A Father's Heartbreak: Rejection Sensitivity + Tortellini Soup | Real Parents, Real Struggles, & Recipe Sharing

Andy Pollock, dad of 1 and Culinary Marketing Chef at Mezzetta, talks with our resident couples therapist for parents about their real parenting struggles. He is sharing navigating parenting challenges, the parent support and resources they found along the way, and any parenting tips they have discovered through their journey. While they chat parenting insights and stories, they are recipe sharing balancing parenting and family meals. Andy talks about parenting through your child rejection and shares his Tortellini Soup recipe. Andy opens up about his struggles with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and battling thoughts of not being good enough.  Make sure to subscribe, like, and follow for more recipes and parenting tips. 

Have you tried the recipe or a challenge you've tackled? We'd love to hear from you in the comments!

Andy's Instagram: @_andrewpollock_

******

Tortellini Soup
Yield: 6 servings
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Total Time: 35 minutes

INGREDIENTS:

1 (24 ounce) jar marinara
4 cups (1 32 ounce box) vegetable or chicken stock
Salt and pepper, to taste
1 (20 ounce) refrigerated package cheese (or any flavor) tortellini
1 (5 ounce) container baby spinach
Freshly grated parmesan cheese, to garnish
Fresh basil leaves, to garnish
Crushed red chili flakes, optional to garnish

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. In a large pot over medium-high heat, add the Marinara and stock and season with salt and pepper to taste. Stir everything to combine and bring to aboil. Reduce the heat to low and cover to simmer for 7-8 minutes.

2. Add the tortellini and simmer for another 5-6 minutes or until the tortellini are cooked through. Turn off the heat and add the whole container of spinach and stir until wilted.

3. Transfer the soup among bowls and garnish with freshly grated parmesan, fresh basil leaves and crushed chili flakes.

4. Enjoy!

******

If you or your loved one is struggling with any of the topics discussed, here are some resources:

Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective: www.embracerenewaltherapy.com

******

 Disclaimer:

The content provided on this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice or treatment. While we aim to share valuable insights and promote mental well-being, our discussions and content are not a substitute for professional mental health services. 
The views and opinions

******
Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist 104709. Reesa is a couples counselor for parents providing therapy in person in Murrieta, CA and virtual couples therapy in California. Reesa, also, hosts couples workshops and parenting workshops worldwide.

Make sure to like, follow, and subscribe - https://linktr.ee/EmbraceRenewalTherapy

For the video version of this episode find us on www.youtube.com/@TheRealFamilyEats

If you are a parent ready to share your real-life parenting struggle and dish up a recipe with Reesa, apply here:

www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/real-family-eats

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need personalized support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.

Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988

Go to your local hospital or call 911

Transcript

00:00:00:16 - 00:00:19:28
Unknown
It was. It was kind of. I felt like, all right, okay, I see, I see what's going on here. I'll respect you. But also like, oh, ouch.

00:00:20:01 - 00:00:47:10
Unknown
Hey, everyone. Thanks for joining me. My name is Reesa and I'm your host. We are talking to real families about real stories. Here on The Real Family Eats, where we've got food for thought and thoughtful food. So let's eat.

00:00:47:12 - 00:01:05:29
Unknown
Hey, everyone. Thank you so much for joining us today. I have my wonderful guest, Andy. Andy is here. Thank you so much, Andy, for joining us and being willing to be a guest on this show today. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for having me, Reesa. So nice to see you again. It's been a while since we've seen each other, Reesa and I go back.

00:01:06:01 - 00:01:26:00
Unknown
We went to. We went to school together, and, It's just so nice to see her. So, Yes. Too many years ago. I don't tell them how many. Yeah. No, we're not going to reveal that today. This is real. The gray hairs on the side of my head will give you a little clue, but. Right.

00:01:26:03 - 00:01:46:17
Unknown
But, Andy, can you. For anybody who doesn't know you like, I know you. Can you introduce yourself for us? Yeah, absolutely. So my name is Andy Pollock. I am a, I'm a chef. I live in Sonoma County, California. And I am a, new dad. New ish to a, one. I'll say one and a half.

00:01:46:20 - 00:02:13:08
Unknown
It's going to turn two in November. So we I'm in the thick of it, and I am enjoying the ride very much. I, you know, I've gone through different stages and, different stages have been my favorite, over others. But, I, here to talk about my experiences as a very new dad in the throes of, you know, almost being a toddler.

00:02:13:10 - 00:02:34:27
Unknown
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, like you said, you are in it like that was. Are those are some years for sure. I remember, I remember them, but. Okay. I would love to hear more about your story before we do that. This is our shameless plug section. So, is there any kind of socials that you want to share with us or anything that you're doing that you want us to know about?

00:02:34:29 - 00:02:51:01
Unknown
Yeah, sure. So, I've been I've been, you know, I, recently I've been a chef for, a food company up here in Northern California. It's called that. They are, we're on social media and actually, really a cool part of my job is I do all of, like, our social media content. Like our recipes.

00:02:51:03 - 00:03:07:09
Unknown
Okay. Yeah. When I was, when I was living down in LA, I was doing that on, like, for a lot of different websites, on TV shows and stuff like that, you know, the whole Hollywood thing. And then we moved up here to be closer to family, and I was able to to, you know, work with this food company, and it's, so amazing.

00:03:07:12 - 00:03:25:00
Unknown
They have really good, you know, Italian, Mediterranean goods, olives, peppers, pasta sauce, that we use in a recipe we're sharing today. So definitely check them out, give them a follow on social media. You'll see my Facebook or my voice. You'll see my hand. And then just follow me if you'd like. Just my name, Andrew Pollock on Instagram.

