00:21:26:25 - 00:21:29:29
put it on them to sort of narrate

00:21:29:29 - 00:21:32:03
what what's going on? Okay.

00:21:32:03 - 00:21:33:24
To for them

00:21:33:24 - 00:21:35:10
to come up with the answer of

00:21:35:10 - 00:21:38:24
why something is not right

00:21:39:13 - 00:21:41:09
and, and let them

00:21:41:09 - 00:21:42:10
come up with those answers.

00:21:43:27 - 00:21:45:02
But too many times

00:21:45:02 - 00:21:47:06
the first thought is, don't do that

00:21:47:06 - 00:21:49:00
and listen to what I'm saying

00:21:49:00 - 00:21:51:07
without any explanation.

00:21:51:07 - 00:21:53:08
So that is 100%

00:21:53:08 - 00:21:53:25
the hardest thing

00:21:53:25 - 00:21:56:25
I've ever had to do in my life.

00:21:56:26 - 00:21:59:17
And it's still a work in progress.

00:21:59:17 - 00:22:00:05
And you kind of

00:22:00:05 - 00:22:02:08
just said my next question,

00:22:02:08 - 00:22:03:00
which was that

00:22:03:00 - 00:22:04:09
a really difficult

00:22:04:09 - 00:22:07:04
narrative and habit to kind of break,

00:22:07:04 - 00:22:08:08
especially because I heard you

00:22:08:08 - 00:22:10:01
mentioned, like, it's almost instinctual.

00:22:10:01 - 00:22:12:11
Yes, very much so.

00:22:12:11 - 00:22:13:27
It's and I haven't broke it.

00:22:13:27 - 00:22:15:05
Broken it, to be honest.

00:22:15:05 - 00:22:18:08
It's every day, a work

00:22:18:08 - 00:22:21:08
in progress of okay,

00:22:22:01 - 00:22:22:08
okay.

00:22:22:08 - 00:22:24:19
I see what they're doing.

00:22:24:19 - 00:22:27:05
Let's not react right away.

00:22:27:05 - 00:22:28:00
Okay.

00:22:28:00 - 00:22:29:07
I need to think about it before

00:22:29:07 - 00:22:31:13
I'm going to even say how I

00:22:31:13 - 00:22:32:18
want to say this. Yeah.

00:22:34:00 - 00:22:35:19
And brutally honest I,

00:22:35:19 - 00:22:36:25
I, there is still some yelling

00:22:36:25 - 00:22:38:17
at times and it's,

00:22:38:17 - 00:22:40:07
it's I need to reflect on that

00:22:40:07 - 00:22:41:21
when it happens.

00:22:41:21 - 00:22:43:20
Well I think wait what you bring up

00:22:43:20 - 00:22:44:20
is a really great point

00:22:44:20 - 00:22:47:10
because so many times

00:22:47:10 - 00:22:48:15
there's, there's two things.

00:22:48:15 - 00:22:50:11
One, that we can be really

00:22:50:11 - 00:22:52:00
our worst critic.

00:22:52:00 - 00:22:52:06
Right.

00:22:52:06 - 00:22:54:02
And be really harsh and

00:22:54:02 - 00:22:55:11
oh gosh, I should have

00:22:55:11 - 00:22:55:22
we used

00:22:55:22 - 00:22:58:10
the word should quite a bit, I feel like

00:22:58:10 - 00:23:00:21
and there's, you know, one,

00:23:00:21 - 00:23:02:24
there's that aspect of being able

00:23:02:24 - 00:23:04:13
to show our self like some compassion

00:23:04:13 - 00:23:06:11
and grace for the fact that we are human.

00:23:06:11 - 00:23:06:29
Yes.

00:23:06:29 - 00:23:10:01
And we do mess up, and,

00:23:10:11 - 00:23:11:13
you know, let's figure out

00:23:11:13 - 00:23:13:02
kind of moving forward

00:23:13:02 - 00:23:14:11
at the same time,

00:23:14:11 - 00:23:16:19
kind of also using that,

00:23:16:19 - 00:23:17:13
it sounds like,

00:23:17:13 - 00:23:19:01
and being able to normalize

00:23:19:01 - 00:23:20:19
when our kids

00:23:20:19 - 00:23:23:07
aren't perfect 100% of the time that,

00:23:23:07 - 00:23:23:23
hey, like,

00:23:23:23 - 00:23:24:29
if we as adults

00:23:24:29 - 00:23:27:29
who have years on these kids,

00:23:28:10 - 00:23:28:20
you know,

00:23:28:20 - 00:23:29:13
are struggling

00:23:29:13 - 00:23:31:13
like you said and and have to kind of,

00:23:31:13 - 00:23:32:24
ooh, I need to

00:23:32:24 - 00:23:33:14
I need to

00:23:33:14 - 00:23:36:04
work this through my head first.

00:23:36:04 - 00:23:38:17
Kind of being able to normalize that.

00:23:38:17 - 00:23:40:11
Hey, when they mess up to that,

00:23:40:11 - 00:23:43:10
that's a pretty just human thing, right?

00:23:43:10 - 00:23:44:14
Right. Absolutely. Right.

00:23:44:14 - 00:23:45:05
Yeah.

00:23:45:05 - 00:23:47:21
Do you, do you find that

00:23:49:12 - 00:23:51:12
kind of you've you've gone to

00:23:51:12 - 00:23:52:11
making some of those,

00:23:52:11 - 00:23:53:11
like, repair attempts

00:23:53:11 - 00:23:54:25
when maybe you aren't

00:23:54:25 - 00:23:56:13
showing up as the parent

00:23:56:13 - 00:23:57:19
that maybe you're intending to,

00:23:57:19 - 00:23:58:25
or what does that look like for you?

00:23:58:25 - 00:23:59:24
It's the conversation

00:23:59:24 - 00:24:00:24
with Amanda, honestly,

00:24:00:24 - 00:24:03:24
that we both have of,

00:24:03:25 - 00:24:06:23
this kind of what happened?

00:24:06:23 - 00:24:07:22
I feel a little bad about it

00:24:07:22 - 00:24:09:28
or whatever the case is. Okay.

00:24:09:28 - 00:24:13:20
Kind of playback, a playback between us,

00:24:14:08 - 00:24:16:11
and then we play back with the kids

00:24:16:11 - 00:24:18:10
because they should be sharing

00:24:18:10 - 00:24:19:18
what we think as well.

00:24:19:18 - 00:24:20:29
Like, hey, you know what?

00:24:20:29 - 00:24:23:10
I was wrong, and

00:24:23:10 - 00:24:26:10
saying this loudly to you.

00:24:27:07 - 00:24:29:19
And then explaining why

00:24:29:19 - 00:24:30:27
the reason they shouldn't

00:24:30:27 - 00:24:31:15
have been doing

00:24:31:15 - 00:24:32:17
what they were doing

00:24:32:17 - 00:24:35:17
or whatever the case is, but it, it

00:24:36:00 - 00:24:37:17
and that doesn't always happen, trust me.

