The Real Family Eats: Parents dishing on real parenting struggles and recipe sharing
Parents talk with our resident couples therapist for parents about their real parenting struggles. They are sharing navigating parenting challenges, the parent support and resources they found along the way, and any parenting tips they have discovered through their journey. While they chat parenting insights and stories, they are recipe sharing balancing parenting and family meals. Make sure to subscribe, like, and follow for more recipes and parenting tips.
The Real Family Eats: Parents dishing on real parenting struggles and recipe sharing
Rewriting Gender Rules: Ignacio Commitment to Change + Shrimp Ceviche
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In this episode, Ignacio Corona, dad of two and Director of Merchandising at Adobe Maison, joins Reesa Morala, LMFT, to share his parenting journey and lessons learned. Ignacio opens up about modeling flexibility in gender roles for his daughters, taking on traditionally female-presenting roles to support his wife’s career, and breaking cultural and generational norms to teach his children self-worth and adaptability.
While discussing parenting challenges, insights, and resources, Ignacio shares his delicious Shrimp Ceviche Cocktail recipe—a refreshing dish perfect for busy families. Together, they explore balancing parenting responsibilities with family meals, creating a home filled with growth and mutual support.
Subscribe, like, and follow for more relatable parenting stories, actionable tips, and family-favorite recipes!
💬 What parenting challenges have you faced? Share your story in the comments!
🍤 Tried the recipe? Let us know how it turned out!
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Ceviche/Shrimp Cocktail
INGREDIENTS:
(2) Large Cucumbers diced
(4) Medium Carrots diced
(1) batch Cilantro diced
(1) small or half a large red onion diced
(3) Lemons
(3) Limes
(3) Mangos diced
(1) 2LB Bag of medium shrimp
(3) Jalapenos deseeded and diced
Salt (Tablespoon)
INSTRUCTIONS:
Cook in boiling water for 2 mins and cool rapidly, cut each shrimp in half
Juice lemons and limes
Bathe onions in citrus juice
Mix all ingredients together and season to taste
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If you or your loved one is struggling with any of the topics discussed, here are some resources:
Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988
Go to your local hospital or call 911
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Disclaimer:
The content provided on this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice or treatment.
The views and opinions expressed by the host(s) and guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the podcast.
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Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a couples counselor for parents providing therapy in person in Murrieta, CA and virtual couples therapy in California. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!
Make sure to like, follow, and subscribe!
For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com
If you are a parent ready to share your real-life parenting struggle and dish up a recipe with Reesa, apply here:
https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/real-family-eats-guest
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need personalized support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.
Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988
Go to your local hospital or call 911
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The first instinct is to get loud.
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And it is even for myself.
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Unfortunately and
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it's a work in progress.
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Hey everyone.
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Thanks for joining me.
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My name is Reesa and I'm your host.
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We are talking to real families
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about real stories
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here on The Real Family Eats, where
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we've got food for thought
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and thoughtful food.
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So let's eat.
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Hey, everyone.
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So my guest today is Ignacio.
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Hi, Ignacio.
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Thanks so much
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for joining
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and being a guest on our show today.
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Thank you very much for having me. Yes.
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So for anybody who doesn't know you,
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can you introduce yourself for me? Yes.
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Ignacio Corona, I am a husband,
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and a father to two beautiful
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young daughters.
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Zoe and Mila, aged nine and six.
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I'm the rare San Diego native.
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Okay, so,
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yes, that's the basics.
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Wonderful.
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Well, I'm so excited to hear your story
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and your recipe
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that you're sharing with us.
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So tell me what recipe
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we're going to be doing today
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and tell me why you chose this one.
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So it's a hybrid.
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So each, shrimp cocktail.
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And I say that
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because with ceviche,
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you typically cook the shrimp
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24 hours in advance in lime
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juice, lime and lemon juice. Okay.
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And that's just
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very difficult for myself personally.
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So I kind of do a little cheat code
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and cook the shrimp and then add it.
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And then it's hybrid in the,
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in the way of shrimp cocktail
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because of the shrimp.
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But also
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typically with shrimp cocktail
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you have a tomato based
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or a clam based juice that's added.
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And lately
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we just haven't been eating it that way.
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But you can eat it.
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It's very versatile.
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Awesome.
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And so why did you choose this
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particular recipe?
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It reminds me of growing up, growing up
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very religious, Catholic home.
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So during lent, you,
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we wouldn't
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be able to eat, meat on Fridays.
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Okay,
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so it was a staple dish
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for for that time.
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Very cool. Well, I'm so excited.
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I have never had your,
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you know,
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ceviche ish,
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recipe before,
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so I'm super excited to try it.
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Can you tell me, like,
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what are the first couple of steps,
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that I need to do?
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And I'll get doing those while
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we're chatting.
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Yeah.
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So typically
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I start with the onions, okay.
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And then I bathe them in the lemon
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and lime juice.
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Okay. Because the onions.
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Very strong.
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I personally don't like that
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strength in the onion.
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So I let it kind of cook,
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if you will, in the lemon and lime juice.
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Gotcha.
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So I can squeeze all of these
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and then put my onions in.
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Exactly. Perfect. I can do that.
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All right.
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So while I'm doing this,
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I so one of the reasons
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why I invited you on here is because,
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you have a very unique
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take on some of the missions that you've
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kind of set out for yourself
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with raising two daughters
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and kind of the role that you wanted to,
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to have in their lives
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and what you wanted to demonstrate
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in their lives
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that I thought was very unique.
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I don't hear it too often.
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You are, as you mentioned,
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a spouse of my good friend Amanda, who is
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one of the most ambitious people
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I have ever met,
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and I have absolutely loved
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the way
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that you have been such a supporter.
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And when we've chatted
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before in the past,
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you've mentioned that
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that is such a priority for you
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because of your daughters.
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And so I'd really love to know
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a little bit more
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about about your journey
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and kind of how
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you came to that decision.
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And why was it so important to you
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to be able to kind of do these things?
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Yeah.
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So Amanda is very ambitious,
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like you said, I love it.
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I live vicariously through her studies.
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I feel like I was there when she did her
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master's program,
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when she did her doctoral program,
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and she would bounce stuff back to me.
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So it really wasn't
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like we were doing it together.
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And I love that
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that she included me in it.
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And for my daughters,
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it was great for them
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to see how it's done.
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And, the prime example of what
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success in education looks like.
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Okay.
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But yes, I would never,
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hinder or try to say, well,
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you shouldn't do this or that.
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I was
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if she wanted to do it,
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she was going to put it in the work.
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We will figure out how to balance the day
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to day life activities. Right?
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Yeah,
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I like I said,
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I lived vicariously through her.
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And how can you tell me
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a little bit more?
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Because I hear you mentioning like that
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it was so important to you
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to kind of sit down and go,
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if this is something you want to do,
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let's make it happen.
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Let's figure out kind of a plan to do it.
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Why was that such
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an important narrative for you
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to be able to do?
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Well, not only would it possibly better
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our lives,
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okay, from a career standpoint,
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but again,
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that example
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to the to the girls
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that this is important.
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And if it's something that you set
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your mind to,
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it's worth achieving
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and the back end stuff
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will figure out, okay.
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Yeah.
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And she,
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Amanda would tell me
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that this was a dream of hers.
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This is what she really,
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always really wanted.
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Right
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then I knew we're going to make it work.
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Yeah.
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And so I'm super curious to kind of know
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was that different from maybe
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the family archetypes
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that you grew up seeing.
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Because
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you grew up in a very,
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maybe different culture.
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Then you know,
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what you would typically think of
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when we think of male and female kind of
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who who's out there doing the stuff,
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if you will. Right.
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Is that is that an accurate statement?
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And my way is no. 100% accurate.
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I grew up in a very traditional gender
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role, and,
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the male alpha male, you know, the,
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my father was work
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six days a week for 45
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years in the same restaurant.
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And he brought
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home the bacon,
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and he literally brought home
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bacon from the restaurant.
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Onions that day, or.
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I don't know why, but, yes,
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we had taken
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pretty much every other day
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in the household.
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Yeah, available to us.
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I mean, not a bad thing.
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Not a bad thing.
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And my mother also worked full time.
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Did all the cooking,
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did all the cleaning,
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did all the laundry,
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but I don't think I subscribed
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to those to that dynamic because of her.
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Because
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while her dynamic
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was the traditional route,
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I'm the youngest of four boys and between
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my age got to the next older brother.
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It's five years,
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so I really was that to the head
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to my mom in the first years, right?
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And I saw how much she work,
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but whether she did it
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consciously or subconsciously,
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she was planning some seeds of
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how to cook.
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We were making our own eggs at five.
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Like if you wanted a certain way,
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you do it.
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So those were
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those values were instilled
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in us early on.
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She's very financial savvy.
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So she was planning those seeds early on.
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Save your money.
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Do not like the goal. Should be a home.
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And that's not always everyone's goal.
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But that was our goal. Yeah.
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So she would
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plant those seeds that maybe a typical
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gender role.
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The male is really in charge
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of all the financial decisions.
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And, it
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if it comes from him,
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it's, it's worth gold.
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But she really did.
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There was nothing she couldn't do.
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And I really took that.
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And I feel we're applying it
00:08:09:11 - 00:08:12:02
in our family, in our dynamics. Yeah.
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Now was that so then kind of
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was that narrative
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that a woman could do it.
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And so then you were seeing that
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is that kind of what you
00:08:21:06 - 00:08:22:24
that's exactly what it is.
00:08:22:24 - 00:08:24:07
Wow.
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Me being, having a girl,
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dad having two daughters,
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I want that for them.
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I wanted to teach them
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that to be strong, independent women.
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They don't need a man in their life
00:08:36:08 - 00:08:37:08
if they want a man
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or a significant partner in their lives,
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by all means. But you don't need it.
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You won't need it.
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And that's what I'm trying to instill.
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Why can you tell me about
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why that is so important to you.
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For them
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to be able to walk away
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and, and have that message
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kind of really internally build that,
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because I feel that they'd be set up
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for, for success.
00:09:01:14 - 00:09:04:14
I feel that
00:09:05:03 - 00:09:06:05
they're going to
00:09:06:05 - 00:09:09:14
really focus on being happy.
00:09:10:05 - 00:09:12:28
They'll be able to focus on being happy
00:09:12:28 - 00:09:14:09
without a dependency
00:09:14:09 - 00:09:16:00
on anything or anybody.
00:09:16:00 - 00:09:17:14
Okay.
00:09:17:14 - 00:09:20:22
Do you feel like that's not traditional
00:09:20:22 - 00:09:22:08
in kind of your culture,
00:09:22:08 - 00:09:23:10
the way that maybe even
00:09:23:10 - 00:09:25:16
you saw others outside of your home?
00:09:25:16 - 00:09:27:18
I 100%,
00:09:27:18 - 00:09:29:06
I think the older generation,
00:09:29:06 - 00:09:31:08
if you will,
00:09:31:08 - 00:09:34:08
did take a lot more.
00:09:34:16 - 00:09:37:09
Before they were fed up.
00:09:37:09 - 00:09:39:09
And it was because possibly
00:09:39:09 - 00:09:42:09
their dependency on the other individual,
00:09:42:11 - 00:09:45:03
whether it be financials or
00:09:45:03 - 00:09:45:19
another thing,
00:09:45:19 - 00:09:47:08
I just through this
00:09:47:08 - 00:09:50:09
process reflected on is a lot of
00:09:50:09 - 00:09:52:01
the men
00:09:52:01 - 00:09:54:11
were the only drivers in the family.