00:03:25:00 - 00:03:47:00
Unknown
That's really kind of where you'll find me. It's just pictures of, food. My dog and my son. Wonderful. And, yes, we'll have all those links down in your show notes. And make sure to check this out. That resonates with you. But that's so cool that, you know, if you do find a recipe on there, it sounds like it'll be coming straight from straight from this guy right here.

00:03:47:03 - 00:04:09:14
Unknown
Some of the some of them are, you know, a little bit or, you know, complicated, but really a big part of my mission as a as a chef currently is to inspire people, who don't have so much time to prepare a meal and how, you know, just that that's just simple ingredients can make something, you know, feel extraordinary.

00:04:09:17 - 00:04:35:24
Unknown
Yeah. Which, I mean, I feel like you just defined a parent's life. Like we do not have time sometimes to do kind of a five course, like, meal. I used to have time to do that. And also, you know, when I, when I became my career because before I was just cooking at home and it's like, oh yeah, I'm gonna make all this elaborate stuff I have all this time and all this, money.

00:04:35:27 - 00:04:50:29
Unknown
Right. But what, you're a parent now? And then what? I actually started doing it for a living even before we had our son, I, you know, started simplifying the way I cooked at home. Even just to make up for time, because, you know, you get exhausted doing the same thing every day. You don't really want to do it when you get home.

00:04:51:01 - 00:05:10:25
Unknown
So, now I'm even more cognizant of you know, what people are really looking for in terms of recipes. Very cool. Which I think that's up perfectly there. And so tell us what recipe you're sharing with us today, and a little bit more about why you chose this specific one out of all the options. Yeah, for sure.

00:05:11:02 - 00:05:32:16
Unknown
So this is a, tortellini soup. So it is a really comforting meal. And the one thing I love about this recipe is it's very budget friendly. You only really need 5 or 6 ingredients. And you don't have to measure anything out, right? You can be, feeding your kids. I'm lucky right now that my son kind of is strapped into a chair as he eats.

00:05:32:16 - 00:05:53:00
Unknown
But, oftentimes you have kids running around you, and you, you literally just add a we'll talk about it when we get to the recipe, but it's just like a quart of this, a jar of this, or a container of this or a container of that, all happens in one big pot. And, you can kind of not think about it while you're trying to do something else.

00:05:53:03 - 00:06:12:22
Unknown
I love it, and I do just have to say so I usually take my kiddos to go grocery shopping when when I'm getting ready for these podcast episodes. And I had my ten year old today and he said, mom, what are you making? And I said, where Andy is going to be teaching me tortellini soup. And he said, so there's turtles in there.

00:06:12:24 - 00:06:28:29
Unknown
And I said, it's called tortellini soup. And he said, yeah, turtles, where do you get turtle meat, mom? And I said, so I thought he was doing a bit because he's in that he likes to joke with me. So I was like, oh, you know, I got it from the store. And so I was like going along with his bit.

00:06:29:02 - 00:06:46:10
Unknown
And then we got in the car and he said, no, but for real, mom, like, where where'd you get this turtle meat? And I said, well, wait. I was like, do you actually think there's turtles in this? And he said, well, yeah. And I said, nope, I, I said, I thought you were doing a bit. I said, I was playing along with it.

00:06:46:12 - 00:07:04:12
Unknown
Hey, I said, no, there's no turtle. I, I've never even met your son. But I can imagine he, he could sell a bit. Yeah. Right. Well and so I finally I said, well if there was a turtle in it, I mean, would you actually eat it? And he's like, whoa, it's coming from a chef. So I'd at least try it.

00:07:04:14 - 00:07:24:17
Unknown
Yeah. It was just don't tell him to say it was a real thing. I mean. Right, well, it's the but I said no for right now. Yeah. In New Orleans, I think it's, it's a very popular thing. Turtle soup. Well, I mean, I've never had I was impressed by his willingness. At least he was all like, okay, like, let's have it now.

00:07:24:18 - 00:07:46:18
Unknown
You can say, yeah, it is turtle. And he'll it'll be just like cheese and like cheese. Yeah. So yeah, it's really comforting for the kids to this recipe. Wonderful. And a great in the winter. But you can eat in the summer and you can eat it for a couple of days, too, which is also a cool thing, depending on how hungry everybody is.

00:07:46:18 - 00:08:11:20
Unknown
So. Yeah. Well, you know, I got I got two boys that are grown by the minute. So they consume. Yeah. But granted they're, they're like many children where their snack stomach is about 105 times larger than the actual like meal stomach. So we'll see. Yeah. Yeah. The and you can and obviously it's like you can always add stuff to this.

00:08:11:20 - 00:08:31:19
Unknown
Right. If you have like frozen vegetables just throw them in there and, but that's okay. It's really up to people. It's customizable. Awesome. So tell me what the steps are. I'll get things going while we chat a little bit about your story. Sure. So yeah, start with and like a pot, like a Dutch oven or. Yeah.

00:08:31:20 - 00:08:55:08
Unknown
Like we're saying, like you have their, the, the core of, of vegetable or chicken stock, and the jar of pasta sauce, just add those hot. Perfect. Now, I chose the, the wild mushroom version. Yeah. That's great of your because I like a little mushroom in there, so I thought I'd thank you for that. Thank you for the second shameless plug.

00:08:55:11 - 00:09:23:23
Unknown
Yeah. So. Yeah, this is like I work for them, and we we, buy we make recipes, and this is, this kind of is one that I created with them, and, I and I adopted it into my own home, so, yeah, I had the court of chicken stock, which is just be a box. Right. So all you need is that one box of chicken or vegetable stock you can make a vegetarian, and then your sauce, and they just add that to the pot and then bring it up to a bring up to a boil maybe like medium high medium medium high okay.