00:24:37:17 - 00:24:37:29
But

00:24:39:15 - 00:24:40:18
if, if the more we

00:24:40:18 - 00:24:43:18
do it I think the more we would

00:24:43:22 - 00:24:46:22
stop and think before we react.

00:24:46:22 - 00:24:48:05
Is that difficult for you

00:24:48:05 - 00:24:51:01
to come back to the kiddos even and say,

00:24:51:01 - 00:24:52:29
hey, I messed up very hard.

00:24:52:29 - 00:24:54:02
Yeah very hard.

00:24:54:02 - 00:24:55:19
That did not happen.

00:24:55:19 - 00:24:57:18
And growing up I was just about to ask.

00:24:57:18 - 00:24:58:00
I was like,

00:24:58:00 - 00:24:59:12
I feel like I would

00:24:59:12 - 00:25:01:00
if my parents were to ever come back

00:25:01:00 - 00:25:02:07
and like, apologize to me.

00:25:02:07 - 00:25:03:13
Like my job. Driveway.

00:25:03:13 - 00:25:05:27
The ground. Yeah.

00:25:05:27 - 00:25:07:06
So was it like a similar.

00:25:07:06 - 00:25:09:28
Oh it is, yeah, it still is.

00:25:09:28 - 00:25:12:20
It's it's it's yeah, it's just

00:25:12:20 - 00:25:14:14
one of those things that just

00:25:14:14 - 00:25:16:03
never happened.

00:25:16:03 - 00:25:19:03
So what what allows you

00:25:20:04 - 00:25:22:20
maybe that humility

00:25:22:20 - 00:25:24:07
to kind of come back and say,

00:25:24:07 - 00:25:25:19
hey, I screwed up.

00:25:25:19 - 00:25:27:26
I'll give a good example. So,

00:25:30:23 - 00:25:32:02
the communication in

00:25:32:02 - 00:25:33:18
our family dynamic, dynamic,

00:25:33:18 - 00:25:36:00
Amanda and I and the kids

00:25:36:00 - 00:25:36:28
is getting better

00:25:36:28 - 00:25:38:15
and better as we grow older.

00:25:38:15 - 00:25:41:18
But even when I was first dating Amanda,

00:25:43:16 - 00:25:45:05
we our family didn't

00:25:45:05 - 00:25:46:23
show affection, right?

00:25:46:23 - 00:25:48:15
We never said I love you.

00:25:48:15 - 00:25:49:00
Okay.

00:25:49:00 - 00:25:52:03
And a funny story with with Amanda.

00:25:52:03 - 00:25:53:16
We were first dating

00:25:53:16 - 00:25:55:17
was our first Christmas.

00:25:55:17 - 00:25:58:17
And,

00:25:59:10 - 00:26:00:13
I got her a gift

00:26:00:13 - 00:26:01:26
that she kind of had hinted

00:26:01:26 - 00:26:04:14
when we were in a mall, and it was, $300.

00:26:04:14 - 00:26:06:15
Burberry boots. Rain boots. Okay.

00:26:06:15 - 00:26:07:15
And. Yeah.

00:26:07:15 - 00:26:10:02
And, she opens it up and says,

00:26:10:02 - 00:26:11:13
oh, my God, I love you.

00:26:11:13 - 00:26:11:29
And this is

00:26:11:29 - 00:26:13:09
after a couple of months of dating

00:26:13:09 - 00:26:14:26
and I freaked out.

00:26:14:26 - 00:26:17:09
Yeah, I, I'm sure my face showed it.

00:26:17:09 - 00:26:19:10
And, I said

00:26:19:10 - 00:26:20:18
to my family, we don't say that.

00:26:21:26 - 00:26:23:20
Oh, my goodness, you her.

00:26:23:20 - 00:26:24:27
Yes.

00:26:24:27 - 00:26:26:25
And she looked at me like,

00:26:26:25 - 00:26:27:24
I didn't tell you I love you.

00:26:27:24 - 00:26:28:26
It was to her.

00:26:28:26 - 00:26:30:02
It was a more meaningful.

00:26:30:02 - 00:26:31:23
Thank you.

00:26:31:23 - 00:26:32:04
Okay.

00:26:32:04 - 00:26:34:00
Even though she did say the words. Yes.

00:26:34:00 - 00:26:35:26
It was like, oh, my God, I love you.

00:26:35:26 - 00:26:37:11
Will you buy me $300 boots?

00:26:37:11 - 00:26:37:22
Of course I'm

00:26:37:22 - 00:26:40:14
going to think he's not enough. Right?

00:26:40:14 - 00:26:42:28
So it kind of shows you the, the mindset

00:26:42:28 - 00:26:45:28
I that I had early on in the relationship

00:26:46:05 - 00:26:47:14
of not expressing yourself,

00:26:47:14 - 00:26:50:14
not communicating.

00:26:50:24 - 00:26:52:04
Yes, I know my parents loved me,

00:26:52:04 - 00:26:53:01
but I mean,

00:26:53:01 - 00:26:56:01
I think it is important to hear,

00:26:56:26 - 00:26:57:14
the words.

00:26:57:14 - 00:26:57:23
Yeah.

00:26:57:23 - 00:26:59:17
And

00:26:59:17 - 00:27:02:13
so the, the communication piece

00:27:02:13 - 00:27:03:12
I didn't have

00:27:03:12 - 00:27:04:29
in this relationship early on

00:27:04:29 - 00:27:08:04
and I've learned through the kids

00:27:08:04 - 00:27:11:07
and through my wife to Overcommunicate.

00:27:11:12 - 00:27:12:14
Right. So

00:27:13:17 - 00:27:15:05
fun fact my parents now say

00:27:15:05 - 00:27:17:07
it to all their grandchildren

00:27:17:07 - 00:27:19:17
and us really well.

00:27:19:17 - 00:27:21:28
So we like it feels weird.

00:27:21:28 - 00:27:23:20
It feels weird to hear from them,

00:27:23:20 - 00:27:26:03
but I can say it easily to my

00:27:26:03 - 00:27:28:01
my children and to my wife.

00:27:28:01 - 00:27:29:19
Okay,

00:27:29:19 - 00:27:31:01
but when I hear from them, it's

00:27:31:01 - 00:27:34:06
just kind of, oh for this come from.

00:27:34:23 - 00:27:36:11
Yeah, but they say no all the time.

00:27:36:11 - 00:27:37:08
Okay.

00:27:37:08 - 00:27:38:18
What do you think

00:27:38:18 - 00:27:40:24
was the change for them,

00:27:40:24 - 00:27:42:09
the grandchildren?

00:27:42:09 - 00:27:44:04
Really the grandchildren?

00:27:44:04 - 00:27:46:01
That's when they started saying it.

00:27:46:01 - 00:27:46:23
What do you think it is

00:27:46:23 - 00:27:47:22
about grandchildren?

00:27:47:22 - 00:27:49:05
That kind of

00:27:49:05 - 00:27:49:12
I mean,

00:27:49:12 - 00:27:50:07
because that's a pretty

00:27:50:07 - 00:27:52:11
big thing to go for.