00:09:54:11 - 00:09:55:08
The female.
00:09:55:08 - 00:09:57:04
My mom does not drive okay.
00:09:57:04 - 00:10:00:04
So another kind of dependency there that
00:10:00:13 - 00:10:01:19
I mean kind of goes
00:10:01:19 - 00:10:02:25
overlooked a little bit.
00:10:05:00 - 00:10:07:03
So just a
00:10:07:03 - 00:10:07:21
few things that
00:10:07:21 - 00:10:10:21
add up to their dependency,
00:10:11:18 - 00:10:14:18
which is what I kind of want to
00:10:15:03 - 00:10:17:07
make sure that girls don't have.
00:10:17:07 - 00:10:18:21
Yeah.
00:10:18:21 - 00:10:21:03
It sounds like you really would like them
00:10:21:03 - 00:10:22:28
to know that they are capable
00:10:22:28 - 00:10:24:18
of self-sufficiency
00:10:24:18 - 00:10:27:18
in that and kind of being able to
00:10:28:06 - 00:10:30:14
choose and not have it chosen for them.
00:10:30:14 - 00:10:33:07
It. Correct? Yes. Agreed. Yeah.
00:10:33:07 - 00:10:36:07
And so I'm really curious, like,
00:10:36:11 - 00:10:40:05
was this something that you've received
00:10:40:22 - 00:10:41:23
any pushback for?
00:10:41:23 - 00:10:43:15
I mean, the fact that,
00:10:43:15 - 00:10:44:22
you know, you,
00:10:44:22 - 00:10:46:15
you kind of took that backseat
00:10:46:15 - 00:10:47:18
and were
00:10:47:18 - 00:10:49:13
maybe the primary caregiver
00:10:49:13 - 00:10:50:12
while Amanda was out
00:10:50:12 - 00:10:51:26
kind of doing her
00:10:51:26 - 00:10:53:16
her graduate program,
00:10:53:16 - 00:10:55:06
doing her doctoral program.
00:10:55:06 - 00:10:55:25
Can you tell me
00:10:55:25 - 00:10:57:16
a little bit more about that?
00:10:57:16 - 00:11:01:06
Well, one of the biggest just chores,
00:11:01:06 - 00:11:02:28
if you will, is
00:11:02:28 - 00:11:03:21
in the kitchen
00:11:03:21 - 00:11:06:08
making sure the kids are fed and,
00:11:06:08 - 00:11:07:06
nurtured and all that.
00:11:07:06 - 00:11:11:06
And I feel that piece of the pie is
00:11:11:14 - 00:11:12:14
down my alley.
00:11:12:14 - 00:11:15:01
I feel very comfortable in the kitchen.
00:11:15:01 - 00:11:16:02
I feel very comfortable
00:11:17:05 - 00:11:18:03
making sure that they
00:11:18:03 - 00:11:19:19
have what they need.
00:11:19:19 - 00:11:22:19
For the kids,
00:11:22:29 - 00:11:25:22
and the other portion
00:11:25:22 - 00:11:27:24
that I work on on a daily basis
00:11:27:24 - 00:11:29:13
is that communication piece.
00:11:29:13 - 00:11:32:13
Right with the kids.
00:11:32:25 - 00:11:35:15
And it's,
00:11:35:15 - 00:11:37:25
it's a work in progress is we're
00:11:37:25 - 00:11:39:11
always working on
00:11:39:11 - 00:11:41:16
how do I convey a message when,
00:11:41:16 - 00:11:43:17
when they're not doing something that
00:11:43:17 - 00:11:44:05
when they're doing something
00:11:44:05 - 00:11:45:08
they probably shouldn't be.
00:11:45:08 - 00:11:46:12
How do I convey the message
00:11:46:12 - 00:11:47:26
that they receive it.
00:11:47:26 - 00:11:50:05
Okay. Not resistant.
00:11:50:05 - 00:11:53:05
So that's a daily focus of mine.
00:11:53:05 - 00:11:56:02
But all the other things
00:11:56:02 - 00:11:57:23
making sure that they have,
00:11:57:23 - 00:12:00:23
they're bathed, they're fed, they're
00:12:02:00 - 00:12:02:29
make it to school on time.
00:12:02:29 - 00:12:05:14
All that. That's pretty simple.
00:12:05:14 - 00:12:07:00
Do you think that for you
00:12:07:00 - 00:12:10:27
there's ever been maybe a struggle or,
00:12:13:12 - 00:12:15:05
hesitation in the fact that,
00:12:15:05 - 00:12:15:21
like you said,
00:12:15:21 - 00:12:18:10
it isn't maybe a traditional male role
00:12:18:10 - 00:12:19:01
that it's,
00:12:19:01 - 00:12:19:09
you know,
00:12:19:09 - 00:12:21:00
very different than, like,
00:12:21:00 - 00:12:23:09
the machismo kind of.
00:12:23:09 - 00:12:24:29
Yeah. Narrative.
00:12:24:29 - 00:12:26:00
Yeah. No.
00:12:28:01 - 00:12:29:07
Definitely.
00:12:29:07 - 00:12:29:27
Growing up, I
00:12:29:27 - 00:12:31:23
didn't see really
00:12:31:23 - 00:12:34:15
the male figure in my life,
00:12:34:15 - 00:12:36:22
have those difficult conversations
00:12:36:22 - 00:12:37:17
with,
00:12:37:17 - 00:12:39:26
it just wasn't something that we said.
00:12:39:26 - 00:12:42:11
Yeah, or was said to us.
00:12:42:11 - 00:12:43:23
We didn't really
00:12:43:23 - 00:12:46:23
share our feelings too much.
00:12:48:05 - 00:12:49:14
We didn't really ask for help
00:12:49:14 - 00:12:51:17
either, because,
00:12:51:17 - 00:12:55:00
I mean, we just wasn't really prompted.
00:12:55:00 - 00:12:57:06
Do you need help that that often?
00:12:57:06 - 00:12:58:09
Yeah.
00:12:58:09 - 00:13:01:09
So it was a wake up call in that.
00:13:01:18 - 00:13:01:26
All right,
00:13:01:26 - 00:13:03:15
now I have these two little ones
00:13:03:15 - 00:13:04:18
that are depending on me
00:13:04:18 - 00:13:06:16
to teach them the the way.
00:13:06:16 - 00:13:07:18
Right.
00:13:07:18 - 00:13:09:26
So it's it's also teaching myself
00:13:09:26 - 00:13:11:27
the way or taking the lead from Amanda
00:13:11:27 - 00:13:13:07
because she does a great job
00:13:13:07 - 00:13:15:08
of articulating conversation
00:13:15:08 - 00:13:15:25
with the girls.
00:13:15:25 - 00:13:19:00
So it's never I never.
00:13:19:00 - 00:13:21:12
And not learning.
00:13:21:12 - 00:13:23:07
Yeah, absolutely.
00:13:24:18 - 00:13:27:13
Did you feel like
00:13:27:13 - 00:13:29:16
there were moments in there?
00:13:29:16 - 00:13:30:15
Because I hear you mentioning,
00:13:30:15 - 00:13:31:23
like, a very intentional
00:13:31:23 - 00:13:33:18
kind of learning curve
00:13:33:18 - 00:13:34:28
and that you kind of
00:13:34:28 - 00:13:36:05
faced it and said, okay,
00:13:36:05 - 00:13:38:15
how how can I learn from this?
00:13:38:15 - 00:13:41:15
Or did you
00:13:41:18 - 00:13:43:11
did you ever feel
00:13:43:11 - 00:13:46:11
less than at any point because
00:13:47:12 - 00:13:49:21
you, you were or,
00:13:49:21 - 00:13:50:01
you know,
00:13:50:01 - 00:13:53:01
taking on these roles that weren't
00:13:54:01 - 00:13:57:01
men's roles, if you will?
00:13:57:21 - 00:13:59:15
I don't know about less than,
00:13:59:15 - 00:14:01:23
but I really didn't
00:14:01:23 - 00:14:04:23
care what anyone else really thought.
00:14:05:02 - 00:14:06:18
If,
00:14:06:18 - 00:14:09:18
they saw me being doing the,
00:14:09:20 - 00:14:11:25
the, the stuff that maybe,
00:14:11:25 - 00:14:13:27
female gender would do typically.
00:14:13:27 - 00:14:14:27
Yeah,
00:14:14:27 - 00:14:16:03
I learned it from my mother,
00:14:16:03 - 00:14:18:13
like she did pretty much everything.
00:14:18:13 - 00:14:21:22
And I think she's they both
00:14:21:22 - 00:14:24:10
my both parents set us up for success.
00:14:25:12 - 00:14:27:18
And that's all I want to do with my kids
00:14:27:18 - 00:14:28:29
is get them to a point
00:14:28:29 - 00:14:30:03
where they can be successful,
00:14:30:03 - 00:14:31:12
and the rest is up to them.
00:14:31:12 - 00:14:33:06
Yeah, absolutely.
00:14:33:06 - 00:14:34:08
I think that's so awesome
00:14:34:08 - 00:14:35:17
that you were able to do that,
00:14:35:17 - 00:14:38:17
and even to kind of have that mindset of,
00:14:39:10 - 00:14:40:10
I don't really care
00:14:40:10 - 00:14:42:02
if you agree with what I'm doing or not,
00:14:42:02 - 00:14:44:04
this is how I'm going to do it. Yeah.
00:14:44:04 - 00:14:47:04
I mean, I feel like that's such,
00:14:47:22 - 00:14:49:01
a narrative that I feel like
00:14:49:01 - 00:14:50:00
so many people want
00:14:50:00 - 00:14:51:27
but have a hard time
00:14:51:27 - 00:14:53:03
getting to there's,
00:14:53:03 - 00:14:53:13
you know,
00:14:53:13 - 00:14:55:09
whether it's a lack of confidence
00:14:55:09 - 00:14:57:03
or maybe even a lack of that role model
00:14:57:03 - 00:14:58:10
to be able to kind of show them,
00:14:58:10 - 00:14:59:20
hey, it's okay.
00:14:59:20 - 00:15:02:02
I'm so curious, like, for you,
00:15:02:02 - 00:15:03:24
how were you able to kind of
00:15:03:24 - 00:15:04:26
get that confidence
00:15:04:26 - 00:15:06:18
that it doesn't hey, it doesn't matter.
00:15:06:18 - 00:15:09:21
It really was all I do, to be honest.
00:15:09:21 - 00:15:12:05
Yeah. And it's the only option I have.
00:15:12:05 - 00:15:13:06
It's a good option.
00:15:13:06 - 00:15:14:06
And I feel.
00:15:14:06 - 00:15:17:06
And I went with it. Yeah.
00:15:17:06 - 00:15:17:23
You mentioned it's
00:15:17:23 - 00:15:18:21
the only option you have.
00:15:18:21 - 00:15:19:18
Can you tell me more about that?
00:15:20:21 - 00:15:21:02
Yeah.
00:15:21:02 - 00:15:23:14
I mean,
00:15:23:14 - 00:15:25:27
my father was definitely a
00:15:25:27 - 00:15:28:05
part of our lives. He was always there.
00:15:28:05 - 00:15:29:07
But he did take a back
00:15:29:07 - 00:15:33:21
step to the nurturing aspect of of,
00:15:34:28 - 00:15:37:04
our growing up. Okay.