00:09:23:27 - 00:09:50:00
Unknown
Perfect I can do that. All right. So while I'm getting things going, I know that for you you've had a little bit different, a different experience in the in terms of some of the growth patterns, which happens fairly naturally in that as kids grow, you know, their exploring who's who's safe, who's around them, who do they like, who do they not like?

00:09:50:03 - 00:10:14:05
Unknown
And I heard you mention well, yeah, the problem is, like, I run into edit. I wanted to make you my part with that, but, man, I'm. Yeah, sure. Yeah, you could always. For sure. You can either. Oh, perfect. So let's just. Cool, I gotta go. I know, it'll just come to me. I gotta go.

00:10:14:07 - 00:10:36:19
Unknown
All right, well, this is what's what's the. I get a little messy, right? What do I, So tell me a little bit about kind of your experience. Yeah. So a big thing that I've been having, not an issue with, but, we've been my son has been going through is, he is kind of playing favorites right now.

00:10:36:19 - 00:11:18:03
Unknown
Right. So he, he's really into mama, and I get it. She is a wonderful mother, and she is the best. And one of the she is the best mom that I know. And she, is very safe and comforting to him, and as am I. And we kind of there was a there was a period of time where my wife was working on the weekends and I was working during the week, so I had the least two days and, you know, the nights throughout the week, but two whole days with him, just, just he and I, and it was really in that kind of like, just after one phase, you know, 12, 13,

00:11:18:03 - 00:11:37:23
Unknown
14 months. And, I felt we were we were really bonded. We were, you know, I would leave you be so, that, I come home, he was so excited that, and that's like something, you know, I, I crave just as a person is. It's not the attention that I crave, but it's the it's the the love.

00:11:37:24 - 00:12:04:17
Unknown
You know, I like the I like, you know, he's my son. I mean, who doesn't like to feel loved? Yeah. Yeah. And and we want to also make, you know, make sure that this is a house that's very, you know, engaging and showing affection and, and, you know, just. Yeah. Not, that's the I think I said what I was trying to say, so, but now he's home to mama, and it's it's at first I was like, oh, it's just a phase.

00:12:04:17 - 00:12:25:12
Unknown
And I was like, man, he's like, really doesn't want me in there. Like, he would like, come, like I would come home and he'd be like, no, go and like, point and get me out of that, like, go out of the room. He's really he's, Yeah. I mean, he's a he's a kid with gusto and he's, you know, he's a my son is he was born he was 9 pounds, 12oz.

00:12:25:15 - 00:12:49:29
Unknown
So he's like the size of a three year old. So he's also intimidating, really intimidating. He's like a hundred percentile height and weight, which is awesome really. But he's like, you know, he's got like some, intimidation factor. He's like, no, I would. And then my wife would leave and you cry and he would sob. And it just, you know, kind of it really, that was the hardest phase for me.

00:12:50:01 - 00:13:21:04
Unknown
As a, as a dad in this early phase was, was dealing with that and just realizing that I need to now spend more time with him and put in more time and more energy and effort. And I think that that has intermed kind of really made an even safer environment for him, because, you know, mom and dad are both, you know, even when I'm, you know, making sure I can leave work a little earlier to get home before bedtime, or I can, you know, try to be the first one up on Saturday morning to wake him up.

00:13:21:11 - 00:13:44:24
Unknown
It's really depends on the, you know, the circumstances, but, And I feel like it's really helped him, realize that mom and dad are both safe. Yeah. Now, I heard you mentioned kind of there at the beginning that it was really important to you. It's kind of like that love and showing love was very, very present kind of in the home.

00:13:44:24 - 00:14:03:17
Unknown
Can you tell me a little bit more about kind of that mission? It sounds like you were on. Yeah. So you know, we as I feel like most parents do, you kind of have to have that conversation like, okay, what? You have to be on the same team. You have to be on the same page as parents. Otherwise it's not it's not going to work.

00:14:03:20 - 00:14:33:04
Unknown
I know it's hard to always be on the same page because we are, at the end of the day, different people, who happen to coexist in life and grow together. But, you know, even with, you know, that happens when you get married. It happens when you, have a kid and you have to, when we, we have that conversation and it's like, okay, we're going to make sure we're very not, we're we're going to show him love.

00:14:33:04 - 00:14:49:02
Unknown
We're going to hug him when we can. We're going to let him hug us. We're going to, let him sit on our lap. We're not going to be, you know, any chance we can get we're going to we're going to show him affection. Obviously. Well, we don't run into a lot of circumstances right now where we have to, like, discipline him.

00:14:49:04 - 00:15:12:22
Unknown
You know, it's a lot of like, no, don't jump off the couch. Don't, you know, don't put that safety stuff, you know, don't don't do what? I'm that the little like, popper, Walmart thing. Don't slam that into the ground. You know, more that kind of stuff. So, yeah, I'm sure that's coming our way, but, for now, we want to make sure that he is in a, you know, the mission really was.

00:15:12:29 - 00:15:35:17
Unknown
You know, I grew up in a loving household, and and so did my wife. So it wasn't like something that we didn't experience. But I think it's just, you know, we I think there's also a, you know, this newer generation of parents, that are both parents are more present than, than in the past, historically. Yeah.

00:15:35:19 - 00:15:59:20
Unknown
And so to kind of go from making this decision, it sounds like to really, you know, emulate, like you said, this love and kind of the showing of the love especially, and what that looks like to kind of then have like you said, you know, you worked so hard, it sounds like building that bond. You're feeling like things are going good and then to kind of have this all shift.

00:15:59:23 - 00:16:22:07
Unknown
I'm so curious kind of what your thought process is, what was going on in your head, you know, when you were experiencing some of that? You know, it also kind of came at it. It was around a time where I think in my life I was feeling a little like, down I in a way, you know, I think it was okay.