00:27:52:11 - 00:27:52:29
You know,

00:27:52:29 - 00:27:55:10
how many years before you heard it?

00:27:55:10 - 00:27:58:10
Yeah. 28. Okay.

00:27:58:17 - 00:28:01:20
So 28 years a really never it

00:28:01:29 - 00:28:03:13
being something you said, so much

00:28:03:13 - 00:28:05:04
so that you would tell this, this

00:28:05:04 - 00:28:06:03
new lover.

00:28:06:03 - 00:28:06:25
Right.

00:28:06:25 - 00:28:08:02
Like, no, no, no, we don't,

00:28:08:02 - 00:28:09:21
we don't say that.

00:28:09:21 - 00:28:10:02
You know,

00:28:10:02 - 00:28:12:05
I mean that's a pretty big shift.

00:28:12:05 - 00:28:13:27
Yeah. Yeah.

00:28:13:27 - 00:28:15:07
The power of grandchildren

00:28:15:07 - 00:28:17:08
and the power of these little, little,

00:28:18:23 - 00:28:20:03
kids just

00:28:20:03 - 00:28:22:22
looking at them probably, and saying,

00:28:22:22 - 00:28:25:22
you know, Nana, you know,

00:28:26:02 - 00:28:27:26
can you

00:28:27:26 - 00:28:30:05
can I have a hug or, you know, whatever.

00:28:30:05 - 00:28:32:10
It's powerful. Yeah.

00:28:32:10 - 00:28:34:10
Do you think that

00:28:34:10 - 00:28:35:20
because I heard you mention,

00:28:35:20 - 00:28:35:29
you know,

00:28:35:29 - 00:28:37:16
it is something that they

00:28:37:16 - 00:28:39:23
that they need to hear?

00:28:39:23 - 00:28:40:22
Yeah.

00:28:40:22 - 00:28:42:09
As far as you kind of.

00:28:42:09 - 00:28:43:13
It sounds like making that

00:28:43:13 - 00:28:46:19
that intention of telling that to your,

00:28:46:19 - 00:28:47:21
your kiddos.

00:28:47:21 - 00:28:49:06
Can you tell me a little bit more

00:28:49:06 - 00:28:50:28
about kind of that mindset shift?

00:28:50:28 - 00:28:53:22
Why is that that you feel now

00:28:53:22 - 00:28:56:05
that it's something they need to hear?

00:28:56:05 - 00:28:56:27
Well,

00:28:56:27 - 00:28:59:08
we just don't know the future, right?

00:28:59:08 - 00:29:01:26
So, anything can happen at any point.

00:29:01:26 - 00:29:02:23
Yeah.

00:29:02:23 - 00:29:05:21
So it's just important for them to know

00:29:05:21 - 00:29:06:25
even though you may show it.

00:29:06:25 - 00:29:08:17
And again, my parents showed it.

00:29:10:08 - 00:29:11:11
Every day.

00:29:11:11 - 00:29:11:28
Yeah.

00:29:11:28 - 00:29:12:29
But I do

00:29:12:29 - 00:29:15:29
think it's important to hear as well.

00:29:16:23 - 00:29:20:12
How did you for for any of our listeners?

00:29:20:12 - 00:29:21:20
Because I imagine

00:29:21:20 - 00:29:22:28
you're not the first person

00:29:22:28 - 00:29:24:14
where kind of I Love You

00:29:24:14 - 00:29:26:11
is not a normal thing in the home.

00:29:26:11 - 00:29:26:26
I know that

00:29:26:26 - 00:29:29:05
I've heard it from dozens of families

00:29:29:05 - 00:29:29:28
that I've worked with.

00:29:29:28 - 00:29:32:00
So for you, I'm super curious.

00:29:32:00 - 00:29:35:03
Like, how did you rewrite that

00:29:35:03 - 00:29:38:03
narrative for yourself?

00:29:38:19 - 00:29:41:04
I simply my wife,

00:29:41:04 - 00:29:44:15
she made it a staple in the home

00:29:44:15 - 00:29:46:19
to make sure that she knows

00:29:46:19 - 00:29:49:19
to say it to me and our kids,

00:29:50:18 - 00:29:53:06
and it was very important.

00:29:53:06 - 00:29:56:06
It is very important in her family

00:29:56:08 - 00:29:58:21
to make sure that her siblings, her mom,

00:29:58:21 - 00:29:59:09
her dad,

00:29:59:09 - 00:30:02:22
everyone knows that she loves them.

00:30:03:27 - 00:30:05:27
And it really did come from

00:30:05:27 - 00:30:07:18
from that side. Mom.

00:30:09:10 - 00:30:09:19
So I'm

00:30:09:19 - 00:30:10:11
curious kind

00:30:10:11 - 00:30:12:11
of are there any other pieces

00:30:12:11 - 00:30:13:12
that you're looking at.

00:30:13:12 - 00:30:14:18
And because it sounds like

00:30:14:18 - 00:30:18:02
you've made quite a bit of shifts

00:30:18:02 - 00:30:21:15
within your own family

00:30:21:15 - 00:30:24:04
that were very different then,

00:30:24:04 - 00:30:24:10
you know,

00:30:24:10 - 00:30:25:12
really kind of breaking

00:30:25:12 - 00:30:28:12
it sounds like generational patterns.

00:30:28:13 - 00:30:31:03
Yeah. It

00:30:31:03 - 00:30:32:17
I, I,

00:30:32:17 - 00:30:35:27
I feel, you need to be flexible.

00:30:36:06 - 00:30:39:06
You need to be open to,

00:30:40:05 - 00:30:43:05
learning new ways.

00:30:43:17 - 00:30:44:28
Just because it was done before

00:30:44:28 - 00:30:47:18
doesn't mean it's the best way.

00:30:47:18 - 00:30:48:29
So taking the good

00:30:48:29 - 00:30:50:24
out of the whole generation

00:30:50:24 - 00:30:53:24
and maybe the new generation and

00:30:53:26 - 00:30:56:26
creating sort of balance that,

00:30:57:09 - 00:30:59:21
not being rigid, okay,

00:30:59:21 - 00:31:02:21
being flexible and open to

00:31:03:15 - 00:31:05:08
new ways. Yeah.

00:31:05:08 - 00:31:07:12
When you say kind of rigid,

00:31:07:12 - 00:31:08:18
can you say like a little bit

00:31:08:18 - 00:31:09:20
more like for you?

00:31:09:20 - 00:31:12:07
How does that how does that play out?

00:31:12:07 - 00:31:13:10
What does that look like?

00:31:13:10 - 00:31:14:03
The gender roles?

00:31:14:03 - 00:31:16:11
I would go back to the gender roles of

00:31:16:11 - 00:31:18:02
now this is how we do it.

00:31:19:02 - 00:31:22:02
As males, you need to follow these.

00:31:22:08 - 00:31:24:03
You are always in charge of these things.

00:31:24:03 - 00:31:26:18
It's not the case. It really isn't.

00:31:26:18 - 00:31:28:00
Especially in today's world.