00:15:37:04 - 00:15:40:04
So my mother did take the lead in,
00:15:41:24 - 00:15:43:14
sort of
00:15:43:14 - 00:15:46:14
teaching us the way, if you will.
00:15:46:19 - 00:15:48:21
And it's more they did the best
00:15:48:21 - 00:15:49:23
with what they knew,
00:15:49:23 - 00:15:51:25
basically is how I would describe it.
00:15:51:25 - 00:15:52:19
Okay.
00:15:52:19 - 00:15:54:26
And so also, being the youngest,
00:15:54:26 - 00:15:56:02
I was very again,
00:15:56:02 - 00:15:57:17
I was very attached to my mother
00:15:57:17 - 00:15:59:08
and really
00:15:59:08 - 00:16:02:25
saw everything she put in to the family.
00:16:02:25 - 00:16:05:25
And I really took that in.
00:16:06:08 - 00:16:09:09
And I know it was a good move.
00:16:09:10 - 00:16:10:13
It was
00:16:10:13 - 00:16:11:25
I know she did a great job,
00:16:11:25 - 00:16:13:18
so I really wanted to mirror that,
00:16:13:18 - 00:16:15:19
if you will. Okay.
00:16:15:19 - 00:16:18:02
Were there particular pieces?
00:16:18:02 - 00:16:19:21
Kind of like you said,
00:16:19:21 - 00:16:20:18
that for you
00:16:20:18 - 00:16:23:18
stand out as really big, like,
00:16:23:24 - 00:16:24:25
as I hear you mentioning,
00:16:24:25 - 00:16:26:09
you know, there's really no other option.
00:16:26:09 - 00:16:28:03
That sounds like you had this conviction
00:16:28:03 - 00:16:28:14
of, like,
00:16:28:14 - 00:16:31:05
I want it to look something similar.
00:16:31:05 - 00:16:32:08
I want to take this.
00:16:32:08 - 00:16:34:05
Was there a particular like,
00:16:34:05 - 00:16:37:00
moment for you that you remember of like,
00:16:37:00 - 00:16:38:21
yeah, I don't want this.
00:16:38:21 - 00:16:41:03
I do want,
00:16:41:03 - 00:16:42:15
you know, this, this new narrative
00:16:42:15 - 00:16:44:17
that I'm making for myself. Yeah.
00:16:46:09 - 00:16:48:04
There was
00:16:48:04 - 00:16:51:04
and it was an article I read and
00:16:52:00 - 00:16:55:00
it had to do with when we,
00:16:55:18 - 00:16:58:19
talk to our children or reprimand them
00:16:58:19 - 00:17:00:21
or or tell him
00:17:00:21 - 00:17:02:15
that they're doing something wrong.
00:17:02:15 - 00:17:03:23
Okay.
00:17:03:23 - 00:17:05:21
And it may be something insignificant,
00:17:05:21 - 00:17:07:04
something small,
00:17:07:04 - 00:17:09:21
like not finishing other food and
00:17:09:21 - 00:17:10:15
on their plate
00:17:10:15 - 00:17:13:15
or making a mess while they were playing.
00:17:14:26 - 00:17:16:20
We're projecting
00:17:16:20 - 00:17:18:19
what our childhood was like.
00:17:18:19 - 00:17:18:29
Okay.
00:17:18:29 - 00:17:20:10
We're projecting
00:17:20:10 - 00:17:21:03
what our parents
00:17:21:03 - 00:17:24:17
were getting upset, mad at us for.
00:17:25:02 - 00:17:26:00
And sometimes
00:17:26:00 - 00:17:27:15
children need to be children.
00:17:27:15 - 00:17:30:21
And I'm really trying to be selective
00:17:31:06 - 00:17:33:27
when I do
00:17:33:27 - 00:17:34:21
tell them, okay,
00:17:34:21 - 00:17:35:15
you shouldn't be doing this.
00:17:35:15 - 00:17:38:00
And the way I tell them, yeah.
00:17:38:00 - 00:17:38:22
Is it?
00:17:38:22 - 00:17:39:22
And I know the answer like
00:17:39:22 - 00:17:41:06
this is, is the right answer.
00:17:41:06 - 00:17:43:15
But applying it is a day to day,
00:17:44:20 - 00:17:45:12
challenge.
00:17:45:12 - 00:17:47:12
Absolutely. Okay.
00:17:47:12 - 00:17:48:15
I want to take a pause.
00:17:48:15 - 00:17:50:02
What am I doing next?
00:17:50:02 - 00:17:52:02
Okay, so we did, bathing.
00:17:52:02 - 00:17:54:13
Yes. The onions are bathing now.
00:17:54:13 - 00:17:56:07
It really is up to you
00:17:56:07 - 00:17:59:07
on what you want to throw in next.
00:17:59:08 - 00:18:01:17
I'm, usually.
00:18:01:17 - 00:18:03:04
So we're going to be doing one with you.
00:18:03:04 - 00:18:05:09
On one with Sal, correct? Yes, please.
00:18:05:09 - 00:18:06:28
So y'all know
00:18:06:28 - 00:18:09:22
when the wimpy when it comes to spicy.
00:18:09:22 - 00:18:10:13
No problem.
00:18:10:13 - 00:18:13:13
So half of this will be for
00:18:13:16 - 00:18:16:04
you and half will be with helping you.
00:18:16:04 - 00:18:18:03
And then it's basically add
00:18:18:03 - 00:18:20:08
all the other ingredients. Okay.
00:18:20:08 - 00:18:21:26
The shrimp we can do last,
00:18:21:26 - 00:18:24:26
which we could, cut in half.
00:18:25:07 - 00:18:28:05
And it's just mixing it together
00:18:28:05 - 00:18:29:07
at that point. Cool.
00:18:29:07 - 00:18:30:04
I will say one thing
00:18:30:04 - 00:18:31:17
that you don't typically finance,
00:18:31:17 - 00:18:33:05
which is carrots,
00:18:33:05 - 00:18:36:04
and that is because of my mom.
00:18:36:04 - 00:18:38:12
Those carrots and everything. Okay?
00:18:38:12 - 00:18:40:10
Everything. And we'd love it.
00:18:40:10 - 00:18:42:18
Adds a little crunch factor to. But
00:18:43:18 - 00:18:44:24
it's I've explain
00:18:44:24 - 00:18:46:00
this to others in like whoa
00:18:46:00 - 00:18:49:00
oh carrots and yes you're raw carrots not
00:18:49:05 - 00:18:49:29
I cooked. Yeah.
00:18:49:29 - 00:18:51:11
So yeah
00:18:51:11 - 00:18:52:23
it's just something I picked up from
00:18:52:23 - 00:18:54:03
her and she,
00:18:54:03 - 00:18:54:24
she uses it
00:18:54:24 - 00:18:56:25
in every thing you can imagine.
00:18:56:25 - 00:18:58:28
Okay guys.
00:18:58:28 - 00:19:00:04
There you go.
00:19:00:04 - 00:19:00:22
But again
00:19:00:22 - 00:19:01:19
I mean I think
00:19:01:19 - 00:19:02:15
the common theme
00:19:02:15 - 00:19:03:26
I'm hearing from so many parents
00:19:03:26 - 00:19:05:08
anyway is that we can kind of
00:19:05:08 - 00:19:07:02
give them those veggies, right? Yeah.
00:19:07:02 - 00:19:07:28
So that's what you got to do
00:19:07:28 - 00:19:09:23
is I imagine you know it.
00:19:09:23 - 00:19:12:15
I can only imagine your mom going,
00:19:12:15 - 00:19:12:28
you know,
00:19:12:28 - 00:19:13:28
let me find any way
00:19:13:28 - 00:19:15:13
to kind of put some of those. That is.
00:19:15:13 - 00:19:15:29
Yeah. Yeah.
00:19:15:29 - 00:19:17:01
That makes sense.
00:19:17:01 - 00:19:17:21
Okay.
00:19:17:21 - 00:19:18:21
So I'll do a little bit half
00:19:18:21 - 00:19:19:18
and half of everything
00:19:19:18 - 00:19:20:16
except for the Albania
00:19:20:16 - 00:19:21:25
that'll go on this big one.
00:19:21:25 - 00:19:23:10
And then I have my own personal bowl for
00:19:23:10 - 00:19:24:14
my mom. I want you will be,
00:19:25:17 - 00:19:27:13
All right, so I can do that.
00:19:27:13 - 00:19:29:01
And I'd love to know a little bit more.
00:19:29:01 - 00:19:30:15
I heard you mentioned,
00:19:30:15 - 00:19:32:13
essentially a piece about
00:19:32:13 - 00:19:34:27
kind of being really mindful
00:19:34:27 - 00:19:36:03
about some of the discipline
00:19:36:03 - 00:19:36:20
that you're doing
00:19:36:20 - 00:19:37:22
with the girls
00:19:37:22 - 00:19:40:22
in the fact of taking into consideration
00:19:40:24 - 00:19:42:28
their, their age and kind of
00:19:42:28 - 00:19:44:27
what's age appropriate.
00:19:44:27 - 00:19:46:15
As well, as you mentioned,
00:19:46:15 - 00:19:47:10
kind of letting them
00:19:47:10 - 00:19:48:13
and having compassion
00:19:48:13 - 00:19:50:07
for the fact that they are kids. Yes.
00:19:50:07 - 00:19:52:22
And so that I feel like it's
00:19:52:22 - 00:19:55:19
it's such a different turn from me
00:19:55:19 - 00:19:58:20
be kind of, you know, I don't I'm
00:19:58:20 - 00:19:59:25
not in the Hispanic culture,
00:19:59:25 - 00:20:00:27
but I know the Filipino
00:20:00:27 - 00:20:02:11
culture is very different.
00:20:02:11 - 00:20:03:21
Like
00:20:03:21 - 00:20:05:00
my mental wellness
00:20:05:00 - 00:20:08:00
was not at the forefront of,
00:20:08:08 - 00:20:10:10
of like the raising, if you will.
00:20:10:10 - 00:20:12:00
And I feel like I hear that a lot
00:20:12:00 - 00:20:13:18
from some of,
00:20:13:18 - 00:20:15:21
my Latina, you know, families.
00:20:15:21 - 00:20:15:28
And,
00:20:16:28 - 00:20:19:24
so I really love to kind of hear
00:20:19:24 - 00:20:21:04
that decision process
00:20:21:04 - 00:20:22:08
and maybe how that is,
00:20:22:08 - 00:20:23:01
is that different
00:20:23:01 - 00:20:24:12
from how you were kind of.
00:20:24:12 - 00:20:26:21
Yes.
00:20:26:21 - 00:20:29:23
There the first instinct is to get loud.
00:20:30:29 - 00:20:33:29
And it is even for myself
00:20:34:02 - 00:20:36:10
unfortunately and it's a work in progress
00:20:36:10 - 00:20:38:27
100%. Yeah.
00:20:38:27 - 00:20:41:17
It's, it's,
00:20:41:17 - 00:20:44:05
it's probably because we didn't know
00:20:44:05 - 00:20:45:11
how to express ourselves
00:20:45:11 - 00:20:47:06
in a way with words basically.
00:20:47:06 - 00:20:48:13
And so you just get loud
00:20:48:13 - 00:20:49:11
and hopefully
00:20:49:11 - 00:20:50:10
that is the way
00:20:50:10 - 00:20:51:11
they're going to understand
00:20:51:11 - 00:20:53:22
which is not helpful.