00:16:22:09 - 00:16:47:19
Unknown
I think in that in that time frame wasn't anything like, you know, work was great. My relationship with my wife was great, but I think there was just. I had lost a, a close friend had passed away. So I think I was still kind of down in the dumps around that. And it had kind of made me a little bit more introverted or, you know, I kind of more sensitive.

00:16:47:22 - 00:17:09:05
Unknown
I didn't think I was, like, going to be like, my son is picking on me, you know, like, he was like that, but like, you would with, like, kind of another adult. But, it was it was kind of I felt like. All right, okay. Yeah, I see I see what's going on here. I'll respect you. But also like,

00:17:09:07 - 00:17:37:03
Unknown
Ouch, ouch. Yeah. And I think that's so important because so many times they feel like, you know, as parents were going through some of these milestones and on a rational level, you know, we understand that these things are, you know, maybe normalcy, just like you mentioned, that that's that's something developmentally that's not inappropriate. Or that that's not that is appropriate for his age.

00:17:37:05 - 00:17:59:20
Unknown
There we go. I got there, but, you know, at the same time, you're, you're human and you have emotions and feelings. And I think kind of that sentiment that you may like. Ouch. Those things do still hurt just because we're parents and we're supposed to be the grown ups in the situation, doesn't make us immune from having very real feelings about that.

00:17:59:20 - 00:18:20:13
Unknown
And one of them potentially kind of that rejection. Yeah. Dealing. Yeah I mean rejection is that they I'm not not something that I'm used to. Sorry. That's it's something I'm used to just because, you know, in the past I was an actor and that just kind of comes with with that. And I think that was a reason why I kind of stopped doing that.

00:18:20:13 - 00:18:41:01
Unknown
And it must just be something, you know, internally, that kind of is always been sensitive to that no matter what it is. And I think, okay, just, you know, the fact that it's something, you know, it's somebody that you love and care for and, provide for, and when they reject you, it's like you kind of it's even a little bit worse.

00:18:41:04 - 00:19:08:05
Unknown
Because you, you've spent that time and energy and effort, you're rejected by somebody, you know, it's okay, fine. Whatever. You don't know with it. You don't know me or you rejected me. Whatever. I'm not the right type, you know? But, this looks like maybe a little bit easier to rationalize. Like, dude, I, like, didn't sleep for months because, to make sure that you, like, you know,

00:19:08:07 - 00:19:29:25
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like, if I sweat it out with it and it's not like, you know, I do this for you. You do. I love you, you love me. It's not going to be like that. You never know. Relationships just never are that way. But I think when I don't know when when they're when they're your own, like, kind of, you know, you provide for them.

00:19:29:25 - 00:19:58:16
Unknown
That's. I think I resent that. But when you provide for them, it hurts. Yeah, absolutely. And I think what you mentioned there though, is, is super important to remember is that, that it isn't necessarily kind of a 1 to 1 ratio when we're talking about kids. And even as they continue on, you know, that's something I know I've talked with other parents about, just the fact that, it also does take an investment in the relationship side of things, not just like the providing side, you know.

00:19:58:16 - 00:20:25:26
Unknown
Yes, that's that's great. And that's kind of what we signed up for when we, we agreed to kind of bring these kiddos into our lives. However, that relationship piece and and some of that, it sounds like kind of going back to what you mentioned about really cultivating an environment of love when that's that investment, right, of being able to kind of pour into them, not just physical and kind of monetary things, but very much that emotional kind of mental connection as well, and building some of that.

00:20:25:28 - 00:20:44:24
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was a it was a tough time. But we got over it. You know, it's still kind of happens every once in a while, but, we got there at it. How's your is your, liquid boiling it? It's not quite boiling. Boiling? I turned it way down because I, you know, I got scared.

00:20:44:26 - 00:21:07:09
Unknown
Yeah. That's okay. And I am scared. It's not every recipe can be foolproof, but the key that while you're waiting for this to boil, you can be getting the kids ready for bed. You could be making their lunch for the next day. It could be. Do it. You know, that's the beauty of this, this recipe. And then once it gets, then when everything boils and everything happens in, like, five minutes.

00:21:07:11 - 00:21:26:04
Unknown
Okay, well, I'll also put put as one back on them, I hope to. Yeah. So once that comes to a boil then you're going to add your tortellini and cook it in the liquid. That's the next step. Okay. About how long am I cooking it. Usually they take like I think that whatever the package says. But usually it's like 5 or 6 minutes.

00:21:26:06 - 00:21:44:25
Unknown
Okay. Pretty fast. I can do that. And then I know I've got some like salt and pepper, my just seasoning that once the tortellini is in there. Yeah. Just like to taste at the end. I'm a big believer in just like adding, especially with this, you need to have the salt in the stock. If salt from the pasta sauce usually has salt in it.

00:21:44:27 - 00:22:07:15
Unknown
I know that one does. And then, the tortellini are and you can also use like ravioli with this to. Okay. And you don't have to I know it's soup, but even in the summer you don't turn your oven on. Absolutely. And that's helpful especially right now my oven broke. Oh relationship that repair. Yeah. Of course it's always one thing after another.

00:22:07:15 - 00:22:34:22
Unknown
Right. But I was always good because it was gets fixed. That's real life. Real life as a parent. So now I have to do everything stovetop. Right now our air fryer. Yeah. Until it gets fixed. But so I love to kind of circle back to I know you mentioned kind of, you know, rejection being something that maybe you, you aren't a stranger to, given the fact that, you were an actor.

00:22:34:24 - 00:23:02:26
Unknown
And we're doing, you know, you kind of in that grind. Do you feel find that because of that, in the nature of the business, where there is a lot more rejection than there are yeses? That, that kind of maybe almost kind of accumulated over time. I mean, what are your thoughts there? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it was, it's it's not a easy business.