00:31:28:00 - 00:31:29:10
Like

00:31:29:10 - 00:31:32:01
I subscribe to the 5050 partnership

00:31:32:01 - 00:31:34:15
for all decision for all aspects,

00:31:34:15 - 00:31:36:20
whether they're financial decisions,

00:31:36:20 - 00:31:40:00
home life, chores or anything like that.

00:31:40:24 - 00:31:42:09
It's a conversation with men.

00:31:42:09 - 00:31:44:27
And I on

00:31:44:27 - 00:31:46:18
I think this is the best decision.

00:31:46:18 - 00:31:47:11
What do you think?

00:31:47:11 - 00:31:48:18
And that's from

00:31:48:18 - 00:31:50:13
come to an agreement or compromise

00:31:50:13 - 00:31:52:18
or whatever that looks like. Yeah.

00:31:52:18 - 00:31:55:12
It sounds like by having and modeling

00:31:55:12 - 00:31:58:27
even that, like you said, that 5050

00:31:59:08 - 00:32:00:14
I wonder to

00:32:00:14 - 00:32:01:12
of the effects

00:32:01:12 - 00:32:02:29
that that will have with the girls

00:32:02:29 - 00:32:06:19
of really showing them firsthand that,

00:32:07:11 - 00:32:09:26
you know, they,

00:32:09:26 - 00:32:12:06
they deserve kind of a voice

00:32:12:06 - 00:32:13:21
in their relationships.

00:32:13:21 - 00:32:14:29
That sounds like.

00:32:14:29 - 00:32:17:14
Yes. And it goes back to,

00:32:21:14 - 00:32:23:00
letting them know that, hey,

00:32:23:00 - 00:32:24:12
yeah, mom

00:32:24:12 - 00:32:26:28
makes this these decisions with dad.

00:32:26:28 - 00:32:30:09
Not opposite of that or or vice versa.

00:32:30:10 - 00:32:32:07
And it's it's a conversation.

00:32:32:07 - 00:32:35:07
And it's important for them to see that,

00:32:35:23 - 00:32:38:23
because they will they will

00:32:39:15 - 00:32:42:15
and their relationships in the future.

00:32:42:19 - 00:32:45:18
They won't be afraid to say something.

00:32:45:18 - 00:32:47:01
What do you mean by that.

00:32:47:01 - 00:32:47:19
So if it's something

00:32:47:19 - 00:32:48:15
they don't agree with

00:32:48:15 - 00:32:50:00
I feel like they would bring it up

00:32:50:00 - 00:32:53:00
instead of just.

00:32:53:28 - 00:32:55:15
Instead of just going with the flow

00:32:55:15 - 00:32:57:14
I guess. Okay.

00:32:57:14 - 00:32:58:20
It's, it's a conversation.

00:32:58:20 - 00:32:59:20
Yeah.

00:32:59:20 - 00:33:02:08
Is that something that you feel

00:33:02:08 - 00:33:02:19
kind of

00:33:02:19 - 00:33:04:14
might have been previous messages

00:33:04:14 - 00:33:05:16
because, you know, we're talking about

00:33:05:16 - 00:33:06:12
breaking some of those

00:33:06:12 - 00:33:07:13
generational patterns.

00:33:07:13 - 00:33:09:05
Is that kind of very typical

00:33:09:05 - 00:33:10:08
from what you've seen?

00:33:10:08 - 00:33:12:27
Yes. 100%.

00:33:12:27 - 00:33:14:08
A lot of again,

00:33:14:08 - 00:33:16:19
the alpha male, my father was

00:33:16:19 - 00:33:17:24
it was his decision

00:33:17:24 - 00:33:19:11
ultimately at the end,

00:33:19:11 - 00:33:21:06
how it got there varied.

00:33:21:06 - 00:33:23:08
But it was his decision.

00:33:23:08 - 00:33:28:12
But what my mother did do is sort of find

00:33:28:13 - 00:33:29:06
some seed

00:33:29:06 - 00:33:30:25
or little breadcrumb crumbs

00:33:30:25 - 00:33:32:09
to help

00:33:32:09 - 00:33:32:26
allow him

00:33:32:26 - 00:33:34:24
to get to get to a certain decision.

00:33:34:24 - 00:33:37:11
She was very, very smart in that regard.

00:33:37:11 - 00:33:38:15
And one example is,

00:33:39:27 - 00:33:42:00
for the longest they were renters.

00:33:42:00 - 00:33:44:27
We were renters. And,

00:33:44:27 - 00:33:47:09
it was my mother and her financial savvy

00:33:47:09 - 00:33:51:05
and her persistence that got him

00:33:51:05 - 00:33:54:07
to realize that we can buy a home.

00:33:54:07 - 00:33:57:05
We can afford it.

00:33:57:05 - 00:33:58:21
We just need to keep trying.

00:33:58:21 - 00:34:01:02
And,

00:34:01:02 - 00:34:04:02
I feel she would

00:34:04:22 - 00:34:06:01
let him know the benefits

00:34:06:01 - 00:34:09:01
and let him know.

00:34:09:16 - 00:34:11:21
Why it's so important to

00:34:11:21 - 00:34:14:21
to have, a place of our own,

00:34:15:06 - 00:34:17:06
and,

00:34:17:06 - 00:34:18:27
she did finally come to that decision.

00:34:18:27 - 00:34:19:28
Okay, let's do it.

00:34:19:28 - 00:34:22:28
I think this hesitation may have been,

00:34:23:11 - 00:34:25:21
the rejection from maybe a bank

00:34:25:21 - 00:34:28:21
and and why even go through that?

00:34:28:24 - 00:34:30:13
Let's just we're we're happy.

00:34:30:13 - 00:34:32:05
We're we're fine. Okay.

00:34:32:05 - 00:34:33:21
But it was her

00:34:33:21 - 00:34:36:28
persistence and and not leaving it alone

00:34:37:16 - 00:34:39:25
and letting him come to the

00:34:39:25 - 00:34:41:27
realization that it's important

00:34:41:27 - 00:34:43:18
and letting him make the decision

00:34:43:18 - 00:34:44:06
that, yes,

00:34:44:06 - 00:34:45:27
it's going to need my signature

00:34:45:27 - 00:34:47:01
to get this house.

00:34:47:01 - 00:34:47:10
Yeah.

00:34:47:10 - 00:34:49:02
So it really was his decision,

00:34:49:02 - 00:34:51:02
but she really was the catalyst.

00:34:52:02 - 00:34:53:27
And I think you're still on point.

00:34:53:27 - 00:34:55:02
I feel like I've heard this

00:34:55:02 - 00:34:57:14
from a lot of different cultures where

00:34:57:14 - 00:35:00:03
it is kind of,

00:35:00:03 - 00:35:02:02
you know, in order for the,

00:35:02:02 - 00:35:04:17
the female, the, you know,

00:35:04:17 - 00:35:05:16
presenting the female,

00:35:05:16 - 00:35:07:23
presenting kind of genders to

00:35:07:23 - 00:35:08:10
kind of do it,

00:35:08:10 - 00:35:09:07
almost secretive,

00:35:09:07 - 00:35:10:20
like behind the scenes,

00:35:10:20 - 00:35:12:25
being able to get a say in things

00:35:12:25 - 00:35:13:20
versus like,

00:35:13:20 - 00:35:14:25
it sounds like what

00:35:14:25 - 00:35:15:22
you've really tried

00:35:15:22 - 00:35:17:02
to model

00:35:17:02 - 00:35:18:20
for your kids today

00:35:18:20 - 00:35:20:28
is that it's very much

00:35:20:28 - 00:35:23:19
kind of ever present in your face.