00:20:53:22 - 00:20:55:01
It's not it does not help.
00:20:55:01 - 00:20:58:01
But yes, growing up it was
00:20:59:04 - 00:21:00:06
you're going to listen to me
00:21:00:06 - 00:21:02:01
and it's going to be this way,
00:21:02:01 - 00:21:03:06
and I'm going to get louder
00:21:03:06 - 00:21:05:09
and louder and louder. Yes.
00:21:05:09 - 00:21:08:01
So that is imprinted.
00:21:08:01 - 00:21:10:12
But through conversation,
00:21:10:12 - 00:21:12:27
through seeing Amanda's lead,
00:21:12:27 - 00:21:15:11
through learning more and more,
00:21:15:11 - 00:21:16:20
it is a conversation
00:21:16:20 - 00:21:18:07
with the kids as well.
00:21:18:07 - 00:21:19:14
With feedback.
00:21:19:14 - 00:21:21:01
Okay. Like, what do you mean by that?
00:21:21:01 - 00:21:21:23
With feedback.
00:21:21:23 - 00:21:24:03
So they're doing something
00:21:24:03 - 00:21:26:25
that maybe they shouldn't be doing,
00:21:26:25 - 00:21:29:29
put it on them to sort of narrate
00:21:29:29 - 00:21:32:03
what what's going on? Okay.
00:21:32:03 - 00:21:33:24
To for them
00:21:33:24 - 00:21:35:10
to come up with the answer of
00:21:35:10 - 00:21:38:24
why something is not right
00:21:39:13 - 00:21:41:09
and, and let them
00:21:41:09 - 00:21:42:10
come up with those answers.
00:21:43:27 - 00:21:45:02
But too many times
00:21:45:02 - 00:21:47:06
the first thought is, don't do that
00:21:47:06 - 00:21:49:00
and listen to what I'm saying
00:21:49:00 - 00:21:51:07
without any explanation.
00:21:51:07 - 00:21:53:08
So that is 100%
00:21:53:08 - 00:21:53:25
the hardest thing
00:21:53:25 - 00:21:56:25
I've ever had to do in my life.
00:21:56:26 - 00:21:59:17
And it's still a work in progress.
00:21:59:17 - 00:22:00:05
And you kind of
00:22:00:05 - 00:22:02:08
just said my next question,
00:22:02:08 - 00:22:03:00
which was that
00:22:03:00 - 00:22:04:09
a really difficult
00:22:04:09 - 00:22:07:04
narrative and habit to kind of break,
00:22:07:04 - 00:22:08:08
especially because I heard you
00:22:08:08 - 00:22:10:01
mentioned, like, it's almost instinctual.
00:22:10:01 - 00:22:12:11
Yes, very much so.
00:22:12:11 - 00:22:13:27
It's and I haven't broke it.
00:22:13:27 - 00:22:15:05
Broken it, to be honest.
00:22:15:05 - 00:22:18:08
It's every day, a work
00:22:18:08 - 00:22:21:08
in progress of okay,
00:22:22:01 - 00:22:22:08
okay.
00:22:22:08 - 00:22:24:19
I see what they're doing.
00:22:24:19 - 00:22:27:05
Let's not react right away.
00:22:27:05 - 00:22:28:00
Okay.
00:22:28:00 - 00:22:29:07
I need to think about it before
00:22:29:07 - 00:22:31:13
I'm going to even say how I
00:22:31:13 - 00:22:32:18
want to say this. Yeah.
00:22:34:00 - 00:22:35:19
And brutally honest I,
00:22:35:19 - 00:22:36:25
I, there is still some yelling
00:22:36:25 - 00:22:38:17
at times and it's,
00:22:38:17 - 00:22:40:07
it's I need to reflect on that
00:22:40:07 - 00:22:41:21
when it happens.
00:22:41:21 - 00:22:43:20
Well I think wait what you bring up
00:22:43:20 - 00:22:44:20
is a really great point
00:22:44:20 - 00:22:47:10
because so many times
00:22:47:10 - 00:22:48:15
there's, there's two things.
00:22:48:15 - 00:22:50:11
One, that we can be really
00:22:50:11 - 00:22:52:00
our worst critic.
00:22:52:00 - 00:22:52:06
Right.
00:22:52:06 - 00:22:54:02
And be really harsh and
00:22:54:02 - 00:22:55:11
oh gosh, I should have
00:22:55:11 - 00:22:55:22
we used
00:22:55:22 - 00:22:58:10
the word should quite a bit, I feel like
00:22:58:10 - 00:23:00:21
and there's, you know, one,
00:23:00:21 - 00:23:02:24
there's that aspect of being able
00:23:02:24 - 00:23:04:13
to show our self like some compassion
00:23:04:13 - 00:23:06:11
and grace for the fact that we are human.
00:23:06:11 - 00:23:06:29
Yes.
00:23:06:29 - 00:23:10:01
And we do mess up, and,
00:23:10:11 - 00:23:11:13
you know, let's figure out
00:23:11:13 - 00:23:13:02
kind of moving forward
00:23:13:02 - 00:23:14:11
at the same time,
00:23:14:11 - 00:23:16:19
kind of also using that,
00:23:16:19 - 00:23:17:13
it sounds like,
00:23:17:13 - 00:23:19:01
and being able to normalize
00:23:19:01 - 00:23:20:19
when our kids
00:23:20:19 - 00:23:23:07
aren't perfect 100% of the time that,
00:23:23:07 - 00:23:23:23
hey, like,
00:23:23:23 - 00:23:24:29
if we as adults
00:23:24:29 - 00:23:27:29
who have years on these kids,
00:23:28:10 - 00:23:28:20
you know,
00:23:28:20 - 00:23:29:13
are struggling
00:23:29:13 - 00:23:31:13
like you said and and have to kind of,
00:23:31:13 - 00:23:32:24
ooh, I need to
00:23:32:24 - 00:23:33:14
I need to
00:23:33:14 - 00:23:36:04
work this through my head first.
00:23:36:04 - 00:23:38:17
Kind of being able to normalize that.
00:23:38:17 - 00:23:40:11
Hey, when they mess up to that,
00:23:40:11 - 00:23:43:10
that's a pretty just human thing, right?
00:23:43:10 - 00:23:44:14
Right. Absolutely. Right.
00:23:44:14 - 00:23:45:05
Yeah.
00:23:45:05 - 00:23:47:21
Do you, do you find that
00:23:49:12 - 00:23:51:12
kind of you've you've gone to
00:23:51:12 - 00:23:52:11
making some of those,
00:23:52:11 - 00:23:53:11
like, repair attempts
00:23:53:11 - 00:23:54:25
when maybe you aren't
00:23:54:25 - 00:23:56:13
showing up as the parent
00:23:56:13 - 00:23:57:19
that maybe you're intending to,
00:23:57:19 - 00:23:58:25
or what does that look like for you?
00:23:58:25 - 00:23:59:24
It's the conversation
00:23:59:24 - 00:24:00:24
with Amanda, honestly,
00:24:00:24 - 00:24:03:24
that we both have of,
00:24:03:25 - 00:24:06:23
this kind of what happened?
00:24:06:23 - 00:24:07:22
I feel a little bad about it
00:24:07:22 - 00:24:09:28
or whatever the case is. Okay.
00:24:09:28 - 00:24:13:20
Kind of playback, a playback between us,
00:24:14:08 - 00:24:16:11
and then we play back with the kids
00:24:16:11 - 00:24:18:10
because they should be sharing
00:24:18:10 - 00:24:19:18
what we think as well.
00:24:19:18 - 00:24:20:29
Like, hey, you know what?
00:24:20:29 - 00:24:23:10
I was wrong, and
00:24:23:10 - 00:24:26:10
saying this loudly to you.
00:24:27:07 - 00:24:29:19
And then explaining why
00:24:29:19 - 00:24:30:27
the reason they shouldn't
00:24:30:27 - 00:24:31:15
have been doing
00:24:31:15 - 00:24:32:17
what they were doing
00:24:32:17 - 00:24:35:17
or whatever the case is, but it, it
00:24:36:00 - 00:24:37:17
and that doesn't always happen, trust me.
00:24:37:17 - 00:24:37:29
But
00:24:39:15 - 00:24:40:18
if, if the more we
00:24:40:18 - 00:24:43:18
do it I think the more we would
00:24:43:22 - 00:24:46:22
stop and think before we react.
00:24:46:22 - 00:24:48:05
Is that difficult for you
00:24:48:05 - 00:24:51:01
to come back to the kiddos even and say,
00:24:51:01 - 00:24:52:29
hey, I messed up very hard.
00:24:52:29 - 00:24:54:02
Yeah very hard.
00:24:54:02 - 00:24:55:19
That did not happen.
00:24:55:19 - 00:24:57:18
And growing up I was just about to ask.
00:24:57:18 - 00:24:58:00
I was like,
00:24:58:00 - 00:24:59:12
I feel like I would
00:24:59:12 - 00:25:01:00
if my parents were to ever come back
00:25:01:00 - 00:25:02:07
and like, apologize to me.
00:25:02:07 - 00:25:03:13
Like my job. Driveway.
00:25:03:13 - 00:25:05:27
The ground. Yeah.
00:25:05:27 - 00:25:07:06
So was it like a similar.
00:25:07:06 - 00:25:09:28
Oh it is, yeah, it still is.
00:25:09:28 - 00:25:12:20
It's it's it's yeah, it's just
00:25:12:20 - 00:25:14:14
one of those things that just
00:25:14:14 - 00:25:16:03
never happened.
00:25:16:03 - 00:25:19:03
So what what allows you
00:25:20:04 - 00:25:22:20
maybe that humility
00:25:22:20 - 00:25:24:07
to kind of come back and say,
00:25:24:07 - 00:25:25:19
hey, I screwed up.
00:25:25:19 - 00:25:27:26
I'll give a good example. So,
00:25:30:23 - 00:25:32:02
the communication in
00:25:32:02 - 00:25:33:18
our family dynamic, dynamic,
00:25:33:18 - 00:25:36:00
Amanda and I and the kids
00:25:36:00 - 00:25:36:28
is getting better
00:25:36:28 - 00:25:38:15
and better as we grow older.
00:25:38:15 - 00:25:41:18
But even when I was first dating Amanda,
00:25:43:16 - 00:25:45:05
we our family didn't
00:25:45:05 - 00:25:46:23
show affection, right?
00:25:46:23 - 00:25:48:15
We never said I love you.
00:25:48:15 - 00:25:49:00
Okay.
00:25:49:00 - 00:25:52:03
And a funny story with with Amanda.
00:25:52:03 - 00:25:53:16
We were first dating
00:25:53:16 - 00:25:55:17
was our first Christmas.
00:25:55:17 - 00:25:58:17
And,
00:25:59:10 - 00:26:00:13
I got her a gift
00:26:00:13 - 00:26:01:26
that she kind of had hinted
00:26:01:26 - 00:26:04:14
when we were in a mall, and it was, $300.
00:26:04:14 - 00:26:06:15
Burberry boots. Rain boots. Okay.
00:26:06:15 - 00:26:07:15
And. Yeah.
00:26:07:15 - 00:26:10:02
And, she opens it up and says,
00:26:10:02 - 00:26:11:13
oh, my God, I love you.