00:23:02:26 - 00:23:23:04
Unknown
Right. And I did it, just for a little bit after, after college and lived in New York City. And that's kind of like never the there's so many actors in the city. Every corner, every corner, every audition room is thousands of people, hundreds of people. You go anyway all day. You don't get same you or you or you, do get seen.

00:23:23:04 - 00:23:42:05
Unknown
And there's like, thank you. It it's never really works out the way you want to. And that threat. Not for everybody. I don't mean to say that, you know, it just didn't work out the way that I wanted it to some people. Yeah. And I think a lot of that had a lot had to do with the fact that I lost the drive to take that rejection.

00:23:42:07 - 00:24:08:08
Unknown
I think that a lot of people were are able to, you know, take that rejection and stick with it and keep going. And I was like, I'm just tired of being rejected. And I think, to your point, once I left that I changed careers. So I went to culinary school, became a chef, moved across the country to L.A., and started working in that business that I found the happiness that I always knew that I needed the meaning I was gaining success.

00:24:08:10 - 00:24:33:03
Unknown
I was being successful in my career. I was being successful in something. I wasn't just, doing something else while waiting for something else to happen on the other side. But I think once I did find that kind of, path or the once the wheels were in motion, right. In terms of when, where I was to where I am now, I kind of bottled it up like most people.

00:24:33:03 - 00:24:59:25
Unknown
Okay, I, I, I like it was so much. It was like, so much like energy and kind of a rejection, but also, you know, rejection, criticism, you know, you're kind of it's kind of fight or flight and all of that is so it's like a very intense the very intense feeling, if you know how to if you don't know how to really handle that side of the, I just had a hard time handling that side of things.

00:24:59:27 - 00:25:29:04
Unknown
And I think that because of because I just, like, threw it away so quickly. Yeah, it kind of just, stayed stayed within me. And I think, you know, I, I'm, I'm, Time has gone on, right? Time heals all wounds, as some people say, right. Many all. But not that. Some, but some. You know better than I would, in terms of, you know, if that's a true fact, but,

00:25:29:07 - 00:25:58:25
Unknown
Yeah. Time, has made it easier to deal with those kind of, rejections or criticisms. But like I said, when it's your kid or you're like open, you're going to be like super dad and you're coming in with all this energy. I'm like, I got little lightning McQueen voices go in. I'm like, ready? I can I'm still acting with him all the time, but, that part of my life is actually.

00:25:58:25 - 00:26:23:03
Unknown
And this is not, not meant to be a tangent, but that part of my life. I'm so thankful for it because it's made what I do now even easier. When I'm cooking and talking about what I do and recipes and Alexa, small tangent, but, that's okay. Real. The point is, made it up, bottled it up. And you know, it comes out.

00:26:23:05 - 00:26:54:27
Unknown
It never goes away. Even though the time has held, the wounded still, there's still a little scar that's like a little a little loose, you know what I mean? Yeah, a little a little pink still. Yeah. Okay. Now, do you think because I heard you mentioned kind of the bottling piece of it and had you stored that away, like kind of going into parenthood and then to kind of have your kiddo, again, something much more personal kind of did that.

00:26:55:00 - 00:27:16:08
Unknown
Was that a catalyst to kind of opening some of that up for you that made me look more vulnerable to, you know, okay, it's basically literally another person coming into your life. Right. If you think about it and it's you don't know how they're going to I mean I got, I got, I get a lot I got along and get along really well with my parents.

00:27:16:08 - 00:27:42:06
Unknown
But not everybody does. Right. And you kind of hope that they're going to you know it's that that feeling of giving every kid like, oh, I can't wait for them to be into this and be into that, be into this. But what if they're not going to be able to deal with that? But it's like out of to me, that's the part that's like, I'm sorry, I don't know if I can pass, but that rear okay.

00:27:42:06 - 00:28:06:16
Unknown
Again, I don't know if I see some of that, but that's like that. That's where I feel like you're like, oh, I hope they're into me. I don't actually like me because it's a different person. Not it's yeah, it's your flesh and blood, but it's not your like they pick up your mannerisms. I used to have a long road ahead of me though I, I didn't scratch the surface on that and he just knows how to say no.

00:28:06:16 - 00:28:31:05
Unknown
And more I could say words trouble I and I think that's just it. And I think it's so valuable that these are even conversations that you're having with yourself now because you're absolutely right. Like, as you continue on, as they gain more vocabulary, they become really good with that vocabulary, knowing just what to say in order to like, get under your skin.

00:28:31:05 - 00:28:56:04
Unknown
And so being able to kind of even go in there, it sounds like having that insight, having that awareness that this is this is a battle wound scar that you carry and that it may come up in other ways and it may try to kind of tickets head out. And, I think some of the the part that catches many parents off guard is when you're not aware those, those things are coming up.

00:28:56:04 - 00:29:21:05
Unknown
And so then you're just reacting from that place and then potentially doing or seeing things that you look back and you're like, what just happened? Like, I wish I could take that back, but the problem is life. And yeah, you know, yep, things happen and we can't necessarily always take it back. And that first step, you know, as cliche as it sounds, is that acknowledgment and that awareness.

00:29:21:07 - 00:29:47:22
Unknown
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I mean I'm always been a person is just understands what's going on inside. But you know, you can't always, predict how you're going to feel about something just. Yeah, like you said, that's life. And so are we watching or watching water boil? Yeah. Oh, boiling. But it's not boiling. Yeah. Because I stopped watching it.

00:29:47:25 - 00:30:06:13
Unknown
Yeah. Now everything's going to happen. Right. So it should be a tortellini. You can buy a refrigerator at the grocery store. They're still. But, you know. Yeah. I'm not gonna explain to you guys what tortellini is, but, I use the cheese tortellini, but you can also use the Spanish tortellini. There's ones that are stuffed with everything.