00:35:23:19 - 00:35:24:16
These are decisions

00:35:24:16 - 00:35:25:18
we're making together.

00:35:25:18 - 00:35:28:14
It's not a it's not a one sided thing.

00:35:28:14 - 00:35:29:18
Correct? Correct.

00:35:29:18 - 00:35:30:14
Yes.

00:35:30:14 - 00:35:32:22
I feel that's really important

00:35:32:22 - 00:35:33:17
for the girls to see.

00:35:33:17 - 00:35:35:19
So that they feel they will have a say,

00:35:35:19 - 00:35:37:16
or at least they feel

00:35:37:16 - 00:35:39:08
that they should have a say.

00:35:39:08 - 00:35:39:24
Yeah.

00:35:41:00 - 00:35:42:10
I'm, I'm super curious.

00:35:42:10 - 00:35:43:01
I heard you mentioned

00:35:43:01 - 00:35:46:01
kind of this idea where,

00:35:46:01 - 00:35:48:07
you know, were

00:35:48:07 - 00:35:50:20
that your mom was kind of

00:35:50:20 - 00:35:51:28
saying, hey we could do this

00:35:51:28 - 00:35:52:21
and that potentially

00:35:52:21 - 00:35:53:19
your dad would say no

00:35:53:19 - 00:35:54:23
because of that fear,

00:35:54:23 - 00:35:55:27
that fear of rejection.

00:35:55:27 - 00:35:58:12
And I feel like that's such a

00:35:58:12 - 00:35:59:12
that's such a big thing.

00:35:59:12 - 00:36:00:25
I hear from so many people.

00:36:00:25 - 00:36:02:01
There's so many things that

00:36:02:01 - 00:36:03:28
maybe we let that fear

00:36:03:28 - 00:36:06:01
kind of really drive us

00:36:06:01 - 00:36:07:10
and really stop us

00:36:07:10 - 00:36:08:29
from maybe doing some of these things

00:36:08:29 - 00:36:09:21
where, you know,

00:36:09:21 - 00:36:10:25
it sounds like your mom was saying,

00:36:10:25 - 00:36:12:03
you know, financially, like,

00:36:12:03 - 00:36:13:22
we can do this.

00:36:13:22 - 00:36:15:14
It might take some creativity, right?

00:36:15:14 - 00:36:17:10
It might take some saving. Yes.

00:36:17:10 - 00:36:18:25
But that this is a possibility,

00:36:18:25 - 00:36:20:17
but have kind of

00:36:20:17 - 00:36:23:02
some of that narrative that

00:36:23:02 - 00:36:25:00
that's there, that thing, you know,

00:36:25:00 - 00:36:26:21
if a bank says no, that's

00:36:27:25 - 00:36:29:14
fine, we can go find another bank.

00:36:29:14 - 00:36:30:10
Yeah.

00:36:30:10 - 00:36:31:15
They did get a couple months

00:36:31:15 - 00:36:34:06
to be honest. And and they kept going.

00:36:34:06 - 00:36:37:03
Do you feel like that's something

00:36:37:03 - 00:36:38:19
kind of just with your father

00:36:38:19 - 00:36:39:27
as far as some of the fear,

00:36:39:27 - 00:36:42:27
or is that something that's that

00:36:43:02 - 00:36:44:09
you've seen a lot

00:36:44:09 - 00:36:45:16
kind of in your culture,

00:36:45:16 - 00:36:47:01
in your family dynamic?

00:36:47:01 - 00:36:50:02
I definitely see a lot in my, culture

00:36:50:19 - 00:36:52:07
where it's just

00:36:52:07 - 00:36:52:26
what I mean,

00:36:52:26 - 00:36:54:24
just think about what they had to do.

00:36:54:24 - 00:36:56:15
They immigrated from Mexico

00:36:56:15 - 00:36:57:17
in a foreign country

00:36:57:17 - 00:36:58:23
and try to create a better life.

00:36:58:23 - 00:37:01:07
Like, that's scary in itself. Yeah, 100%.

00:37:01:07 - 00:37:02:23
So we're here,

00:37:02:23 - 00:37:05:01
my three brothers and myself,

00:37:05:01 - 00:37:06:08
we have a better life

00:37:06:08 - 00:37:08:16
because of their hard work.

00:37:08:16 - 00:37:11:13
And my father, he had

00:37:11:13 - 00:37:13:18
I distinctly remember this conversation

00:37:13:18 - 00:37:14:09
and he said, I'm

00:37:14:09 - 00:37:15:12
not going to be able to teach you many,

00:37:15:12 - 00:37:16:27
many things in this world,

00:37:16:27 - 00:37:19:11
but I will teach you how to work hard.

00:37:19:11 - 00:37:20:15
You will have my work

00:37:20:15 - 00:37:23:15
ethic and I 100% do well.

00:37:23:19 - 00:37:26:01
So that is 100%

00:37:26:01 - 00:37:27:20
what he brought to the table,

00:37:27:20 - 00:37:29:09
and no one can take that away from them.

00:37:31:04 - 00:37:32:01
But yes, I can

00:37:32:01 - 00:37:33:10
imagine

00:37:33:10 - 00:37:34:15
what he had to endure

00:37:34:15 - 00:37:36:01
to get us to this point.

00:37:36:01 - 00:37:36:25
Yeah.

00:37:36:25 - 00:37:37:25
And I mean, to be able,

00:37:37:25 - 00:37:41:17
like you said, to kind of overcome that,

00:37:41:25 - 00:37:44:08
you know, it can be really easy.

00:37:44:08 - 00:37:45:07
Then I'm here.

00:37:45:07 - 00:37:47:03
I've made all these strides to kind of

00:37:47:03 - 00:37:49:15
just let's not draw attention

00:37:49:15 - 00:37:50:28
to ourselves.

00:37:50:28 - 00:37:51:22
I feel like I hear that

00:37:51:22 - 00:37:53:25
from a lot of the immigrant families.

00:37:53:25 - 00:37:54:20
Absolutely.

00:37:54:20 - 00:37:58:15
And so I'm so just blown away

00:37:58:15 - 00:37:59:07
by the fact

00:37:59:07 - 00:38:01:08
that not only have you taken

00:38:01:08 - 00:38:03:08
that and been able to, like,

00:38:03:08 - 00:38:07:10
go and go forth, but go forth in

00:38:07:27 - 00:38:08:23
putting a stop,

00:38:08:23 - 00:38:09:16
it sounds like to

00:38:09:16 - 00:38:13:02
so many of those maybe passed down ideas

00:38:13:12 - 00:38:16:12
that were a little bit more rigid as,

00:38:16:19 - 00:38:19:19
agreed that we had it easy.