00:26:11:13 - 00:26:11:29
And this is
00:26:11:29 - 00:26:13:09
after a couple of months of dating
00:26:13:09 - 00:26:14:26
and I freaked out.
00:26:14:26 - 00:26:17:09
Yeah, I, I'm sure my face showed it.
00:26:17:09 - 00:26:19:10
And, I said
00:26:19:10 - 00:26:20:18
to my family, we don't say that.
00:26:21:26 - 00:26:23:20
Oh, my goodness, you her.
00:26:23:20 - 00:26:24:27
Yes.
00:26:24:27 - 00:26:26:25
And she looked at me like,
00:26:26:25 - 00:26:27:24
I didn't tell you I love you.
00:26:27:24 - 00:26:28:26
It was to her.
00:26:28:26 - 00:26:30:02
It was a more meaningful.
00:26:30:02 - 00:26:31:23
Thank you.
00:26:31:23 - 00:26:32:04
Okay.
00:26:32:04 - 00:26:34:00
Even though she did say the words. Yes.
00:26:34:00 - 00:26:35:26
It was like, oh, my God, I love you.
00:26:35:26 - 00:26:37:11
Will you buy me $300 boots?
00:26:37:11 - 00:26:37:22
Of course I'm
00:26:37:22 - 00:26:40:14
going to think he's not enough. Right?
00:26:40:14 - 00:26:42:28
So it kind of shows you the, the mindset
00:26:42:28 - 00:26:45:28
I that I had early on in the relationship
00:26:46:05 - 00:26:47:14
of not expressing yourself,
00:26:47:14 - 00:26:50:14
not communicating.
00:26:50:24 - 00:26:52:04
Yes, I know my parents loved me,
00:26:52:04 - 00:26:53:01
but I mean,
00:26:53:01 - 00:26:56:01
I think it is important to hear,
00:26:56:26 - 00:26:57:14
the words.
00:26:57:14 - 00:26:57:23
Yeah.
00:26:57:23 - 00:26:59:17
And
00:26:59:17 - 00:27:02:13
so the, the communication piece
00:27:02:13 - 00:27:03:12
I didn't have
00:27:03:12 - 00:27:04:29
in this relationship early on
00:27:04:29 - 00:27:08:04
and I've learned through the kids
00:27:08:04 - 00:27:11:07
and through my wife to Overcommunicate.
00:27:11:12 - 00:27:12:14
Right. So
00:27:13:17 - 00:27:15:05
fun fact my parents now say
00:27:15:05 - 00:27:17:07
it to all their grandchildren
00:27:17:07 - 00:27:19:17
and us really well.
00:27:19:17 - 00:27:21:28
So we like it feels weird.
00:27:21:28 - 00:27:23:20
It feels weird to hear from them,
00:27:23:20 - 00:27:26:03
but I can say it easily to my
00:27:26:03 - 00:27:28:01
my children and to my wife.
00:27:28:01 - 00:27:29:19
Okay,
00:27:29:19 - 00:27:31:01
but when I hear from them, it's
00:27:31:01 - 00:27:34:06
just kind of, oh for this come from.
00:27:34:23 - 00:27:36:11
Yeah, but they say no all the time.
00:27:36:11 - 00:27:37:08
Okay.
00:27:37:08 - 00:27:38:18
What do you think
00:27:38:18 - 00:27:40:24
was the change for them,
00:27:40:24 - 00:27:42:09
the grandchildren?
00:27:42:09 - 00:27:44:04
Really the grandchildren?
00:27:44:04 - 00:27:46:01
That's when they started saying it.
00:27:46:01 - 00:27:46:23
What do you think it is
00:27:46:23 - 00:27:47:22
about grandchildren?
00:27:47:22 - 00:27:49:05
That kind of
00:27:49:05 - 00:27:49:12
I mean,
00:27:49:12 - 00:27:50:07
because that's a pretty
00:27:50:07 - 00:27:52:11
big thing to go for.
00:27:52:11 - 00:27:52:29
You know,
00:27:52:29 - 00:27:55:10
how many years before you heard it?
00:27:55:10 - 00:27:58:10
Yeah. 28. Okay.
00:27:58:17 - 00:28:01:20
So 28 years a really never it
00:28:01:29 - 00:28:03:13
being something you said, so much
00:28:03:13 - 00:28:05:04
so that you would tell this, this
00:28:05:04 - 00:28:06:03
new lover.
00:28:06:03 - 00:28:06:25
Right.
00:28:06:25 - 00:28:08:02
Like, no, no, no, we don't,
00:28:08:02 - 00:28:09:21
we don't say that.
00:28:09:21 - 00:28:10:02
You know,
00:28:10:02 - 00:28:12:05
I mean that's a pretty big shift.
00:28:12:05 - 00:28:13:27
Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:13:27 - 00:28:15:07
The power of grandchildren
00:28:15:07 - 00:28:17:08
and the power of these little, little,
00:28:18:23 - 00:28:20:03
kids just
00:28:20:03 - 00:28:22:22
looking at them probably, and saying,
00:28:22:22 - 00:28:25:22
you know, Nana, you know,
00:28:26:02 - 00:28:27:26
can you
00:28:27:26 - 00:28:30:05
can I have a hug or, you know, whatever.
00:28:30:05 - 00:28:32:10
It's powerful. Yeah.
00:28:32:10 - 00:28:34:10
Do you think that
00:28:34:10 - 00:28:35:20
because I heard you mention,
00:28:35:20 - 00:28:35:29
you know,
00:28:35:29 - 00:28:37:16
it is something that they
00:28:37:16 - 00:28:39:23
that they need to hear?
00:28:39:23 - 00:28:40:22
Yeah.
00:28:40:22 - 00:28:42:09
As far as you kind of.
00:28:42:09 - 00:28:43:13
It sounds like making that
00:28:43:13 - 00:28:46:19
that intention of telling that to your,
00:28:46:19 - 00:28:47:21
your kiddos.
00:28:47:21 - 00:28:49:06
Can you tell me a little bit more
00:28:49:06 - 00:28:50:28
about kind of that mindset shift?
00:28:50:28 - 00:28:53:22
Why is that that you feel now
00:28:53:22 - 00:28:56:05
that it's something they need to hear?
00:28:56:05 - 00:28:56:27
Well,
00:28:56:27 - 00:28:59:08
we just don't know the future, right?
00:28:59:08 - 00:29:01:26
So, anything can happen at any point.
00:29:01:26 - 00:29:02:23
Yeah.
00:29:02:23 - 00:29:05:21
So it's just important for them to know
00:29:05:21 - 00:29:06:25
even though you may show it.
00:29:06:25 - 00:29:08:17
And again, my parents showed it.
00:29:10:08 - 00:29:11:11
Every day.
00:29:11:11 - 00:29:11:28
Yeah.
00:29:11:28 - 00:29:12:29
But I do
00:29:12:29 - 00:29:15:29
think it's important to hear as well.
00:29:16:23 - 00:29:20:12
How did you for for any of our listeners?
00:29:20:12 - 00:29:21:20
Because I imagine
00:29:21:20 - 00:29:22:28
you're not the first person
00:29:22:28 - 00:29:24:14
where kind of I Love You
00:29:24:14 - 00:29:26:11
is not a normal thing in the home.
00:29:26:11 - 00:29:26:26
I know that
00:29:26:26 - 00:29:29:05
I've heard it from dozens of families
00:29:29:05 - 00:29:29:28
that I've worked with.
00:29:29:28 - 00:29:32:00
So for you, I'm super curious.
00:29:32:00 - 00:29:35:03
Like, how did you rewrite that
00:29:35:03 - 00:29:38:03
narrative for yourself?
00:29:38:19 - 00:29:41:04
I simply my wife,
00:29:41:04 - 00:29:44:15
she made it a staple in the home
00:29:44:15 - 00:29:46:19
to make sure that she knows
00:29:46:19 - 00:29:49:19
to say it to me and our kids,
00:29:50:18 - 00:29:53:06
and it was very important.
00:29:53:06 - 00:29:56:06
It is very important in her family
00:29:56:08 - 00:29:58:21
to make sure that her siblings, her mom,
00:29:58:21 - 00:29:59:09
her dad,
00:29:59:09 - 00:30:02:22
everyone knows that she loves them.
00:30:03:27 - 00:30:05:27
And it really did come from
00:30:05:27 - 00:30:07:18
from that side. Mom.
00:30:09:10 - 00:30:09:19
So I'm
00:30:09:19 - 00:30:10:11
curious kind
00:30:10:11 - 00:30:12:11
of are there any other pieces
00:30:12:11 - 00:30:13:12
that you're looking at.
00:30:13:12 - 00:30:14:18
And because it sounds like
00:30:14:18 - 00:30:18:02
you've made quite a bit of shifts
00:30:18:02 - 00:30:21:15
within your own family
00:30:21:15 - 00:30:24:04
that were very different then,
00:30:24:04 - 00:30:24:10
you know,
00:30:24:10 - 00:30:25:12
really kind of breaking
00:30:25:12 - 00:30:28:12
it sounds like generational patterns.
00:30:28:13 - 00:30:31:03
Yeah. It
00:30:31:03 - 00:30:32:17
I, I,
00:30:32:17 - 00:30:35:27
I feel, you need to be flexible.
00:30:36:06 - 00:30:39:06
You need to be open to,
00:30:40:05 - 00:30:43:05
learning new ways.
00:30:43:17 - 00:30:44:28
Just because it was done before
00:30:44:28 - 00:30:47:18
doesn't mean it's the best way.
00:30:47:18 - 00:30:48:29
So taking the good
00:30:48:29 - 00:30:50:24
out of the whole generation
00:30:50:24 - 00:30:53:24
and maybe the new generation and
00:30:53:26 - 00:30:56:26
creating sort of balance that,
00:30:57:09 - 00:30:59:21
not being rigid, okay,
00:30:59:21 - 00:31:02:21
being flexible and open to
00:31:03:15 - 00:31:05:08
new ways. Yeah.
00:31:05:08 - 00:31:07:12
When you say kind of rigid,
00:31:07:12 - 00:31:08:18
can you say like a little bit
00:31:08:18 - 00:31:09:20
more like for you?
00:31:09:20 - 00:31:12:07
How does that how does that play out?
00:31:12:07 - 00:31:13:10
What does that look like?
00:31:13:10 - 00:31:14:03
The gender roles?
00:31:14:03 - 00:31:16:11
I would go back to the gender roles of
00:31:16:11 - 00:31:18:02
now this is how we do it.
00:31:19:02 - 00:31:22:02
As males, you need to follow these.
00:31:22:08 - 00:31:24:03
You are always in charge of these things.
00:31:24:03 - 00:31:26:18
It's not the case. It really isn't.
00:31:26:18 - 00:31:28:00
Especially in today's world.
00:31:28:00 - 00:31:29:10
Like
00:31:29:10 - 00:31:32:01
I subscribe to the 5050 partnership
00:31:32:01 - 00:31:34:15
for all decision for all aspects,
00:31:34:15 - 00:31:36:20
whether they're financial decisions,
00:31:36:20 - 00:31:40:00
home life, chores or anything like that.
00:31:40:24 - 00:31:42:09
It's a conversation with men.
00:31:42:09 - 00:31:44:27
And I on
00:31:44:27 - 00:31:46:18
I think this is the best decision.
00:31:46:18 - 00:31:47:11
What do you think?