00:30:06:15 - 00:30:31:14
Unknown
Just add those in and then basically what's gonna you're going to know they're done when, the organs start floating to the top. Okay. Good to know. But to know good to know. Oh you got the three cheese. Nice. That's a good choice. I, I love, trying trying different flavors of pasta sauce with this recipe. Like, you could probably do it with Alfredo sauce marinara.

00:30:31:16 - 00:30:54:11
Unknown
Vodka sauce. I mean, say, for the kids, they're not, you know, they don't put the buckets cooked out, but it's like, you could use, like, a really cheesy sauce. And then any stock vegetable, chicken depends on being, you know, beef stock. I wouldn't do, though. That might be weird. Okay, so no beef stock, but everything else it sounds like we could get maybe.

00:30:54:18 - 00:31:12:26
Unknown
Yeah. Creative. When, like I said, the one thing I love about this recipe, there's multiple things, but the main thing I love is that all you need to go to the store is buy a core of chicken stock, a jar, pasta sauce, a container of of, tortellini, and then a little box or bag of spinach. Yeah. Perfect.

00:31:12:29 - 00:31:37:28
Unknown
And I and I found these ones at, at the Costco. So many parents, if you're already going there, you know, they had me at the, the containers there. So it's popped one of those in, I'm task is a dangerous place. So for when we go for diapers and we go for wipes and, we end up with no money, I think $300 later.

00:31:38:00 - 00:31:57:18
Unknown
Oh, I got these. Amazing. We at Costco, I got these amazing. They're like, ice cream sandwiches, but they're inside like a waffle. I think it's a Japanese thing. I don't know what it's called, but they look, like, really fun for the kids. They look like a cartoon fish. And the inside, the waffle is ice cream, and it's filled with, like, chocolate or strawberry.

00:31:57:20 - 00:32:22:20
Unknown
I'd have to look it up, but I picked this. That's the thing. I go and I'm like, trying to get diapers. I'm picking up this fresh ice cream, spitting out fish ice cream sandwiches. But yeah, yeah, see if I got you. I got you dessert. You in there anywhere else again? I feel like many, many parents can probably relate to that idea of going in and like, you just be going through and being like, I want that, I want that.

00:32:22:23 - 00:32:40:28
Unknown
I can't wait until I kid gets older when I cave so hard. Yeah. Can I have that? Can I have that? How about that? Okay, okay. So hard on that. But yeah. So once the ravioli is in the ravioli tortellini but you could use ravioli is floating. My turtle can add the spinach. You don't have to add the whole container of spinach if you really like it.

00:32:40:28 - 00:33:00:00
Unknown
Obviously go for it. But I just throw in a handful at a time until it because you know the whole box of spinach gets you like a quarter cup. So yeah it will will it will down. Yeah. If your kids aren't into it. Right. But you could like I said, throw in some frozen peas too if you want this carrot.

00:33:00:03 - 00:33:26:13
Unknown
Okay. So I got my my salt and pepper I'm doing that now. That's good. Yeah. If you like spicy things you could add like chili flakes here to. Yeah. So that's been that's been the theme here. My theme at least is that so many of these recipes that parents are sharing have, you know, the, the chili flakes in them or how the videos and I'm wimpy, wimpy, as I like to say.

00:33:26:16 - 00:33:49:29
Unknown
And, so I kind of like all these recipes are spicy. Yeah. So yeah, that's why you put chili. You can I always say like that'll be just add more. You can always add more. You can, you can't take away. So if you want if you're serving this for your family, just, put the chili flakes out on the side somewhere, like at a pizza place.

00:33:50:02 - 00:34:06:12
Unknown
You just keep it on the side. You can add cheese, but you got to add cheese and parmesan cheese again. That's like, okay, I got that. That's the move. That's the move. I'm fine. We have basil. If you have basil, did you get fresh basil. So I do have the basil. Yes. And I can put that on top.

00:34:06:15 - 00:34:28:15
Unknown
Just like I like to, like, rip up the leaves and just put them on top. It looks like this is going to like the. This recipe will make you if you when you kind of jazz it all up, it makes you look like, you're at this fancy restaurant serving this soup that's been reducing on the stove for hours and hours.

00:34:28:18 - 00:34:55:18
Unknown
I love it, pasta sauce. It's gecko flavor. Yeah. Anyway, okay, so my my tortellini, they're they're floating here. Perfect. So yeah, I'd add the spinach like a handful or two at a time okay. Sometimes the whole container can be a lot but I like the whole container can be expanded. So yeah it's going to be like spinach. And obviously like most things with spinach it's going to feel like a mountain.

00:34:55:21 - 00:35:23:03
Unknown
And then it will wilt down. So while this is wilting though, I'd really love kind of to, to circle back to, you know, I heard you mention for you that you have started kind of that journey of, of healing and figuring your way kind of through it and handling some of the, the rejection. Now, I know you mentioned when when you shared with me a little bit about your story.

00:35:23:06 - 00:35:50:26
Unknown
That there there's you mentioned specifically kind of a dysphoria that, that perhaps might be, some of the rationalization or maybe a little bit more info. Information rather of kind of. Yeah. Why maybe rejection is something that for you maybe cuts a little bit deeper than, like you said, kind of your, your person standing next to you, if you will.

00:35:50:28 - 00:36:12:18
Unknown
Can you say a little bit more about that? Because, I think it's really important and I want to make sure to kind of chat a little bit about it. Yeah. So, I my whole life, I'm sure you could probably tell by now that we're talking, but I've always struggled with, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and that is definitely like it.