00:38:20:10 - 00:38:22:04
Definitely. And we had it easy.

00:38:22:04 - 00:38:25:08
And if you really think about what what

00:38:25:08 - 00:38:26:23
the their struggle was

00:38:26:23 - 00:38:28:02
and I've heard and

00:38:28:02 - 00:38:29:01
stories,

00:38:29:01 - 00:38:29:29
they've never really given

00:38:29:29 - 00:38:31:07
us the full picture,

00:38:31:07 - 00:38:32:04
if you will,

00:38:32:04 - 00:38:35:04
because I'm sure protecting us.

00:38:35:11 - 00:38:38:08
But, they've definitely done their part.

00:38:38:08 - 00:38:38:29
Yeah.

00:38:38:29 - 00:38:39:25
I hear you saying,

00:38:39:25 - 00:38:41:06
you know, easy comparison,

00:38:41:06 - 00:38:41:28
but I think that's

00:38:41:28 - 00:38:42:28
that's one of the things I know

00:38:42:28 - 00:38:43:22
that I'm learning is

00:38:43:22 - 00:38:45:00
just like everybody is

00:38:46:00 - 00:38:46:08
easy.

00:38:46:08 - 00:38:46:29
Everybody is hard.

00:38:46:29 - 00:38:48:07
Looks a little bit different.

00:38:48:07 - 00:38:49:18
I mean, you're absolutely right.

00:38:49:18 - 00:38:50:20
It's it's

00:38:50:20 - 00:38:53:20
something that maybe an immigrant family,

00:38:54:05 - 00:38:55:15
you know, has in common.

00:38:55:15 - 00:38:56:19
But even their,

00:38:56:19 - 00:38:57:08
you know,

00:38:57:08 - 00:38:58:28
somebody else's family's story

00:38:58:28 - 00:39:00:16
is probably a little bit different.

00:39:00:16 - 00:39:03:06
And and,

00:39:03:06 - 00:39:03:16
you know,

00:39:03:16 - 00:39:04:18
I feel like there's, there's

00:39:04:18 - 00:39:05:20
so many different

00:39:05:20 - 00:39:07:08
with each of the generations,

00:39:07:08 - 00:39:09:04
frankly, that, you know,

00:39:09:04 - 00:39:11:11
you've got your own versions of, of heart

00:39:11:11 - 00:39:13:23
of what that looks like.

00:39:13:23 - 00:39:16:03
And so I'm, you know, I'm curious

00:39:16:03 - 00:39:18:08
kind of as we're wrapping up, like,

00:39:18:08 - 00:39:20:00
is there anything that now

00:39:20:00 - 00:39:21:20
looking at some of the strides

00:39:21:20 - 00:39:25:11
that you have made, to be able to,

00:39:26:09 - 00:39:27:06
to make a change

00:39:27:06 - 00:39:28:03
and to make a change

00:39:28:03 - 00:39:29:28
for a very motivated reason

00:39:29:28 - 00:39:31:11
for your daughters.

00:39:31:11 - 00:39:33:07
Is there anything that you would

00:39:33:07 - 00:39:35:19
if you had kind of back to the future

00:39:35:19 - 00:39:37:13
Delorean time machine?

00:39:37:13 - 00:39:38:08
Would you go back

00:39:38:08 - 00:39:39:19
and tell yourself anything

00:39:39:19 - 00:39:41:22
to kind of prep or,

00:39:41:22 - 00:39:43:19
any tell anybody else that maybe

00:39:43:19 - 00:39:44:12
is struggling

00:39:44:12 - 00:39:45:06
with a similar idea

00:39:45:06 - 00:39:48:06
of of breaking, breaking those patterns.

00:39:49:09 - 00:39:51:10
Yes.

00:39:51:10 - 00:39:52:04
Stop blaming your

00:39:52:04 - 00:39:55:04
parents for your shortcomings and

00:39:55:04 - 00:39:58:11
and what are you, as an adult,

00:39:58:11 - 00:40:00:10
doing to better yourself?

00:40:00:10 - 00:40:02:25
Okay.

00:40:02:25 - 00:40:04:29
And

00:40:04:29 - 00:40:06:12
I know

00:40:06:12 - 00:40:08:26
now what they were able to bring

00:40:08:26 - 00:40:11:26
to the table, what they had to deal with.

00:40:13:07 - 00:40:15:21
And,

00:40:15:21 - 00:40:17:21
it's now up to me to, to fix

00:40:17:21 - 00:40:19:23
or to better myself.

00:40:19:23 - 00:40:20:11
So.

00:40:20:11 - 00:40:21:18
Yeah,

00:40:21:18 - 00:40:22:01
they did

00:40:22:01 - 00:40:25:01
their job is is what I would tell myself.

00:40:26:13 - 00:40:28:10
Now it's time to work on yourself.

00:40:28:10 - 00:40:29:15
Yeah.

00:40:29:15 - 00:40:31:02
And what I think is so interesting

00:40:31:02 - 00:40:33:08
about what you said is that

00:40:33:08 - 00:40:33:21
it almost

00:40:33:21 - 00:40:36:21
sounds like kind of taking that ownership

00:40:36:27 - 00:40:39:12
and that responsibility for your own self

00:40:39:12 - 00:40:41:02
growth as well. Right?

00:40:41:02 - 00:40:42:28
Versus maybe throwing your hands up

00:40:42:28 - 00:40:43:15
and saying, well,

00:40:43:15 - 00:40:44:19
I don't know anything different.

00:40:44:19 - 00:40:46:02
This is all I know.

00:40:46:02 - 00:40:47:18
Yeah. So I'm just going to keep doing it.

00:40:47:18 - 00:40:48:23
Yeah. Exactly.

00:40:50:01 - 00:40:50:29
There comes a point where you

00:40:50:29 - 00:40:53:29
got to take responsibility for it for

00:40:54:13 - 00:40:55:28
who you are, right? Yeah.

00:40:55:28 - 00:40:57:16
And that's I'm working on that

00:40:57:16 - 00:40:58:28
as we speak. Right.

00:40:58:28 - 00:41:01:00
So it's nothing

00:41:01:00 - 00:41:04:00
that is going to change overnight.

00:41:04:08 - 00:41:07:08
But it's it's a work in progress.

00:41:07:29 - 00:41:10:05
Are there any kind of resources

00:41:10:05 - 00:41:12:06
for that

00:41:12:06 - 00:41:14:01
you found that have been super helpful?

00:41:14:01 - 00:41:15:09
That would be good for our listeners

00:41:15:09 - 00:41:17:20
to hear as far as,

00:41:17:20 - 00:41:17:27
you know,

00:41:17:27 - 00:41:18:12
being able

00:41:18:12 - 00:41:21:11
to make some of these changes and,

00:41:21:11 - 00:41:24:00
and maybe have the confidence to,

00:41:24:00 - 00:41:27:00
to do them,

00:41:27:08 - 00:41:29:07
resources

00:41:29:07 - 00:41:30:18
or even like, for you, like,

00:41:30:18 - 00:41:33:08
how did you find that support

00:41:33:08 - 00:41:34:15
or do you have that support?