00:31:47:11 - 00:31:48:18
And that's from
00:31:48:18 - 00:31:50:13
come to an agreement or compromise
00:31:50:13 - 00:31:52:18
or whatever that looks like. Yeah.
00:31:52:18 - 00:31:55:12
It sounds like by having and modeling
00:31:55:12 - 00:31:58:27
even that, like you said, that 5050
00:31:59:08 - 00:32:00:14
I wonder to
00:32:00:14 - 00:32:01:12
of the effects
00:32:01:12 - 00:32:02:29
that that will have with the girls
00:32:02:29 - 00:32:06:19
of really showing them firsthand that,
00:32:07:11 - 00:32:09:26
you know, they,
00:32:09:26 - 00:32:12:06
they deserve kind of a voice
00:32:12:06 - 00:32:13:21
in their relationships.
00:32:13:21 - 00:32:14:29
That sounds like.
00:32:14:29 - 00:32:17:14
Yes. And it goes back to,
00:32:21:14 - 00:32:23:00
letting them know that, hey,
00:32:23:00 - 00:32:24:12
yeah, mom
00:32:24:12 - 00:32:26:28
makes this these decisions with dad.
00:32:26:28 - 00:32:30:09
Not opposite of that or or vice versa.
00:32:30:10 - 00:32:32:07
And it's it's a conversation.
00:32:32:07 - 00:32:35:07
And it's important for them to see that,
00:32:35:23 - 00:32:38:23
because they will they will
00:32:39:15 - 00:32:42:15
and their relationships in the future.
00:32:42:19 - 00:32:45:18
They won't be afraid to say something.
00:32:45:18 - 00:32:47:01
What do you mean by that.
00:32:47:01 - 00:32:47:19
So if it's something
00:32:47:19 - 00:32:48:15
they don't agree with
00:32:48:15 - 00:32:50:00
I feel like they would bring it up
00:32:50:00 - 00:32:53:00
instead of just.
00:32:53:28 - 00:32:55:15
Instead of just going with the flow
00:32:55:15 - 00:32:57:14
I guess. Okay.
00:32:57:14 - 00:32:58:20
It's, it's a conversation.
00:32:58:20 - 00:32:59:20
Yeah.
00:32:59:20 - 00:33:02:08
Is that something that you feel
00:33:02:08 - 00:33:02:19
kind of
00:33:02:19 - 00:33:04:14
might have been previous messages
00:33:04:14 - 00:33:05:16
because, you know, we're talking about
00:33:05:16 - 00:33:06:12
breaking some of those
00:33:06:12 - 00:33:07:13
generational patterns.
00:33:07:13 - 00:33:09:05
Is that kind of very typical
00:33:09:05 - 00:33:10:08
from what you've seen?
00:33:10:08 - 00:33:12:27
Yes. 100%.
00:33:12:27 - 00:33:14:08
A lot of again,
00:33:14:08 - 00:33:16:19
the alpha male, my father was
00:33:16:19 - 00:33:17:24
it was his decision
00:33:17:24 - 00:33:19:11
ultimately at the end,
00:33:19:11 - 00:33:21:06
how it got there varied.
00:33:21:06 - 00:33:23:08
But it was his decision.
00:33:23:08 - 00:33:28:12
But what my mother did do is sort of find
00:33:28:13 - 00:33:29:06
some seed
00:33:29:06 - 00:33:30:25
or little breadcrumb crumbs
00:33:30:25 - 00:33:32:09
to help
00:33:32:09 - 00:33:32:26
allow him
00:33:32:26 - 00:33:34:24
to get to get to a certain decision.
00:33:34:24 - 00:33:37:11
She was very, very smart in that regard.
00:33:37:11 - 00:33:38:15
And one example is,
00:33:39:27 - 00:33:42:00
for the longest they were renters.
00:33:42:00 - 00:33:44:27
We were renters. And,
00:33:44:27 - 00:33:47:09
it was my mother and her financial savvy
00:33:47:09 - 00:33:51:05
and her persistence that got him
00:33:51:05 - 00:33:54:07
to realize that we can buy a home.
00:33:54:07 - 00:33:57:05
We can afford it.
00:33:57:05 - 00:33:58:21
We just need to keep trying.
00:33:58:21 - 00:34:01:02
And,
00:34:01:02 - 00:34:04:02
I feel she would
00:34:04:22 - 00:34:06:01
let him know the benefits
00:34:06:01 - 00:34:09:01
and let him know.
00:34:09:16 - 00:34:11:21
Why it's so important to
00:34:11:21 - 00:34:14:21
to have, a place of our own,
00:34:15:06 - 00:34:17:06
and,
00:34:17:06 - 00:34:18:27
she did finally come to that decision.
00:34:18:27 - 00:34:19:28
Okay, let's do it.
00:34:19:28 - 00:34:22:28
I think this hesitation may have been,
00:34:23:11 - 00:34:25:21
the rejection from maybe a bank
00:34:25:21 - 00:34:28:21
and and why even go through that?
00:34:28:24 - 00:34:30:13
Let's just we're we're happy.
00:34:30:13 - 00:34:32:05
We're we're fine. Okay.
00:34:32:05 - 00:34:33:21
But it was her
00:34:33:21 - 00:34:36:28
persistence and and not leaving it alone
00:34:37:16 - 00:34:39:25
and letting him come to the
00:34:39:25 - 00:34:41:27
realization that it's important
00:34:41:27 - 00:34:43:18
and letting him make the decision
00:34:43:18 - 00:34:44:06
that, yes,
00:34:44:06 - 00:34:45:27
it's going to need my signature
00:34:45:27 - 00:34:47:01
to get this house.
00:34:47:01 - 00:34:47:10
Yeah.
00:34:47:10 - 00:34:49:02
So it really was his decision,
00:34:49:02 - 00:34:51:02
but she really was the catalyst.
00:34:52:02 - 00:34:53:27
And I think you're still on point.
00:34:53:27 - 00:34:55:02
I feel like I've heard this
00:34:55:02 - 00:34:57:14
from a lot of different cultures where
00:34:57:14 - 00:35:00:03
it is kind of,
00:35:00:03 - 00:35:02:02
you know, in order for the,
00:35:02:02 - 00:35:04:17
the female, the, you know,
00:35:04:17 - 00:35:05:16
presenting the female,
00:35:05:16 - 00:35:07:23
presenting kind of genders to
00:35:07:23 - 00:35:08:10
kind of do it,
00:35:08:10 - 00:35:09:07
almost secretive,
00:35:09:07 - 00:35:10:20
like behind the scenes,
00:35:10:20 - 00:35:12:25
being able to get a say in things
00:35:12:25 - 00:35:13:20
versus like,
00:35:13:20 - 00:35:14:25
it sounds like what
00:35:14:25 - 00:35:15:22
you've really tried
00:35:15:22 - 00:35:17:02
to model
00:35:17:02 - 00:35:18:20
for your kids today
00:35:18:20 - 00:35:20:28
is that it's very much
00:35:20:28 - 00:35:23:19
kind of ever present in your face.
00:35:23:19 - 00:35:24:16
These are decisions
00:35:24:16 - 00:35:25:18
we're making together.
00:35:25:18 - 00:35:28:14
It's not a it's not a one sided thing.
00:35:28:14 - 00:35:29:18
Correct? Correct.
00:35:29:18 - 00:35:30:14
Yes.
00:35:30:14 - 00:35:32:22
I feel that's really important
00:35:32:22 - 00:35:33:17
for the girls to see.
00:35:33:17 - 00:35:35:19
So that they feel they will have a say,
00:35:35:19 - 00:35:37:16
or at least they feel
00:35:37:16 - 00:35:39:08
that they should have a say.
00:35:39:08 - 00:35:39:24
Yeah.
00:35:41:00 - 00:35:42:10
I'm, I'm super curious.
00:35:42:10 - 00:35:43:01
I heard you mentioned
00:35:43:01 - 00:35:46:01
kind of this idea where,
00:35:46:01 - 00:35:48:07
you know, were
00:35:48:07 - 00:35:50:20
that your mom was kind of
00:35:50:20 - 00:35:51:28
saying, hey we could do this
00:35:51:28 - 00:35:52:21
and that potentially
00:35:52:21 - 00:35:53:19
your dad would say no
00:35:53:19 - 00:35:54:23
because of that fear,
00:35:54:23 - 00:35:55:27
that fear of rejection.
00:35:55:27 - 00:35:58:12
And I feel like that's such a
00:35:58:12 - 00:35:59:12
that's such a big thing.
00:35:59:12 - 00:36:00:25
I hear from so many people.
00:36:00:25 - 00:36:02:01
There's so many things that
00:36:02:01 - 00:36:03:28
maybe we let that fear
00:36:03:28 - 00:36:06:01
kind of really drive us
00:36:06:01 - 00:36:07:10
and really stop us
00:36:07:10 - 00:36:08:29
from maybe doing some of these things
00:36:08:29 - 00:36:09:21
where, you know,
00:36:09:21 - 00:36:10:25
it sounds like your mom was saying,
00:36:10:25 - 00:36:12:03
you know, financially, like,
00:36:12:03 - 00:36:13:22
we can do this.
00:36:13:22 - 00:36:15:14
It might take some creativity, right?
00:36:15:14 - 00:36:17:10
It might take some saving. Yes.
00:36:17:10 - 00:36:18:25
But that this is a possibility,
00:36:18:25 - 00:36:20:17
but have kind of
00:36:20:17 - 00:36:23:02
some of that narrative that
00:36:23:02 - 00:36:25:00
that's there, that thing, you know,
00:36:25:00 - 00:36:26:21
if a bank says no, that's
00:36:27:25 - 00:36:29:14
fine, we can go find another bank.
00:36:29:14 - 00:36:30:10
Yeah.
00:36:30:10 - 00:36:31:15
They did get a couple months
00:36:31:15 - 00:36:34:06
to be honest. And and they kept going.
00:36:34:06 - 00:36:37:03
Do you feel like that's something
00:36:37:03 - 00:36:38:19
kind of just with your father
00:36:38:19 - 00:36:39:27
as far as some of the fear,
00:36:39:27 - 00:36:42:27
or is that something that's that
00:36:43:02 - 00:36:44:09
you've seen a lot
00:36:44:09 - 00:36:45:16
kind of in your culture,
00:36:45:16 - 00:36:47:01
in your family dynamic?
00:36:47:01 - 00:36:50:02
I definitely see a lot in my, culture
00:36:50:19 - 00:36:52:07
where it's just
00:36:52:07 - 00:36:52:26
what I mean,
00:36:52:26 - 00:36:54:24
just think about what they had to do.
00:36:54:24 - 00:36:56:15
They immigrated from Mexico
00:36:56:15 - 00:36:57:17
in a foreign country
00:36:57:17 - 00:36:58:23
and try to create a better life.
00:36:58:23 - 00:37:01:07
Like, that's scary in itself. Yeah, 100%.
00:37:01:07 - 00:37:02:23
So we're here,
00:37:02:23 - 00:37:05:01
my three brothers and myself,
00:37:05:01 - 00:37:06:08
we have a better life
00:37:06:08 - 00:37:08:16
because of their hard work.
00:37:08:16 - 00:37:11:13
And my father, he had
00:37:11:13 - 00:37:13:18
I distinctly remember this conversation
00:37:13:18 - 00:37:14:09
and he said, I'm
00:37:14:09 - 00:37:15:12
not going to be able to teach you many,
00:37:15:12 - 00:37:16:27
many things in this world,
00:37:16:27 - 00:37:19:11
but I will teach you how to work hard.