00:36:12:25 - 00:36:48:09
Unknown
It doesn't mean I'm myself a hyper person. Like, I feel like I'm an even keeled, you know, person, energy wise. And at least lately, can't speak about past, but, my brain is very hyperactive. I'm always thinking about something else while doing something else or talking about something else. I'm thinking about something else. I'm awful at remembering names and something that comes that, you know, a lot of people I know, and I've had friends that we've talked about this, too, is, is, I think it's rejection, sensitivity dysphoria if I find if I'm saying that correctly.

00:36:48:09 - 00:37:09:09
Unknown
But, I'm it's like if I'm rejected or, feel or feel like it's kind of like that, like, are they mad at me? Based. Right. You're just like, I don't know. And then at the end of the day you're just like overthinking it. And because your brain is telling you and it's, it comes with a little anxiety too.

00:37:09:09 - 00:37:38:09
Unknown
But your brain is telling you one thing while you're thinking about another thing. And it it but it also like a desperate it's because it's a dysphoria kind of also like it's like crippling almost that feeling. Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's and one of the reasons why I, I appreciate you being willing to even talk about it is because it is something that even in the mental health community is we're gaining more knowledge about it.

00:37:38:09 - 00:38:08:00
Unknown
It's not necessarily something that's been widely, advertised or even kind of thought of in that way. Yeah. And, and what so you're absolutely right, is that it goes to for some people that do experience some of these symptoms that it does go to that extreme where, as you mentioned, it's, you know, oftentimes accompanied with rumination and you're just, you know, it's hard to get unstuck from that.

00:38:08:02 - 00:38:35:09
Unknown
It does cut a little bit deeper because, again, there's that, that difficulty, that that ability that your brain is so good at kind of spinning this narrative and really kind of making you believe it. Yeah. And yeah, it's you think it's your brain like like you said, you you're trying not to believe that this thing is happening, but something in your brain, in your in your brain or in your psyche or whatever is telling you, like, or, I don't know.

00:38:35:11 - 00:39:01:06
Unknown
And I think and it's, it's recent too, which is, which is funny. It's, it's recent within the past couple of years. Okay. And I think and by couple of years, I mean, like past, like two years because I feel like having bottled up that those kind of feelings towards, you know, in the past, they're now starting to come out, and I don't know, it just, you know, you get older, right?

00:39:01:08 - 00:39:22:28
Unknown
Things change, anxiety levels go up, they go down. They, you know, there's there there's that could be a whole like six month period where I'm just feeling like everything's good. I'm chill. This is great. And then there's another one where I'm like, what is going on? Like and it's that's life as an adult, right? Between work and families and just, you know, personal stuff.

00:39:23:01 - 00:39:51:05
Unknown
But yeah, you know, it's one of those things that you kind of gotta make sure that you're I'm very big on, you know, meditation and and making sure that I take care of myself and spend and take moments of silence and just try to quiet the thoughts of my brain. And and it really helps, you know, and I recommend anybody, you know, to look inward and, and take care of your, your self in that way, in terms of meditation.

00:39:51:07 - 00:40:26:15
Unknown
And that's I love that you went there, because that leaves perfect into kind of a question I was going to ask you is, have you found particular resources or supports that for you have been super helpful. And being able to kind of get on the other side of this, or at least to have more understanding? Yeah, absolutely. And it's really, you know, the, the main thing that helps me with it is, is just kind of taking moments to quiet whatever's in my head, whether it be the thoughts that are are, you know, maybe true, I don't know, but they're in my head.

00:40:26:15 - 00:41:00:20
Unknown
They're like super. They're like, really? Whatever. They're real. Yeah. And just, you know, reminding yourself, like, you know, b b being kinder to myself, that that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. And are there trust. Okay. And and breathing and just, you know, just taking a moment of quiet and you can, you can get wrapped up so much in that like those that dopamine addiction that that's like, you just want to be scrolling on your phone or like I caught myself doing that for like, especially during Covid.

00:41:00:23 - 00:41:41:10
Unknown
Like that was like, it's it's like we were just chillin, you know, in our place. Yeah. It was just me and my wife and our kids. We were watching TV and scrolling a lot and forgetting about your mental health. I think that is obviously probably an issue that is bigger than most people realize. Yeah. Coming out of that part of, you know, this, this timeline that we, we live in, but now, especially with my with my son, it's it's really he's he's kind of taught me to or maybe not taught me, but made me stop and, like, the other day we were on a walk and he's, like, wanted to look at

00:41:41:10 - 00:42:02:15
Unknown
a flower for, like three minutes. Yeah. And like, normally I'd be like, oh, we got to go. We got to go. Oh, are we going? Why are we just sitting here? And I was like, no, let's just let's just let's just look at the flower. Let's just let's just hang, you know? Yeah. So, so maybe even challenging you to kind of.

00:42:02:18 - 00:42:23:17
Unknown
Yeah, it's that minute, take that pause and turn out it. Yeah. Is there a good amount of time in there to. Yeah. Oh nice. Yeah. The broth is a really good part too. And the cool, the cool thing about this like so like we're so we're still growing with food. When it sits this sits in the fridge.

00:42:23:17 - 00:42:47:10
Unknown
If you have leftovers. Okay. The tortellini will soak up all that. Like the liquid. And then you can just eat it, like, heat it up and eat it as is. But like, for my son, I just like serving LA. Like the, like, tomato sauce soaked tortellini. He loves it. Love it. Awesome. Well, I'm so excited to touch right as well.

00:42:47:12 - 00:43:09:16
Unknown
So I know you mentioned as far as some, some of those resources you mentioned also kind of like a. Yeah, really talking to yourself, it sounds like in a little bit more of a compassionate way. Is there a particular like mantra that you found that for you really resonate? No, I, I, I maybe I haven't found it yet.