00:41:34:15 - 00:41:36:27
I do have that support in in my wife,

00:41:36:27 - 00:41:39:27
I would say probably learning

00:41:40:03 - 00:41:43:03
through example.

00:41:43:08 - 00:41:45:17
We have daily conversations

00:41:45:17 - 00:41:48:15
on how the day, when and

00:41:48:15 - 00:41:51:24
what do we think we we did good.

00:41:51:24 - 00:41:54:06
What do we think we could improve? Yeah.

00:41:56:14 - 00:41:59:17
And again it's an ongoing day.

00:41:59:18 - 00:42:02:18
The challenge.

00:42:03:02 - 00:42:04:11
It's it's talking to someone

00:42:04:11 - 00:42:05:20
basically is when it comes down

00:42:05:20 - 00:42:07:27
to having that

00:42:07:27 - 00:42:09:17
communication. Yeah.

00:42:09:17 - 00:42:11:24
Is, is what I would say.

00:42:11:24 - 00:42:14:24
Overcommunicate if you have to

00:42:15:11 - 00:42:16:18
when you say overcommunicate,

00:42:16:18 - 00:42:17:07
can you tell me like

00:42:17:07 - 00:42:18:29
what do you mean by that?

00:42:18:29 - 00:42:21:29
I mean by going into the,

00:42:22:04 - 00:42:24:10
to the details of,

00:42:24:10 - 00:42:27:10
of what happened and why it happened and

00:42:28:09 - 00:42:30:12
if this,

00:42:30:12 - 00:42:32:01
didn't happen, would it be different?

00:42:32:01 - 00:42:32:25
Or if you said this,

00:42:32:25 - 00:42:33:12
would it be different,

00:42:33:12 - 00:42:36:12
like really over communicating this

00:42:36:12 - 00:42:37:21
the scenario, I guess

00:42:37:21 - 00:42:40:21
until you feel comfortable

00:42:40:23 - 00:42:43:04
speaking in general or high level

00:42:43:04 - 00:42:44:25
conversations with

00:42:44:25 - 00:42:47:03
with your significant other, like

00:42:47:03 - 00:42:49:20
get to a point where you feel comfortable

00:42:49:20 - 00:42:51:19
talking to each other.

00:42:51:19 - 00:42:52:26
So it almost sounds like really

00:42:52:26 - 00:42:53:10
just making

00:42:53:10 - 00:42:57:01
sure that there's no room for assumption.

00:42:57:02 - 00:42:59:25
Yes, like you said, misinterpretation.

00:42:59:25 - 00:43:00:19
Yeah.

00:43:00:19 - 00:43:01:08
And I think that's

00:43:01:08 - 00:43:02:25
so incredibly important.

00:43:02:25 - 00:43:04:12
I feel like one of the things

00:43:04:12 - 00:43:05:29
I see so much, my couples

00:43:05:29 - 00:43:06:11
as such

00:43:06:11 - 00:43:08:02
ones that have been together

00:43:08:02 - 00:43:11:05
for, for a while, is that we kind of

00:43:11:24 - 00:43:15:02
get comfortable right in that, like, oh,

00:43:15:02 - 00:43:16:09
I know what they would say

00:43:16:09 - 00:43:17:20
or I know what they would think

00:43:17:20 - 00:43:19:13
or what they would do. Yeah.

00:43:19:13 - 00:43:21:08
And it kind of doesn't

00:43:21:08 - 00:43:22:18
leave space for the fact

00:43:22:18 - 00:43:25:03
that we're evolving creatures. Yes.

00:43:26:11 - 00:43:27:20
And the fact that,

00:43:27:20 - 00:43:29:09
you know, what they would have said

00:43:29:09 - 00:43:30:06
when you first started

00:43:30:06 - 00:43:31:23
dating may be very different

00:43:31:23 - 00:43:34:00
than what they would say now.

00:43:34:00 - 00:43:34:22
Yeah, yeah.

00:43:34:22 - 00:43:37:22
You're absolutely right.

00:43:38:00 - 00:43:40:14
This is at a much lower level

00:43:40:14 - 00:43:41:15
than what you just said.

00:43:41:15 - 00:43:43:12
But Amanda love scary movies.

00:43:43:12 - 00:43:45:01
Early on, we were dating, okay?

00:43:45:01 - 00:43:46:15
She had children.

00:43:46:15 - 00:43:47:11
We had children.

00:43:47:11 - 00:43:49:15
And that completely changed.

00:43:49:15 - 00:43:52:02
Oh, wow. Oh, well, I just gave them.

00:43:52:02 - 00:43:53:00
So I'm thinking in my head.

00:43:53:00 - 00:43:54:07
Wait, what happened here?

00:43:54:07 - 00:43:55:09
Yeah, absolutely.

00:43:55:09 - 00:43:56:20
But that's on a micro level.

00:43:56:20 - 00:43:59:04
But, like, yeah, people evolve.

00:43:59:04 - 00:44:00:02
But I think, you know,

00:44:00:02 - 00:44:01:13
I hear you saying at a micro level,

00:44:01:13 - 00:44:03:27
but it's those small details, right?

00:44:03:27 - 00:44:06:22
That if we're operating, you know,

00:44:06:22 - 00:44:07:16
let's say

00:44:07:16 - 00:44:08:21
you wanted to sit down

00:44:08:21 - 00:44:09:29
and connect with her.

00:44:09:29 - 00:44:12:05
And so you pop on a scary movie

00:44:12:05 - 00:44:13:21
thinking, hey, we're going to get some,

00:44:13:21 - 00:44:15:21
you know, Netflix and chill time. Yeah.

00:44:15:21 - 00:44:17:14
And then she's like, no, that's a no go.

00:44:17:14 - 00:44:18:17
Completely shut down.

00:44:18:17 - 00:44:19:23
You might be sitting there going,

00:44:19:23 - 00:44:21:09
what did I miss? And I did.

00:44:21:09 - 00:44:21:25
Is it me?

00:44:21:25 - 00:44:22:24
Is it a big problem.

00:44:22:24 - 00:44:24:03
Like do we have issues in our marriage?

00:44:24:03 - 00:44:25:01
Yeah.

00:44:25:01 - 00:44:27:01
Where like you said it with that,

00:44:27:01 - 00:44:27:26
kind of like you said

00:44:27:26 - 00:44:29:27
with that over communication

00:44:29:27 - 00:44:32:21
that even about those small details,

00:44:32:21 - 00:44:33:08
it sounds like

00:44:33:08 - 00:44:34:22
could be really beneficial.

00:44:34:22 - 00:44:35:05
Yeah.

00:44:35:05 - 00:44:36:19
I won't try to put on the scary

00:44:36:19 - 00:44:37:17
movie anymore. I.

00:44:38:26 - 00:44:39:08
Yeah.