00:37:19:11 - 00:37:20:15
You will have my work
00:37:20:15 - 00:37:23:15
ethic and I 100% do well.
00:37:23:19 - 00:37:26:01
So that is 100%
00:37:26:01 - 00:37:27:20
what he brought to the table,
00:37:27:20 - 00:37:29:09
and no one can take that away from them.
00:37:31:04 - 00:37:32:01
But yes, I can
00:37:32:01 - 00:37:33:10
imagine
00:37:33:10 - 00:37:34:15
what he had to endure
00:37:34:15 - 00:37:36:01
to get us to this point.
00:37:36:01 - 00:37:36:25
Yeah.
00:37:36:25 - 00:37:37:25
And I mean, to be able,
00:37:37:25 - 00:37:41:17
like you said, to kind of overcome that,
00:37:41:25 - 00:37:44:08
you know, it can be really easy.
00:37:44:08 - 00:37:45:07
Then I'm here.
00:37:45:07 - 00:37:47:03
I've made all these strides to kind of
00:37:47:03 - 00:37:49:15
just let's not draw attention
00:37:49:15 - 00:37:50:28
to ourselves.
00:37:50:28 - 00:37:51:22
I feel like I hear that
00:37:51:22 - 00:37:53:25
from a lot of the immigrant families.
00:37:53:25 - 00:37:54:20
Absolutely.
00:37:54:20 - 00:37:58:15
And so I'm so just blown away
00:37:58:15 - 00:37:59:07
by the fact
00:37:59:07 - 00:38:01:08
that not only have you taken
00:38:01:08 - 00:38:03:08
that and been able to, like,
00:38:03:08 - 00:38:07:10
go and go forth, but go forth in
00:38:07:27 - 00:38:08:23
putting a stop,
00:38:08:23 - 00:38:09:16
it sounds like to
00:38:09:16 - 00:38:13:02
so many of those maybe passed down ideas
00:38:13:12 - 00:38:16:12
that were a little bit more rigid as,
00:38:16:19 - 00:38:19:19
agreed that we had it easy.
00:38:20:10 - 00:38:22:04
Definitely. And we had it easy.
00:38:22:04 - 00:38:25:08
And if you really think about what what
00:38:25:08 - 00:38:26:23
the their struggle was
00:38:26:23 - 00:38:28:02
and I've heard and
00:38:28:02 - 00:38:29:01
stories,
00:38:29:01 - 00:38:29:29
they've never really given
00:38:29:29 - 00:38:31:07
us the full picture,
00:38:31:07 - 00:38:32:04
if you will,
00:38:32:04 - 00:38:35:04
because I'm sure protecting us.
00:38:35:11 - 00:38:38:08
But, they've definitely done their part.
00:38:38:08 - 00:38:38:29
Yeah.
00:38:38:29 - 00:38:39:25
I hear you saying,
00:38:39:25 - 00:38:41:06
you know, easy comparison,
00:38:41:06 - 00:38:41:28
but I think that's
00:38:41:28 - 00:38:42:28
that's one of the things I know
00:38:42:28 - 00:38:43:22
that I'm learning is
00:38:43:22 - 00:38:45:00
just like everybody is
00:38:46:00 - 00:38:46:08
easy.
00:38:46:08 - 00:38:46:29
Everybody is hard.
00:38:46:29 - 00:38:48:07
Looks a little bit different.
00:38:48:07 - 00:38:49:18
I mean, you're absolutely right.
00:38:49:18 - 00:38:50:20
It's it's
00:38:50:20 - 00:38:53:20
something that maybe an immigrant family,
00:38:54:05 - 00:38:55:15
you know, has in common.
00:38:55:15 - 00:38:56:19
But even their,
00:38:56:19 - 00:38:57:08
you know,
00:38:57:08 - 00:38:58:28
somebody else's family's story
00:38:58:28 - 00:39:00:16
is probably a little bit different.
00:39:00:16 - 00:39:03:06
And and,
00:39:03:06 - 00:39:03:16
you know,
00:39:03:16 - 00:39:04:18
I feel like there's, there's
00:39:04:18 - 00:39:05:20
so many different
00:39:05:20 - 00:39:07:08
with each of the generations,
00:39:07:08 - 00:39:09:04
frankly, that, you know,
00:39:09:04 - 00:39:11:11
you've got your own versions of, of heart
00:39:11:11 - 00:39:13:23
of what that looks like.
00:39:13:23 - 00:39:16:03
And so I'm, you know, I'm curious
00:39:16:03 - 00:39:18:08
kind of as we're wrapping up, like,
00:39:18:08 - 00:39:20:00
is there anything that now
00:39:20:00 - 00:39:21:20
looking at some of the strides
00:39:21:20 - 00:39:25:11
that you have made, to be able to,
00:39:26:09 - 00:39:27:06
to make a change
00:39:27:06 - 00:39:28:03
and to make a change
00:39:28:03 - 00:39:29:28
for a very motivated reason
00:39:29:28 - 00:39:31:11
for your daughters.
00:39:31:11 - 00:39:33:07
Is there anything that you would
00:39:33:07 - 00:39:35:19
if you had kind of back to the future
00:39:35:19 - 00:39:37:13
Delorean time machine?
00:39:37:13 - 00:39:38:08
Would you go back
00:39:38:08 - 00:39:39:19
and tell yourself anything
00:39:39:19 - 00:39:41:22
to kind of prep or,
00:39:41:22 - 00:39:43:19
any tell anybody else that maybe
00:39:43:19 - 00:39:44:12
is struggling
00:39:44:12 - 00:39:45:06
with a similar idea
00:39:45:06 - 00:39:48:06
of of breaking, breaking those patterns.
00:39:49:09 - 00:39:51:10
Yes.
00:39:51:10 - 00:39:52:04
Stop blaming your
00:39:52:04 - 00:39:55:04
parents for your shortcomings and
00:39:55:04 - 00:39:58:11
and what are you, as an adult,
00:39:58:11 - 00:40:00:10
doing to better yourself?
00:40:00:10 - 00:40:02:25
Okay.
00:40:02:25 - 00:40:04:29
And
00:40:04:29 - 00:40:06:12
I know
00:40:06:12 - 00:40:08:26
now what they were able to bring
00:40:08:26 - 00:40:11:26
to the table, what they had to deal with.
00:40:13:07 - 00:40:15:21
And,
00:40:15:21 - 00:40:17:21
it's now up to me to, to fix
00:40:17:21 - 00:40:19:23
or to better myself.
00:40:19:23 - 00:40:20:11
So.
00:40:20:11 - 00:40:21:18
Yeah,
00:40:21:18 - 00:40:22:01
they did
00:40:22:01 - 00:40:25:01
their job is is what I would tell myself.
00:40:26:13 - 00:40:28:10
Now it's time to work on yourself.
00:40:28:10 - 00:40:29:15
Yeah.
00:40:29:15 - 00:40:31:02
And what I think is so interesting
00:40:31:02 - 00:40:33:08
about what you said is that
00:40:33:08 - 00:40:33:21
it almost
00:40:33:21 - 00:40:36:21
sounds like kind of taking that ownership
00:40:36:27 - 00:40:39:12
and that responsibility for your own self
00:40:39:12 - 00:40:41:02
growth as well. Right?
00:40:41:02 - 00:40:42:28
Versus maybe throwing your hands up
00:40:42:28 - 00:40:43:15
and saying, well,
00:40:43:15 - 00:40:44:19
I don't know anything different.
00:40:44:19 - 00:40:46:02
This is all I know.
00:40:46:02 - 00:40:47:18
Yeah. So I'm just going to keep doing it.
00:40:47:18 - 00:40:48:23
Yeah. Exactly.
00:40:50:01 - 00:40:50:29
There comes a point where you
00:40:50:29 - 00:40:53:29
got to take responsibility for it for
00:40:54:13 - 00:40:55:28
who you are, right? Yeah.
00:40:55:28 - 00:40:57:16
And that's I'm working on that
00:40:57:16 - 00:40:58:28
as we speak. Right.
00:40:58:28 - 00:41:01:00
So it's nothing
00:41:01:00 - 00:41:04:00
that is going to change overnight.
00:41:04:08 - 00:41:07:08
But it's it's a work in progress.
00:41:07:29 - 00:41:10:05
Are there any kind of resources
00:41:10:05 - 00:41:12:06
for that
00:41:12:06 - 00:41:14:01
you found that have been super helpful?
00:41:14:01 - 00:41:15:09
That would be good for our listeners
00:41:15:09 - 00:41:17:20
to hear as far as,
00:41:17:20 - 00:41:17:27
you know,
00:41:17:27 - 00:41:18:12
being able
00:41:18:12 - 00:41:21:11
to make some of these changes and,
00:41:21:11 - 00:41:24:00
and maybe have the confidence to,
00:41:24:00 - 00:41:27:00
to do them,
00:41:27:08 - 00:41:29:07
resources
00:41:29:07 - 00:41:30:18
or even like, for you, like,
00:41:30:18 - 00:41:33:08
how did you find that support
00:41:33:08 - 00:41:34:15
or do you have that support?
00:41:34:15 - 00:41:36:27
I do have that support in in my wife,
00:41:36:27 - 00:41:39:27
I would say probably learning
00:41:40:03 - 00:41:43:03
through example.
00:41:43:08 - 00:41:45:17
We have daily conversations
00:41:45:17 - 00:41:48:15
on how the day, when and
00:41:48:15 - 00:41:51:24
what do we think we we did good.
00:41:51:24 - 00:41:54:06
What do we think we could improve? Yeah.
00:41:56:14 - 00:41:59:17
And again it's an ongoing day.
00:41:59:18 - 00:42:02:18
The challenge.
00:42:03:02 - 00:42:04:11
It's it's talking to someone
00:42:04:11 - 00:42:05:20
basically is when it comes down
00:42:05:20 - 00:42:07:27
to having that
00:42:07:27 - 00:42:09:17
communication. Yeah.
00:42:09:17 - 00:42:11:24
Is, is what I would say.
00:42:11:24 - 00:42:14:24
Overcommunicate if you have to
00:42:15:11 - 00:42:16:18
when you say overcommunicate,
00:42:16:18 - 00:42:17:07
can you tell me like
00:42:17:07 - 00:42:18:29
what do you mean by that?
00:42:18:29 - 00:42:21:29
I mean by going into the,
00:42:22:04 - 00:42:24:10
to the details of,
00:42:24:10 - 00:42:27:10
of what happened and why it happened and
00:42:28:09 - 00:42:30:12
if this,
00:42:30:12 - 00:42:32:01
didn't happen, would it be different?
00:42:32:01 - 00:42:32:25
Or if you said this,
00:42:32:25 - 00:42:33:12
would it be different,
00:42:33:12 - 00:42:36:12
like really over communicating this
00:42:36:12 - 00:42:37:21
the scenario, I guess
00:42:37:21 - 00:42:40:21
until you feel comfortable
00:42:40:23 - 00:42:43:04
speaking in general or high level
00:42:43:04 - 00:42:44:25
conversations with
00:42:44:25 - 00:42:47:03
with your significant other, like
00:42:47:03 - 00:42:49:20
get to a point where you feel comfortable
00:42:49:20 - 00:42:51:19
talking to each other.
00:42:51:19 - 00:42:52:26
So it almost sounds like really
00:42:52:26 - 00:42:53:10
just making
00:42:53:10 - 00:42:57:01
sure that there's no room for assumption.