00:43:09:18 - 00:43:31:15
Unknown
Right. Okay. That's fair. I've just been, you know, taking the time to breathe and, you know, realize that these are only small things in life. There's way bigger things going on in the world not going to get into, you know, anything like that. But there are way bigger things. And but we can't forget that we're not we're not small like we have.

00:43:31:15 - 00:43:59:12
Unknown
We are we are our world and especially our family. So we can't forget about that. Even if other things are not, you know, if you feel like this isn't as serious as everything else going on. Yeah. And I think what I'm hearing you say is actually something that I tell many folks when they do kind of get caught up in those brain narratives, which is, you know, really finding ways to fact check what, what your brain is trying to tell you.

00:43:59:19 - 00:44:21:17
Unknown
And so sometimes it does take having like an outside perspective and, you know, grabbing a trusted person to be able to say, okay, hang on a second. Like, is this is this real or is this my brain being really good and well? And I know I didn't really I realized that I didn't even know what RCD was because to your point, it was something that's new, right?

00:44:21:19 - 00:44:47:29
Unknown
On. More and more it is. Yeah. And it actually came in a really great conversation that I had with friends who experienced the same thing. Oh, wow. And we kind of, you know, misery loves company, but it kind of makes sense why we all are. You all hang out because, you know, we we feel that same thing. But in that and this is a good tie back and I don't know, we did this.

00:44:48:05 - 00:45:03:18
Unknown
And so I'm so glad we did it. It's kind of a tie back to what we said about my son earlier. Is that it? It's a safe space. It's a safe space to be feel comforted because you know that you're not the only one going through this. And I feel like parenting, that's the same thing with you.

00:45:03:18 - 00:45:43:11
Unknown
And your spouse. Yeah, 100%. And I heard you mentioned, you know, misery loves company, but I think there's so much to be said about finding that environment that helps to validate it, and normalize some of the things that you're struggling with. I mean, that's the whole the whole inspiration for, for this podcast, for me, is that idea of wanting to to shout it from the rooftops that these things, these struggles, like, I promise, like, you're not the only one there, you just might have two to find that community that, like you said, is a safe space, is willing to actually get real and talk about not just the unicorns and rainbows.

00:45:43:14 - 00:46:04:24
Unknown
Do those things exist in parenthood? Absolutely. But to say that that's how it is 100% of time and kind of that what we get fed, like you said, scrolling on social media, it's it can be really, really easy to fall into. Look at all these people and oh, there's they've got it right. They're doing it so perfectly like it's hard not to to look at those things.

00:46:04:24 - 00:46:39:25
Unknown
And like you said, kind of going back to that rejection of like, well then what's wrong with me? Yeah. Oh yeah. And so big time finding that safe space. Yeah. That's that's yeah. I'm glad you're doing this because. Yeah, it's it's good to know that you're not alone in the world. Okay. Yeah. Is there any, you know, last, last parting words, any moments or little nuggets that if you're kind of looking back on, on some of these things that you would offer yourself or even offer anybody who kind of goes, hey, I really relate to this.

00:46:39:27 - 00:47:07:17
Unknown
Yeah. I mean, it's it's pretty simple. It's it's, but it's easy to forget, that when obviously when you are in a very early stage of being a parent and which I, which I am, I have a lot more ahead of me. When you're in the early stages of being a parent, you still have to make time for or maybe not yourself in a materialistic way, but make time for yourself in a, mental, health way.

00:47:07:19 - 00:47:30:13
Unknown
Yeah. Because you get so caught up and, and, you know, as a, as a, as a dad, you know, moms have, have the, the hardest job in the world. And it's a full time job. So don't get on top of your. It's a full time job on top of a full time job. Yes. But, you know, but I try to be as present as possible.

00:47:30:13 - 00:47:48:04
Unknown
And in that, in that time frame, I would just I was stuck. And I was so present that I forgot about myself. Which led to, you know, a couple of years of just dealing with some anxiety and some rest and, and some of that stuff that, I wish I could go back and tell myself to just like, hey, do remember to breathe.

00:47:48:10 - 00:48:18:22
Unknown
It's going to be okay. Your kid's going to be safe. Your family loves you here. You know? And, yeah, yeah. And guess what? And I've been doing this long enough. I don't, and I've worked with hundreds, hundreds of kids, and I have not once ever met a kid who was struggling or having issues because their parents took time to do some self-care, to really make sure that their health and wellness were were there and were present.

00:48:18:22 - 00:48:38:01
Unknown
Like, that's not the reason. So we can kind of take that worry off of the burner. But that's not going to be like us, like you said, kind of pouring into ourselves is not going to maybe lead to all these things that our brain tries to convince us it's going to happen. Yeah. Because I, I have not met a single kid.

00:48:38:01 - 00:49:00:04
Unknown
Like I said, that was the reason why I didn't, well. And it. Gosh, I really enjoyed our conversation and, your willingness to share this with me and share this yummy recipe that I can't wait to try. I really do appreciate you so much. Thank you. It is. It's amazing thing that you're doing. Thank you for having me on.

00:49:00:07 - 00:49:06:18
Unknown
Yes, absolutely. All right, everyone, we will see you next time.

00:49:06:20 - 00:49:31:26
Unknown
If you or anyone that you know is struggling with any of the topics that we discussed in today's episode, make sure to check out our show notes for support and resources. You can get help. Thanks again for joining us on today's episode of The Real Family Eats. If you're a parent ready to share your real life parenting story, make sure to reach out to us and our website found in the show notes.

00:49:31:28 - 00:49:53:25
Unknown
And that goes for today's recipe social media's support and resources. All of that can be found in our show notes, so make sure to check them out and make sure to follow, like, share, subscribe, and stay up to date on all things the real family eats. I hope you'll join us next time for more food for thought and thoughtful food.

00:49:53:28 - 00:49:54:28
Unknown
Enjoy your eats!