00:44:39:08 - 00:44:40:28
And so now we know,

00:44:40:28 - 00:44:42:07
kind of what to do,

00:44:42:07 - 00:44:43:13
how to make those connections

00:44:43:13 - 00:44:44:25
maybe a little bit differently

00:44:44:25 - 00:44:45:20
as they evolve.

00:44:45:20 - 00:44:46:28
Yeah. That's right.

00:44:46:28 - 00:44:47:18
Yeah.

00:44:47:18 - 00:44:49:04
That makes a ton of sense. Okay.

00:44:49:04 - 00:44:50:27
So I've got my shrimp in there.

00:44:50:27 - 00:44:53:06
And so I just pour this guy in.

00:44:53:06 - 00:44:54:01
Yeah.

00:44:54:01 - 00:44:55:24
Half or have you done

00:44:55:24 - 00:44:57:22
half of this already.

00:44:57:22 - 00:44:59:15
It's it's like,

00:44:59:15 - 00:45:01:11
you know, one third to.

00:45:01:11 - 00:45:02:08
There you go. Yeah.

00:45:02:08 - 00:45:04:28
You can pour the rest in and then. So.

00:45:04:28 - 00:45:05:09
Okay.

00:45:05:09 - 00:45:06:14
Yeah, I got my shot

00:45:06:14 - 00:45:07:21
about how much salt am I doing.

00:45:07:21 - 00:45:10:21
Am I going to taste or what do we think.

00:45:10:24 - 00:45:13:14
Yeah. So,

00:45:13:14 - 00:45:15:14
tablespoon I would say or

00:45:15:14 - 00:45:18:09
maybe a little less. Okay.

00:45:18:09 - 00:45:20:11
And then we mix it all up

00:45:20:11 - 00:45:21:21
and you can eat it with

00:45:21:21 - 00:45:23:28
tostadas, crackers

00:45:23:28 - 00:45:25:12
just straight out of a cup.

00:45:26:11 - 00:45:28:09
It's really, like I said, a hybrid.

00:45:28:09 - 00:45:31:03
So it's really flexible. Versatile.

00:45:31:03 - 00:45:34:12
You can add tomato juice, like, v8.

00:45:34:21 - 00:45:37:02
My mom always use V8. Okay.

00:45:37:02 - 00:45:38:06
She doesn't like seafood.

00:45:38:06 - 00:45:41:06
So the clam based clamato, which I love,

00:45:41:18 - 00:45:43:16
is is my go to if I do it

00:45:43:16 - 00:45:46:05
like a shrimp cocktail. Yeah.

00:45:46:05 - 00:45:47:06
But, yeah,

00:45:47:06 - 00:45:48:21
you can also, instead of mango,

00:45:48:21 - 00:45:50:04
if you wanted to add avocado,

00:45:50:04 - 00:45:52:15
that's another option.

00:45:52:15 - 00:45:52:29
Okay.

00:45:52:29 - 00:45:55:09
But yeah, it's it's very versatile.

00:45:55:09 - 00:45:56:05
Very cool.

00:45:56:05 - 00:45:57:21
Well, I will make sure to mix this.

00:45:57:21 - 00:45:59:23
Thank you so much for teaching us

00:45:59:23 - 00:46:00:21
this recipe

00:46:00:21 - 00:46:01:15
and for being willing

00:46:01:15 - 00:46:02:11
to share your story.

00:46:02:11 - 00:46:05:23
I know that it can be nerve wracking

00:46:05:23 - 00:46:06:19
and uncomfortable,

00:46:06:19 - 00:46:07:28
so I really do appreciate you

00:46:07:28 - 00:46:09:18
being willing to share that with us.

00:46:09:18 - 00:46:10:05
I love

00:46:10:05 - 00:46:12:09
getting a dad perspective

00:46:12:09 - 00:46:14:01
on this parenting journey,

00:46:14:01 - 00:46:15:18
because I think

00:46:15:18 - 00:46:17:16
there's more normalization

00:46:17:16 - 00:46:18:19
that needs to happen

00:46:18:19 - 00:46:20:06
as far as even dads,

00:46:20:06 - 00:46:23:05
because you guys have your own struggles

00:46:23:05 - 00:46:24:09
and your own

00:46:24:09 - 00:46:25:19
narratives and battles

00:46:25:19 - 00:46:27:21
that you're working through that

00:46:27:21 - 00:46:29:13
frankly, I feel

00:46:29:13 - 00:46:31:13
doesn't get enough time out in the world.

00:46:31:13 - 00:46:32:15
You know, we're starting

00:46:32:15 - 00:46:33:18
we're making movements

00:46:33:18 - 00:46:35:15
towards hearing about the mom

00:46:35:15 - 00:46:36:10
stories, right?

00:46:36:10 - 00:46:38:02
But not as many about the dad stories.

00:46:38:02 - 00:46:39:06
And they're just as important.

00:46:39:06 - 00:46:40:21
Yeah. No, you're absolutely right.

00:46:40:21 - 00:46:42:13
Well, I appreciate you having me.

00:46:42:13 - 00:46:43:27
And this is a great time.

00:46:43:27 - 00:46:46:05
Absolutely. Well, thank you so much.

00:46:46:05 - 00:46:46:21
And thank you

00:46:46:21 - 00:46:48:14
everybody for tuning in today.

00:46:48:14 - 00:46:49:10
We'll see you next time.

00:46:51:06 - 00:46:53:15
If you or anyone that you know

00:46:53:15 - 00:46:54:05
is struggling

00:46:54:05 - 00:46:55:06
with any of the topics

00:46:55:06 - 00:46:57:14
that we discussed in today's episode,

00:46:57:14 - 00:46:58:24
make sure to check out our show

00:46:58:24 - 00:47:01:11
notes for support and resources.

00:47:01:11 - 00:47:04:02
You can get help.

00:47:04:02 - 00:47:05:15
Thanks again for joining us on

00:47:05:15 - 00:47:08:15
today's episode of The Real Family Eats.

00:47:08:27 - 00:47:10:08
If you're a parent ready

00:47:10:08 - 00:47:12:17
to share your real life parenting story,

00:47:12:17 - 00:47:14:01
make sure to reach out to us

00:47:14:01 - 00:47:16:15
and our website found in the show notes.

00:47:16:15 - 00:47:18:18
And that goes for today's recipe,

00:47:18:18 - 00:47:21:02
social media support and resources.

00:47:21:02 - 00:47:22:07
All of that can be found

00:47:22:07 - 00:47:23:12
in our show notes,

00:47:23:12 - 00:47:25:07
so make sure to check them out

00:47:25:07 - 00:47:27:13
and make sure to follow, like,

00:47:27:13 - 00:47:28:23
share, subscribe,

00:47:28:23 - 00:47:31:04
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00:47:31:04 - 00:47:33:01
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00:47:33:01 - 00:47:34:01
I hope you'll join us

00:47:34:01 - 00:47:36:21
next time for more food for thought

00:47:36:21 - 00:47:38:13
and thoughtful food!

00:47:38:13 - 00:47:39:12
Enjoy your eats!