00:42:57:02 - 00:42:59:25
Yes, like you said, misinterpretation.
00:42:59:25 - 00:43:00:19
Yeah.
00:43:00:19 - 00:43:01:08
And I think that's
00:43:01:08 - 00:43:02:25
so incredibly important.
00:43:02:25 - 00:43:04:12
I feel like one of the things
00:43:04:12 - 00:43:05:29
I see so much, my couples
00:43:05:29 - 00:43:06:11
as such
00:43:06:11 - 00:43:08:02
ones that have been together
00:43:08:02 - 00:43:11:05
for, for a while, is that we kind of
00:43:11:24 - 00:43:15:02
get comfortable right in that, like, oh,
00:43:15:02 - 00:43:16:09
I know what they would say
00:43:16:09 - 00:43:17:20
or I know what they would think
00:43:17:20 - 00:43:19:13
or what they would do. Yeah.
00:43:19:13 - 00:43:21:08
And it kind of doesn't
00:43:21:08 - 00:43:22:18
leave space for the fact
00:43:22:18 - 00:43:25:03
that we're evolving creatures. Yes.
00:43:26:11 - 00:43:27:20
And the fact that,
00:43:27:20 - 00:43:29:09
you know, what they would have said
00:43:29:09 - 00:43:30:06
when you first started
00:43:30:06 - 00:43:31:23
dating may be very different
00:43:31:23 - 00:43:34:00
than what they would say now.
00:43:34:00 - 00:43:34:22
Yeah, yeah.
00:43:34:22 - 00:43:37:22
You're absolutely right.
00:43:38:00 - 00:43:40:14
This is at a much lower level
00:43:40:14 - 00:43:41:15
than what you just said.
00:43:41:15 - 00:43:43:12
But Amanda love scary movies.
00:43:43:12 - 00:43:45:01
Early on, we were dating, okay?
00:43:45:01 - 00:43:46:15
She had children.
00:43:46:15 - 00:43:47:11
We had children.
00:43:47:11 - 00:43:49:15
And that completely changed.
00:43:49:15 - 00:43:52:02
Oh, wow. Oh, well, I just gave them.
00:43:52:02 - 00:43:53:00
So I'm thinking in my head.
00:43:53:00 - 00:43:54:07
Wait, what happened here?
00:43:54:07 - 00:43:55:09
Yeah, absolutely.
00:43:55:09 - 00:43:56:20
But that's on a micro level.
00:43:56:20 - 00:43:59:04
But, like, yeah, people evolve.
00:43:59:04 - 00:44:00:02
But I think, you know,
00:44:00:02 - 00:44:01:13
I hear you saying at a micro level,
00:44:01:13 - 00:44:03:27
but it's those small details, right?
00:44:03:27 - 00:44:06:22
That if we're operating, you know,
00:44:06:22 - 00:44:07:16
let's say
00:44:07:16 - 00:44:08:21
you wanted to sit down
00:44:08:21 - 00:44:09:29
and connect with her.
00:44:09:29 - 00:44:12:05
And so you pop on a scary movie
00:44:12:05 - 00:44:13:21
thinking, hey, we're going to get some,
00:44:13:21 - 00:44:15:21
you know, Netflix and chill time. Yeah.
00:44:15:21 - 00:44:17:14
And then she's like, no, that's a no go.
00:44:17:14 - 00:44:18:17
Completely shut down.
00:44:18:17 - 00:44:19:23
You might be sitting there going,
00:44:19:23 - 00:44:21:09
what did I miss? And I did.
00:44:21:09 - 00:44:21:25
Is it me?
00:44:21:25 - 00:44:22:24
Is it a big problem.
00:44:22:24 - 00:44:24:03
Like do we have issues in our marriage?
00:44:24:03 - 00:44:25:01
Yeah.
00:44:25:01 - 00:44:27:01
Where like you said it with that,
00:44:27:01 - 00:44:27:26
kind of like you said
00:44:27:26 - 00:44:29:27
with that over communication
00:44:29:27 - 00:44:32:21
that even about those small details,
00:44:32:21 - 00:44:33:08
it sounds like
00:44:33:08 - 00:44:34:22
could be really beneficial.
00:44:34:22 - 00:44:35:05
Yeah.
00:44:35:05 - 00:44:36:19
I won't try to put on the scary
00:44:36:19 - 00:44:37:17
movie anymore. I.
00:44:38:26 - 00:44:39:08
Yeah.
00:44:39:08 - 00:44:40:28
And so now we know,
00:44:40:28 - 00:44:42:07
kind of what to do,
00:44:42:07 - 00:44:43:13
how to make those connections
00:44:43:13 - 00:44:44:25
maybe a little bit differently
00:44:44:25 - 00:44:45:20
as they evolve.
00:44:45:20 - 00:44:46:28
Yeah. That's right.
00:44:46:28 - 00:44:47:18
Yeah.
00:44:47:18 - 00:44:49:04
That makes a ton of sense. Okay.
00:44:49:04 - 00:44:50:27
So I've got my shrimp in there.
00:44:50:27 - 00:44:53:06
And so I just pour this guy in.
00:44:53:06 - 00:44:54:01
Yeah.
00:44:54:01 - 00:44:55:24
Half or have you done
00:44:55:24 - 00:44:57:22
half of this already.
00:44:57:22 - 00:44:59:15
It's it's like,
00:44:59:15 - 00:45:01:11
you know, one third to.
00:45:01:11 - 00:45:02:08
There you go. Yeah.
00:45:02:08 - 00:45:04:28
You can pour the rest in and then. So.
00:45:04:28 - 00:45:05:09
Okay.
00:45:05:09 - 00:45:06:14
Yeah, I got my shot
00:45:06:14 - 00:45:07:21
about how much salt am I doing.
00:45:07:21 - 00:45:10:21
Am I going to taste or what do we think.
00:45:10:24 - 00:45:13:14
Yeah. So,
00:45:13:14 - 00:45:15:14
tablespoon I would say or
00:45:15:14 - 00:45:18:09
maybe a little less. Okay.
00:45:18:09 - 00:45:20:11
And then we mix it all up
00:45:20:11 - 00:45:21:21
and you can eat it with
00:45:21:21 - 00:45:23:28
tostadas, crackers
00:45:23:28 - 00:45:25:12
just straight out of a cup.
00:45:26:11 - 00:45:28:09
It's really, like I said, a hybrid.
00:45:28:09 - 00:45:31:03
So it's really flexible. Versatile.
00:45:31:03 - 00:45:34:12
You can add tomato juice, like, v8.
00:45:34:21 - 00:45:37:02
My mom always use V8. Okay.
00:45:37:02 - 00:45:38:06
She doesn't like seafood.
00:45:38:06 - 00:45:41:06
So the clam based clamato, which I love,
00:45:41:18 - 00:45:43:16
is is my go to if I do it
00:45:43:16 - 00:45:46:05
like a shrimp cocktail. Yeah.
00:45:46:05 - 00:45:47:06
But, yeah,
00:45:47:06 - 00:45:48:21
you can also, instead of mango,
00:45:48:21 - 00:45:50:04
if you wanted to add avocado,
00:45:50:04 - 00:45:52:15
that's another option.
00:45:52:15 - 00:45:52:29
Okay.
00:45:52:29 - 00:45:55:09
But yeah, it's it's very versatile.
00:45:55:09 - 00:45:56:05
Very cool.
00:45:56:05 - 00:45:57:21
Well, I will make sure to mix this.
00:45:57:21 - 00:45:59:23
Thank you so much for teaching us
00:45:59:23 - 00:46:00:21
this recipe
00:46:00:21 - 00:46:01:15
and for being willing
00:46:01:15 - 00:46:02:11
to share your story.
00:46:02:11 - 00:46:05:23
I know that it can be nerve wracking
00:46:05:23 - 00:46:06:19
and uncomfortable,
00:46:06:19 - 00:46:07:28
so I really do appreciate you
00:46:07:28 - 00:46:09:18
being willing to share that with us.
00:46:09:18 - 00:46:10:05
I love
00:46:10:05 - 00:46:12:09
getting a dad perspective
00:46:12:09 - 00:46:14:01
on this parenting journey,
00:46:14:01 - 00:46:15:18
because I think
00:46:15:18 - 00:46:17:16
there's more normalization
00:46:17:16 - 00:46:18:19
that needs to happen
00:46:18:19 - 00:46:20:06
as far as even dads,
00:46:20:06 - 00:46:23:05
because you guys have your own struggles
00:46:23:05 - 00:46:24:09
and your own
00:46:24:09 - 00:46:25:19
narratives and battles
00:46:25:19 - 00:46:27:21
that you're working through that
00:46:27:21 - 00:46:29:13
frankly, I feel
00:46:29:13 - 00:46:31:13
doesn't get enough time out in the world.
00:46:31:13 - 00:46:32:15
You know, we're starting
00:46:32:15 - 00:46:33:18
we're making movements
00:46:33:18 - 00:46:35:15
towards hearing about the mom
00:46:35:15 - 00:46:36:10
stories, right?
00:46:36:10 - 00:46:38:02
But not as many about the dad stories.
00:46:38:02 - 00:46:39:06
And they're just as important.
00:46:39:06 - 00:46:40:21
Yeah. No, you're absolutely right.
00:46:40:21 - 00:46:42:13
Well, I appreciate you having me.
00:46:42:13 - 00:46:43:27
And this is a great time.
00:46:43:27 - 00:46:46:05
Absolutely. Well, thank you so much.
00:46:46:05 - 00:46:46:21
And thank you
00:46:46:21 - 00:46:48:14
everybody for tuning in today.
00:46:48:14 - 00:46:49:10
We'll see you next time.
00:46:51:06 - 00:46:53:15
If you or anyone that you know
00:46:53:15 - 00:46:54:05
is struggling
00:46:54:05 - 00:46:55:06
with any of the topics
00:46:55:06 - 00:46:57:14
that we discussed in today's episode,
00:46:57:14 - 00:46:58:24
make sure to check out our show
00:46:58:24 - 00:47:01:11
notes for support and resources.
00:47:01:11 - 00:47:04:02
You can get help.
00:47:04:02 - 00:47:05:15
Thanks again for joining us on
00:47:05:15 - 00:47:08:15
today's episode of The Real Family Eats.
00:47:08:27 - 00:47:10:08
If you're a parent ready
00:47:10:08 - 00:47:12:17
to share your real life parenting story,
00:47:12:17 - 00:47:14:01
make sure to reach out to us
00:47:14:01 - 00:47:16:15
and our website found in the show notes.
00:47:16:15 - 00:47:18:18
And that goes for today's recipe,
00:47:18:18 - 00:47:21:02
social media support and resources.
00:47:21:02 - 00:47:22:07
All of that can be found
00:47:22:07 - 00:47:23:12
in our show notes,
00:47:23:12 - 00:47:25:07
so make sure to check them out
00:47:25:07 - 00:47:27:13
and make sure to follow, like,
00:47:27:13 - 00:47:28:23
share, subscribe,
00:47:28:23 - 00:47:31:04
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00:47:31:04 - 00:47:33:01
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00:47:33:01 - 00:47:34:01
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00:47:34:01 - 00:47:36:21
next time for more food for thought
00:47:36:21 - 00:47:38:13
and thoughtful food!
00:47:38:13 - 00:47:39:12
Enjoy your eats!